Once her breathing became labored, he moved to the end of the bed, began at her ankles and worked his way toward her injuries. As his lips inched upward, her scent beckoned his approach. Maybe he wasn’t the only one to be here, but he sure as hell would do his best to make her forget anyone else. The lace panties didn’t stand a chance as the delicate fabric ripped under his determined grip. Looking up, he suddenly worried that she’d be upset; instead of anger, Tony saw yearning and desire. Instantaneously, his cheeks rose and he flashed a devilish grin. They both seemed to understand that he had a mission and there would be casualties—the panties were the first to go.
Tony was exactly where he wanted to be. It was familiar territory and he knew all the secret passages. He knew what Claire liked and what made her feel good. He knew that when his teeth nipped her hard nipples, she would arch her back and pull him tightly to her breast. He knew when her nails clenched his shoulders and words became difficult for her to articulate, she was only moments away from the throes of ecstasy. He also knew that as the night progressed, she’d be willing to take this renewal beyond the confines of the king-sized bed. Against the wall, across the desk or in the shower were all acceptable alternatives.
Although Tony would’ve liked to accept full credit for the heights they achieved, Claire was not an innocent bystander. Her confidence and independence were not limited to verbal retorts. Her boldness both surprised and satiated him. At one point, Tony questioned who was claiming whom. Remembering her words, Tony, you are mine and nobody else’s, he acquiesced; he’d met his match.
Perhaps he’d helped to create the woman before him. At one time he’d wanted nothing more than to subdue, control, and dominate her. How could he have been so wrong? While she was gone, his life was empty. Yes, there were things and money—none of that mattered. None of it held a candle to the way her words touched him, or the sensation of her tongue on his neck, her lips upon his skin, or her hands caressing…
She wasn’t only an amazing lover, but an amazingly strong woman who’d found a voice and was willing to speak to him like no other. Yet she would also allow him reticent and genteel in the presence of others. It was more than he’d ever imagined, more than he deserved.
When they finally submitted to sleep, no need was left unfulfilled. As his head settled against the soft pillow and Claire nestled against his chest, Tony wrapped his arm around her shoulder and allowed his body to relax. For now, she was safe and they were together. When her breathing slowed and her warm, sexy body melted into the crook of his arm, Tony inhaled her amazing aroma and closed his eyes.
For the first time in nearly a week, Anthony Rawlings fell into a deep sleep.
Sometimes the strongest among us are the ones who smile through silent pain, cry behind closed doors, and fight battles nobody knows about.
—Unknown Author
The first mailing to arrive at the estate addressed to Claire Nichols Rawls was a card, congratulating them on their impending parenthood. The card wasn’t signed, the address was typed, and the return address was Cedar Rapids—too close for comfort. Tony’s security team intercepted the card based on the unfamiliar name. Other than the name, there was no obvious threat; nevertheless, Tony met with his security team and household staff. Everyone was to be on the lookout for anything suspicious, and any such item was to be brought directly to him. Claire was not to be burdened.
It wasn’t a matter of hiding the truth from Claire; the way Tony saw it, he was protecting her—just as he’d promised to do. After the deliveries in California, Tony wanted Claire to feel safe. Though her laptop had not been found, he and Catherine had done everything possible to facilitate her sense of security, including maintaining Clay as Claire’s full-time bodyguard.
Though Claire tried to act strong, the attack bothered her more than she wanted to admit. She’d even fooled Tony, until one night in late June when he realized she wasn’t in bed. He scanned the large room and noticed the drapes amiss. Slipping quietly onto the private patio, Tony found Claire wrapped in the pink robe. Despite the warm summer night, she was hugging her midsection, shivering uncontrollably, and staring out into the sky. When he silently approached from behind, she jumped at his touch.
“O-oh, Tony, I didn’t hear you.” Her dampened cheeks revealed her hidden tears.
“What is it? Are you all right? Is the baby—”
She leaned into his embrace and nodded. “We’re fine.” The shuddering of her shoulders told another story. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I’ll be better soon.”
