by B L Clark
“Yes, I saved myself, but I didn’t think of what would happen to the rest of you.”
“You said you didn’t tell us what was going on because he threatened us. You did think of us when you left. As for your mother, you saved her. She left him. She had the strength to do it because of you, baby. Don’t you see that?”
“You were the one that took care of her. You were the one that gave her strength, I just left.”
“Come here.” Nicole pulled Amber into her arms as she slid back a couple of feet to lean against another wall. “She had the strength to leave because she saw you succeed in leaving.”
“You have three locks on your door because he came here and caused one to fail…you live with that fear. I should have stayed and protected you.”
“Had you stayed, you would have died,” Jill finally interjected.
“Maybe, but she wouldn’t be living in fear because of him.” Amber looked Jill in the eyes.
“I’d rather be traumatized and have you alive than the other way around,” Nicole whispered. “This will continue to get better over time…you being gone would be a permanent empty hole in my heart and soul that wouldn’t ever be able to be filled or repaired.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I know you are, baby, but you have no reason to be.” Nicole kissed the side of Amber’s head as she squeezed her closer.
“Amber, do you want to stay here, or do you want to go back to my house?” Jill asked.
“I want to stay here, I-I need to face it.”
“Would you like to see your mom’s room while you’re here?” Nicole received a questioning look from Amber.
“I’ve kept it the way she had it in hopes that you would come, and I could show you it,” Nicole admitted.
“I would love to.” Amber took a deep breath to calm herself and her tears. “Can we do it now?”
“Jill, you know where everything is, just help yourself to whatever. We’re going to…um…go…”
“We heard. Take your time, and call if you need us,” Jill said.
“Amber, are you sure about this?” Zach asked, kneeling next to the two women.
“I’ll be okay. Stay here and hang with the others, but be ready to come if I can’t handle it.”
“You know I’m always here for you.” Zach rubbed a hand on her back and offered Nicole a smile to show his support for her.
The two women rose, and while holding on to each other, they ascended the stairs and moved toward the room Nicole had kept for Amber to see.
Sidney was finishing up at the front desk and filling in Shawn, the night desk manager, on how the day had been when Heather came out of her office.
“Hey.” Shawn nodded to Heather.
“Hi, Shawn, how are you doing tonight?”
“Good. Seems like it was a good day here,” he said.
“Pretty slow actually,” Sidney said. “You’re all caught up, so if you have no questions, I’m going to head out.”
“Have a great night,” Shawn said as Sidney went in back to get her stuff.
“I have to get going, as well. If you have any problems, you know how to reach me,” Heather said.
“I do, and I won’t bother you.” Shawn laughed as he waved to her and Sidney, who had just exited the back area and was now walking out with Heather.
“So, big plans tonight?” Sidney asked.
“Nah, I’ve had enough excitement with Lori showing up today.” Heather laughed.
“She is a handful, isn’t she? Heather, can I ask you something before you head off?”
“Sure, what’s up?” Heather pulled them over to a nearby bench.
“What’s the deal with Nicole and Amber?”
“They dated for a couple of years before Amber left. This is the first time she’s been back in ten years. I don’t know what’s going on now, though. Why do you ask?”
“Well, the whole time I’ve known Nicole, she’s been single and unavailable, and I just wondered if that was because of Amber. They seem perfect for each other.”
“They are. I think Jill used to call them soul mates.”
“That seems to describe it pretty well. They just fit together. I feel bad for hitting on Amber when she first got here now that I’ve seen her and Nicole together.”
“Don’t feel bad. You didn’t know, and you wouldn’t have believed their connection had you not seen it.”
“True, it is intense.” Sidney shook her head.
“This is nothing like it was ten years ago. This is weak compared to that.”
“That’s a scary thought. I should let you get going. I was just curious.”
“No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Heather got up and waved to Sidney.
Sidney sat there for a minute and then headed to her apartment above the clothing store nearby.
Heather headed to the Chinese restaurant and got their order and drove to Nicole’s house.
Chapter Eight
Times Gone By
As they neared the room, Nicole could feel Amber tense. “Are you sure about this? We don’t have to do this now if you aren’t ready,” Nicole said as they stood at the top of the stairs.
“I don’t know, but I really feel like I need to see it.” Amber looked toward Nicole.
Nicole stopped them outside the room, pulling Amber into a hug and holding her close. Amber wrapped her arms around Nicole, and they enjoyed the closeness for a bit. As they started to pull away, Amber smiled at Nicole.
“What’s that smile for?”
“Thank you for doing this. For allowing me the opportunity to see where my mom spent the last years of her life.”
“It was a pleasure having her here. She was a mother to me, too, more than my mother ever was,” Nicole said honestly, moving toward the door.
They entered the room. It wasn’t big, but it had an attached bathroom. There were two large windows with chairs in front of them. Amber could picture her mom sitting in them basking in the sunlight. A four-poster queen-sized bed had a nightstand on each side and a hope chest at the foot of it. The room colors were country themed, which Amber knew her mother loved, and the pictures on the wall and on the dresser were of Amber, Nicole, her mom, and some of them together. Amber picked one up, trying to figure out where and when it was taken. She recognized the location but couldn’t place it.
