by Jenny Frame
“And you’re not nervous with me?” Quincy asked.
Holly laughed. “Don’t be daft. You’re Captain Stompy. You make me aggravated, angry, sometimes, when we argue, frustrated…” Holly took a step closer. You also make me feel like I want to kiss you, again. She noticed Quincy didn’t step back, when she stepped into her space. As an experiment, she took another step, then another, and Quincy didn’t move. Their bodies were touching, and Quincy was simply gazing at her. She wished she knew what was going on behind those gorgeous eyes of hers.
“Question game again,” Holly said.
“I think you’ll find I’m owed double.”
“Psh, I’ll owe you triple next time. Have you ever had a girlfriend?”
Quincy shook her head, and Holly’s heart sped up. She heard the music in the club change to a slow love song.
She grasped Quincy’s tie gently. “Have you ever danced to a slow love song?”
Quincy’s lips parted, and her eyes dropped to Holly’s. “No, never.”
“Well, I better teach you, so the next time somebody chats you up, you’ll know what to do.”
Holly walked ahead and pulled Quincy behind her. When they got to the dance floor, Quincy held her hands up as if she was going to waltz. Holly chuckled and placed Quincy’s arms around her waist. “Like this, and just move slowly.”
“Just this?” Quincy shuffled awkwardly.
“Nearly. Just relax more.” Holly slipped her arms around Quincy’s neck. She felt Quincy stiffen slightly. “It’s okay. It’s just me. Annoying Holly who doesn’t follow rules. I’m not scary.”
“You think?” Quincy said.
“Come on. Relax a bit and just go with it,” Holly told her.
“Relax and go with it?” Quincy said. “I don’t know how to do that.”
“Yeah, you do. Look in my eyes. When you’re dancing slow, you’ve got to make eye contact.” Holly was a little selfish telling Quincy that. She wanted to gaze into her eyes without fear of Quincy thinking she was an idiot.
Quincy locked eyes with her, and Holly sighed with longing.
Why did Quincy make her feel this way? She’d never met anyone so beautifully handsome, and yet so obviously damaged. There was a deep longing in Holly to soothe Quincy’s pain.
Holly scratched her nails down the fine shaved hairs on the nape of Quincy’s neck and felt her shiver. Holly saw passion blossom in Quincy’s eyes.
“I’m owed some questions,” Quincy said, her voice breathy.
“Go ahead,” Holly said.
“Why did you kiss me that time when we were arguing?”
Holly ran her nails slowly down Quincy’s neck again. “Because I wanted you to show me some emotion—anger, passion, anything.”
“I—” Quincy was struggling to speak, and Holly was frightened she was pushing her too far for one night.
“Just dance with me, Quin. Don’t worry about anything else tonight.”
Holly leaned in to Quincy and laid her head on her chest. Quincy was stiff at first, but gradually they began to sway together quite naturally.
***
Quincy felt like she was walking on air as they walked from the taxi into the hotel. They’d danced together for a few songs at the club, and then they decided to head back to the hotel, as it was getting late.
Being so close to Holly on the dance floor was exciting, scary, and overwhelming. In the past Quincy had always found ways to brush off any attention she got from women, but she just couldn’t say no to Holly Weaver.
They didn’t say much as they travelled home in the taxi. There was a tension between them now, as if they were on the verge of something new, only Quincy didn’t know if she was brave enough to take the leap.
When they got into the hotel, Quincy felt obliged to say something. “Thank you for tonight, Holly. You really took my mind off what happened today.”
“You’re welcome,” Holly said, as she took a step closer. “I had a great time too.”
Out of nowhere Quincy felt compelled to say, “I trust you.”
Holly scrunched up her eyes. “What—”
Unfortunately, the lift doors opened and Holly was interrupted. Quincy saw Stephens and Daniels flanking the lift, and the easy-going feeling was replaced by her stiff on duty persona. She had probably been the laughing stock of the squad tonight, but she was their commanding officer.
