Rearview Mirror

by B L Clark

  “No, now it’s time for your punishment. Afterward, you will still complete the folding,” he said with a smile. “Jeffrey, come in here.”

  “Yes, Father?” Jeffrey said innocently. He loved it when his father yelled at his sister.

  “Your sister needs to be punished for not doing her chores before I got home. I want you to watch and learn the proper way to punish her. It’ll be both of our responsibility to make sure that Amber and your mother stay in line and know their place in this household.”

  “Yes, sir,” Jeffrey said, eager to learn from his father to have the control and power.

  David took out two wooden paddles and handed one to Jeffrey. Amber felt fear well up inside her. She barely survived her father hitting her with the paddle the last time. Now her brother and her father were going to use it on her. She was sure she was going to die from the pain.

  “Amber, you know what you’re supposed to do.”

  “Yes, sir.” Amber moved over to the chair that had been placed in the middle of the room and leaned over the arm so that her butt was in the air and the back of her legs exposed.

  “Now, son, you can’t use all your strength, that will leave marks that we don’t want to have to explain. Watch me, then I’m going to have you practice on the pillow I set up on the couch. The next time we have to punish your sister, you’ll be prepared.”

  “Yes, sir,” Jeffrey said, eagerly trying to contain his excitement.

  Amber gritted her teeth and waited for the pain to start. Her father pulled back and swung and the paddle made contact. Amber felt an explosion of pain through her upper thighs and butt, but she didn’t cry out. She had learned that by crying out she was made to endure more pain.

  “Like this?” Jeffrey asked as he swung and hit the pillow with all his might.

  “No, like this,” her father said as he swung and hit her again.

  Amber was whimpering in her sleep and twitching enough that she woke Nicole. As Nicole tried to figure out what it was that woke her, she heard Amber cry out softly once and then again.

  Nicole reached over to touch Amber, to wake her from the nightmare she was having. Her hand connected with Amber’s hip, and Amber cried out a loud no before she bolted from the bed and into the corner of the room. She was crouching in a ball, trying to make herself as small as she could. She kept repeating “no more, please no more” over and over, the shaking becoming greater with each second that passed.

  Zach had heard Amber cry out and was out of bed and headed down the stairs in a heartbeat. When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he saw Amber cowering in the corner and Nicole moving toward her slowly, talking to her as she moved closer.

  “Please, no more…please…oh, please no more.” Amber was repeating her pleas as tears streamed down her face, and she looked frantically around the room, never seeing where she really was.

  “Amber, it’s me, Nicole. You’re okay. You’re safe in Jill’s house.” Nicole moved closer.

  “What happened?” Zach asked, startling Nicole.

  “I think she had a nightmare. When I woke up, she was twitching and whimpering in her sleep, and then I put my hand on her hip to wake her. That was when she cried out and ran and cowered in the corner.”

  “Crap, she hasn’t had one of these in a while. And not one this bad,” Zach said. “Keep talking to her. If your voice wasn’t soothing, the whole house would know by now.”

  Nicole nodded and turned her attention back to Amber. “Amber? Look at me, sweetheart. It’s me, Nicole,” she started. Amber continued to cower, tears flowing faster and her breathing becoming more labored.

  “Amber, honey, it’s me, Zach. I know you’re scared, I know you don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. Please, come back to me. Nicole is here, and you’re scaring her. Come back to us.”

  “No, Nicole has to be protected. If my father finds out about us, he’ll kill her. He told me he would kill her slowly and painfully. He’ll let Jeffrey help in her torture. I have to protect Nicole no matter what,” Amber muttered, her gaze frantically shifting from side to side.

  “Amber, it’s me, Zach.”

  “Zach, you have to protect Nicole. Please, don’t let them get her. I can’t live in a world without her in it.”

  “Amber, honey. Look at me.” Zach now stood next to Nicole about four feet from Amber.