“That was one that I took when I went to New York on business,” Nicole said proudly.
“You took this?” Amber turned to face Nicole, who was leaning against the doorjamb.
“Where was this taken? I’ve seen it, I recognize it, but I can’t place it.”
“Let me see.” Nicole stood next to Amber and looked at the picture. “That was taken at the Brooklyn Children’s Museum.”
“I’ve been there once. Zach, Lucinda, and I went there to help with an art program for kids. I was teaching seven- and eight-year-olds how to use painting and sculpting to express their feelings.”
“That’s amazing. It must have been so rewarding to work with the kids.”
“Well, it was, thanks to one of the kids in the program. She came from a past resembling mine, only it was her mom who was the destructive force and her dad took her away from the abuse. We connected, and she was able to get out a lot of emotion in that short two-hour class. She smiled when she showed her dad her painting, and he came up to me afterward and told me it was the first time since they had left several months prior that she had genuinely smiled.”
They arrived at the museum just before it opened and set up their display and the various art stations. Lucinda supervised mostly while Amber and Zach did the work. Once they were set up, they stood off to the side while the kids were brought into the large room.
“Hello, everyone. My name’s Lucinda, and I’m a gallery curator. Today, we’re here to show you how to use art as a form of expression.”
“What does that mean?” one of the kids in the front row asked.
“That means we’re going to teach you how to
put all that stuff that you’re holding inside into something artistic. Maybe you want to paint something to get out the frustration of getting a C on that last test, though you studied hard for it, or maybe you want to sculpt that monster from your dream in clay and then you can smash it so it doesn’t come back into your dream. I brought two of my favorite artists from my gallery to help. Amber is a fantastic painter, and Zach is a good painter and sculptor. Each of you will get a chance to choose what you want to try, and if you get bored or don’t like the station, you can move and try something different. I’ll help anyone who wants to draw.”
With the speech over, they allowed the kids to choose a station. Zach had several kids come over to his station and start to build with clay. Lucinda had a couple of kids who she helped with drawing, and Amber had three kids who were interested in painting.
“Hi, I’m Amber,” she said, kneeling so that she was at their level. “Do any of you paint on a regular basis now?” Amber saw one hand go up. “Well, then you’re going to have to be my helper if anyone needs help.” The little boy smiled back at her as if she had just given him the biggest cookie ever.
“Do you do a lot of painting?” one of the girls asked.
“I do. Painting is what helps me calm down and get out all that bad stuff I’ve been holding inside.”
“What kind of stuff?” the little boy asked.
“Like when I have a bad day at work or when someone says or does something that hurts my feelings. When I sit down to paint, I forget all that and focus on what I love and how happy it makes me. Why don’t we get you something to cover your clothes, so they don’t get covered in paint and then we can get started.”
Amber and the kids put on their smocks and moved over to where she had placed four canvases. Each kid picked a canvas. Amber brought them each a set of paints and brushes.
“All right, why don’t you each close your eyes and picture something that you want to paint, something that will make you happy and make you forget the bad stuff? Once you have that picture in your mind, move over to your canvas and try to paint it. I’ll be here to help if you need it.”
The kids closed their eyes and thought for a minute before they got started. Amber walked between them, looking at their pictures and asking questions.
“What are you painting?” Amber asked one of the two girls.
“I’m painting my mommy in her flower garden. She’s always smiling and happy when she’s out there, and she looks so pretty. I just don’t know how to paint her.”
“Well, would you like some help?”
“Yes, please,” the brown-haired girl said.
Amber took a brush, and after finding out the mother’s hair and eye color, she painted her into the girl’s picture for her.
“Wow, that looks like her.” The girl giggled and went on painting more flowers.
“What are you painting?” Amber asked the only boy in the group.
“I’m painting my soccer game where I scored the winning goal.” He smiled. “Do you know how to make a soccer ball?”
Amber nodded and painted one for him and then moved on to the littlest girl.
“Hi, what are you painting?” Amber knelt next to the redhead who reminded her of a young Nicole.
The girl just looked at Amber; the fear in her eyes broke Amber’s heart. She knew how this girl felt, and she was going to do whatever she could to help her.
“When I was little, my daddy wasn’t very happy with me, and he used to yell a lot. I would always feel so sad for upsetting him. I would go to my room and paint pictures of what he looked like yelling at me to get it out of my mind. Do you have someone who does stuff that makes you unhappy?” she asked, receiving a slight nod. “Well, what if we painted something together? Would that be okay?”
The little girl thought about it for a moment and then handed Amber one of the brushes. They spent the next hour painting together, and Amber started to see hints of a smile as they continued. Amber checked on the others briefly. When the time was up, the kids’ parents came in to get them. The girl who Amber had been working with ran over and grabbed the hand of a thin man with bright red hair and pulled him over and showed him her picture. She was smiling as she told him about it. Amber left them to enjoy it together; she could see the love the girl and her father had for each other.
