by E S Olsen
“Does that mean there is a Winter land?”
“And a Spring and an Autumn,” he said.
I smiled at the thought of that while trying to stifle a yawn. His back was broad and soft, so I took my coat off and used it as a pillow, waking later well rested. Off in the distance was a castle. I blinked and rubbed my eyes. It looked every bit like a fairytale castle. It was made of light grey stone with three towers and an outer wall; beyond that were orchards and fields of wheat. As we got closer we entered a village, people came out of their houses and started cheering. I felt a little self-conscious but realized that the people must love Valemon and longed for his happiness. By the time we neared the castle, word of his return had spread and we were escorted by guards through the gates.
A finely dressed woman stood at the top of the stairs. I assumed it was Valemon’s mother. She had a kind smile and friendly demeanor. She turned to Valemon. “My heart rejoices to see you safely home again. And you found her. Welcome, dear child. You must be exhausted from your long journey. Come in and get some refreshment.”
We ate a splendid meal, in a grand dining hall, after which I was led to a bedchamber where the bed took up almost half of the considerable sized room. Elaborately decorated curtains could be drawn around the bed for more privacy. I dressed in a fine silk nightgown and literally climbed into bed. There was a short step ladder by the bedside for just that purpose. As I fell asleep, I imagined Valemon coming into my room to wish me goodnight, perhaps it was a dream.
I was awoken the next morning by a maid bringing me breakfast in bed. Another maid introduced herself as Ann - she was to be my personal maid. She laid out a dress on the foot of my bed and both women stood attentive while I finished my breakfast. I climbed out of bed and touched the silky gown, thinking it was the loveliest dress I’d ever seen. I felt a tug on my nightgown string and it dropped to the floor. With an embarrassed squeak I crouched to gather my gown around my naked body. There was a small giggle followed by a harsh reprimand that I couldn’t make out. I looked up and saw Ann holding some sort undergarment and the other girl, scarlet faced, staring intently at the floor.
“I beg your pardon, we are to assist you into your dress, m’lady,” Ann said with a slight smile.
Cheeks burning, I mumbled an apology and slowly stood, my hands cupped over my breasts.
It didn’t take long for them to dress me once I was covered a little more. Ann had me sit in front of a mirror while she brushed and styled my hair before leading me to another room where the queen and Valemon waited. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to curtsey or not but they didn’t seem to notice or were nice enough not to mention any blunders I might be making.
Without pretense, the queen stated, “We shall have your wedding in two days’ time. You needn’t concern yourself with the details, I have everything planned. Valemon will show you around the kingdom and see to your needs in the meantime.” She waved us off and called a servant to her side.
I walked down the hall with Valemon, the bear, by my side. “Is your mother always this way?” I asked.
He tilted his great furry head as if thinking of a response. “Mother is the most caring thoughtful person I know. She would go above and beyond to help someone, even if it was not exactly what was expected or wanted.”
I lay a hand on his shoulders as we walked. “I wish we had more time to get to know each other. Will I ever see you as a man?”
He stopped walking and turned to me. “I will be able to visit you every night as a man but you cannot see me as a man. I wish it could be different.” He hesitated before adding, “Maybe someday. I know you must wonder how can he think he loves me but I do; I just feel it stronger than I’ve felt anything. I feel like I’ve always loved you.”
A tear slid down my cheek.
Valemon said, “I’m sorry, do I frighten you?”
“No, what you said is exactly how I feel too.” I buried my face in his fur, wishing that he could hold me.
For the rest of the day and the next, he showed me the castle grounds, the orchards and the surrounding village. We talked and laughed. People watched us; their faces a mix of emotions: excitement, curiosity, compassion. That evening Valemon asked me to meet him in the library. When I got there it was dark and empty and though there was a fire in the fireplace a screen blocked out most of the light. I had just wrapped my shawl around my shoulders when I was startled by movement from the far side of the room.
“Maria, I know we are to be wed tomorrow but I had to see you again, this time as a man, not a bear,” Valemon said. He walked over and sat down by me.