  What Nicole and Zach hadn’t noticed was that the others had heard them and were standing at the edge of the room watching the events unfold. Heather’s heart was breaking seeing Amber looking so frail and vulnerable. Erik was at a loss at what he was seeing and hearing. Jill’s fists clenched as anger, and hatred rose within her.

  “Amber, I’m right here. Zach is here with me,” Nicole said softly.

  “Nicole, no, you can’t be here. You have to hide. If they see you here, they’ll use the paddles again. It hurts so much when Daddy lets Jeffrey do the punishment. Please, don’t let them catch you here.” Amber started to move down the wall toward the stairs, crawling on her hands and knees, looking around frantically. Amber bolted across the room, hurdling the coffee table and air mattress to cower in another corner.

  Everyone in the room felt their breath catch as she moved so feral like.

  “Amber, baby, where’s your mom?” Nicole asked, panic rising within her and starting to impact her voice.

  “She had to go to Florida to sell Grandma and Grandpa’s house. She’s going to be gone for four whole days. Please don’t tell her I was naughty and forgot to do my chores. I don’t want her mad at me, too.”

  “Her mom went to Florida when we were about seven or eight to sell her parents’ house,” Nicole turned and told Zach.

  They advanced another couple of steps and were now within a foot of the trembling woman. Nicole reached out and took Amber’s hand. She held it tight as Amber tried to pull away. Her breathing got more labored. Erik was afraid she was going to pass out since she was borderline hyperventilating and hysterical.

  “Amber, my love. Look at me. See me. Really see who I am. Come back to me, baby,” Nicole cried as she pulled Amber’s hand to her face and let her feel her cheek. Then Nicole kissed Amber’s hand. Amber pulled away again and was trying to find a way to escape from where she was now trapped with the wall behind her and Zach and Nicole directly in front of her.

  “Come on, Amber. Listen to my voice,” Nicole cried.

  “Amber, come on…you’ve beaten this before, you can beat it again. Don’t let them win. Don’t let them take you away from us.” Zach tried to keep his voice under control. “I’m right here with Nicole. She’s safe, honey, but she needs you to come back to us. Please…”

  “Nicole?” Amber asked in a timid childlike voice.

  “Yeah, baby. I’m right here.” Nicole took Amber’s hand and pulled her forward into her arms and held her close as Amber started to cry again.

  Zach finally noticed the others and motioned for them to leave the room so as not to frighten or embarrass Amber more. He then sat in the corner that Amber had been crouched in and pulled both women into his arms. He wanted them both to feel safe and secure.

  “Zach,” Amber whispered, looking up at him.

  “Hey, pretty lady. Welcome back.”

  “Was it bad?”

  “Yes, but we’ve dealt with much worse. We have Nicole to thank really. Had Nicole not been so close, this one had the potential of getting really bad.”

  “Nicole,” Amber cried. “Oh, god. You weren’t supposed to see that. You aren’t supposed to know how damaged I am.”

  Nicole cupped Amber’s face in her hands. “Oh, my sweet. We’re all damaged in some way.”

  “No, not like this, not like me. I don’t know how to fix me,” Amber said, sniffling. She tried to pull away, but Nicole wouldn’t let her. “They’ve tried and they can’t. I’m so broken.”

  “Nicole is right, Amber, you aren’t any more damaged than the rest of us. We still love you.” Zach hugged her close.

  “
He’s right, we love you no matter what.” Nicole pulled Amber into a hug and held her tight.

  “You came back to us. That right there shows that you aren’t so broken that there isn’t hope. You haven’t had one of these in a couple of years. Do you remember the dream?” Zach said.

  Amber nodded. She felt the pain from the dream radiate through her body.

  “You were trying to protect me,” Nicole said.

  “I always try to protect you. I can’t live in a world without you.” Amber looked Nicole in the eyes.

  “Are you ready for some water?” Zach asked, receiving a small nod from Amber.

  Nicole helped Amber stand and move back to the air mattress as Zach went into the kitchen. Zach quickly returned with a large glass of water.