“Um, excuse me,” the father said as Amber was cleaning up some of the other stations.
“Hi. Your daughter is an amazing artist.” Amber smiled at the little girl.
“Thank you. She told me what you said about your dad and what you two were doing. Her mother was the destructive force in her life. When I couldn’t stand to see it happen anymore, she and I picked up and left. This is the first time in months that I’ve seen a genuine smile on her face.”
“Well, I’m glad I could help. If you’re interested, I can write down what you would need to set up something like this at home for her.” Amber smiled over at the redheaded girl who was still beaming at the picture they had painted together.
“That would be great.”
Amber wrote down the information, and the girl hugged her tightly and thanked her for giving her back her smile. Amber did her best to hold back the tears, but she couldn’t help her heart from wishing someone would have taken her away from her destructive force.
After everyone was gone, Amber told Zach and Lucinda what happened, and they were amazed and proud at the way Amber was able to connect with the girl and help her.
“That’s amazing. You are amazing,” Nicole said. Amber smiled and put the picture back on the dresser.
“I can still smell her here,” Amber whispered as she looked around the room and then moved to sit on the edge of the bed.
“I can, too,” Nicole said. “She kept some journals filled with her thoughts. They’re in the chest. I never read them, but I thought you might like those, as well, to be able to read what she was thinking and feeling. She wrote in the journals several times a day.”
“Thank you for this.” Amber motioned around the room as Nicole came and sat next to her on the bed.
“You have nothing to thank me for. I did it to hold on to a piece of you for as long as I could.”
“That may be how you started it, but that isn’t why you continued it.”
“True, but I’m no saint in my reasons,” Nicole said. “Do you want some time alone up here? I can go downstairs or to my room.”
“Not right now. I don’t think I could handle it. Being alone in here right now would be more overwhelming than I can handle. Maybe after everyone leaves, you and I can come back, and you can show me the photo album and the journals.”
“I’d like that.” Nicole took Amber’s hand in her own and played with her fingers. “We should probably get back down there.”
“Yeah, I know. Being here alone with you is nice, though.”
“We’ll kick them out early.” Nicole winked at Amber, causing her to laugh.
When Heather arrived at the house, Jill let her in, and they took the food into the kitchen.
“Where are Amber and Nicole?” Heather asked.
“They’re up in Amber’s mom’s room.”
“Are you sure it’s a good idea for them to be up there alone?”
“Well, if you ask Zach, no, but I think they’ll let us know if they need help. After the breakdown that Amber had when we got here, I think they’re okay.”
“What do you mean breakdown?”
Jill explained what happened when they arrived and the reaction Amber had toward seeing the locks. Jill and Heather felt bad for them, but they knew that they weren’t going to get past this if they didn’t face it. After unpacking dinner and getting everything set, Jill called upstairs for Nicole and Amber to come and eat.
They received no response from upstairs, so Jill and Zach decided they would go check on the two women. They both went in case the women needed support.
Nicole loved the feel of Amber’s hand in hers. Her mind ke
pt drifting back to when they had kissed at the pond. How amazing she felt when Amber pressed her lips to hers.
“I can see what you’re thinking about,” Amber said softly, giving Nicole a coy smile.
“And what do you think I’m thinking about?” Nicole had a slight blush.
“You’re thinking about kissing me,” Amber said with that lopsided smile that melted every defense Nicole had.
“No, I was thinking about when you kissed me.” Nicole blushed even more at the admission.
“And what were you thinking about that kiss?”
“I was thinking about how amazing it felt to have your lips on mine again. How much I had missed that feeling over the years.”
Without thinking or questioning herself, Amber leaned forward and kissed Nicole again. This time, Nicole brought the hand that wasn’t holding on to Amber’s up and put it on the back of Amber’s neck, pulling her in closer. They both moaned at the touch. Amber ran her tongue along Nicole’s bottom lip, and Nicole opened her mouth, allowing her access to deepen the kiss. Amber pulled Nicole closer, their lips moving together, their tongues dueling for dominance.
“I love kissing you. I’ve missed it so much over the years,” Amber said between kisses, pulling Nicole onto her lap.
“Mmm, then don’t stop.” Nicole pulled Amber into a deep kiss.
“Hey Nic, Amb—” Jill opened the door, and she and Zach started to walk in.
“Um…er,” Zach stammered.
Nicole and Amber broke apart, and Nicole casually slid off Amber’s lap and back onto the side of the bed.
“We’ll…um…just be leaving,” Jill said as she and Zach started to turn around.
“Y-you don’t have to leave,” Amber said, completely embarrassed to have been found making out on her late mother’s bed.
“We were just getting ready to head back downstairs,” Nicole said.
“I don’t think that’s what you were getting ready to do.” Zach turned the same shade of red as Nicole and Amber.
“Zach Pellot, if you want to live, you will not repeat or think about what you just saw.” Amber tried to sound stern.