by B L Clark
“I’m okay, I promise. Dr. Scott said it might help me to talk about it and especially to Amber. If I ever got the chance.”
“I don’t know if it’s the best idea with emotions so high, but all right. The moment you start to regress, we end it, though.”
“Fine, we’ll play it by your rules,” Nicole conceded.
“Nicole?” Amber asked, concern coming through in her face and her voice.
“I think we should all take bathroom breaks and get some food and drinks,” Erik said.
“I’ll get Keyser to send us up an assortment.” Heather went over to the phone and dialed room service.
Nicole went to the bathroom, Erik walked over to the window and stared out. Amber pulled out her phone and sent a message to Zach asking if he was close. He said he was just getting to the hotel.
“Heather, I have a friend who just arrived at the hotel who’s coming upstairs. I need to go talk to him quickly,” Amber said quietly.
“Did you move on to boys? I noticed you weren’t checked in under your own last name. Is this your husband?”
“It’s his last name, but no, I still only date women. Zach is my best friend. He’s here to help me.”
“Fine, I’ll stall them, but he better not interfere,” Heather warned as she looked at Nicole and Erik. “I’ll tell them someone else is joining us. You can explain the rest.”
“Thank you.” Amber made her way out the door and into the hallway to meet Zach.
“Where’d Amber go?” Nicole asked.
“She’s meeting someone, who I guess is here to help her. I told her she had to explain.”
“I can’t do this if it’s her girlfriend or boyfriend.”
“I already clarified that it isn’t.”
Amber leaned against the wall by the elevator waiting for it to arrive. She heard the bell ding, and relief filled her as the doors opened and Zach was standing there with his arms open, ready to pull her into a hug.
“Come here, sweetie,” Zach said as Amber practically ran into his arms. He wrapped her into a hug and felt her arms go around him and squeezed him tightly. “Amber, are you okay?”
“That has to be one of the stupidest questions you have ever asked me.” Amber pulled back from the hug.
“What’s going on?”
“Well, I’ve got Erik, Heather, and Nicole in my room at the moment.”
“The Nicole?”
“The Nicole, there’s only one. Something happened after I left, and Nicole is going to tell me what it is,” Amber said. “I’m scared about what she’s going to say. Just before I sent you that text, they were talking about Nicole having an episode and how it wasn’t as bad and that she was still able to open the door when Erik arrived.”
“Wow, I’m glad I told Lucinda that I needed to be here for you.” Zach offered her a soft smile and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Should we get you back in there?”
“Yeah,” Amber said as they walked to the door, and she slid the keycard in the slot.
Opening the door caused everyone to turn and look at Amber and the man with her as they entered. They made their way to where the others were, Zach grabbing the desk chair so he could sit next to Amber.
“Everyone, this is Zach, my best friend. Zach, this is Heather, Erik, and Nicole.”
“Wow, it’s nice to meet you all and nice to put faces with names. Amber has told me a lot about all of you,” Zach said in a soft but sincere voice.
Heather and Erik shook his hand. Nicole looked at him, trying to figure out if there was more to him or his and Amber’s relationship.
“Nicole, are you okay?” Amber asked.
“How long have you known him?” Nicole asked.
“I met him my second week in New York City. He kinda helped me get the job as a replicator.”
“And you talked to him about us?”
“I told you earlier, not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about you. Zach will tell you I mean it. He’s the one I talk about you all to,” Amber said as all eyes went from her to Zach, who nodded that she was telling the truth.
“I know you don’t know me, but I promise if you give me a chance, you’ll see I’m here strictly to support Amber and help any of you in any way I can. I feel as though I know you all,” Zach said.
Nicole was just about to ask Zach a question when there was a knock at the door.
“That has to be Keyser with the food and drinks.” Heather made her way to the door and let the man in the chef’s coat in. He placed the cart near where they were sitting and quickly left.
“Let’s eat and then Nicole can tell you what she has to say,” Heather said.
Amber and Zach let the others get their food before they grabbed some fruit and water.
“So, do you do showings like Amber?” Heather asked.
“No, she’s far more talented than I am. I can replicate pictures, but I can’t create something on my own,” Zach said. “At least nothing sale-worthy like Amber.”
Silence filled the room as everyone ate and took in what Zach had said. Erik, Heather, and especially Nicole had thought that Amber had never thought twice about them after she left, and now, they knew that she had, and she had talked about them with Zach.
Amber and Zach sat there wondering what it was that Nicole was going to tell them. Zach was hoping he would be able to support Amber in the way she needed. Amber was hoping she could emotionally handle what Nicole was going to tell her. She knew from everyone’s reaction that it was serious.
Heather finished eating and put her plate back on the tray. She offered to take Erik and Nicole’s plates, as well. Nicole sat there with a vacant look on her face.
“Nic,” Heather said as she looked at her. When she received no response, she knelt and softly said Nicole’s name again, and still got no response. Heather quickly glanced over at Erik before placing her hand on Nicole’s arm and saying her name a third time. This time, Nicole looked at her.
“Where’d you go?” Heather said softly.
