by Jean Oram
He licked melted marshmallow off his fingers and brushed the crumbs from his shirt. Zoe imitated his pose in the sand, but curled onto her side so she faced him. Ashton twisted to inhale the scent of her hair again.
“You smell like sunshine, the ocean and the sweetness of toasted sugar.”
“It’s a special scent only available in Indigo Bay.” She wiped at something stuck to his chin. “What are you going to do after the maternity leave is done?”
“I suppose it depends where things are by then. I missed the community and kids when I was away. It’s different in the city.”
The firelight was dancing, making her eyes gleam as she glanced up at him.
“I was thinking,” he added, “that maybe I’d try and find something more permanent than the cottage.” Stay awhile. A long while.
Zoe was silent, but he didn’t take it as something to fear, as they’d always given each other time to consider things, even mid-conversation.
“I still don’t understand why you left without telling me everything,” she said.
Ashton’s heart rate increased, and he fought the instinct to clam up. He needed to tell Zoe everything, but he feared he was going to only add to the pain he saw in her eyes, that he was going to drive her even further away.
He shifted to a sitting position and cleared his throat, reminding himself that he could tell Zoe everything—in fact, he needed to if he ever wanted to have a true second chance with her.
“I deserve the truth.”
“I know. But the truth hurts.”
“Not knowing the truth hurts, too.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“How?”
“From what I was doing. And from the hurt. It feels foolish now, but at the time…” His words caught in his throat. “But at the time I started to believe that what we had couldn’t possibly be real. And when you became distant and weren’t pushing me to talk about it, it felt like proof.”
She leaned away from him, and he quickly added, “It wasn’t your fault. I know now that you were trying to give me space. I was kidding myself, using your behavior as an excuse to validate what I was doing because it wasn’t all on the up-and-up.” He thought of the way he’d married Maliki to save on medical bills. “I was being selfish, and was looking for anything to make me feel better about leaving you, anything to keep me in the city so I would do what I thought was the right thing instead of running back to you.”
She’d paused, no longer looking like she wanted to storm off.
“What do you mean, ‘on the up-and-up’?”
“I married Maliki so she would be covered for medical expenses. She was very sick.”
He waited, giving Zoe a moment to absorb that fact. She didn’t look quite as stunned as he’d expected.
“A marriage of convenience? Insurance fraud?” she asked.
“That’s why I couldn’t tell you.”
“You thought I’d rat you out?” She was ticked now, her cheeks flushing.
“No, but well, maybe. I don’t know. It didn’t feel like fraud, but I could see how it could be painted that way and my head was all over the place. I thought I was going to lose Jaelyn before she was even born, and the only way to truly help was to step all the way in. But I didn’t marry Maliki because I loved her,” he added quickly.
Zoe’s chest expanded and the hurt and anger in her eyes settled.
“Jaelyn was delivered by C-section a month early due to Maliki’s declining health, as well as her own. Jaelyn had four surgeries before she was two months old. My health coverage paid for most of them as well as some of Maliki’s expenses.”
Ashton could feel the same rush of fear that he had during Jaleyn’s birth. He could smell the hospital’s soap on his skin, feel the heavy press of worry when she’d been rushed to the operating room straight from the delivery room. So small and precious, a life in peril.
He hadn’t known whether to follow her on the gurney or to stay with Maliki. She’d been scared, too. For her baby, for her own health, and how she’d been weakened from the treacherous pregnancy.
In the end, he’d gone to Jaelyn as the nurses took care of her mother. He hadn’t been able to be in the operating room during the procedure, obviously, and so had gone back to the maternity ward. For days he’d moved like a zombie between the maternity wing and the neonatal intensive care unit, trying to remain chipper and optimistic.
All he’d wanted was to call Zoe, let her know how much he missed her, to hear her voice telling him it was all going to be okay.
Instead, he’d toughed it out, snapping at parking lot attendants for a scratch on his old car, and at clowns for trying to make him smile while he passed through the hospital lobby.
He’d never liked clowns.
Maliki had been released, then Jaelyn. Maliki had never recovered fully, her health moving in the opposite direction of their growing daughter’s.
“Is Jaelyn okay now?” Zoe asked.
Ashton blinked, his mind returning from the past.
“I’m sorry, what?” he asked.
“The surgeries? They went okay?”
“Yeah, all of them went really well and things are fine.”
He wanted to say more, to spill every little detail, but he found himself suddenly exhausted.
“I let you down,” he said to Zoe. “It hurt to give our future to someone else, and I know that stepping up and taking ownership of the situation was the right thing to do for Jaelyn because she got world-class medical care that she might not have otherwise. But I still regret it, every single moment, because it kept us apart. It kept me from being with you, and I wish I had found a better way to resolve things.”
Zoe stared at him for one long, life-changing moment before, teary-eyed, she rolled up onto her knees and gently placed a kiss against his forehead, with a sadness so deep it made his heart hurt in an all new way.