I could only just make out a silhouette. He took my hand in his and brought it to his lips. “I wanted to explain more about my past to you.” He still held my hand, his thumb gently rubbing the back of it. “I was betrothed since birth to a girl named Vivika. I imagined myself in love with her but when it was discovered she practiced dark magic, she was banished from this kingdom.”
Valemon’s voice was unsteady. I felt touched in his confiding what must have been a painful part of his past. My pulse quickened. I reached up and touched his face. I searched it with my fingertips like a blind person would, to try and “see” what he looked like. He had a strong jawline, thick brows, a straight nose and full lips. When I touched his lips he kissed each of my fingers. He then pulled me closer to him, one hand on the small of my back and the other behind my head and pressed his lips to mine.
I thought my heart would beat right out of my chest. Both of my hands gripped the front of his shirt. His mouth moved with such passion. I’d never felt this way before. I wanted more. I ran my fingers up into his hair. Nothing ever felt so wonderful, so right, before this. He stopped and touched his forehead to mine. We were both breathing heavily.
“I think I’d better say goodnight… until tomorrow,” he said. He pressed his lips to mine briefly before walking out the door.
I sat there for quite a while after that, reliving what had just happened. My first and only kiss happened the day before we’d left for Norway. My best friend since childhood, whom I’d never felt anything more than friendship for, had been helping us pack when he suddenly leaned over and kissed me. It wasn’t just a peck on the cheek, it was like mouth to mouth resuscitation. I had to push him away and wipe my mouth with my sleeve. I’m sure it hurt his feelings but he had played it off like it was nothing.
I closed my eyes and touched my lips. I doubted I could sleep that night. For all the wondering what Valemon looked like, I wouldn’t care anymore if he always kissed me like that.
CHAPTER 5
Somehow I’d managed to sleep a little. I sat in front of a mirror dressed in my wedding gown as Ann worked on my hair. I frowned thinking about my dad and my sister, wishing they could be here for this special day.
“Are you alright Miss?”
I looked up as my maid was putting some flowers into my braids. “Yes, just nervous, I guess.” I smiled to reassure her.
“King Valemon is a good man. Don’t worry he’ll be a kind husband”.
“Thank you.”
“There we are.” She pronounced pinning the last flower.
I looked into the mirror and really looked at myself for the first time. I was gorgeous. My cheeks were the tiniest flushed, my eyes (despite little sleep) were bright, and the braids in my hair were intricately interwoven with the flowers.
“You are amazing Ann”
She blushed, “I do my best m’lady.”
Our wedding was a grand affair. It seemed everyone from the kingdom attended. The ceremony was a little different though, since he was a bear we couldn’t kiss and there wasn’t a ring exchange but he picked up a gold chain necklace in this mouth and placed it over my head. The people cheered and threw flower petals while we walked down the aisle together. There was a feast afterward that lasted all day.
That night I was so nervous as I waited for Valemon come to my darkened chamber. I couldn’t decide if I should stay in my wed
ding gown, or slip into my nightgown. The thought of wearing nothing was too embarrassing. I finally decided on my nightgown.
There was a light tap on the door and Valemon entered quietly. He stood by the door for a few heartbeats. Must be as nervous as I am, I thought, fumbling with the front of my gown. Then, moving to me he touched my face and gently kissed my lips. His kisses moved down my neck to my collarbone as his hands slid down my arms pushing my nightgown off my shoulders, it fell to the floor. Every caress, every touch of his lips made me feel more alive than I’d ever been. My nerves slowly vanished with each passing moment. I knew from this moment on Valemon and I would be one. Our hearts were entwined forever, never to part.
*
With Valemon busy assisting his mother with courtly duties, I found myself alone much of the time. Ann accompanied me whenever I wished to leave the castle. I loved to go for long horseback rides each afternoon. One of my favorite places to ride was the orchards. As we approached the last row of trees a distant howl broke cut off all birdsong.
