by David Bell
Praise for
KILL ALL YOUR DARLINGS
“Grabs you by the throat and never lets go . . . will keep you reading late into the night with a twist you’ll never see coming.”
—Liv Constantine, bestselling author of The Last Mrs. Parrish
“A dark, twisty journey through the labyrinth of academia. This book has everything—a missing girl, a murder, a book within a book, and so much more! One of David Bell’s most unique and engrossing novels.”
—Samantha Downing, USA Today bestselling author of My Lovely Wife
“An exceptionally gripping, lightning-paced, deviously plotted thriller. David Bell is a mad genius. I could not put this book down.”
—Michele Campbell, international bestselling author of It’s Always the Husband
“This compelling thriller about a professor, a student, and a stolen manuscript that closely mirrors a real-life murder will keep readers guessing until the very last page . . . storytelling at its very best!”
—Wendy Walker, bestselling author of All Is Not Forgotten
“Compulsively readable and jam-packed with more twists and turns than a roller coaster . . . first-rate literary entertainment. Suspenseful and surprising.”
—Richard Chizmar, New York Times bestselling author of Chasing the Boogeyman
“Only the diabolical mind of the talented storyteller David Bell could concoct this mind-bendingly twisty thriller! He manages to brilliantly weaponize college, students, teachers, tenure—and even the writing of novels. Smart, audacious, and completely original.”
—Hank Phillippi Ryan, USA Today bestselling author of The First to Lie
Praise for David Bell and his novels
“A tale straight out of the psychological thriller territory blazed by the likes of Harlan Coben and Lisa Gardner.”
—The Providence Journal
“A tautly told, heart-pounding read . . . a page-turning whodunit where every character’s a suspect and no one can be trusted.”
—Mary Kubica, New York Times bestselling author of The Other Mrs.
“A compulsive, twisty, race-against-the-clock thriller . . . [a] smart and unrelenting page turner!”
—Lisa Unger, New York Times bestselling author of Confessions on the 7:45
“A terrifically tense thriller . . . will keep you guessing until the very end.”
—Riley Sager, New York Times bestselling author of Home Before Dark
“David Bell is a top-notch storyteller. . . . [A] twisty, riveting psychological thriller.”
—Cristina Alger, New York Times bestselling author of Girls Like Us
“[A] twisty, realistic thriller. . . . [Bell] is a skilled storyteller.”
—Houston Chronicle
“[A] suspenseful, page-turning thriller.”
—HelloGiggles
“[A] heart-poundingly addictive thriller until the final page.”
—Library Journal (starred review)
Also by David Bell
Cemetery Girl
The Hiding Place
Never Come Back
The Forgotten Girl
Somebody I Used to Know
Since She Went Away
Bring Her Home
Somebody’s Daughter
Layover
The Request
BERKLEY
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Copyright © 2021 by David J. Bell
Readers Guide copyright © 2021 by Penguin Random House LLC
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Bell, David, 1969 November 17– author.
Title: Kill all your darlings / David Bell.
Description: New York : Berkley, [2021]
Identifiers: LCCN 2020057068 (print) | LCCN 2020057069 (ebook) | ISBN 9780593198667 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780593198674 (trade paperback) | ISBN 9780593198681 (ebook) Subjects: GSAFD: Suspense fiction.
Classification: LCC PS3602.E64544 K55 2021 (print) | LCC PS3602.E64544 (ebook) | DDC 813/.6--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020057068
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020057069
Cover design and photocomposition by Eileen Carey
Adapted for ebook by Kelly Brennan
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
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For Molly
CONTENTS
Cover
Praise for David Bell
Also by David Bell
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
Part I
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Part II
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Four
Chapter Forty-Five
Chapter Forty-Six
Chapter Forty-Seven
Chapter Forty-Eight
Chapter Forty-Nine
Chapter Fifty
Chapter Fifty-One
Chapter Fifty-Two
Chapter Fifty-Three
Chapter Fifty-Four
Chapter Fifty-Five
Chapter Fifty-Six
Part III
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Chapter S
ixty
Chapter Sixty-One
Chapter Sixty-Two
Chapter Sixty-Three
Chapter Sixty-Four
Chapter Sixty-Five
Chapter Sixty-Six
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Chapter Sixty-Nine
Chapter Seventy
Chapter Seventy-One
Chapter Seventy-Two
Chapter Seventy-Three
Chapter Seventy-Four
Chapter Seventy-Five
Chapter Seventy-Six
Part IV
Chapter Seventy-Seven
Chapter Seventy-Eight
Chapter Seventy-Nine
Chapter Eighty
Chapter Eighty-One
Chapter Eighty-Two
Chapter Eighty-Three
Chapter Eighty-Four
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
Readers Guide
About the Author
In writing, you must kill all your darlings.
