by Melissa Haag
“I think I'll pass on the petting for now.”
“One of these days, you're going to give me what I want.”
It didn't scare me to realize he was probably right.
“Come on, chipmunk. Put us out of our misery.”
I shook my head, not in denial but in surrender.
“Can you hold me in your lap?”
“Gods, yes!”
He plucked me from my spot beside him and had me wrapped in his arms before I could squeak. I didn’t pull away, though. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I leaned in and took what comfort I could.
“Better?” he asked.
“Much.”
With a calming breath, I gave in and inhaled his sweet, rich essence. The unique taste of Fenris coated my tongue, and my hunger roared to life. He’d been right. I was starving. How had I not known?
Pull after pull, I fed on what he offered while his hand smoothed over my back and my cheek pressed against his chest. I couldn't stop. I didn’t want to. The need for more rode me hard. Turning my head, I rubbed my nose against his shirt. The scent of his lust grew stronger.
A smile curved my lips, and I purred in response. His hands stilled on my back. Mine started to explore, leaving the safety of his waist and sliding around to investigate the planes of his pectorals. He started to tremble beneath me, his lust climbing higher still.
I consumed gulp after gulp. Even though my head swam with it, it wasn’t enough. I needed more. More lust. More contact.
One second, my side was pressed against his chest, and the next, I straddled his hips.
His wide brown eyes met mine as I rose to cup his face. I could feel the pressure of each of his fingertips at my waist and the way he was struggling to maintain his control. Such fragile control. So easy to break or bend to my will.
“Be mine,” I purred. “Give me everything.”
Where I would have pulled closer, he locked his hold and kept me at arm's length. I narrowed my gaze at him and leaned forward, parting my lips.
“Eliana, you are my moon and my night sky. You have my heart and hold my life in your hands. Take what you need, but don't do something you'll later regret. It would break my heart to have to see tears of regret because of me.”
The words and his worry, under all of that lust, penetrated the fog in my mind. My mouth closed with a snap, and I quickly scrambled off his lap. I didn’t hurry away to hide in shame, though. I stood before him, shaking and unsure.
Watching me, he reached out for a sandwich and casually took a bite.
“This is good,” he said after he swallowed. “Not nearly as satisfying as letting you make out with me while you feed, but still good.”
His calm acceptance was everything. If I was his moon, he was becoming my sun, the source of light in my life. My pulse gradually slowed, and I returned to my spot beside him.
“Feel better?” he asked.
I considered the question and focused on how I felt. My hunger was still there, and I was starting to think that it always would be. But it wasn’t fighting against me, and I realized that I did feel calmer. My concerns were still there, but less debilitating than before.
“You were right. I was hangry.”
He grinned at me and reached for a sandwich.
“I have a thought. But before I share it, I want to know how you feel about what just happened,” he said.
“Which part? Me wanting to make out with you while feeding or the part where you stopped me?”
“Both.”
“I’m not sure, honestly. I hate that my baser instincts can so quickly change the way I think. I know what’s right and wrong, but when I’m feeding, it gets blurry. I’m glad you stopped me. I think you would have been right about some tears.”
“I hear a ‘but’ in there. Don’t hold back. Tell me everything. Unconditional honesty, okay?”
“But I don’t think it’s always going to be like that. Seeing your disappointment. Hearing it. Feeling it. It helps me realize that maybe there won’t be as many ‘wrongs’ when I’m with you.”
His chewing slowed, and he started shaking. It reminded me a lot of what had happened at the hot springs when I’d thought he was cold. It was far from cold in my room.
“What does it mean when you shake like that?”
He swallowed hard and closed his eyes.
“It means that I’m hopelessly in love with you, Eliana, and I’m fighting to keep everything I feel for you inside so I don’t do something you’ll regret. I want you so bad it hurts to breathe. And hearing you realize that, when you’re with me, there are no boundaries, is music to my ears. I’m shaking because I’m fighting the urge to wrap you in my arms and never let go.”
I liked the picture he painted. The hugging me forever part, not the part where he’s suffering for it.
“You can hug me,” I said. “I like your hugs.”
He groaned. That was the only warning I had before I was lying on the bed with Fenris wrapped around me. His front pressed against my back, and his arms held me tight as he buried his nose in my hair and breathed in deeply. His shaking didn’t get any better. Heat and need radiated from him. Surprisingly, though, my hunger only stirred languidly. I needed to remember to eat more often. It obviously did control my moods more than I realized.
“Are you going to tell me how the conversation went with your dad?” I asked to distract him. “Did he believe you?”
I felt the shift in Fenris’s mood. His unrelenting need for me was swallowed by a surge of anger and frustration. Twisting in his hold, I looked back at his anguished expression.
“What is it?” When he didn’t say anything, I added, “Unconditional honesty goes both ways.”
He sighed.
“I want to be honest with you. I hate holding things back. But you’ve been through a lot today already. Let’s leave something for tomorrow.”