“The witches’ minions. White wolves, that do her bidding.” Ann flicked her reins and we turned back toward the castle.
“The wolves are the witches’? She’s been sending them after me all this time.” I should have realized she would try to stop Valemon from breaking the curse.
“Oh no, m’lady.” Ann put herself between me and the pack of wolves that ran into view. They stopped short surrounding us, growling. The horses threw their heads and whinnied but did not run. Then all at once the wolves lay down where they stood; looking as docile as any dog. A hooded figure in a rich red velvet cloak slowly approached, one hand resting on the haunches of the largest wolf that walked alongside.
“You’ve made it past my wolves. Congratulations on your wedding. Though I should warn you, he’s already married to me.” She laughed a deep throaty laugh. “What? Why so alarmed, surely Valemon told you. He and I were promised to each other since childhood. We said our vows not that long ago. Valemon told me that he loved me. That he felt it stronger than he’d felt anything. He knew that he had always loved me.”
“Don’t listen to her m’lady …” Ann gasped and grabbed her throat unable to speak.
My face burned with rage. Vivika was the witch. No wonder, Valemon had a hard time telling me about his past. I said nothing but clenched my hands into fists.
Vivika stroked the fur of wolf next to her. “None of that matters. There is no way to break the curse. In just a few short years he will have to come to me. There is nothing you can do. Go home, you don’t belong here. I’m sure you miss your family immensely. Hurry back to them. Time works differently on each side of the portal. Your family grows old while you waste your time here. Soon they will all be dead, and there will be nothing left for you but memories.”
Lies. Lies, my mind screamed. My horse snorted and pawed the ground. “I don’t believe you.” My voice shook slightly.
I could see her lips curl into a smile. “You will never find happiness here. Any joy will be short-lived. The curse will see to that.” She waved her arm through the air and suddenly she and the wolves were gone.
“You mustn’t believe her. They never married, she was banished before the wedding.” Ann looked at me imploringly.
Moving a few paces away, I crossed my arms, hugging myself. “What if she’s right about the curse? What can I do? Valemon doesn’t seem to be able to tell me anything. Maybe he doesn’t know either.” I spoke out-loud but it was mostly to myself. Luckily Ann didn’t try and answer my questions. She wouldn’t know the answers. I kicked my horse into a gallop and Ann followed me back to the castle in silence.
I thought less and less deeply about how to break the curse as time passed. But I did ponder about the time difference the portal created between this world and mine. Was my family growing older more quickly? Did they even know I was gone yet? I pushed these questioned into the back of my mind as life here continued with much happiness, despite the warning from Vivika. One afternoon I walked through the apple orchard with Ann, my round belly and swollen ankles making me miserable. I was so excited and ready to have this baby. I’d been having pains in my lower back all morning and decided a walk would do some good. I had just taken a bite from an apple when my water broke.
“Oh!” The apple fell to the ground forgotten, as I grabbed my belly.
Ann took my arm in hers, “M’lady, we must get you inside.”
As the hours passed the pains went from uncomfortable to unimaginable. Sweat tickled its way down the back of my neck. Why wouldn’t someone open a window! I gripped the bedpost and panted in between contractions. Then the pain would grow and I would begin to shake, uncontrollable tremors ran through my body. After what seemed like ages there was so much pressure I thought I was about to relieve myself. And then a terrible burning pain.
“Push M’lady. Tis time.”
Push? I thought. It hurts too much. If I push I’ll rip open.
I felt a cool rag on my head. Someone spoke in pleasant tones into my ear. I was almost done. My baby was almost here.
And so I pushed.
*
I lay in bed exhausted but jubilant. In my arms was the most perfect little person I’d ever seen. I brought her to my breast, which she accepted hungrily.
There was a tap at the door and Ann announced the queen. She sat down on the bed by me. “She is beautiful, like her mother.”
“Thank you. You have been so kind.”
The baby fell asleep and stopped nursing. “Here, let me take her to her cradle. You need rest.”
