Love Me

by Cristin Cooper

  “Kimmie? Is that you?”

  “He took the ring back,” I sobbed.

  “Kevin?” she asked like I would be talking about anybody else.

  “Yes, Kevin!” I screeched.

  “Sorry, honey. What happened?” This was such a strange moment for me. For once she was the strong one, and I was the one feeling like my world had ended.

  “He told me he would never marry someone who wouldn’t tell her family about him.”

  She was silent for a moment then with a timid voice said, “He kind of has a point.”

  “Whose side are you on?”

  “I’m on your side, but how would you feel if Kevin hadn’t told anyone in his family he was engaged?” That was different. Okay, it wasn’t and it would’ve totally sucked but…

  “You know why I haven’t. Every time I think about introducing him to Mom, I want to throw up and crawl into a hole at the same time. I tried to explain to him how bad she gets, but he just doesn’t understand, and now that he knows I haven’t told anyone, he doesn’t want to marry me! What am I going to do? I love him, Anna. More than anything.” With every word, the weight in my chest grew heavier. We can’t be over.

  “Then fight for him. Do what you have to do to let him know you love him, even if it means having him meet Mom. It won’t kill you or him. I’m pretty sure.”

  “He won’t take my calls. What do I do?” I’d never had a panic attack, but I thought I was about to have one. What if I couldn’t fix this?

  “I don’t know, but you’ll figure it out.”

  “Anna, what if I’ve ruined everything for good?” I hiccupped into the phone.

  “He loves you. He’ll forgive you; it just might take some serious work. I love you, Sissypants.”

  “Love you,” I said feeling defeated.

  “Call me if you need anything, but I’ll be at Pete and Amber’s for the month.”

  “Lucky. Can I run away to their house, too?” I’d give anything to say to hell with everything and go hide away.

  “I think you need to get your man back first. I’ll talk to you later.”

  It took me two days to figure out what to do, but I believed I had a solid plan. If I couldn’t talk him into giving me the ring, then I’d have to use my womanly wiles to get him to change his mind.

  Entering his apartment with the key he gave me, I took off everything but the sexy lingerie I had bought for just this occasion. I left a trail of clothing from the front door to his bedroom hoping to get a response besides, “Did you tell them yet?” and then him hanging up. Well, he couldn’t hang up on me now.

  Knowing I only had a few minutes to get everything set up, I lit the candles and turned on the music before lying on my stomach in the center of his bed. Wearing a baby doll nighty showing off my breasts that seemed larger than usual and the bottom that didn’t quite cover the tiny panties I wore, I tried to look as sexy as possible. With the pair of pink handcuffs dangling from my fingertips I waited for him to come home. There was no way he could say no to me now.

  Minutes later, I heard the door open, and Kevin sucked in a breath. “Kimberly?” he called from the living room, his voice sounding tight.

  “In here,” I singsonged.

  His jaw hung open when he pushed open the door and saw me on his bed. He audibly swallowed as his eyes raked over me.

  I got on my knees, allowing him to see my nipples through my see-through lingerie.

  I tried not to smirk when I noticed him begin to sweat. He had yet to speak and instead took two steps toward me as his eyes followed the swinging handcuffs. He was right where I needed him. “Welcome home, Kevin,” I said seductively.

  He cleared this throat, but it still was husky when he spoke. “Kimberly, please tell me you told your family about us,” he begged.

  My body cooled at his words. “Don’t do this Kevin. You know I love you more than anything,” I said as I closed one of the handcuffs over one wrist then gave him my come hither look.

  “Not anything. Otherwise, you would’ve told your family.”

  His talking was ruining this moment. I had to shut him up.

  “You don’t know them,” I said with a pout.

  “You’re right, I don’t because you haven’t introduced me to them!” He panted as if he was in physical pain. “I don’t care who they are. I just don’t want to be your dirty little secret.”

  “Oh, you are definitely dirty,” I purred trying to distract him.

  “Kimberly, I want more. I want you, I want marriage, I want a family, I want a home, and I want to meet your family, and until I do, nothing can happen between us.”

  I bit my lip drawing his attention. “Your brain might be saying no but,” I pointed to below his waist. “Your other brain is saying yes.”

  He went silent, and I knew he was overthinking this.

  I crawled to the edge of the bed on my hands and knees and slipped my fingers in his slacks and pulled him towards the bed until he fell on top of me.

  Before he could climb off, I pulled his mouth into a deep kiss. I could feel him relax against me and self-congratulated myself for getting what I wanted. The moment I began to unbutton his slacks, he leaped off the bed and shouted, “No!”

  “Are you kidding me?” How could he turn it off just like that? He wanted me. There was no way for him to hide his desire. I felt it.

  “You know what I want, and I’m not going to take anything less,” he said gasping with sweat running down his cheeks.

  “You’re serious?” I couldn’t believe what he was doing.

  “Very,” he stated.

  “You mean, me being naked in front of you right now won’t change things for you?” I said as I untied one of the tiny ribbons holding up my nighty.

  With one breast peeking out, I undid the other tie until the nighty fell around my waist. I stood on the bed and pushed it all the way down until I was just in my teeny tiny panties.