Cupping her chin, he pulled her gaze upward. “What do you mean you’ll be better soon? What’s happening?” When she didn’t answer, he asked, “Has this happened before?”
Nodding, she replied, “I-I see him… it’s like he’s right here… I feel like I can’t breathe… sometimes it’s like…” Her words faded behind her sobs muffled by the cotton of his shirt.
For the longest time, Tony held her tightly under the starry Iowa sky, as she trembled against his chest. Eventually, her cries lessened and the quaking subsided. “Can we go back to bed?” he asked.
Claire nodded.
Once they were settled, she confessed to recurring nightmares. Tony couldn’t imagine. He’d only had his dream that seemed too real once, and she’d been battling these almost nightly. Hugging her, Tony asked, “Do you feel safe right now, here with me?”
Claire nodded against his chest. “I do. Now I do.”
He pleaded, “Then let me help you, please. Don’t try to fight him alone. I told you before that I wanted to kill the bastard myself. Please, Claire, let me help you do that. We’ll kill that memory together. He took too much from you and could have taken much more, from both of us. Together, we won’t let him take any more—not even your sleep. Please let me protect you.”
Her tears once again dampened his t-shirt. “I love you,” she whispered.
He kissed her hair. “I love you, too.” They fell asleep.
Though the nightmares continued, with time their frequency and intensity began to wane, and Claire’s sense of comfort around the estate continued to grow. She began acclimating herself in ways she’d never done when she lived there before. One of her favorite pastimes seemed to be gardening. They had multiple gardens, and Tony often found her outside in the sun, tending to the small plants. It wasn’t that he wanted her to work, yet the pleasure she derived from the activity was obvious. He wondered why she hadn’t done that when they were married. With her hands and knees covered in dirt, and a glow of perspiration, her smile brightened his world. Tony loved how when he’d get home from work, she’d drag him from flowerbed to flowerbed, explaining the different plants and telling him about their sun and moisture requirements. Although the flowers had always been present, without Claire he hadn’t noticed them.
One Saturday afternoon while he was working from home, through his office window Tony saw Claire at the pool. Suddenly, his work paled in importance. He slipped to their room, donned his bathing suit, and joined her in the cool, clear water. Each act, whether gardening or swimming, reinforced Claire’s increased level of comfort. With her hand in his, he noticed the dark evidence of her recent activity under her fingernails and teased, “I think you need a manicure after all of this manual labor.”
Giggling, Claire pulled her hand away. “I wasn’t planning on having anyone look that closely. Besides, I haven’t had a chance to shower yet.”
“Now that sounds intriguing!” He watched as his innuendo turned her expression sultry.
Since Claire’s rejection of his initial proposal, Tony avoided asking directly if she’d marry him. She’d said that if he did, he wouldn’t like her answer; therefore, he’d ease the subject into conversation. Though she’d continued to deflect his persistence—and he fully expected her to do it again—Tony wanted Claire to know that he wouldn’t give up. The warm Saturday afternoon and relaxed setting seemed as good of a time as any. With a mischievous grin, he said, “In the meantime,
I know a way to divert people’s attention from your nails.”
While holding his shoulders with her legs wrapped around his torso, Claire glanced toward her left hand. His heart clenched and time stood still at the realization that she hadn’t immediately refuted his comment. Tony watched as her gaze lingered and her lips turned sweetly upward. With the reflection of the sun and water, her emerald eyes sparkled as Claire kissed him and replied, “Well, that shower I’m about to take… perhaps, if you can figure out a way to bring the ring in there, I’d slip it on. I mean—” she mused, “I wouldn’t want it to go down the drain.”
Grasping her growing waist, Tony gently pushed her away. He wanted—no needed—to see her clearly. “Are you finally saying yes, that you’ll be Mrs. Rawlings again?”
If it were possible, her smile grew. Nodding, she lowered her lips to his neck, instigated a growl he couldn’t control, and finally replied, “I’m willing to go from dating to engaged. Can we not rush the married part?”
