by J P Sayle
Stuart’s eyes pleaded for a little more. Anything, he would take anything he offered, no matter how small. Craving Joe’s touch for just a bit longer, he would beg on his knees if he had to.
Joe’s searching eyes stared into his. Unsure what he was looking for, Stuart opened up, showing his true feelings, all the sticky emotions clinging inside him desperate to come out.
Whatever he saw seemed to the trick because the next thing he knew, lean arms were encasing him, dragging him closer. Light puffs of breath skittered across his neck as Joe nestled into his body, hips undulated, causing waves of pleasure to course through his lower body. Needs so strong rocked his very foundation, making his world tilt on its head. Struggling to grasp what was happening, something pulsed in his chest, a loud click vibrating through his soul.
Unable get a grip of his control, thoughts flooded, mine, mine, mine. Stuart tried to pull back, knowing if he didn’t stop his desire would obliterate them both in seconds. Joe clutched at him, preventing him from moving back. Delirious at the move, Stuart wanted punch the air in jubilation he was so happy.
Stuart still felt he needed to be sure this was what Joe wanted, explaining. “Please, gorgeous. I’m not sure I can take rejection a second time. Are you sure this is what you want?” Stuart wasn’t sure his words registered at first, but he took it as agreement when Joe’s cock dug into his hip as he climbed up him.
Hoarse, guttural moans filled the air, not sure who they belonged to, Stuart felt his control snap. Slamming his mouth on Joe’s, eating his small growls of pleasure. His mind chanted for him to take, take, take. Lifting Joe higher, walking into the room, trying to remember where the bed was. Joe appearing not to want to let him stop for a second, clinging on, Joe devoured his mouth.
Landing in a heap of tangled limbs on the bed, they bounced once before hands grappled to remove clothes, lips continued to devour. Stuart’s mind clouded with lust when small teeth nibbled on his tongue seconds before they sunk into his bottom lip, biting hard.
His cock leaked, soaking his briefs. His hips thrust hard pinning Joe to the bed. Wanting to take his time and explore that wonderful body beneath him, but, Christ how could he do that when the beast inside raged. Joe’s every moan and groan drove him wild with need.
Stuart felt consumed with the need to get inside Joe. Frightened when those feelings seemed bigger than him, he fought to contain them. The main one being that Joe belonged to him: his now and forever. Locking his arms around him, fear clawed at the back of his throat at the thought Joe wouldn’t want him in the same way.
His crisp, delicious apple scent tempted him from his worrying thoughts. Stuart trailed his mouth down his throat into the crook of his neck. Burying his face into the small curve of his shoulder. Inhaling deeply, Stuart let the contentment coat his raging need. Slowing his breathing, he calmed the burn inside. He wanted to show Joe this was more than a quick fuck.
Stuart found his lips teasing and caressing them, sinking, wallowing in a golden glow that filled him with vibrancy replacing the dull grey his life had become. He pushed his thoughts aside, knowing he would need to think about them later.
He lifted up, taking Joe’s T-shirt off, letting his eyes linger on the pale, smooth skin stretched out before him. Muscles flexed under his touch, lightly exploring, testing each reaction. Pink rosebud nipples called to him, his mouth watered for a small taste. Incapable of resisting he lowered his mouth, sucking gently before nipping it, enjoying the way Joe writhed, pushing up into his touch. Joe’s body bucked up making his cock grind against Stuart’s thigh. Ignoring it for now, he continued to play, nibbling the satin smooth skin, sucking up red marks as he moved. Having never really been interested before, Stuart found his need to show others whom Joe belonged to too hard to resist. Stuart used his hips to hold Joe down, showing he was in charge when Joe tried to take over.
Joe’s greedy little grunts wound his tightly bound system even tighter. Joe’s pleasure was going to strangle him whole. Sinking into the emotions that tossed him higher than any ball could be thrown, Stuart rejoiced when Joe’s howls grew louder.
Stuart let his mouth gorge, making Joe’s body sing, the music merging with his soul, feeding him like nothing ever had.