Quincy straightened her tie and said, “Any problems, Stephens?”
“No, ma’am. All the principals are in for the night.”
“Very good,” Quincy said then turned to Holly and said, “I’ll escort you to your room, Ms. Weaver.”
Holly gave her an angry look but followed her to her room.
When they got to Holly’s room, Quincy said, “Goodnight.”
“Why have you changed?” Holly said with annoyance in her voice.
Quincy didn’t understand. “What do you mean, changed?”
“We had a great night, you were so relaxed, and we were close, then you talked to the guards just now, and you’re back to Captain Stompy.”
Holly’s voice was rising by the second, and she didn’t want Stephens and Daniels to hear. “Let’s talk about this another time,” Quincy said.
“We bloody won’t.” Holly opened her room door and pulled Quincy in by the tie and slammed the door.
“Why did you do that?” Quincy said.
Holly prodded her in the chest. “Because we are not finishing a lovely night that way. Why did you change?”
“Because we can’t all be like you, dancing and singing their way through life. I’m an officer of the Queen’s protection squad. I need to appear professional. They already have had a good laugh at me today.”
“Oh, stop being so stiff-necked. You’re out of their earshot now, so tell me, what were you going to say?”
Quincy’s moment of bravery deserted her. “I can’t remember what I was going to say.”
“For God’s sake, Quin. You do remember. You said that you trust me, and then you were going to say something else.” Holly scooted around her and pressed her body against the door. “I won’t let you go until you do.”
“Don’t be so childish. It’s been a long day. I want to go to my room,” Quincy said. She was starting to realize how vulnerable she had made herself to Holly tonight. She seemed to lose control of her emotions when Holly was around.
“Nope,” Holly said with a sinister smile, “you don’t pass until you tell me.”
Quincy was getting really angry now. She should have stayed in tonight and painted her model soldiers.
“No. Let me go. That’s an order,” Quincy demanded.
Holly laughed. “That’s an order, is it?” Holly took a step towards her and ran her nail down from her chin to her collar. Quincy shivered. “I don’t follow orders, Captain.”
If Quincy wanted to get out of this, she had to tell her. Holly both tantalized and terrified her. “Earlier when you asked about my parents, and I wouldn’t talk about it? You asked if I trusted you, and I do trust you. It’s just hard to talk about.”
Holly’s demeanour softened, and she placed her palm on her chest. “You can always talk to me.”
“My adopted mother is Vice Admiral Quincy, the highest ranking woman in the Royal Navy,” Quincy said.
“You’re adopted?” Holly asked.
“Yes, Admiral Quincy is actually my aunt, but she adopted me at birth. My father isn’t listed on my birth certificate. That’s what I was going to tell you.”
“Thank you for trusting me,” Holly said. Holly had never wanted to kiss someone more in her life than in that moment. Quincy was being so open and vulnerable with her, and she knew how hard that was for her.
She wanted to kiss all of Quincy’s hurts away. She leaned in close and parted her lips and saw red hot passion in Quincy’s eyes. Seeing that want in someone careful and stoic made Holly even hotter.
Just before their lips met, she slipped her fingers through the
buttons of Quincy’s shirt. She didn’t think about it—it was just instinct.
Quincy stepped back like she’d been burned, and the passion in her eyes was gone. In its place were the solid, emotionless walls that Quincy usually kept erected.
“I think it’s time for me to go,” Quincy said coldly.
Shit, shit, shit, I’ve blown it. Why had she touched her there? She reached out for Quincy but she had already reached the door. Holly tried to grasp her hand.
“Quincy, talk to me.”
“There nothing to talk about. It’s time to go. I have duty early tomorrow morning.” That cold emotionless tone had crept back into her voice.
“Quin, I didn’t mean—”
Once those walls of Quincy’s went up, they were impenetrable. Quincy turned the doorknob.
“Look, I’m sorry, Quin. I know you’re sensitive about that area of your body. I saw you had some burn scars that night you brought me back to my room. I just forgot, okay?”