—William Faulkner
PART I
CHAPTER ONE
CONNOR
PRESENT
Grendel doesn’t bark when my key hits the lock.
That’s when I know something is wrong.
Grendel, an eleven-year-old beagle mix, still barks at the mailman, the neighbors, squirrels, cats—any strangers at all, despite his age and flagging energy. And I can count on him barking with joy when I come in the back door every evening. If not for him, I’d always be greeted by stone-cold silence.
And that’s what I hear tonight.
I toss my keys onto the kitchen counter and slip my coat off.
“Grendel?”
Everything looks normal. Grendel’s food bowl is nearly empty, which means he’s eaten while I was out at the library. I usually manage to keep the kitchen clean, mainly because I don’t cook. The appliances are here, and everything appears to be in order.
But something feels wrong.
Without Grendel’s barking, the house seems unsettled.
Off.
A chill flash-freezes up my spine. I feel like an intruder in my own home, like I’ve walked in on something.
I move toward the front of the house, stepping carefully. The ancient floorboards squeak, each one sounding like a gunshot.
Grendel typically spends his time on the couch when I’m gone. When he hears something outside, he likes to lift his head and look out the picture window. He lets out a series of barks that make him sound much more vicious than he really is, and once that’s out of his system, he flops back down as though he’s just run twenty miles.
By now I should hear his collar jingling, his nails on the hardwood.
He’s an old dog, I tell myself. Old dogs don’t live forever.
“Grendel?”
When I reach the entrance to the living room, I freeze in place.
Everything is where it’s supposed to be. The lamp I always leave on is on. The furniture is arranged the way it’s been arranged for years. Nothing is disturbed. Nothing is broken.
And Grendel sits on the floor, his tail flopping back and forth when he sees me.
Everything is where it’s supposed to be except that someone is sitting in the recliner, legs crossed, hand gently scratching Grendel between the ears.
“Hello,” she says.
My mind is slower than my body. My body reacts instantly. My muscles tense. My hands clench. My knees bend into a defensive crouch, and adrenaline shoots through me like rocket fuel.
But my mind is still trying to make sense of this scene before me. A young woman with long hair dyed an unnatural shade of red sits in my recliner petting my dog. And she greets me like she’s supposed to be there, like I’ve asked her to wait for me to come home this evening. She wears a red coat, black jeans, and heavy boots, and her face is mostly obscured by large owllike glasses.
“Who the hell are you? You need to get out of here—”
The woman lifts her hand from Grendel’s head and holds it up, cutting off my words. Grendel bounds over, sniffs my shoes. He would have barked when she first came in, because he always barks the first time he meets someone. Then he gets used to them. He looks happy to see me.
“You know who I am, Connor,” she says, “and once you remember who I am, I think you’re going to know why I’m here.”
“I don’t know who you are,” I say. “But I am going to call the police if you don’t get out. If you didn’t take anything and didn’t hurt my dog, you can just leave, and I won’t press charges.”
She ignores my threat. With a slow theatricality, she lifts the glasses off her face and folds them, placing them carefully in her lap. She blinks a couple of times but remains quiet.
“If you want food, you can take it. Or money. I’ll give it to you. But you have to go.”
“Connor.”
And then I finally see it. Her face is suddenly familiar. The eyes are bright blue. The shape of her face. Thinner. Much thinner. But recognizable.