Nipping at Joe’s nipple again, the bite of pain had Joe’s whole body go wire tight, his hipster shorts drenched at the front showing how much he was enjoying the attention Stuart lavished on his body. Garbled nonsense wheezed past Joe’s pinched mouth.
Oh yeah, “That’s it, gorgeous, show me who owns your body.” His gravelly words had barely left his mouth when Stuart felt Joe’s sudden withdrawal.
Joe reared back. Hands started fighting against Stuart’s hold. The punch, though not hard, knocked his head back in surprise.
“What the fuck.” Stuart couldn’t stop the growl at the next blow.
Arms like an octopus attacked him, Joe appearing to be fighting for his life. One look at his chocolate eyes had him realise he wasn’t even in the room, but somewhere else.
Fear chilled Stuart’s bones, backing away, attempting to show he wasn’t a threat. His heart hammered. His own hands shook, but the wild look in Joe’s eyes told him to keep as still as possible. What, or more to the point, who had hurt him?
“Shush, gorgeous, come on, come back to me, it’s alright you’re safe here.” Stuart swallowed past the gruffness his mixed emotions had caused.
Watching Joe scrabbling to get away from him broke his heart. “Please, come on, sweetheart, I promise I’m not going to hurt you.”
The sound of laboured breathing overtook the music he finally registered was still playing in the background. Joe shook like a leaf, his hands warding Sturt off. Stuart held his hands out in a peaceful gesture, purposefully getting off the bed.
“It’s okay, sweetheart, I won’t touch you. But you need to tell me how I can make it better.” Not moving a muscle, waiting, he’d wait forever if that’s what it took. Relief had him sighing when Joe started to speak.
“Sorry.” Joe stopped sucking in large gulps of air. “I can’t do this.” His hands waved between them.
Still not quite steady, Stuart noted they jerked as if Joe had electricity flowing through him. Stuart felt whatever past demons that Joe had blanket the whole room in their dark presence. Feeling at a loss at how to remove its stain, he didn’t push when he could see that Joe was close to his breaking point.
“Okay, sweetheart. I will let this go for now. We can figure it out together when you’re ready.” Lifting his hands as Joe went to speak. “No, I don’t want to hear that there isn’t anything to sort. What we just shared says something different. I can already hear what you want to say, and no, it’s not just lust.”
Joe’s surprise seeped past the sadness. That at least was something, he’d take that, any small victory right now was good. He stepped back to the open door, looking over his shoulder with a strained smile. “We will fix this. I promise.”
Leaving was harder than anything he’d ever done, but he knew they both needed space to think about what had happened. If not for the same reasons, Stuart felt that something had changed between them both and no matter what, he wasn’t going to let Joe pull back.
Stalking to his room, he tried not to think about what had triggered Joe’s fear. Well, he tried at least to tell himself that as he threw himself on his empty bed. Wondering what the hell he was going to do now.
Joe’s fingers tangled in Princess’s fur, seeking some relief from his fretting. Princess seemed always to have a way of making him feel better. He giggled when she increased the level of her purring. Her enquiring look encouraged Joe to explain himself.
“I know I’m hiding from Stuart, because how do I explain myself when my past wants to haunt me and possibly ruin any future I have? You do realise, though, you make it hard to stay hidden with the noise you make, right?”
Her lip curled up making him feel a little better. At least with her he could acknowledge his fears out loud to her
. Joe looked around Brad’s gym, it was the perfect place to hide out with Princess. Well, that was if he didn’t count Stuart’s arms holding and protecting him. Groaning in self-loathing at where his mind was taking him, yet again. Isn’t that why he was hiding out?
Scrunching his eyes against the headache that persisted to niggle, the cotton wool feeling in his brain seemed only to get worse. The lack of sleep he knew was the real culprit. Terrified that sleep would allow his mind to be dragged back into his nightmares he avoided it at all costs.
He felt his feelings were a perfect match to the mess he was making of his life. Joe hunched under his unhappiness, giving Princess one final stroke before heading to the cross trainer, hoping it would lift his mood.