“As you’ve pointed out, withholding the truth didn’t help me. It only enabled me to hide longer. I think I need to start facing things head on, don’t you? No matter how uncomfortable it might be? Besides, one day isn’t going to make whatever happened any better or worse.”
He shook his head then leaned in to lick the tip of my nose.
“Smart and pretty.”
I smiled and nudged him.
“Spill. How did the talk go?”
“Not good. Dad doesn’t believe that you’re my mate. I know he'll come around eventually, but until then, I'll continue to be a puppet in his mating games.”
“What does that mean?”
“That big run he and the elders are planning this Saturday? Well, I’m still going to be the main attraction.” He shrugged. “It’s no big deal. Why don’t you tell me how it went with your parents?”
“If it’s not a big deal, why are you so upset by it?”
“Because I’m tired of being chased by all the wrong girls. I want the right girl lusting after my tail.”
A laugh escaped me. I couldn’t help it.
“She is lusting after your tail. Just more discreetly than all your other girls.”
His arms tightened fractionally against me.
“Thank you for saying that. It helps. Now, how did your mom take the news?”
“Mom's okay with it. She likes you and says you’re good for me. I'm not sure about Dad, though. I know he likes you, too, but I also know that he thinks I’m way too young and that sometimes what he says—”
“Isn’t what he means,” Fenris finished for me.
“Exactly.”
“He’ll come around eventually, just like my dad.”
Fenris’s confidence was one of his most endearing and frustrating qualities.
“He will,” I agreed.
Turning myself around in his arms, we lay facing each other.
“Now what do we do?”
Fenris’s brows shot up.
“I think I’m misunderstanding the question.”
Based on the lust flooding the air
, I knew he was.
“I mean, we told our parents and we agreed to take things slow. What does that mean for us? What’s the next step?”
He grinned.
“The next step is to have fun and enjoy each other’s company.”
“What does that mean?”
“So suspicious. It means doing just what we’re doing now. Talking. Spending time together. Eating. Hopefully lots of eating.” His stomach growled, so I knew he was talking about himself as much as he was talking about me.
“Want to sit up and eat the rest of your sandwiches?”
“I’d rather stay just like this. I don’t know how long you’re going to give me until you kick me out for the night.”
Although he said it with a smile and humor laced into his tone, I could feel his underlying despair. It was etched into the way his hold twitched around me and how he leaned in to inhale my scent.
I gently ran my finger down his nose and remembered all the times he’d supported me when I’d been upset. How he’d rushed to me for my meeting with Tegan because he’d known what would happen. How he’d stopped me from feeding on Eras to spare me from feeling guilt. How he’d stayed up all night, trying to feed Elbner, who didn’t even deserve that level of consideration.
And finally, I remembered our talk in the hot springs just after the location spell had been removed. He’d tried to tell me then that I was his mate, but I’d been too afraid to hear it. He’d waited so long to hear me acknowledge I was his mate.
“What if I invited you to stay the night? Would you get up and eat then?”
He closed his eyes. The tremors which had gradually faded during our conversation returned in full force.
“I will take whatever you’re willing to give, even if it’s given out of pity.” He opened his eyes, his gaze locking with mine. “For you, I have no shame or guilt.”
“So, is that a yes to a sandwich?”
“In a minute.” He burrowed closer and took one of my hands to wrap around his waist. “Doesn’t count unless you’re hugging me back,” he mumbled into my neck.
I shivered and fed again when I felt his teeth nip at my skin.
Eventually, he calmed enough to release me.
While he ate his sandwiches, I used the bathroom to get ready for bed. I was a little nervous about having Fenris overnight, which didn’t really make sense. It was a given that I would feed in my sleep, and I rather liked the idea that he would probably hold me all night long. I trusted him to stop me if I got carried away while feeding in my sleep. So what was the problem?
I identified it the moment I emerged from the bathroom, wearing my modest pajamas. Fenris already lay in my bed. The bare expanse of his muscled chest drew my gaze. I followed the indent between his pectorals to his abs and lower until the blankets over his hips stopped me.
Ravenous hunger slammed into me, and I fed where I stood, too afraid to close the distance. His pupils dilated, and his breathing sped ever so slightly. But he wasn’t overwhelmed by whatever feeding made him feel. He tilted his head and studied me for a moment.
“Why are you afraid?”
“You tempt me, Fenris. Seeing you in my bed and wondering if you’re wearing anything under those blankets? All the things I’ve been trying so hard not to feel for you surge up and make it hard to breathe.”
He patted the bed.
“What were you trying not to feel?”
“Possessive, mostly. All the time we were spending together made it hard to see you as a friend instead of my friend. I kept reminding myself that someday you’d scent your mate and I needed to keep my distance to be respectful of this future female I hadn’t yet met but already resented.”
“And now that you know there’s no one else but you?”
I let out a shaky breath and approached the bed. At the last minute, I ran and jumped to land on him in the most awkward sprawl possible. He grunted and laughed as he wrapped his arms around me.
“I’m trying to adjust my thinking. It still doesn’t feel real that you’re mine. Maybe that’s why I’m so willing to have you spend the night. So I can wake up in your arms and know today wasn’t a dream.”