“I’m sorry,” Nicole said as a tear rolled down her face.
“Nic, don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. I was just wondering where you went in your head.”
Glancing over at Amber, whose face was etched in concern, and Zach, who was holding her hand, Nicole said, “I went back to just days before Amber left when we went swimming at Old Miller’s Pond.”
“I remember that day,” Amber said with a smirk and turned a slight shade of red.
“It’s one of the happy memories that has kept me grounded and helped me survive the past ten years.” Nicole looked at her hands that were now in her lap as Heather had taken her plate from her.
Amber got up and knelt in front of Nicole. This was the closest they had been since Amber’s arrival. She was slow and cautious. She reached out her hand and tentatively touched Nicole’s hand, causing her to flinch slightly but also look up.
“Hi.” Amber offered Nicole a lopsided smile.
“Hi.” Nicole stared into Amber’s eyes before raising her hand to Amber’s hair and running her fingertips through it. “How long have you been blond?”
“About ten years.”
“I like it.”
“What can I do to make this easier for you?” Amber asked.
“I-I really need to tell you this stuff, but I’m scared.”
“Why are you scared?”
“Because I know how painful it is, and I don’t want to…” Nicole started as her emotions built up inside her.
Amber saw the anxiety and distress Nicole was in and took a hold of Nicole’s hand. When she didn’t pull away, Amber moved slowly and brought Nicole into a hug. As her arms wrapped around Nicole, she felt Nicole grab her and hold on for dear life. Amber just held her and started to cry, as well.
Zach watched the interaction among the four and realized that as close as he and Amber had gotten over the years, she had still held a significant part of herself from him.
Erik stood and motioned for Heather and Zach to follow him and give Nicole and Amber a moment together.
Nicole realized that Amber was holding her, that she was clinging to life because of this woman. The woman who had abandoned her, her mother, her friends, everyone. But in Amber’s arms, she felt safe.
Amber pulled back from the hug a little and placed a soft kiss on top of Nicole’s head. It wasn’t done as a romantic gesture but as a comforting one.
“Amber,” Nicole said in a small, almost childish voice.
“Yeah?” Amber said, her gaze meeting Nicole’s.
“Can we sit on the couch together while I tell you everything?”
“Sure. Are you okay to do this now?”
“Yeah, I just have some tough moments,” Nicole said. “What I have to tell you will be hard for you to hear…”
“I know, but I want to know.” Amber brushed a strand of Nicole’s hair behind her ear.
Nicole and Amber moved to the couch, and Nicole called the others back. She asked Zach to sit next to Amber, stating that she would probably need his support, as well. Heather and Erik sat across from the trio, trying to imagine how this was going to go.
Chapter Three
Disclosure
“Nic, just take your time, and if we need to stop, we can.” Amber saw the stress and anxiety on Nicole’s face and felt the tension coming from Erik and Heather.
“So, um, starting with the morning after you left.” Nicole swallowed hard and looked down at her hands. “Your dad decided that it was your mom’s fault you were gone. He, um, he beat her, bad, he almost killed her.” Nicole heard Amber gasp, and Zach wrapped an arm around her. “Erik called me and told me while they were on the way to the hospital. He was doing a ride-along that day to make sure being a paramedic was what he wanted to do.”
“It was what made me want to be one more than ever,” Erik interjected.
“Oh, Mama,” Amber whispered, tears filling her eyes.
Nicole continued to tell Amber about her mother’s hospital stay, about her recovery, and how close they became within that time. Nicole then told Amber about her mom getting the strength and filing for divorce before moving in with Nicole.
“Part of why she moved in with me was obviously because we had become so close, but it was also to help me. My parents were both killed in a small plane crash around the same time she was getting out of the hospital.” Nicole continued to look down at her hands. She couldn’t meet Amber’s gaze. She couldn’t see the hurt in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Nic.” Amber reached out toward Nicole but then pulled back.
“Your mom and I took care of each other. It-it helped us both a lot. I think it was also a way for us both to hold on to you.” Nicole slid back on the couch a little farther, knowing that what she was about to tell Amber was going to hurt, but what came after it was going to be even more painful. “Then things went bad. This part is also the ‘episode’ I had today. I, um, have flashbacks, some are crippling. This one used to be one of the harder ones. Well, until today, it was. It took three years for the divorce to become final. Once it did, we thought—no, hoped—that we were rid of your father. We weren’t…” Nicole let her gaze drift off as she recounted her episode from earlier in the day; she couldn’t watch Amber’s reaction. As she told her, she could hear Amber whimpering and Zach trying to comfort her. “After the police left, your mom helped me wipe his blood off my face and body. That was when I had the first mental breakdown. I couldn’t leave my room for days fearing that he would be in the living room waiting for me.”
“Nic,” Amber whispered. Zach was holding her back so she couldn’t engulf Nicole in her arms. He could tell it wouldn’t help either of them. Nicole needed to get this out.
Heather and Erik shared a look knowing that as devastated and guilty as Amber felt now, it was about to get a whole lot worse.