Massaging his forehead as he moved, he just needed something to distract for a little while. Setting up the programme, he popped in his earbuds not wanting to disturb Brad or Martin this early on a Sunday. He was positive that they wouldn’t thank him for waking them at five am, especially when he’d caught sight of the mess downstairs. The tell tales signs they had been more focused on each other than the house, had him smother a giggle.
Brad had been kind enough to give him a key so he could come and go as he wished after he’d expressed an interest in using their gym. They had a sweet set up, the cross trainer only a part of what it offered. The Stairmaster, treadmill, recumbent bike, and rowing machine were scattered around the room, along with a wall of free weights.
Glancing out the darkened window, the light behind him threw back his reflection. He was happy to see the changes in his body. No longer skinny, leaner, he was filling out.
Joe moved his arms and legs in tandem, finding the perfect rhythm, but his feeling of frustration wouldn’t shift. His mind wouldn’t cease thinking about Joel. It seemed the harder he tried the more his mind latched on to his negative thoughts. It needed to get with the programme and focus on something else, anything else that wasn’t Joel.
Joe powered faster; heat spread through his waking muscles.
His mind obeying him, but it decided they needed to rehash his evening disaster instead. Sweat dripped into his eyes, he pushed but the words Stuart had uttered while they’d been making out, kept replaying.
He never wanted to belong to anyone, never again. His mind had latched on to Stuart’s words faster than shit on a stick. Freezing Joe in place, when the words so benign registered, taking him back to a place and time he hadn’t wanted to go. Memories throwing his system into overdrive, he hadn’t seen straight. His lust disappearing leaving him exposed and vulnerable.
His instincts kicking in, fighting before his mind could catch up. He could still feel the mortification at his own behaviour. He couldn’t explain it in that moment, his mind shutting down for a few seconds, his fear the driver. It had clouded his rational mind, leaving him feeling defenceless. Whereas in the past he hadn’t been able to fight Joel, he’d just let go with Stuart.
He could still feel his fists hitting Stuart’s face. The sourness coating the moment that had been so beautiful minutes earlier. He knew he had ruined it by letting his memories override everything. Joe worried his sweaty upper lip. Had he hurt Stuart? The shocked look on his face had barely registered but now replaying it, he wasn’t sure what damage he might have caused.
His legs sped up, punishing his overtired system. Leaning forward, he increased the time. The urge to push harder, to empty his mind, took over common sense.
Joe pushed his sopping hair out of his eyes, blinking rapidly, hoping the stinging would stop. He wished he’d thought to bring a sweatband. Using the next best thing, he pulled up his soaking T-shirt, swiping it over his dripping face. He slowed his pace, letting his muscles cool down.
At least he could say he’d achieved something, his headache easing with the rush of endorphins waking up his system. Joe sighed in relief, his body was able to take the penance he’d given it. His strength was returning, his body nearly back to pre-Joel.
His life now seemed to be in two parts: the before and after. Glad to be in the after section, with one exception, Stuart. There was something innately different about his feelings for Stuart. He just couldn’t put his finger on them. The genuine concern Stuart had displayed last night showed that what he had said about it being more than lust seemed honest enough. But, he’d been out the night prior to that getting his end away with someone else. His words said one thing but his actions said something else. Joe just couldn’t figure out which was which.
Stuart hadn’t pressurised or forced him after he had said no twice. Knowing and convincing his mind that there were men out there who wouldn’t hurt him, seemed to be easier said than done.
Joe lost his grip on the bar, turning when he heard Martin speak behind him.
“Are you trying to break the record for the longest time spent on a cross trainer?” Martin’s good humour had him smiling back.
Joe’s legs wobbled realising he’d probably pushed too hard, his grin turning sheepish when he glanced at the timer. Hell, had I been going for two hours? His mind finally catching up with his screaming muscles, chest heaving along with his stomach, he stepped gingerly down. Taking several deep breaths, he tried to calm his oxygen starved body.
Not completely sure his jelly legs would hold him up for long, Joe let out a disgruntled sigh before he could think otherwise. Martin’s chuckles had him glaring up at him, before hesitantly moving, checking out his legs. Okay, shaky but he could stand, at least that is something, right?
