by Dorse Green
Who’s my Stalker
Foreword
Have you ever been in a situation that you can’t really have answers to? Have you ever been scared that someone out there knows all about you – even the things you do in your own apartment – but still can’t place a finger on who really the person is? It isn’t a pleasant feeling indeed. I don’t know if you know about that, but I am sure several people have once gone through similar ordeals. I hear it’s not easy at all, and I concur with people that say this because for me, it was a difficult guessing game. One moment you think you know who is behind it all, the next you are all confused, doing a back and forth between separate suspects. Nevertheless, I lived to see another day and can write about my story for you to see just how much I was troubled by this whole issue.
I named my book Who's My Stalker because I want readers to give me closure. I need this closure because, sometimes, it feels like I don’t know who to think is behind what I have been going through. Right from the beginning of this ordeal, I understood that someone might be out to cause trouble in my life – or their intentions were good, I don’t know. But in the end, I know that I got nothing good out of it. And as I still seek after closure, I feel the gap in my heart – it yearns to be filled so that the rest of my mind and body can rest and focus on other important things of life.
Let’s face it, stalking is unwelcome and, in all ways, violates the victim. I feel violated and rightly need closure. In psychology, they say that males that are being stalked could lose confidence in themselves, I keep wondering if the same could happen to me. Perhaps a plethora of questions that sometimes rain down the mind, of course without answers, is a major catalyst to the confidence issue they talk about.
Nevertheless, I had people in my life, and you will see the names as the story goes. In fact, I still have them, in a hard way, and I am sure you know why by now. When everything was going on, I was sure Lynn was the whispering voice. Because everything started taking place after I did not acknowledge her at the bar. Then it got to the point I was thinking there's no way she could be doing this alone. I was contacted 24/7, night and day for months. So I began to think Lynn got in touch with every female I had ever talked to and they began to gang up on me. At that point, I began to think every female was out to get me.
Carrying these feelings around is nothing but a pain on the back. Imagine feeling like tons of people have your number in their phones with just one intention – to keep on sending you messages that had nothing to do with your current standing with them? Worse off, I could not tell who exactly had my numbers – all I could wait for was the moment when the next phone call arrived. It just got things really nasty for me – so who’s next to contact me? What are they going to demand from me? Are they going to keep on calling or are they going to up the ante on me and start doing all sorts of crazy things?
I know, these are a lot of questions to be asking in one’s head. But for a person in my shoes, it had to be that way because I just didn’t know what to expect next. All I could think of was them – and exactly who could that be? Of course, there were some people, or some names I kept on suspecting in my mind. That was all I could do – only suspect them without coming to some sort of solid conclusion. In the end, it really didn’t matter what I thought about them, or their role in my current predicament.
In my relationship with Angela, I hated being questioned. So when questioned that was my exit and Angela eventually started to realize this. If you notice in my writing, things happened to the extent where I clearly thought she was responsible. I felt she acted out as such because that was her only way to voice what she has seen. Torn pictures with marks in the face and two single numbers switched around in my phone. I didn't realize until I started writing this book that those were clues.
Nevertheless, I also stated that she was not the only one I suspected of all these things. As such, I could think that Lynn and these other females were out to break up my relationship. I started staying home and stopped talking to girls only because I refused to let them win. When I did that, I was no longer contacted by the whispering voice. A year later, I thought I was in the clear, but that was all a mistake! Many things started to happen all over again, and that is how I came up with these several episodes, once again, narrating how things were going down on many occasions. They literally turned my life upside down, and caused so much pain to me, and even to people that were close to me. I know that it hurts to see people you care about going through all sorts of problems. Well, it happened like that for my friends that cared for me. I never knew that things that happen in your life could affect your inner circle like this until it happened to me.
After those episodes is when I started staying home and no longer talked to girls. So, after that year passed and as soon as I messed up, more letters were attached to our front door to where ONLY Angela would find them.