  “Drink it all, please,” he said to her in a soft and soothing tone before turning to Nicole. “We found that her nerves calm down quicker when she drinks a full glass of water. She gets dehydrated during those things.”

  “Do you have these often?” Nicole asked.

  “When I first left, I had them almost nightly. I don’t know how many times Zach found me cowering in a corner or hiding under a desk. Over the years, I’ve gotten better at controlling them. I would say now I get one every few months depending on my stress level.”

  “I’m sure being here with us and seeing Jeffrey was enough stress to trigger it. Did you ever try seeing someone about the trauma and nightmares?”

  “Yeah, I’ve been seeing someone for a while. She told me the PTSD would be with me for the rest of my life. There will be periods where it isn’t bad, but it’ll only take one stressful day or situation to cause it to come back.”

  “Baby, I’m so sorry.” Nicole wrapped her arms around Amber again, almost knocking the glass of water out of her hand.

  “Amber, honey, finish the water,” Zach said. Amber looked down and brought the glass back up to her lips and finished the remainder before handing the glass back to Zach. “Do you want some more?”

  “No. Thank you both. I’m sorry for waking you and being such a burden,” Amber said, casting her gaze down as she pulled away from them slightly. She was so ashamed at what had happened and that Nicole of all people had seen it.

  “You are never a burden. We love you,” Zach said.

  “You can go back to bed, I’m okay now,” Amber told Zach.

  “I’ll be here to look after her, and I know if I need you that you’re just up the stairs.” Nicole again wrapped her arms protectively around Amber and held her tight as she tried to pull away.

  “All right, but only if you promise that you aren’t trying to just get rid of me. Promise that you’re really okay now.” Zach saw Amber smile as she reached out and squeezed his hand.

  “Good night.” He leaned over and kissed the top of Amber’s head and squeezed Nicole’s hand.

  Once he had gone to bed, Nicole coaxed Amber into lying back down on the air mattress with her, and Nicole pulled Amber into her arms and held her.

  “You sleep, my sweet. You’re safe in my arms. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Nicole kissed Amber’s forehead and rubbed her back.

  “Nicole, are you sure you want me laying close? What if I have another nightmare?”

  “You won’t. I told you I’m going to be right here holding you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  “You need sleep, too,” Amber said.

  “I’ll meet you in our dreams. Say at Old Miller’s Pond for some secret skinny dipping?” Nicole caused Amber to smile and move even closer. After a while, Amber drifted to sleep. Silent tears fell down Nicole’s face as she watched Amber sleep and before sleep overtook her, as well.

  Chapter Six

  Familiar Places

  The next morning, Jill awoke early and quietly walked down the stairs. She found Nicole and Amber cuddled together on the air mattress, and she had a flashback of seeing them like that before Amber had left. She was amazed at how they always seemed to calm each other. Heather and Zach had heard her pass their room and came down quietly behind her. They stopped and smiled when they saw Nicole and Amber together. Jill motioned for them to follow her into the kitchen, so they didn’t wake the two.

  “Were they always that cute together?” Zach motioned back toward the living room.

  “Yes,” Heather and Jill said in unison as they smiled.

  “I love what Amber has brought to my life, but I would give it all away for the opportunity to throttle her father and brother for what they did to her and for causing those two to separate. I’ve watched her sleep for the past ten years, and she has never looked so content. Especially after having a nightmare like she had last night.”

  “I have to say that Nicole hasn’t looked that relaxed in years, either,” Heather said, sitting at the island.

  “Are we discussing coffee? Or could we be discussing coffee?” Erik asked as he entered the kitchen.

  “No, we were discussing how cute and relaxed Nicole and Amber look holding each other,” Jill said.

  “Oh, yeah. That was adorable when I walked past. So, coffee?”

  “Erik, you know the moment that Nicole smells the coffee, she’ll be up and in here, right?” Heather said.