His arms trembled while his fingers struggled to obey his command to open the water bottle. His parched throat singing in pleasure, Joe moaned in relief glugging down the water.
“Come on, let’s get something to eat and we can talk.”
Joe’s sore muscles tensed, Martin’s meaning clear as the morning sunrise, they were going to talk, or rather he was whether he liked it or not. Joe groaned in defeat, limping behind Martin, careful not to drip sweat all over the carpets, Brad would have his ass in a sling.
“Where is Brad?” His hope died at the use of Brad as a barrier when Martin spoke.
“Asleep. Brad had a big night last night.” The cryptic smile Martin sent him had his funk slipping away.
“Did you do something epic last night, my friend?”
Martin’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline, the questioning look demanding Joe explain himself. Joe’s forehead furrowed, not understanding why Martin looked so alarmed.
“The bulge in your trousers last night wasn’t just because Brad was dancing on your lap, now was it?”
Martin shocked incredulous look had Joe trying to muffle his laugh, not wanting to wake Brad. “You forget half of my training is observing everything that happens around me. Well, did he accept?”
Martin’s arched brow spoke volumes, making Joe squeal in delight jogging forward ignoring his fatigued muscles, he hugged him tightly.
“Eww, get off me, Joe. Shit, man, you’re soaking wet, and you stink.”
Unable to resist he rubbed his wet chest against Martin’s body as he attempted to pull back. Joe clung on for dear life. Laughing at his disgusted expression, he continued to slather his sweat over him.
“I wouldn’t be interrupting anything now, would I?”
Brad’s sharpness sliced through Joe’s laughter, oh crap. Turning to face the music his apology died at the humour dancing in Brad eyes. Okay not pissed off, thank God.
The sunlight streaming through the hall window caught Brad’s hand, blinding Joe with its dazzling stones. Oh wow. Joe ran to Brad, feeling giddy for both of them, Joe snatched at Brad’s hand. “Oh, it is beautiful.”
Brad took off the ring, handing it to Joe while pointing to the inside. Joe squinted, cursing the fact he didn’t have his glasses, he attempted to read the inscription. “What does it say? It seems to be some weird looking symbols.” Joe’s excitement had his words rush together. His happiness for his friends filling him with hope, something two hours of exercise hadn’t achieved.
“It means love with no end in Manx Gallic.”
Brad’s sigh of pleasure when he reverently touched the symbols while speaking, had tears leaking out the corner of Joe’s eyes. Sniffing he turned when Martin spoke.
“Come on, you two. I’m starving because someone kept me up half the night.” Martin’s waggling brows and knowing smirk he threw at Brad, had Joe cringing.
“Too much information, man.” Joe whined after Martin’s retreating back.
Brad giggled, grabbing Joe’s hands, “Isn’t he just wonderful?”
Brad’s contagious joy had him nodding, pulling him in for a hug, forgetting his sweaty body.
Brad pushed him back, horrified eyes widening. “Oh no you don’t, you’re not rubbing your sweaty ass against me.” Brad’s small fingers drilled into his soaking chest.
“Shower now. The food will be ready when you finish. Help yourself to whatever you need.” Brad’s shudder when he rubbed the sweaty imprints off his arm had Joe laughing at his antics. Joe hesitated looking at Brad, would he ever be that happy? He yearned when the negative voice in his head said no.
Doing as he was told, he hurried when the smell of frying bacon had his stomach growling in approval. His mouth watering, he headed straight for the plate that had been laid out for him. The only sounds were mouths chomping and lips slurping. He couldn’t help but think it was a perfect way to start a Sunday, sighing in contentment, Joe felt himself settle back in the chair.
Though he had been expecting Martin’s questions, when Martin spoke, it still caught him off guard.
“Okay, Joe, spill. I’ve waited patiently for weeks for you to open up about whatever shit has been going on, and I’ve had enough. Finding you here trying to beat some world record for using a cross trainer, tells me you have to let that shit out before it eats away at you, making you ill. Not that you didn’t look like a third world refugee when you arrived. I will admit, I’m pleased to see that’s improved with my baby’s cooking.” Martin paused when Joe went to interrupt, holding his hand up to stop him.