I return to my spot at the huge round table and begin my search with renewed gusto. I will do this. I will try my hardest. For me, for Sebastian. And for Maeve.
• • •
The afternoon passes in a blur. It must be nearing dinnertime when I finally spy something. Excitement jolts through me. I hesitate, my hand hovering over the edge of the map beneath my fingers. I was about to put it in the pile with all the other maps that didn’t pan out, but now I’m glad I didn’t. In the upper corner, nearly faded, are four letters that make my heart skip.
W-R-E-N.
“Rachel!” I cry, trying to keep my hands from shaking.
The librarian raises her eyebrows and stops at my side. Her eyes widen. “Well done, Simone. I think you found it.”
Sebastian gasps. “Really? You found Wren?” He hurries over to me, and so does Maeve.
My heart thrums so fast I fear it will fly right out of my chest. I don’t dare close my eyes, terrified the map will disappear if I do. That map contains the only remaining link to my family. It’s a fragile thread that could just as easily vanish. Maeve smiles down at me, and I give her a shaky grin. I’ve been searching for my family for so long that it doesn’t seem possible this could be real.
Rachel turns to another section of the room. “Let’s see… That’s a very old one. I don’t recognize some of these surrounding landmarks. We’ll need to compare it to a more recent one to determine where it really is now.”
I hold my breath while she fumbles through a couple other stacks of maps. Maeve whispers in my ear. “Good work.” I beam, my heart racing faster than ever. Dizziness threatens as Rachel finally pulls another map depicting the entire Parillan territory over to the table and spreads it flat for us all to see. She compares the two maps, her frown growing deeper by the second.
The warmth that was rising in me begins to cool. “What’s wrong?” I ask, peering around her arm.
“I…” Rachel hesitates, glancing back and forth between the ancient map and the newer one several times. “I don’t understand. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“What doesn’t?” Maeve asks, taking the older map from Rachel. She sighs when she sees what Rachel did.
Dread claws its way up my back. “What’s wrong?” I ask again, more insistently this time.
Maeve gives me a long, sad look. “My dear. I’m sorry. I don’t think we’re going to be able to visit Wren after all.”
She places the small older map just above a portion of the newer one. She points to the location noted. “Wren is here, in a valley between these two mountain ranges.” She moves her finger to the newer map. “But the mountains are no longer separated by a valley—Lake Uccello lies between them. At some point, the area must have flooded, removing any remaining trace of the village.”
Disappointment cuts through me. I sink to the floor, head in my hands. Sebastian sits down next to me with a hand over mine.
I’m sorry, he thinks. I don’t respond. I don’t know how. I suspected I must be much older than I appear and that I was taken long ago, but I never imagined it would be so long that the entire landscape of my former home would be underwater. I’d hoped it would be more like Sebastian’s situation where he still had family, but they’d just grown up now.
My breath grows ragged and I hurt, everywhere and nowhere all at once. This is how it feels to have every ounce of hope wrung from my heart.
Someone lifts me up and curls me against their chest. Auburn hair falls over my face, and Maeve’s voice whispers softly to me. “I know it feels like daggers now, but the pain will lessen with time.”
Maeve understands. She lost her children, her hope of finding them faint and her grief huge. Though it has lessened since we found her. I nestle into her shoulder, unshed tears stinging the corners of my eyes, and she carries me back to my quarters.
She sets me gently in my bed and pulls a blanket up to my chin, humming a lullaby. I close my eyes, letting her soft, comforting voice lull me into a fitful slumber.
Chapter Thirteen
When I wake, it’s late evening, but Maeve is still asleep in the chair near my bed. I don’t wish to wake her, so I quietly creep from the room. It feels as though a leaden weight drags on my every step. I hope Maeve is right about it lessening over time.
But there is something I must do.
I knock on Sebastian’s door, and it opens moments later. He breathes out, relief clear on his face. “I was worried about you,” he says, holding the door open wide.
I enter his room and spin to face him, letting my skirts tickle my ankles as they settle back down.
“Are you all right?” he asks. “I can’t imagine what you must be feeling after what you discovered.”
I sink into the chair in the corner of his room, letting the cushion swallow me up. “Sort of,” I say, wrinkling my nose. “I guess I never really thought we’d find it. So it’s not a surprise, but for one moment there, I so hoped—almost believed—there was something left to find. It hurts to have that hope dashed.” I rub the center of my chest.
“I’m sorry,” Sebastian says. And what else is there to say? I know if he could, he’d give me back my memories of my family. But he can’t, so I have truly lost them for good.
“Thanks,” I say. I give him a half-hearted smile. “I’m glad you at least found your family.”
I mean it kindly, but it makes Sebastian frown, setting his mind to worry about Jemma’s tardiness.
“Don’t worry,” I say. “I know Jemma will be here soon. I’m sure of it. She’d never leave you.” I lean across the space between us and squeeze his hand. “We’re family too. And you’ll always have me. It may sound strange, but however horrible Lady Aisling was to steal us, it did bring us together. You’re basically the only family I have.”
Sebastian squeezes my hand fiercely. “And you have a place in my family. Always, I promise.”