As Tony took in his fiancée, Catherine’s words of warning tugged at his potential happiness. He didn’t want to be disappointed—he also didn’t want to disappoint. Tony needed to make sure his rules were clear. “There is one condition.”
“Yes?” she asked tentatively.
“I don’t want to have to track this ring down again. Do not sell it, give it away, or leave it any place but on your beautiful finger.” It was one of those undebatable statements.
Through a veil of thick lashes, she smiled and whispered, “I promise.” They sealed the deal with a lingering kiss that took them from the pool to their suite.
Before entering the shower, Tony slipped the diamond on Claire’s finger. “I thought it might be better if you weren’t all slippery,” he said.
Claire stared at the ring for the longest time. When she looked up, she replied, “I loved this ring once, but I need to be honest. I think I love it more today.”
He pulled her close. “I know that I love you more today. You, my dear, have taught me what love truly is—and what it is not.”
Claire snickered, “Whoever would’ve thought that Anthony Rawlings would be open to new lessons?”
“Oh, I’m open, but,” his tone turned stern, “I meant what I said. I don’t want that ring to ever be anywhere but on your finger. Are we clear?”
Claire lifted herself on her tipped toes and kissed his cheek. “Yes, we’re crystal clear.” As she stepped into the shower and steam filled the bathroom, Claire tilted her head toward the spraying water and teased, “Now, Mr. Rawlings, come here. Let’s learn a few new things together.”
By the time the first package arrived, Tony and Claire were officially engaged, and she hadn’t experienced a nightmare in over a week. Tony refused to let the mailing threaten her newfound security. He wouldn’t allow anyone or anything to risk renewing that terror. Without fully explaining the threat, Tony reassured her that he didn’t care where she went or what she did as long as she wasn’t alone. It didn’t matter if it was an outing to the store, lunch with a friend, or a weekend to visit her sister, Tony’s one requirement, one undebatable rule, was that either he or Clay be by her side.
For obvious reasons, Clay accompanied Claire during the weekend trip to Emily and John’s. Claire wanted to inform them in person of their engagement. When Claire returned, she didn’t say much about their visit; however, when Tony asked if she was planning another, she told him that for the time being she was restricting her travels to trips with him. Though he didn’t like seeing her disappointed, Tony was glad that she didn’t want to travel without him. He wanted to do everything within his power to create a stress-free environment where Claire felt not only safe but loved. Over the course of time he, Catherine, and the security team succeeded. Until the rattle.
Other packages had been intercepted prior to reaching the estate, but the rattle made it inside their home. Luckily, Clay saw it and called Tony before Claire noticed it. Tony immediately rushed home and called Catherine, Clay, and Eric to his office. Before berating the security detail, Tony needed to know exactly what had happened. As he listened to their information and voiced his opinion, Claire silently slipped into the room.
Tony didn’t want her to know about any of the mailings—especially this one. The engraved message of: Baby Nichols-Rawls / R.I.P. could definitely be considered a threat. Therefore, when his eyes met hers, he silently pleaded, then demanded that she leave his office. Following his gaze, everyone turned to her, yet instead of leaving, she asked, “You’re all very loud. Is this about me?”
“Claire,” Tony said, summoning a calmer tone than the one he’d been using. “Please don’t worry about this. I’m taking care of it.”
As she stepped toward him, Tony looked to Catherine. “Catherine, if you could please help Ms. Claire? She may need some assistance.”
Though Claire obviously understood what he wasn’t saying, she pressed on. “Clay, what others have you intercepted?”
“Ma’am, nothing that concerns you.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Catherine tried to assist. “Claire, let’s get you something to drink. It’s very hot outside.”
Defiantly, Claire proclaimed, “I’m not leaving.”
Tony fought the red that wanted to stream towards his fiancée. Didn’t she understand that this wasn’t the time for bold and cheeky? “Claire,” he warned.
Surprisingly, wearing her swimsuit, cover-up, and flip-flops, Claire walked toward Tony, to his side of the desk, ignored him, and addressed their staff. “Catherine, Eric, and Clay, could you please excuse us for a minute. Mr. Rawlings and I need to speak privately. I would assume he’s not done with you, so please stay close. This won’t take long.”