Zoe lay in the sand next to Ashton, her head resting tentatively on his chest, the blanket she’d brought along folded over them, as she told him the story of a bride who’d damaged her dress the day of her wedding back in February. Ginger had sent an identical gown across the continent in record time, delaying the wedding by only thirty minutes. Thirty minutes that Zoe had spent sweating and handing out slices of cinnamon buns to the wedding guests.
In the end everything had worked out fine for the bride and groom, and Ashton had laughed in all the right places during Zoe’s retelling.
“I’m tempted to give up my post at guest services and become a wedding coordinator,” she admitted.
“You’d be good at it, but what would all those guests do without you at your desk?”
“Get married,” she said with a laugh, shifting her head back to the log, as it felt too intimate to rest against him in what was essentially a snuggle.
She finally felt as though Ashton was letting her in, increasing her understanding of why he’d left the way he had. It wasn’t so much that he hadn’t trusted her with the truth, or that they’d been moving too fast. It was more that he knew she would have talked him out of doing what he’d believed was the right thing. But she still didn’t get why he’d felt the need to marry Maliki. It wasn’t as though it was the 1940s, where single moms were looked down upon. He could have shared everything with Zoe and still been there as a father—something she knew was incredibly important to him.
He’d mentioned in passing that Maliki had been sick and in need—and had recently passed away. Had Ashton married her to provide medical insurance? If so, that had to have been an impossible choice, and Zoe could almost understand why he’d have to shut off his own life and step into Maliki’s and the baby’s.
Zoe still wished he would have talked to her, though. That was what couples who really loved each other did. It was what continued to keep her parents’ marriage so strong, and it was what she and Ashton had failed at.
“Do you think you’ll plan your own wedding?” Ashton asked, interrupting her thoughts.
&nbs
p; The familiar sting came, as always, whenever anyone asked her whether she’d have her own special day. But this time it hurt even more because she knew Ashton was looking for a home here in Indigo Bay—one without her in it. He was asking about a wedding, but not assuming he’d be the groom.
And yet if he’d presumed to place himself in the picture, she’d be bothered.
“Of course,” she said lightly. “Think you’ll get remarried?”
“I hope to. I’d like to share my life with someone.” His voice was sleepy, the stars above them as bright as if they were close enough to reach. “But I’m not sharing my half of the pineapple-free pepperoni pizza.”
Zoe froze. What was he getting at? That he wanted a real, honest second chance with her? Not just forgiveness, but a true happily ever after?
“I’d share anything with you,” he said, “but if you order pineapple, you’re eating it.”
Zoe smiled. “But pepperoni and pineapple are good together.”
In the light from the dying fire she saw him pull a face. He looked over, meeting her gaze, and her heart thrummed. It felt like they were dancing around the idea of a relationship again. But it was difficult to let go of the fear, because nobody ever planned to break someone else’s heart.
Chapter 5
They had spent the entire night out on the beach, talking and finding ways to push their painful past from the forefront of their minds.
It felt right. Like it always did with Zoe.
And this time Ashton wouldn’t lose her. This time it was going to work. For the first time since arriving back in Indigo Bay he felt optimistic, and as though anything was possible.
Hooking his hand in Zoe’s, he helped her up from the sand in the early dawn, then spun her around to dust her butt, causing her to jump.
“Ashton!” she scolded with a laugh.
“Sand.”
She reached around him to smack his backside, but he beat her to it, taking care of the task himself.
“You don’t trust me,” she teased.
“I started something, and I’m certain you will quite happily finish it for me.”
“You know me so well.” She fell into step beside him, an arm wrapped companionably around his waist, the bag of leftover s’more supplies hanging from her free hand along with the blanket that had kept them warm as the chill settled in during the night.
“Let me take that for you,” he said.
“I have it.” She let him take it, anyway.
“I can’t remember the last time I stayed out all night. That was really nice.”
“We’ll have to do it more often.”
“But I know we probably won’t.”
She laughed. “Just because we never went back to play mini golf again even though we enjoyed it.”
“Or ventured back to that bed-and-breakfast down the coast.”
“We should go again.”
“And eat sushi.”
“We could skip the sushi.” She was kicking sand as she walked, creating a spray in front of her.
“I thought you liked the cucumber roll.”
“I did, but I don’t miss it.” She stopped moving, causing him to stop as well. She looked up at him, her face relaxed and sleepy despite the seriousness of her gaze. “I missed this.”
“So did I.” He lowered his lips to hers, kissing her as if they had all the time in the world and she rolled up onto her toes to bring the kiss deeper. “Good thing you don’t have to work today,” he said as they broke apart.
“Breakfast at Sweet Caroline’s?” she suggested.
A jogger ran by, giving them a wave as the sun rose higher in the sky, chasing away the last of the night’s chill.
“Coffee would be awesome right about now,” Ashton admitted.
“Scrambled eggs.”
“Her homemade hash browns.”
“Cinnamon buns. Fresh from the oven.”
Before long their steps were lengthening as they hustled toward the promise of food.
Zoe pushed back from the table. “All that food made me sleepy.”