“It’s fine,” Quincy said stiffly.
Holly squealed in exasperation and stood in front of her. “Oh, bloody hell! Be angry at me or something. Don’t go back to this emotionless rubbish.”
“I told you before—I don’t let myself feel.”
“You obviously do, or you wouldn’t have nightmares about what happened to you, and you wouldn’t jump like a cat on a hot tin roof when I touch you on the chest. If you talk to me about what happened to you, it can help you. I’ll never betray your trust.”
Quincy said, “Stop trying to change me. I’m not going to be your pet project. I don’t want or need any more friends, certainly not ones who trample though my life thinking they know best. Just leave me alone.”
Pet project? “You can bet I’ll leave you alone. I’ve wasted enough time trying to be a friend. Go and wallow in your pit of despair, punish yourself for whatever you think you’ve done. I don’t care any more.”
Holly slammed the door shut.
***
Quincy fell down onto her bed and put her hands over her face. The pain and guilt inside her were overwhelming. After this afternoon’s debacle, she had thought that Holly had quietened down the demons that gnawed at her soul. She had actually loved being out with Holly and had begun to feel like a normal person.
Holly made her feel more than she had her whole life, and for a short time tonight she’d given her a glimpse at a normal life. The frightening thing was, when Holly touched her, she brought some light to the dark places inside. That made her feel guilty, and she’d taken her guilt out on Holly. All Holly had done was give her an evening out, to take her mind off today, and she had taken her guilt out on her. Yet more guilt to pile up on her.
She pulled her hands away from her face and the tremoring was back. She laced her fingers together so that she could keep control. Holly, it seemed, was determined to fix her, and she couldn’t be fixed. How would she ever hope to live with this guilt bearing down on her? But then, had she ever lived? Apart from the good times she’d had with Jacob, George, and Cammy, had she ever lived?
She’d lived for her career, just as her mother taught her, always striving for the next rung of the ladder, the next rank, the next medal, but where had that left her?
Now she had no career, and only George and Cammy as friends, but they had their own lives to lead, while she had nothing. Before she’d left the UK, Jacob told her to live every moment for him, and what had she done? Hidden away, painting her soldiers and trying to scare away the one person who wanted to be her friend.
Maybe it was time to try to change. Quincy remembered Helen once telling her that if she couldn’t articulate how she felt, then she should write it down.
She went over to the writing desk and pulled over the hotel notepad. Once she lifted a pen, Quincy tapped it repeatedly on the paper. Could she do this?
Yes, it was a safe way to let out her feelings before they boiled over. Quincy began to write all the things she wished she could say to Holly. A letter that she would never give her.
Dear Ms. Holly,
I wanted to apologize for this evening. I’m sorry I can’t be the friend you deserve or expect. I just want you to know that I see you. I’ve seen you ever since that fateful day at the polo match.
You think I’m emotionless and that I don’t notice you, but my eyes adore you when you don’t know I’m watching. I love the way you live each breath of your life with fun and enthusiasm, feeling every moment. Sometimes when I look at you, I stop breathing and wish I could be the one who makes you smile and laugh, but how can I be that for you when I can’t feel? If I let myself feel, I would—well, I don’t know what I would become, but it is terrifying to me.
Chapter Fifteen
Holly was in Bea’s dressing room steaming Bea’s outfit for today. Her anger and annoyance were bubbling under the surface. She could hardly sleep last night, going over and over her conversation with Quincy. They’d had a great evening, and Quincy was more open than she had ever been. Holly had managed not to spook her the whole night, but then she’d made one mistake.
And she’d apologized. What Quincy had said about her hurt. She was trying to help Quincy because she cared, not because she was a project. Maybe at first Quincy was a challenge, but never a pet project. How could Quincy think that?
Holly’s phone rang. It was Story St. John, and unlike before she didn’t have that nervous excitement that made her nearly faint.
