by Melissa Haag
Copyright © 2021 Melissa Haag
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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without express written permission from the author.
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ISBN 978-1-943051-67-0 (eBook Edition)
ISBN 978-1-943051-69-4 (Paperback Edition)
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The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarities to real persons, living or dead, are coincidental and not intended by the author.
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Editing by Ulva Eldridge
Cover design by Shattered Glass Publishing LLC
© Depositphotos.com
Version 2021.06.24
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Epilogue
Author’s Note
Fenris’s Cake Tastes
Going to Hell
More Books In This World
Other Series
The Hunger
Power isn’t everything. But in Uttira, it’s all that matters.
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The truth is harder to face than I ever imagined. I’ve made too many mistakes to count. So, no more failures. No more running. It’s time to embrace what I am.
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Eliana thought she had everything under control. However, she discovered just how wrong she was. She’s been feeding from Fenris in her sleep, and now he’s bound to her in ways she never wanted. She knows she needs to let him go; yet with him, she could have the one thing she’s secretly wanted. A mate for life.
To make matters worse, Adira pushes her to enjoy Fenris while Raiden is doing everything possible to keep the two apart. Including bringing back the one person who would willingly kill Eliana to have Fenris for herself. Tired of it all, Eliana does what she’s been fighting not to do for so long: She embraces what she is.
It’s time for the people in power to feel what it’s like to be a puppet. And when she’s done, the world will be on its knees.
Warning: Contains an affection-starved werewolf, a brownie fond of public exhibition, and a succubus on the edge.
To the cage of expectations,
You suck.
To everyone trapped in the cage,
Be true to yourself. That’s the only key to freedom.
Chapter One
Struggling to breathe through my panic, I stared at Fenris. He’d done it again. Fooled me into thinking everything was fine. However, our lives were anything but “fine.” And this time, the blame was all mine.
For weeks, I’d been feeding on Fenris in my sleep.
All those cake dreams had been nothing but a subconscious illusion to hide from the truth…I might be hurting someone I cared about. I had desperately needed Fenris to be okay like he and my mom had said he’d be. But I now saw the truth in his eyes as he looked at me so hopefully. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, he was under my thrall.
He’d been quietly obsessing about me for weeks, and I’d passed off his attention as simple caring. I could see his fixation and raw need in the way he looked at me. I could smell it in the surrounding air. Fenris’s very real lust wasn’t due to his late mate run but by all those midnight feedings.
I’d broken Fenris as thoroughly as I’d feared I would.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, pain robbing my words of volume.
He grabbed me by the shoulders, locking me in place.
“Don’t doubt yourself, Eliana. Don’t doubt us.”
Each desperate word he spoke drove a spike of pain through my heart.
“You did exactly what I’d hoped you would do. Exactly what you were meant to do, Eliana.”
Stealing his free will wasn’t what I was meant to do. Ever. He had the right to have his own thoughts. Ones that didn’t revolve around me. That was why I’d refused to feed for so long. All that hunger and suffering, and for what?
No one could have hated themselves more than I did in that moment.
“If I were anyone other than myself, Fenris, that would be the truth. But you know I never wanted this.”
Fenris sighed and leaned in, gently kissing my forehead as he breathed in deeply.
“Your mom is upstairs. Go to her. But walk, Eliana. Do you understand?”
His gruff words and the reminder not to run from him fractured me further.
I slipped from his hold and pushed my way through the bodies until I reached the stairs. The troll standing guard moved aside for me without a word, and I continued up without looking back once. My hand shook as I let myself into Mom’s office.
At the sound of the door, she looked up from the paperwork on her desk. The annoyance in her expression melted into concern when she saw me.
“Baby, what’s happened? You’re pale. Is Adira here?” she asked as she peered out the glass wall.
I shook my head, and the fragile mask of composure I’d been wearing shattered. Tears started falling, and I crossed the room as Mom stood. She hugged me hard and continued holding me, without saying anything.
“I just fed on Fenris,” I choked out after a long silence.
“Oh, baby. It’s okay. I know you never wanted to feed in public, but I promise no one is going to think poorly of you.”
“That’s not it, Mom. He tasted familiar.” I pulled back enough to look her in the eye. “I’ve been feeding on Fenris for weeks. In my sleep. I thought I was only having really good dreams. But it wasn’t that. I’d been actually feeding on him.” I pulled out of her arms and started to pace as I cried. “It was the stupid window.”
“The window?” Mom echoed, clearly confused.
“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I messed up. All the talk about feeding and pushing, pushing, pushing! It got in my head. I was fine before that. Who cares if I was a little hungry? At least, Fenris was still himself.”