  “No, no, no,” he chanted under his breath.

  He backed away from the bed until his back hit the door then he opened it and ran out before I could change his mind.

  When the front door slammed closed behind him, I fell back on the bed in a heap of frustration. “Stubborn man!” I shouted hoping he heard me and totally ignored the fact I was more stubborn.

  Probably.

  31

  “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!” I held the pregnancy test in my hand, tears falling down my cheeks faster than I could catch them. “I’m pregnant.” The words came out half in disbelief and half in awe. I had waited years for this day and now…

  I had always imagined my husband would be anxiously waiting for the results with me then make sweet love to me when we got the positive results.

  Instead, I stood alone in my bathroom, my fiancé, or ex-fiancé, miles away in his own apartment completely ignorant of the fact he was going to be a dad. Something he wanted as much as I wanted to be a mother.

  After waking up nauseous every day for the past week, I pulled out a pregnancy test I had left over from when I was married to Craig. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but deep down, I knew the answer before the two blue lines showed up on the screen.

  I had been weepy and not just because of Kevin. I found myself crying at commercials and YouTube dog videos, plus my breasts were tender and no longer fit my bras.

  “I’m going to be a mom,” I said with a watery laugh. I picked up my phone to call my family but then set it back on the sink knowing the only person I wanted to tell refused to talk to me and wouldn’t until I spoke to my family.

  Would this change his mind? It didn’t matter. I wouldn’t manipulate him into giving me back my ring. I wanted him to be with me because he wanted to, not because we were having a baby. Plus, he was right. I needed to suck it up and tell my family about him. Even if it meant hearing my mother say negative things about him or me.

  The unexpected music coming from my phone about gave me a heart attack. Looking at the scr
een, I felt a sigh of relief that it was just Tim.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, honey. I’m calling to see if it would be okay if Matt, the kids and I stayed over tonight after the fireworks. I’d take them to my place, but my realtor is holding an open house for my condo tomorrow, so I don’t want to have to rush everyone out early tomorrow morning.”

  “Of course.” My voice broke as I thought about how happy they were. Stupid hormones. I mean I was thrilled for them and their decision to move in together. Tim deserved to be in a loving relationship he had always wanted, but with my own love life in shambles, it hurt to see his happiness. “You guys are always welcome. You’ll need to bring sleeping bags for the kids since I don’t have enough beds.”

  “No problem. Love you and I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Yup,” I said trying not to give away the chaotic emotions running through me.

  For the past several hours I watched Kevin chat with everyone but me. He laughed and joked with Jim and Renee, helped Rose find a place to sit and talked with her while they ate. I thought I finally had my chance to approach him when I found him talking to Matt and Tim, but the moment I walked up to them, he made an excuse to leave.

  Feeling like a rejected lost puppy, I made Tim hug me until I didn’t feel like I would burst into tears. The father of my baby wouldn’t even talk to me. It didn’t matter that he didn’t know, I did. When Tim asked me what was wrong, I waved away his concern and told him I would tell him later.

  The rest of the evening I watched Kevin’s every move wishing I hadn’t been so stubborn especially when I saw him lick s’mores off his fingers.

  “Damn,” I groaned. He had to have done that on purpose.

  Right in the middle of the fireworks show, my stomach decided to choose that moment to get sick. Not even a Sprite would ease the nausea. I planted a kiss on Tim’s cheek and told him I had to go to bed and to make himself at home then walked toward my house hoping I didn’t puke before I got to the bathroom.

  Right when I reached for my front door, I felt a warm hand on my lower back.

  Kevin.

  I would know his touch anywhere.

  “Are you okay?” He stared into my eyes as if he were searching for something. I felt his concern. I could tell him right now that we were having a baby, and he would take me back, but this wasn’t how I wanted to fix things. I needed to do what I should’ve done this time last year, tell my family that I was in love with a great guy.

  “Just tired. It’s been a long day.” It wasn’t a lie and the most I could manage to say without crumbling.

  “If you need anything…”

  “You,” I stated.

  His brows furrowed. “What?”

  “I need you.”

  “I need you too, but…”

  But.

  The word sliced my heart like so many times before. I never expected to hear it from him.

  I love you but.

  You’re a great woman but.

  We would be great together but.

  “Goodnight,” I said a little too harshly.

  Setting my one allowed cup of coffee on my desk, I went to work on my growing pile of paperwork. The only way to get it done was to come into work early when there weren’t as many distractions. I never expected to get an urgent phone call from my sister begging me to come to the coast next weekend because she was introducing Professor Hottie to Mom and Dad.

  Once the shock of her making up with Adam wore off, she gave me the perfect opportunity to introduce Kevin to our parents. All I had to do was talk Kevin into coming with me before I told them about him.

  I waited until the last minute to invite him. If he agreed, I didn’t want to give him time to change his mind and if he said no then I wouldn’t stew about it all week. I managed to keep myself busy with work, my doctor’s appointment where my doctor confirmed my pregnancy and looking online at baby items.