I lay back and watched as my mother-in-law lovingly wrapped my daughter in a blanket and placed her in the cradle. Suddenly there was a crack of lightning and rain fell on the window panes. Valemon’s mother looked up with a start.
“We don’t get storms very often,” she said trying to sound comforting. I sensed she was hiding something but couldn’t fight sleep any longer.
I awoke with another crack of thunder. The window blew open and banged noisily against the wall. Blinking my heavy eyelids, I watched as rain formed a puddle on the floor. Sleep beckoned me but I fought it off by sitting up in bed. With heavy blinks I stumbled to the window and latched them shut. The puddle could wait until morning. I stubbed my toe on the way back to bed. Trying to be quiet and to ignore the pulsating pain, I bit my lip and pulled the blankets up to my chin.
That is when I noticed the cradle. It was overturned.
“No!”
Throwing my blankets to the side, I stumbled out of bed as Ann burst into my room. In that instant I remembered my dream that night before leaving the real world behind. The bear stole my baby away. “Valemon!” I screamed out of rage and anguish.
All I could hear beyond the storm was laughter; wicked laughter, that faded away to nothing.
That night as I sat in the dark with a blanket (that brought no comfort) pulled close, hugging my knees to my chest, I heard my bedroom door creak open. My tears had long since run dry. I felt like an empty vessel. As empty as the overturned bassinet.
Ann had tried to put the room to order earlier but I yelled at her to get out. Now, soft footsteps approached.
“Maria?” It was spoken barely above a whisper. A shiver ran down my spine. How dare he talk to me.
“Love, I came as soon as…” his hands touched me. I tensed. Anger flooding me.
“Don’t touch me!” I shook off his hands. “How could you take my daughter away from me?” Even though I couldn’t see him my aim was good as I slapped him hard across the face, causing my hand to sting.
My outrage was met by silence.
We stood facing each other in the dark for some time. My anger slowly leaking away, leaving behind room for the misery to return and once again fill it’s void.
My shoulders shook as my silent sobs racked my body. His strong hands caught me as I began to crumple to the floor. Valemon enfolded me into his arms and held me tight to his chest. I listened to his heart beat its
steady rhythm though his breathing seemed to be as ragged as my own. Warm tears hit my forehead and ran down my cheek.
I reached up and caressed where I was sure I’d left a handprint across his face. He took my hand and pressed his lips to it. “I’m so sorry, I’ve brought this misery upon you. It’s my fault Vivika will not allow us any happiness,” his arms tightened around me. “I can promise it won't be forever.”
*
“How?” It came out as a whisper. I felt him shift his weight. I repeated my question, louder this time. “How is it your fault? How can you know this curse won't last forever?” I pushed myself away enough to look up at him, even though I couldn’t see him.
Valemon gently tucked some stray hair behind my ear. “I can’t tell you how to break the curse. If I did then I’d have to marry her.” He pressed his forehead to mine and took a deep breath. “I should have told you more about my past before now. I’m sorry.” He took my hands and led me to the chairs my maids usually occupied. We sat and he continued “My father and Vivika’s father, the king from the Autumn Land, agreed that when we were of age we would be wed.
“Vivika and I spent our youth together as playmates. Things changed as we aged and I thought myself in love with her. Our fathers feuded - I never knew what it was about because not long after their bodies were found together in the throne room…” I heard Valemon stand and pace in front of me. “Unfortunately, it was discovered soon after, that Vivika practiced dark magic. Dark magic is against the law, my hands were tied, I had to banish her. I was sickened that she would be so deceitful. The curse was her parting gift to me.”
Feeling for his arm, I took his hand and kissed it. “I’m sorry for your loss. And for thinking you could take our daughter away from me.” I began to weep again. “It hurts so much.”
“I know,” once again he enfolded me into his arms and held me. “I know.”
*
Time passed slowly, as my heart built emotional scar tissue over the gaping hole left behind by the loss of our daughter. One year turned into two and I found that I was expecting our second child. Surely this time would be different. I gave birth to twin girls that night and Valemon was able to see them come into the world.