  Slowly, Nicole started to wake up. As she became aware of her surroundings, she felt someone’s breath on her neck, the pressure of an arm draped across her body, and the warmth of someone pressed against her. Her mind fluttered back to the events of the previous day. The hurt and excitement of seeing Amber. The anger of finding out why she left and her nightmare. Looking toward her, Nicole couldn’t help but smile.

  Amber started to stir, and when she opened her eyes, she saw Nicole’s sparkling green eyes smiling at her. She had to think for a moment to make sure this wasn’t a dream.

  “Good morning,” Nicole said softly.

  “Good morning,” Amber said shyly as she started to pull away from the embrace only to have her movement halted as Nicole held her tighter.

  “Please, don’t move yet,” Nicole whispered. “I’ve spent so many years dreaming of holding you again that I selfishly don’t want this to end.”

  “I’ve dreamt of waking up in your arms so often that I wasn’t sure if I was still dreaming or not.” Amber’s cheeks turned pink.

  “How are you doing after last night?”

  “Physically or mentally?”

  “Both.” Nicole smiled at her.

  “Physically, I’m still a little shaken. And mentally, I’m embarrassed, annoyed, and unsure about what was and wasn’t real,” Amber answered honestly. “Reality and fantasy mesh, and it takes a while for me to sort it all out in my head.”

  “Are the nightmares always like that? That intense. Or did I make it worse because I touched you before you were fully awake?” Nicole looked down.

  “Last night, I think was worse because of seeing Jeffrey, reliving the events that caused me to leave, and the guilt of what happened to you because of me. I don’t know if you touching me before I was fully awake had an impact on it. You can’t blame yourself, you had no clue what was going on.” Amber lifted Nicole’s head to look in her eyes.

  “Amber, you have nothing to feel guilty about.” Nicole held eye contact.

  “I feel as though I do. My mother was hurt because of my leaving. You were traumatized because of me. Not to mention just hurting you in general by leaving.” Tears streamed out of Amber’s eyes.

  Pulling Amber into an embrace, Nicole placed a kiss on top of Amber’s head. “You couldn’t control what they did or the choices your father and brother made. I’ll admit I was livid with you for leaving, but after hearing why you left…baby, I’m so amazed by your strength.”

  “Are you sure it wasn’t just me being a coward?”

  “I’m positive. Are you ready to get up and face everyone? I can hear people in the kitchen.”

  “Yes, to getting up. Does everyone know what happened last night?”

  “Yeah, they all came downstairs, but Zach
shooed them away before you could notice them.”

  “Well, now I’m scared to face them.”

  “You have nothing to be scared of. And even if you do, I’m going to be there with you.”

  “Why are you being so nice to me?”

  “Because I now understand more of what happened and the fact that you couldn’t control things. I don’t agree with you not contacting us for ten years, but I do understand more.” Nicole offered a smile.

  “I don’t deserve you being this nice.” Amber shook her head.

  “Yeah, you do,” Nicole said sternly. “Now I smell coffee, and the one thing you should know hasn’t changed is my intense need for coffee in the morning.”

  “It was never just in the morning that you felt the ‘intense need’ for coffee. That was sort of an all day, every day kind of thing.” Amber laughed as Nicole stuck her tongue out at her.

  “Brat,” Nicole said.

  They got up and folded the blankets, then headed into the kitchen.

  Jill started the coffee brewing and then hunted through the cupboards to find something to make for breakfast.

  “Morning,” Nicole said as she and Amber entered the kitchen.

  “I think that’s a record.” Erik laughed. “That took you all of two minutes from the time she hit the start button to get in here.”

  “Very funny,” Nicole said as everyone else started to laugh.

  “Morning, Amber.” Zach went over and hugged her. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m okay.” Amber tried to hide behind her hair as he pulled away. “I’m sorry for waking everyone last night.”

  “Are you really okay?” Heather put a hand on Amber’s shoulder.

  “I’m still parsing out what was real and what was generated by my mind. I’m mostly embarrassed that you all had to see that.”

  “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Hell, you’ve seen me scream like a little schoolgirl…hundreds…of…well, never mind that,” Erik said as everyone chuckled.