“Hi, Story,” she said with a sigh. How crazy was she? A film star was calling her, and she was almost annoyed.
“Hey, babe. It’s nice to hear your voice again. I’m not interrupting you, am I?” Story said.
Story must have noticed the tone of her voice. “No, sorry, I’m just in the middle of some work, but it can wait. How are you?” Holly walked over to the window of the hotel and looked over the Chicago skyline.
“I’m great. I just wanted to make sure you still wanted to meet up in LA. I had a few ideas of where I wanted to take you but—”
“But what?” Holly asked. Story was actually planning and thinking about what they could do together. It should be a fairy tale, but why didn’t it feel that way?
“I wanted to check that I wasn’t stepping on anyone’s toes. That’s not my style, despite my rep,” Story said.
“Why would you think that? I told you I was single,” Holly told her.
There was a pause, then Story said, “I saw the picture you posted last night. You were with someone, and I thought maybe things had changed for you.”
Things had changed. Her burgeoning feelings for Quincy were subduing her excited attraction for Story, but what did that matter? Quincy didn’t want or need anyone to help or care for her.
“What? No. That’s Captain Quincy, Queen Beatrice’s security officer. We went sightseeing on our night off. Why did you think things had changed?”
“The way you were looking at each other in the picture. And when I met you at the charity dinner, the same woman in the picture couldn’t keep her eyes off you. I notice these things.”
That took Holly by surprise. Even back then there had been something. “If you want to take me out on a date, then I’m free and single. There is no one else who wants me in that way,” Holly said.
“Great, I really enjoyed spending time with you. I’ll get back in touch and we’ll arrange when to meet,” Story said.
At least someone wanted to spend time with her, someone who didn’t hide from every feeling they’d ever had.
“Thanks, I’m really looking forward to it.”
A few minutes after Holly hung up, Lali popped her head around the door and said, “Morning, Holls. How did the big date go?”
Holly scowled. “There was no big date, and it was a disaster.”
Lali’s smile faltered. “Oh.”
***
Bea walked up and down Teddy’s bedroom, holding Teddy in her arms. She had been difficult to put down tonight, as George wasn’t going to be back from her engagem
ent till late. Teddy was so attached to George it made her heart melt, but it also made things difficult when George wasn’t there to read Teddy’s bedtime story. It was their routine, and Teddy did not like her routine to change.
Bea stroked Teddy’s back and sang to her. She began to hear Teddy’s breathing slow and deepen.
“That’s my poppet. Mum will be home soon.”
She wanted to see George as much as Teddy. These solo engagements were hard on them both. She knew George got her confidence from Bea standing with her, but it would have been unfair to drag their baby girl around all the engagements the prime minister’s office had arranged for them. Bo Dixon used them like her personal staff, the royal department she used to ingratiate herself to foreign powers, even if they were foreign powers she and George fundamentally disagreed with. Luckily, that was not the case on the North American tour.
She put Teddy into her cot and went to bed. The big suite felt even larger with George not here. She wasn’t due to be back until the small hours of the morning.
Bea made sure the baby monitor was on, then slipped under her sheets and pulled George’s pillow to her. If she closed her eyes she could imagine George was here with her.
Tomorrow they would leave for Kentucky, and Bea couldn’t wait. She and George would have the main ranch house to themselves, and Bea had insisted there would be no staff looking after them. She wanted it to be just George, Teddy, and her, like a normal family.
Heaven.
Her thoughts turned to Holly. Lali had told her that Holly was livid with Quincy after their date, and she didn’t want to talk about what went wrong. That spoke volumes to Bea. She could see on a daily basis how Quincy looked at Holly, and how Holly looked at Quincy.
Quincy was a tough nut to crack, even worse than George had been. Maybe it was time to take the matchmaking up a notch.
Bea heard the door to their suite open, and her heart started to flutter. No one got by their guards, so it had to be George. She sat up, and a few seconds later George quietly tiptoed through the door. George had been to visit a naval base and so was dressed in her Royal Navy uniform.