“Baby, I’m sure he’s—”
“He’s what? Not struck dumb by my beauty? Inconsolable without my presence? You know what happens to them when we feed. I didn’t want that. Gods, I’m so angry right now. Why did you say anything to Adira? He was fine with his herd of girls. Safe. But no. You both thought it was a great idea to push a lusty werewolf at me. Never mind that he was my friend and trusted me to have the control not to hurt him.
“I didn’t think it was possible to hate myself any more than I did. Turns out I was wrong about everything.”
“Baby, don’t say that. Don’t hate what you are. You’re an amazing young woman.”
I scoffed and turned on her.
“Amazing? What exactly makes me so amazing, Mom? That I was desperate enough to act like a baser creature and put my needs before everyone else’s? Ashlyn is gone because of me. Me, Mom. I was so desperate not to have to deal with both you and Adira that I asked some druids to do a spell to send you out of Uttira. The spell backfired, and Ashlyn went missing instead. Your amazing daughter did that.
“And instead of coming forward and admitting what happened, I kept quiet. Omissions are as great a sin as lie
s. I lied to everyone. Even you.”
I could feel her hurt. It was a living, breathing emotion that swallowed every other emotion she had. Except love. There was still so much love.
“How can you still feel love for me after what I just told you?” I yelled at her. “Even though I love you, I was so desperate not to become anything like you that I tried to get rid of you.”
“I know. And I’m so sorry you felt that way. But, I deserved that level of mistrust. What have I ever done to show you that I understand you? That you could count on me? I thought leaving you here to mature on your own was helping you. I didn’t make the right choice then, and I regret that more than you’ll ever know, now. But, no matter what you’ve done or what you do, one thing isn’t going to change—my determination not to make the same mistake twice.
“I love you, Eliana. And I will never abandon you again.”
All the anger bled out of me, and I was left with nothing but the pain.
“I broke him. The only friend I had left, Mom.”
“What about Megan?”
I thought of my friend and gave a pained groan.
“Megan might want to be my friend, but no matter what she says, I doubt her fury will agree. The spell to get rid of you, Ashlyn disappearing, stealing Eras’s meal and lying about it, setting a goblin loose on the brownies, wanting to kill Piepen so badly that I could imagine how it would feel to break his bones in my hand—”
“Baby, the creature is offensive and has tormented you past reason.”
“That doesn’t give me the right to treat him horribly in return, Mom. Don’t you get it? I’m damned. Megan wants to come home, and I’ve been keeping her away because I’ve given her fury too many reasons to take one look at me and send me to hell.” Tears ran freely down my face, and I angrily wiped them away.
“How am I supposed to live with this? Ashlyn could die, and I stole Fenris from his rightful mate.”
“He scented his mate?”
“No, but he probably would have if not for me.” I sobbed.
Mom studied me for a long moment, her pain mirroring my own.
“I’m sure Ashlyn will be found safe and sound. After all, it’s doubtful you were employing druids with enough skill to kill me. So whatever went awry with the spell isn’t likely to be lethal. And trying to get rid of me isn’t the end of the world, Eliana. It’s not nice, but it’s not awful. As for whatever happened with the goblin, I highly doubt you sent him to the brownies on purpose.”
I shook my head, the pain of everything I’d done clawing at my middle.
“Baby, I promise, nothing that you’ve said is so bad that Megan would drag you to hell.”
Mom wrapped her arms around me, hugging me close and stealing some of my pain and guilt.
“I took Fenris’s life, Mom. He might still be moving and breathing, but I killed the person Fenris was.”
Mom released me suddenly. I could feel her anger and frustration as she paced back to her desk and picked up her phone.
“I can feel every ounce of loathing you have for yourself,” she said, tapping her screen. “And I know nothing I say will change how you feel. So I’m done talking. I’m going to prove to you that you’re not the horrible person you’re painting yourself to be.”
She grabbed her things and strode toward me.
“What are you doing?”
“We are waiting for Mrs. Quill.”
“No,” I moaned. “Adira’s going to—”
The air started to shimmer in the middle of the room, and Mrs. Quill stepped through. She took one look at me and hurried to wrap me in a hug.
“What happened?” she asked.
“A misunderstanding,” Mom said smoothly. “It would be best if Eliana and I could sort through it at home, though. Would you mind taking us there?”
“Of course not.”
Wrapped in Mrs. Quill’s arms, I had no choice in the matter as the world collapsed around me and punched through my middle, only to explode outward again. The nausea halted my tears.
“I apologize for that,” Mrs. Quill said. “I assumed you’d prefer a quicker exit.”