“It’s not.” He kissed my forehead and rolled me to the side.
Without looking, I slid under the covers with him, willingly taking the little spoon position.
He leaned in and inhaled my scent.
“I raided Oanen’s clothes,” he said so close to my ear that I shivered. “What’s your stance on your mate wearing underwear?”
Chapter Eleven
Dreams of cakes were nothing compared to waking up in Fenris’s arms. I loved his heat and the way he held me. It wasn’t confining at all. Instead, I felt protected and treasured. The rumbly groan he gave when I fed on him in his sleep was the icing on my dream cake.
I ran my fingers over the light dusting of hair on his forearms as I waited for him to wake. It didn’t take long, especially when I kept stealing the lust that drifted around us.
“Good morning,” he whispered, nuzzling my neck.
“So good,” I agreed. “Did you sleep well?”
“Better than I have in a long time. You?”
“Same. I dreamt of cakes on and off all night. Did I do anything inappropriate?”
“If you’re asking if you licked me, the answer is no. I held you like this all night so you wouldn’t be tempted. You only tried to turn around a few times.”
I twisted in his arms and gave him a troubled look.
“I woke you up?”
He grinned at me.
“No, I woke up on my own. Don’t forget that you were never the instigator for your midnight feedings, Eliana.”
I blinked at him.
“What do you mean? What did you do last night?”
“I made sure you ate like I always do. You don’t take as much convincing in your sleep, though.”
His hand slid under my shirt, and his fingers stroked the skin of my lower back. My hunger unfurled inside of me. It wasn’t ravenous, only interested in what Fenris was doing.
“This is all I did,” he promised. “When you’re hungry, this is all it takes.”
“You’ve been touching me in my sleep for weeks?”
His hand stilled, and his face lost all its humor.
“No, Eliana. At first, all I needed to do was open your window and think of you. You sensed me and fed.”
“At first?”
“When you started coming to the cabin, sometimes I would sit with you. When you were really suffering, I’d hold you.”
I recalled the time I felt something on the back of my head and knew that had been him.
“I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
His hold around me tightened.
“Angry. Violated.” He inhaled again. “Appreciative. Go with that last one.”
I rolled my eyes at him.
“No more manipulating me into doing what you want.”
“I can’t make any promises. Sometimes, you’re too stubborn for your own health.”
I heaved a sigh, acknowledging that he was right.
“So what do you want to do today?” he asked. “Feel like causing some trouble?”
“What do you have in mind?”
“School.”
I groaned at his idea of trouble.
“It’s not like we have anything better to do,” he said.
I reluctantly agreed.
“Good. I’m going to run home to shower and change. See you there.”
After kissing my forehead, he left me to get ready on my own. I lay in bed for an extra minute, letting yesterday’s events soak in. I was Fenris’s mate. Holy tunaless Sunday casserole. I needed to call Megan.
I shot out of bed and grabbed my phone. Megan answered on the third ring.
“Did you know?” I demanded.
“Huh?”
“Did you know that I’m Fenris’s mate?”
She was quiet for a moment.
“Tha
t depends. How freaked out are you right now?”
I fell back into bed.
“I’m not. I mean, I was, but…” I sighed. “We slept together last night.”
There was a thunk, a bunch of squealing, and a lot of high-pitched sounds.
“Take this phone and die, Oanen,” I heard Megan say over the noise on her end.
“Not sex, Megan,” I said loudly enough that she would hear me. “We just shared my bed. He held me all night. It was nice.”
She squealed some more before I heard a very familiar, high-pitched voice ask if she was talking to me.
“Yes, it’s Eliana. She just found out that she’s Fenris’s mate.”
There was no response from Piepen, and I felt a little sorry for the poor guy. But maybe it was better he found out this way. Well, better for me.
“I’m so freaking excited and happy for you,” Megan said.
“I couldn’t tell.”
“Yes, I knew, smarty-pants. I’ve been dying to tell you since the moment he walked into the kitchen and gave me a hug to calm me down because you called him. Give me an hour then come over for breakfast. Both of you. I want to see Team Eliris in action.”
“Sorry. We already made plans to go to school.”
“Then come by afterward.”
“I’ll talk to him about it. Where are you?”
“Out at the marshes. Yesterday’s talk with Lander was enlightening. Did you know that the Council believes brownies are the Mantirum world’s equivalent of mosquitoes? Lander tried to back that view and their treatment of the brownies by pointing out that no one in the human world was fighting for mosquito rights. I helpfully showed him several search results that showed he was wrong then asked him to carefully reconsider how he viewed brownies, a sentient species that could well reveal the existence of all magical creatures if they, say, chose to leave the protection of Uttira because they’re starving here.”
“Ooh. Good play.”
“I thought so, too. And so did Lander. He promised to bring it to the Council's attention, and he ordered some fresh produce that I’m delivering. He offered to have someone else do it, but I wanted to talk to the brownie leaders about their stance on infant wing-selling.”