“It took me about four months before I was able to be in the house alone. Karen made sure that if she wasn’t there that someone else was. I had to go to court to testify against your dad. That sent me into a backward spiral, but Karen stood by me.” Tears rolled down Nicole’s face thinking about the woman who was more of a mother to her than her own mother had been. “Not long after the trial, just as things started to take on some semblance of normal, Karen started feeling sick. We went to the doctor and found out she had stage three liver cancer.”
Tears streamed down Amber’s face. Erik and Heather felt bad for her. Zach wasn’t sure how much more his friend could take; she was shaking and having a hard time breathing. He wasn’t sure if it was from crying or from the shock of what she was being told.
“Do you need a minute?” Nicole asked, seeing the anguish in Amber’s eyes.
“No, a minute isn’t going to help, but thank you.” Amber tried to control the tears streaming down her face.
“We tried to fight the cancer aggressively, but there was nothing we could do. She made it two years before she passed away. She asked me to give you a letter she wrote if you should ever come back here.”
“I don’t deserve it,” Amber cried as Zach held her and Nicole moved forward and took her hand.
“Amber, she loved you. You were her daughter,” Nicole said softly.
“I know that’s supposed to help, but I’m…I should have been here…I should have helped her.”
“I’m going to give you two a minute together,” Zach said, feeling Amber calming down. He got up, kissed the side of Amber’s head, and walked out of the room. Heather and Erik followed. They had been silently taking in everything that was going on, the interaction between Amber and Nicole and especially Amber and Zach.
“So, what’s your deal? What do you get out of being here with Amber?” Erik asked bluntly.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean by either question,” Zach said.
“Well, you and Amber are pretty chummy, and I’m just wondering why. And what’s in it for you to come here to ‘support’ her?”
“Amber is my best friend. She was there for me when my wife walked out on me and my two-year-old son. She was there to help me pick up the pieces of my life. When my son Travis was sick, she was there with me, in the hospital, in the doctor’s office. Then when he died, she helped me not join him because of the grief and guilt I felt for not being able to do more to help him. He was just a little kid. So, what’s in it for me? I get to help someone who cares about me no matter what.”
“Nice she could be there for you but not for anyone here,” Heather mumbled bitterly.
“I can’t speak for why she stayed away so long or why she didn’t write or call. I can only say that she talks about you all daily. She told me stories about growing up with you, Erik, about dating and falling in love with Nicole. She even told me about you and your sister, Jill.”
“Shit, we never called Jill,” Heather said.
“I think we should ask Nicole if she wants us to call her or not,” Erik said.
“You wuss, you just don’t want Jill to yell in your ear,” Heather said.
“I’m not stupid,” Erik said, causing all three to giggle.
“He seems really nice,” Nicole said, watching Zach and the others leave.
“He is. We’ve been through a lot together. His wife walked out on him and his son, then his son got really sick and passed away.”
“That’s horrible. Kids shouldn’t die.”
“I agree. Travis was only three. He was so smart and funny. Zach took it hard. Although I think that’s to be expected from a true parent.”
“Wow, I can’t imagine.” Nicole reached in her pocket and pulled out the letter from Amber’s mom. “Um, here’s the letter your mom wanted me to give you.”
Amber stared at the envelope in Nicole’s hand. She was afraid to touch it, afraid of what it was going to say. She was even afraid of what it wouldn’t say.
“You don’t have to read it now, but please, she wanted you to have it. If you want, er…um…if it wo
uld help, I’ll…um…I can be there when you read it.”
“I’d like that a lot. I think having you there, knowing you were with her at the end, will help me be able to read it. Thank you. Do you know what it says? Did she let you read it?”
“No, I just know she wrote it about a day before she died.” Nicole handed the letter to Amber, and their hands brushed together. “Should we let them come back in yet?”
“Not yet, if it’s okay with you. I’d like another couple of minutes with just you. I know you don’t believe me, but I have missed you a lot.”
“I missed you, too.”
“Hey, Nic.” Heather peeked around the corner.
“Yeah?” Nicole turned her gaze toward Heather.
“We realized that we haven’t told Jill about Amber being back, and we were wondering if you thought we should.”
“That’s Amber’s call, not mine,” Nicole said. “Amber?”
“What type of a comeback would it be without having Jill here?” Amber forced a smile.
“It’s okay if you don’t want us to call her.” Nicole noticed Amber was uncomfortable.
“No, I’m okay with it. She isn’t going to beat me up, is she?”
“She may intimidate you, but no, she won’t hurt you.” Nicole smiled.
Heather ducked back around the corner, leaving Nicole and Amber to their moment. She pulled out her cellphone and dialed Jill’s number.
“Hey, Squirt!”
“Jill, you know I hate it when you call me that,” Heather said.
“Yep, and that’s why I do it.”
“Fine, be an ass. Can you come by the hotel?”
“Sure, official or personal business?”
“Personal. When you get here, come up to the fourth floor, Bonsai Suite.”
“Okay, I’ll be there in about five minutes or so.”
When everyone came back into the room, Amber excused herself to go to the bathroom to wash her face.