I looked at Mom, who appeared paler than usual and was rubbing her stomach while distractedly tapping on her phone screen. She glanced up at Mrs. Quill.
“We’re fine. You were correct that I preferred a quick exit. Thank you for your help, and I apologize for sounding rude on top of it, but Eliana and I need to have a private conversation.”
“Of course.”
Mrs. Quill brushed her lips against my brow.
“I know I have no right to ask this, but please call and let me know you’re all right when you’re done.”
“Why? So you can tell Adira?”
“No, Eliana. I worry about you too,” she said softly before disappearing, leaving behind an echo of the pain I’d caused her.
I wiped at my face, barely noticing how Mom set her phone on the coffee table.
“See? I hurt everyone without even trying.”
“No, Eliana. The woman you once trusted more than me broke that trust when she stopped feeding you. Your anger at her, at all of us, and the mistrust, were earned. I know that you don’t accept that as a justification for your actions, but consider this. You reacted as any normal person would have reacted. Anyone would have been hurt by what we’ve put you through.”
I shook my head. On any other day, her reasoning might have worked. Today wasn’t that day. I didn’t care that I’d finally acted “normal,” something I’d been striving for since the moment Mom showed up to claim me. All I could see were my mistakes.
“I mess up everything. If this is what it’s like to be a succubus, alone and hurting everyone who gets close to me, I don’t want it.”
“That’s it,” Megan said from nowhere. “I’m done staying out of Dodge.”
My eyes flew to the phone.
“No,” I rasped.
“Yes.”
A ball of fire and light exploded into existence beside me. I flinched from the heat and lifted a hand to shield my eyes, but the light faded quickly, leaving a sad Megan and serious Oanen in its place.
I stared at my best friend in horror, waiting for her to wrap her wings around me and send me to hell. But she didn’t. Instead, she opened her arms wide.
“Get your succubus butt over here, and give me a hug,” she said, tears in her eyes.
My tears started falling harder. Megan was here, and there was no hate or anger in her. Only sorrow and pain. For me.
I shook my head, unable to move. Megan had no problem moving. She wrapped me in a hug and held me as I sobbed out my misery. I couldn’t be sure how long we stood like that. Twice, I heard her mutter something about wishing she could steal emotions. After the second time, I did my best to pull myself together.
Megan eased back from our embrace. Her eyes were red and her lashes wet with blood.
“I know you’re worried about Ashlyn. And I promise that we’re going to find her.”
I nodded and started sniffling again.
“That’s not what this is about, is it?”
“I fed on Fenris,” I said raggedly. “I broke him.”
“We could fix this,” she said, looking over her shoulder at Oanen.
The griffin I thought of as a brother looked just as grumpy as I remembered.
“She needs her friend, not another busybody. She has enough of those,” he answered.
“Fix what?” I asked, ignoring him. “Fenris? How? I’d do anything.”
Megan turned toward me again, the fire in her eyes burning bright for a moment.
“I love Oanen, but sometimes I want to rip his wings off.”
Oanen snorted.
“You threaten that at least twice a day, and I still have both wings. Admit it. Love always wins over hate.”
Megan rolled her eyes at me.
“Do you want him back?” she asked.
I shook my head and gave a small laugh.
“I
missed you both so much.”
“Then you shouldn’t have kept me away.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, fighting a fresh wave of self-hate tears.
“Nuh-uh. None of that. Nothing is as bad as it seems. I promise. You think you broke Fenris. We’ll help you deal with that—”
“Megan,” Oanen said with warning.
“—in whatever way we can. What else is going on? You’ve mentioned several things during our calls. Please tell me the mermaids are still being a pain in your ass. I’m itching to go for a swim.”
I wrinkled my nose.
“The druids have been mindwiping them because of me and the spell they did that made Ashlyn disappear. More lives I ruined.”
“Eliana, enough of this nonsense,” Mom said. “I understand that you’re upset, but you’ve done nothing irredeemable or Megan wouldn’t be here, lovingly holding you. Maybe you’re just hungry.”
I turned on Mom, my eyes completely black.
“Don’t, Mother,” I warned.
She instantly looked down in deference, but it was too late. Thanks to her unhelpful reminder, I was suddenly paying way more attention than I should have to the lust coming off of Megan and Oanen.
“Oanen, my dad is around here somewhere. Find him and stay with him, please,” I said, not taking my eyes off of my mom.
“Hey,” Megan said, grabbing my face. Her warm hands and gentle pressure coaxed me into looking at her. “I already told you, your eyes don’t bother me. And I know they don’t bother Oanen.”
“It’s not my eyes, Megan. It’s my hunger. I told you that you and Oanen are...” I shook my head, unable to say more.