  I still couldn’t quite believe it. I was going to be a mom. I went through waves of excitement and anticipation then fear and worry. I knew Kevin was the man for me, but I had put this off for far too long.

  My heart raced as I rapped my knuckles on Kevin’s front door. I begged to a higher being that he would agree to come with me. The car was packed, and all I needed him to do was say yes. He didn’t schedule appointments for Saturday and Sunday, so I knew he didn’t have work.

  The moment he opened the door, my mouth went dry, and my mind went blank. He looked as tired as I felt. Like he had been tortured by our separation like I had. “Hey,” he said surprised.

  “Hi. Can I come in?”

  He looked behind him like he was checking on something then turned back to me and opened the door wider and waved me in. He was about to close the door when I heard his shower turn off. I stopped his hand and held the door open. I was no longer stunned silent. “Is someone here?”

  “It’s not what you think.” He said with guilt marring his face.

  “Who is she?”

  “Kimberly, listen.”

  “No. You listen.” I stabbed my finger in his chest ready to go off on him. He took my hand and held it against his chest.

  “Grace is here. She stayed the night last night, but nothing happened. She slept on the couch, and I slept in the bedroom.”

  My body shook with rage and gut wrenching pain. How could he? “This city has dozens upon dozens of hotels, but she stayed with you? She made it clear to me and you that she wanted you back, and you let her stay here.”

  “Let me explain.”

  “No! I’m so done!” I pulled my hand from beneath his and fisted them at my sides. “I’ve lived my life being told I was too much. But you said I was worth it. You’ve seen first hand that I do stupid shit, and yet you told me you loved me, but this…” I pointed to the closed bathroom door feeling devastated all over again. “Allowing her to stay here says more to me than words could. She’s been waiting for this day. And what the hell is she doing here anyway? Never mind. I don’t want to know. It’s none of my business. You’re none of my business anymore.”

  “Don’t say that.” He gripped my shoulders and tried to pull me closer, but I refused to budge.

  “I know I hurt you and I came to make it right. I came to ask you to come to the coast with me to meet my parents. I came to beg you to take me back and forgive me but fuck that! I’m not begging anymore. Love me or don’t love me. I’ve learned something the past few weeks. One, that I love you with everything that I am and I want you in my life and two, I don’t need you, Kevin.”

  “Kimberly…”

  The bathroom door swung open, and a freshly showered and barely dressed Grace walked out looking beautiful as ever. That bitch. “Am I interrupting something?”

  “Yes,” Kevin shouted, as I said, “No.” I gave him one more glaring look and walked out the door and never looked back.

  It took the whole drive to the coast before I was able to pull myself together. Once I reached Pete and Amber’s, I breathed in the salty air and forced a smile on my face. As angry and devastated as I was, I wasn’t about to let it ruin this weekend for Anna. This was too big of a deal for her. It would’ve been for me.

  After two exhausting days being around happy couples, I was more than ready to leave, but before I did, I took Mom and Dad aside to tell them about Kevin. Even if he and I never got back together, they should at least know about him for their future grandchild’s sake.

  “Knock knock,” I said as I stood in the open doorway.

  “Hi Sweetie, are you leaving?”

  “No. Not yet.” I plopped down on the edge of the bed and watched my parents move about the room packing their things to head home. “I wanted to talk to both of you about something.”

  My mother dropped a pile of shirts into her suitcase then pushed it out of the way so she could sit next to me. She knew something, I could feel it. As much as Anna and I tried to keep things from her, she always figured it out. “Is it about the man you’ve been dati
ng?”

  I nodded my head while swallowing the growing lump in my throat. “Except we’re not dating anymore.”

  Her smile fell. “You’re not?”

  I shook my head no, and against my will tears fell down my cheeks. My father silently sat on the other side of me and put his arm around me. He wasn’t much for words, but he was an excellent hugger. “I messed up pretty bad, and then he…anyway, we’re not together.”

  My mother was silent for a few minutes then asked, “How long have you been dating?”

  “A year.”

  “A year? And you never introduced him?”

  I shook my head.

  “You must’ve really liked him.” Her voice was soft and filled with worry. I stared at her wondering why she would say that. “You’ve been very protective of this relationship, Kimmie. Why?”

  “I love him, Mom. He’s made me happier than I’ve ever been, and he’s a really good guy.”

  My mother eyes filled with tears as she pulled me into a hug. “I’ve been waiting for you to meet him.”

  “What do you mean?” Did she know him?

  “You never acted this way with Craig or any other guy you’ve dated. They always seemed like a distraction for you instead of someone who was right for you. I never wanted you to settle for anything than perfect for you.” She cradled my face in her hands and wiped at my tears. “I’m happy for you.”

  “Don’t be. He asked me to marry him, and I messed up. Like usual.”

  “Not like usual. You made a mistake, but you can fix this. You’re very loveable.”

  My brows pinched together in confusion. “I thought I drove you crazy?”

  “Oh, you do. Most of the time but it’s because I don’t understand you. I admire you for so many reasons, but the number one reason is you are never afraid to be yourself. I’ve never been brave enough to live out loud like you.”

  “Wow, Mom.” It felt strange and yet surprising to hear her say something positive about me.