She must realize that I’m starting to really see her because she smiles knowingly, like a chess master who has just outfoxed a lesser opponent.
“No,” I say. “No. You’re not supposed to . . . I mean, you’re supposed to be . . .”
She lifts her eyebrows. “You mean, I’m supposed to be dead? Is that it? I’m supposed to be dead.”
“Not dead,” I say, my voice lower. “Not exactly dead.”
But she’s nodding. “Oh, yes. I’m supposed to be dead. I’m supposed to be written off. Forgotten. Erased. Tossed in a ditch or a river or a forest, my bones scattered to the winds and slowly returning to the earth. Dust to dust and all that. Isn’t that where I’m supposed to be?”
“Yes,” I say. “That’s what we all thought. I’m glad that’s not true, but I’m . . . This is all very disconcerting. You’re here. . . .”
She leans forward and reaches behind her. She brings out a familiar-looking object and holds it up between us. She looks like she’s on television, presenting something to the viewing audience.
“Isn’t this what we need to talk about, Connor?”
It’s my book. The book that was published today by a major New York publisher. The one I was at the library reading from and signing. The one that represents a dream come true for me.
I don’t answer her question.
I come all the way into the room and sit on the couch across from Madeline O’Brien. I sit across from my former student, the young woman who disappeared almost two years ago, just months before she was supposed to graduate.
CHAPTER TWO
“Madeline, are you okay?” I ask. “Are you hurt? Do you need me to call someone? My God, does your mother know you’re okay? Do the police?”
She turns the book around and studies the front. She runs her hand over the cover in a small circle, her skin against the paper making a rustling noise. “We can discuss all that in a minute. I want to talk about this book first.”
“How can we talk about anything except why and how you’re here? People have been looking for you. They’re worried about you. This is all a shock.”
“All in good time.”
Grendel has come back into the room, and he yawns and stretches out by my feet. He’s already bored by the rare appearance of a visitor in the house.
“My Best Friend’s Murder,” she says. “That’s a great title. Did you think of it yourself, or did the publisher come up with it?”
“It’s my title.”
“I remember you saying in class once that most writers don’t get to use the titles they want. The publisher always rejects them or changes them, so good on you getting this one in.”
“Do the police know you’re . . . here? Alive.”
“I’ve been following this,” she says, tapping the book. “Just because I was gone doesn’t mean I didn’t know what everyone in Gatewood was doing. If you can get to a computer, you can visit social media. I could keep track of my friends and family. What’s left of them. You. Other professors. You sure posted about this a lot on social media. Almost every day for the last six months. You must really want this book to sell. You used to tell us not to spend our time online, that social media is ruining us. I guess that all changes when you have a book coming out and you want to pimp it.”
“That’s part of a writer’s job,” I say. Like any teacher, I hate having my own words used against me.
“I guess so. Social media can be used for a lot of things. Promoting books. Searching for missing people.”
When she speaks and gestures, I see the Madeline I once knew. One of my best undergraduate students. Bright. Talented. Elusive. She talked a lot in class and wrote raw, vivid stories about troubled families with absent fathers, and the mothers were always calling the police on their lousy new boyfriends. It was hard for me not to assume they were autobiographical. In our conversations outside of class, she hinted at a difficult home life but never provided any details.
She looks like she’s lost about twenty pounds, and I wonder what she’s been doing for the past two years. Has she been in danger? Sleeping on the streets?
She also does one of the things I remember most about her, a nervous tic she occasionally resorted to in class. She did it only on rare occasions, usually when one of her stories was being discussed. Madeline reaches up and rubs her index finger across her right eyebrow and then pinches her thumb and index finger together, plucking a single tiny hair out of her skin.
“I bought a copy of the book this morning,” she says, lowering her hand from her forehead as though she’s just done the most normal thing in the world. “At Target. That’s pretty sweet to get your book there. I started reading it in the parking lot, and I’ve been reading it all day. Except when I went to the library to hear you speak.”
I thought so. She was standing in the back of the room, obscured by the people I knew and many who I didn’t. I remember seeing the slim young woman with the bright red hair.