He’d never heard her take that tone with anyone. It wasn’t demeaning as much as it was authoritative. Despite her attire, Claire was asserting herself in the position Tony wanted her to assume—lady of the house. Everyone in the room turned to him for confirmation. The tension was palpable. Finally, through clenched teeth, he agreed. “Do not go far. I’m not done. Clay, make some calls. After Ms. Claire and I have finished, I want answers.”
Of course, Tony saw Catherine’s glare as they all hurried from the room. He didn’t have the time or energy to worry about her wounded ego. The way he saw it, it was her fault for not confiding fully in Claire.
“What’s happening?” Claire’s question brought Tony back to present.
“How did you hear? You were at the pool.”
“How could I not hear? Everyone in a three-mile radius could hear you. Tell me, what’s so important to bring you home early from work? The sooner I know, the sooner you can continue your meeting.”
“Damn it, Claire! I don’t want you worrying.” He paced to the window and back. “Besides, who in their right mind would come in here while I’m teetering on the edge of sanity? Did you see how fast they all left?”
Claire smiled as she placed her hands on the lapels of his dark suit. “No one. Just ask my family, I’m definitely not in my right mind, and if I’m correct, the only thing that can get you this worked up is something about me.” She turned and picked up the package addressed to Claire Nichols Rawls. “So I don’t get to open my own mail anymore?”
“Seriously, some asshole found you here, knows our address, and you want to complain about opening mail?”
She turned and faced him. With her spine straight and chin up, her voice stayed calm. “No, it scares the hell out of me, but anyone can learn this address; it’s public record. The stupid press has told anyone who wants to listen that I’m living here.” She lifted the box. “What was in it? And how many packages or letters have come that I don’t know about?”
“It was a silver baby rattle—engraved.”
“Where is it?”
“Clay bagged it. He’s having it processed for fingerprints. Hopefully, the asshole touched it.”
“Engraved… what did it say?”
Tony seized her sh
oulders and pulled her close. “Claire, let me handle this. Show me you have faith in me.”
Her face tilted upward. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” She kissed him. “What did it say?”
“Baby Nichols-Rawls.”
“That isn’t so bad, considering the way it was addressed. Why didn’t you want me to know about it?”
He directed her to his large leather chair behind the desk. It was his throne of control—in his office, his estate, his world. Tony wanted Claire to know that he welcomed her sharing that power, but with the responsibility came the burden. One that he feared would require her to sit. Claire obediently bent her knees, and he said, “That wasn’t all. Under the name it read R.I.P.”
Her eyes misted in shock, and her hand protectively covered her midsection. “Oh my God, Tony…”
Kneeling before her, he tempered his tone. “I told you once before, too much information isn’t good for you. Will you please learn to trust me and enjoy the bliss I’m trying so hard to provide?”
“B-but… that has to be considered a threat. Can’t you take it to the police?”
“We are, but what will they do that we aren’t already doing?”
Embracing her shoulders, her body trembled as tears coated his jacket. When a semblance of calm prevailed, she said, “I’m going to lie down. Will you please come to our room when you’re done with the others? Or are you going back to work?”
“No,” he reassured. “I’m staying here. I’ll be there as soon as we’re done.”
When the others returned, Tony learned that the package had inadvertently been brought inside with the rest of the mail. The police had been informed and additional cameras and sensors were going up all around the estate. The difficulty was the size of the property. Tony worried about Claire’s walks to her lake. He didn’t want to take that freedom away from her, but he didn’t want her hiking alone.
Tony had a trip planned to Europe in early September. He had meetings that he needed to attend to in person, as well as his semiannual obligation to move and reinvest Nathaniel’s money. Repeatedly, he asked Claire to join him, and repeatedly, she said no. Claire explained that she felt safer on the estate and didn’t want to be overseas. If there had been any way to avoid the trip, Tony would have done it.
Behind His Eyes: Truth Page 22