“Thank you,” I say, taking a deep breath. “But there’s something we need to do.”
Sebastian gives me a quizzical look.
“We need to talk to the head librarian, Euna. I want to thank her. It’s important to me that she knows we found what we needed and that we’ll be leaving as soon as Jemma joins us.”
I head for Sebastian’s door, but he stops me. “You want to go right now?”
I shrug. “I’d rather do it sooner than later. And we can stop in the kitchens on the way back to have some dinner. I’m starving, and the dining hall must be closed at this late hour.”
Sebastian comes with me through the dark halls, and we walk in a comfortable silence, my eyes roaming farther than my feet. Every hallway here is a little different, yet also much the same at the rest. The same dark, wood-paneled walls and gleaming stone floor, polished to a shine by countless feet over the centuries. But Sebastian’s hall has glass cases of strange things dotting the corridor. Small statuaries of important figures from long ago, ornately painted bowls with swooping curves, and other fascinating little objects that claim my attention. As we near the library level, huge tapestries line the walls, each one a story just waiting to be discovered. I can’t help but stop at every one. Sebastian practically has to drag me away.
We know Euna is a night owl, so we decide to check her office first. It’s a small room on the third level, walled off by glass from the rest of the library, where she keeps special artifacts and manuscripts and her current research. But she isn’t there when we arrive, and no candle burns inside. The room doesn’t look like it’s been used for hours.
Instead, we hurry to the head librarian’s living quarters. We knock on Euna’s heavy door, but no one answers.
Do you think she’s sleeping? Sebastian thinks.
Doubtful. I haven’t seen her retire early once since we’ve been here.
Maybe her research took her to a different part of the stacks than usual tonight?
We knock again, louder this time. Two minutes pass and still no answer.
I’ve done my best to keep my talent to myself while we’ve been here. I know most people don’t appreciate it when someone else glimpses their innermost thoughts. But a sudden fear grabs me, and I must know. Something seems odd about the situation.
I let my talent loose, sending it under the door and searching the room for Euna’s thoughts or dreams if she’s asleep.
Instead, I find nothing at all.
My talent searches the other sleeping quarters nearby; again no Euna, only her fellow librarians.
I grab Sebastian’s shoulder, my fingers digging into his skin. “She isn’t here. Something isn’t right.”
Sebastian tries to stay positive. “Maybe she went to the kitchens for a snack? We were headed there anyway after here. Might as well check.”
I breathe deeply. “Yes, you’re right. There’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation.”
But uneasiness coils in my gut, twisting my innards into disarray. The awful feeling tiptoes behind us, all the way down the stairs to the lower levels of the great building where the kitchen sits. Sebastian opens the door, the warm smells of roasted chicken and freshly baked bread enveloping us.
The cook waves when we enter. “I was wondering if you two would come by.” This isn’t the first night we have ventured down here late like this, though usually it’s also with Maeve. The cook pushes a couple of plates toward us and gestures to the chairs by the fire. “Come, eat. Too many researchers get faint from spending all day in the stacks and forgetting to eat a crumb.”
We gladly do as she says. The food is delicious, but I barely taste it. All I can think about is the head librarian.
“Have you seen Euna this evening?” I ask the cook while she finishes cleaning up.
“Not since dinner, no. She retired to her chambers, I imagine.”
My leg bounces up and down, sending stray bits of chicken from my plate into the fire.
I don’t like this, I think to Sebastian.
He manages to keep his composure. Me neither.
We have to find her.
We finish our food and quickly head out. Too often, it’s difficult for me to focus on a single thought for long, yet fear seems to be the one thing that keeps my focus sharp and all-consuming. My breath is ragged as we snake through the halls of the library fortress. Sebastian grabs my hand and squeezes. That makes me feel a little better, and I know it comforts him too.
We look out for each other. We protected each other from the Lady as much as we could then, and we always will. We won’t be victims ever again.
As we make our way through the halls, I begin to wish that I’d woken Maeve after all. She could’ve helped us, and if she wakes and I’m gone, she might be worried. But we’re almost up to the top tier of the library, so we may as well finish what we’ve begun.
Our legs begin to tire and our clasped hands have become sweaty, but we don’t let go. Panic boils over inside my chest, and I let my talent roam freely, desperate to locate any sign of her. While I don’t find Euna, this time I find someone else. Ida is awake, and I can sense her curious, calculating mind on the same tier as us. Her thoughts make me think she may be at our worktable, shuffling through the books we left behind this afternoon.
They claim they’re looking for Wren, but maybe there’s something more here about Lady Aisling…
Ida’s interest in Lady Aisling—evident from the first time we met—is unsettling at best. She’s much too eager to investigate her particular research topic for my liking. It makes how she regards us all the more troubling.
I swallow hard and hurry Sebastian up to the next floor. Euna must be here somewhere. She can’t have just disappeared; that’s impossible without a spot hopper, and as far as I know, there isn’t one anywhere near the Archives. The only talented person here besides us is Rachel, and her book binding magic can’t account for disappearances. So far we’ve only encountered a couple of librarians burning the midnight candles, like Ida, and many, many dreaming minds.