“As well as staying up all night. You should get some rest.”
“You should, too.”
Ashton checked the clock on the café wall. “I have to accept a delivery in an hour.”
“A delivery?”
“At your place. Yard stuff.”
“I don’t like the idea of you spending a ton.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s your money. And you should be saving up for other things.” What they had right now between them felt nice, but it was still very tentative. If things didn’t work out, she didn’t want her yard to become his cross to bear, or a reminder to her of fresh pain.
“I’ll worry about my money, honey.” He stood, then leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead.
She ducked her head. The kiss earlier had been unexpected and nice, but she wasn’t ready to be a couple.
“And anyway, the Realtor we texted on the beach has already gotten back to me about a fixer-upper I’m going to check out later.”
Zoe toyed with the necklace that had been hidden under her shirt. “You’re serious about staying?”
“Indigo Bay has always felt like home, and I like the people here.”
“Oh, do you?” she said flirtatiously, despite the apprehension fluttering in her stomach.
The skin around his eyes crinkled as he smiled. “I do.”
He was going to make her swoon if he kept that up, that was for certain. She wanted to stand up and kiss him, and she could easily see herself back in a relationship with him after the cozy opening up to each other on the beach last night.
But they were heading down the path of moving too fast, which meant she needed to slow it down, since whenever she rushed into a relationship it seemed to collapse. It was like her mother said, “If it’s good, taking a little time won’t make a world of difference.”
The expression had never made much sense to Zoe, but her mom had managed to remain married for forty-three years. That was forty-three more than Zoe had accomplished.
“Good luck with the place,” she said. “I need to head home and feed my cats. They’re going to be mad at me for their late breakfast.”
Ashton paid for their meals and headed out, while Zoe stayed to finish her cup of coffee. The cats could wait another minute or two while she mentally sorted out how quickly she’d gotten close to Ashton once again. He was opening up to her despite the obvious way it hurt him to do so. That was promising, wasn’t it?
“Well?” Caroline asked, sliding into the seat across from her. “How are things?”
Zoe pondered the question for a moment before saying, “Do you believe in second chances?”
“Of course.”
“Or is it naive of me to think that things might be different a second time?”
“I see the way you two look at each other. Whatever you’ve got, it’s not common.” She caught Zoe’s expression. “It’s a good thing. I was slack-jawed when I heard you two split up, you know.”
“So was I.” Zoe wrapped her hands around the cup. She hadn’t seen it coming and didn’t want to be blindsided again.
“Did he explain?”
She nodded.
“To your satisfaction?” Caroline asked, as though sensing Zoe’s hesitation.
“Well, I want every tiny little detail.” She’d always believed she tended to smother men, sending them running. But Ashton had admitted to shutting her out, as he’d expected her to smother him into changing his mind about doing the right thing. By not doing so, she’d let him go. The exact opposite of her ex-fiancé, Kurtis.
She just couldn’t get it right, could she?
“Honey, I think that’s called caring.” Caroline cupped Zoe’s hands, the mug in the middle. “Smothering is when you don’t let up and are on a man twenty-four/seven, wanting to hear about every emotion flitting through his heart. You care, is all.”
“Is that what i
t is? Because it feels like I never get it right. How much is too much? How much is not enough?” She looked down at her cup again. “Oh, I don’t know.”
“It’s hard to know what the right thing is.” Caroline pushed herself out of her chair. “That’s why I recommend you follow your heart.”
“That’s what I did the first time.”
“Don’t give me that forlorn look. Haven’t you spent the entire year moping around this beautiful little town, wishing things could be different? That he’d come back and you’d get a second chance?”
Zoe’s spine straightened. “I didn’t mope. And I didn’t—”
“You didn’t have to say a thing. It was written all over that pretty face of yours.” Caroline patted Zoe’s cheek. “Follow your heart, my dear. It’ll be worth it.”
“But what if—”
“Which ‘what if’ would you rather live with? Option one: What if the relationship doesn’t last? Option two: What if I had only given him another chance?”
Zoe contemplated her mug. “I’m afraid if it doesn’t work out again, I won’t survive.”
Caroline clucked and shook her head. “I don’t think I’ve heard anything quite so dramatic in my whole entire life.”
Zoe laughed, swiping at her tears.
“Now, get out there and live,” her friend urged. “Life’s half over. What are you going to make of what’s left?”
“That’s depressing.” Zoe stood and faced the door. She didn’t want to live with regrets. She didn’t want a relationship what-if haunting her. “But bracing in all the right ways.”
“The best cinnamon buns and the best advice. That’s what keeps ’em coming back!” called Caroline as Zoe hit the street with a smile. She realized that she quite possibly, once again, was considering the only man she’d ever deeply loved, Ashton Wallace.
A few evenings after their all-nighter on the beach, Ashton covered Zoe’s eyes and walked her the last few feet toward her house. The insurance work would be complete by about week’s end, the place finally livable once more. But it was the yard he wanted her to see.
“Can I look?” she asked. “I’m afraid I’m going to trip.”