Until we reach the second-to-last floor of the fortress. An angry mind makes me halt in my tracks, and Sebastian stumbles into me.
Foolish good-for-nothings. They never understand the importance of my research.
Connor. The researcher from Zinnia. I yank my talent back.
What is it? Sebastian thinks.
Connor. He’s nearby, and he’s not happy.
You don’t think he’d do anything to Euna, do you? Moonlight slips in through the slanted windows of the stairwell, making Sebastian’s eyes shine.
I bite my lip. I hope not. He seems harmless enough, just grumpy.
Neither Sebastian nor I like Connor, and the feeling is mutual. He’s been nothing but rude to us since we arrived.
Let’s keep out of sight, I think. We duck into the nearest room. The shadowed silhouettes of row after row of books on shelves greet us as we wait for Connor to storm by.
He sweeps past our door, angrily muttering to himself about his own importance and that of his work.
When he’s gone, we tiptoe back into the hall and continue our upward trek, my talent grazing over the rooms we pass for any hint of Euna. Finally, we reach the last level. We scour the entire loop, every room, even every closet. Dread wells up inside me, making me dizzy. I send my magic out in as wide a net as I can, hoping against hope that I pick up something, anything, that feels like Euna.
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
Hold on, Sebastian thinks, tugging my hand to lead me toward the far side of the fortress. There’s still one place left that we haven’t searched. He gestures to a narrow flight of stairs that leads up to the roof, partially hidden by the stacks of books. We waste no time, but halfway up, I pause.
For one brief instant, I felt Euna’s mind. Her thoughts were jumbled and confused. Then gone again.
I swallow hard as we open the hatch to the roof and step out into the cold night air. I pull my skirts closer as if that could make them lend me more warmth. Sebastian rubs his arms.
There—on the other side of the railing surrounding the roof—is a figure in a dressing gown, her skin and hair glowing against the dark backdrop of the night.
“Euna!” I cry, reaching out with my talent at the same time. I half expect her to turn around with a smile and ask us what we’re doing up on the roof with her.
She doesn’t turn. And when I touch her mind, it doesn’t have the familiar contours of the steady, thoughtful woman we’ve grown used to.
She isn’t there. But someone else is.
Then they’re gone, vanished before I can grab hold of that foreign mind. Euna’s thoughts become a violent storm as she teeters near the railing. We break into a run, grabbing at her clothes to pull her away from the edge. Finally she turns, her eyes wild and confused, seeing us but without full recognition.
“Where am I?” she whispers. Then she crumples to the stone roof.
Where did I go? Where did I go? Where did I go? rushes through her brain in a painful loop. I pull my talent back and wrap my arms around my waist. My whole body quakes, and I can’t tell if it’s from the cold or the fear rattling my bones.
Sebastian crouches near Euna. Her eyes have begun to roll back in her head, and I worry she may lose consciousness. “We have to get her help. Can you tell what happened to her?” When he glances up at me, his face is as white as a sheet.
I brace myself on the railing of the roof as he reaches my side. “What is it, Simone?”
I shake my head, my pale curls wisping across my vision. “They’re here. They got her. I don’t know what they wanted, but they left just as I called out her name.”
Sebastian takes a step back. “No. That’s not possible. We left the body walker behind. We’
re supposed to be safe here.”
“If it’s a body walker we’re dealing with, we’re not safe anywhere. We’ll never be safe, our friends will never be safe, no one will ever be safe. Not until the body walker is stopped for good.”
Chapter Fourteen
We prop Euna up near the door to the stairs, safely away from the edge of the roof. She is too tall for us to carry down ourselves, and we’re too terrified of the body walker to split up.
We hurry down the stairs, shouting for someone, anyone to come and help. When we reach the next level down, we are met with a librarian rubbing her eyes. She probably dozed off in the stacks.
“My goodness, what is the matter?” she says.
“Euna is on the roof!” Sebastian cries.
“She was attacked by a body walker, and she needs help. Please, hurry,” I say.
The woman wastes no time. “Find the doctor. Her name is Olga. Her quarters are on the third floor. Her suite is the fourth door on the right from the stairs. I’ll see to Euna until she arrives.”
Sebastian and I hurry away, and when we reach the third floor, we count the doors until we reach the fourth one, then knock as if our lives depend upon it. We’re scared that Euna’s does.
We know how it feels to be used by a body walker. Hollowed out, exhausted. Like something inside you is off-kilter, and you have no idea how to set it right again.
A bleary-eyed woman answers the door, wrapping a robe around her wiry frame. “What is it, dears?” she asks. “Is someone hurt?”
“Yes. Euna needs help. She’s on the roof.”
Her eyes widen, all trace of sleepiness slipping away. “Let me grab my bag.”
Other librarians begin to open their doors to see what’s going on. Even Devynne and her insatiable curiosity peek out into the hall. But Olga takes me and Sebastian firmly by the elbows. “Take me to her, and tell me what happened.”
“We were looking for her earlier this evening. We wanted to thank her for her hospitality,” I say.
“But we couldn’t find her,” Sebastian adds.
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