by Noah Harris
Dylan loved to run. It made him feel alive and it cleared his head. In another life, another time, he felt certain he might have ended up spending more time in his wolf form than his human form. But this wasn’t that life nor that time. This was here and now, and he had responsibilities.
Dylan was lucky enough to be a part of several packs and several responsibilities that gave him the opportunity to run and taste the freedom that he craved. Most shifters had one main pack while others, perhaps, had loose ties with one. Dylan had several, different pieces of him slotted into place with each of them. Instead of feeling fractured like one might expect, as though he didn’t truly belong anywhere or didn’t have a true home, it gave Dylan a feeling of peace. He had his home pack, with his parents and his family; the pack that raised him. He had his pack with work, the Navy SEALS; they were his blood brothers, bonded through adversity and years of working together, of fighting alongside one another, forged in trust and bound in loyalty. Then he had the Shadow Pack; they were a pack he never expected to have but he was grateful that he did, nonetheless. They were a pack away from home, one that he and Blake could always return to and feel welcomed. They felt as if they belonged here and could simply be themselves.
He was a lucky man. He had three packs and a home, and his home was with Blake.
If he was so lucky, why did he feel so empty and hollow as soon as the adrenaline from his run had worn off?
“Good to see you can still keep up,” Marcus said as Dylan pulled his shirt back over his head. He wore a similar outfit to the security team he had been running with. Where their clothes were all skin tight, Dylan had a much looser top, he was still not entirely comfortable showing off his swollen belly.
As he settled the hem over his waist, he shot Marcus a withering, exasperated glare, lips pursed. He hated reminders of his condition, and he really hated the idea that omegas were all but useless during pregnancy.
He knew he was pushing himself and that he should be resting and taking it easy, and he hated that even more. He wasn’t programed to rest and take it easy. He needed to run. If he didn’t have an outlet for all this restless energy, he was afraid of what he might do or say.
Marcus smiled, voice teasing as he put up his hands in defense. “Hey, I’m just saying, not many would run with us this far along in their pregnancy. I wasn’t sure you’d be able to keep up, and I wouldn’t have blamed you if you couldn’t.”
Dylan huffed, awkwardly lowering himself to the ground so he could lace up his boots. “I just came back from a mission with my team. I’ve been keeping up with them for months.”
Marcus squatted next to Dylan to keep him at eye level, arms resting on his knees as he smiled. “Fair enough. I’m just impressed, is all.”
Dylan gave him a wry smile, voice dry and monotoned. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Good, it was meant to be one.”
It had been several days, both long and stressful, since they arrived at the castle. They hadn’t been able to locate Rajiah yet, despite everyone’s best efforts. Arulean was simmering with rage, pacing and restless. His dragon was close to the surface and making everyone uneasy. For once, everyone in the pack gave him a wide berth.
Blake was becoming more and more frustrated as the days went by as his attempts to find Rajiah turned up empty. Even the members of the pack who didn’t know the details of what was happening knew that it was not good. Whispers of Rajiah’s and Remi’s disappearance spread like wildfire, but it was only spoken of in the shadows, when Arulean was near.
There was only so much of the tense atmosphere Dylan could take, especially when there was nothing he could do to help. He was a soldier. If he was in the general vicinity of Rajiah, he could no doubt track him. Here however, thousands of miles away, Dylan could do nothing. He was a man of action, and they didn’t need him just yet. For the moment, all he could do was sit idly by and watch as his friends and family slowly grew more and more frustrated, fraying at the seams and nipping at each other’s nerves.
Dylan was beginning to feel the effects of the stress.
He had been looking forward to being home, and spending quality time with Blake again. He enjoyed his time overseas with his team, but nothing could completely dull the ache of being separated from his mate. Since his return, however, he hadn’t gotten much time alone with Blake at all.
Blake was locked away with his equipment almost around the clock. When he wasn’t, it was because he was being forced to sleep or eat. By the time he finally stumbled into their room at night, he was far too exhausted to do much more than collapse on the bed before passing out. Most mornings he was gone before Dylan was awake.
Dylan visited Blake as often as he could. He was the only one who could calm him down when he got too worked up. Though more often than not, he was ignored. He was there, but Blake’s focus was on his work. That was perfectly reasonable, of course. This was an emergency situation. However, Dylan couldn’t help but feel…lonely and dejected. Even when he was with his mate, he still felt alone. Blake’s frustration put distance between them, his mind constantly on the problem at hand. Dylan couldn’t blame him for that, but he also couldn’t stop the way he felt.
Most of the time, he wanted to run or hide away. It left his mood sour and his patience thin. He felt agitated and as a result, he was quick to snap. He tried his best to avoid taking it out on Lily, but it was hard. She was always there when he just needed to be alone. She was always dragging him out around the castle. He knew his needs came second to his daughter’s, but…that was part of the problem, wasn’t it?
His own needs were always second...or even third.
It left him tense and frustrated, and he had no outlet. His mate wasn’t around to ease his stress. His daughter was a source of his frustration, which only sparked the guilt that gnawed at his gut. He wasn’t able to do anything useful. He hated it. He hated sitting idle, stewing in the thoughts and emotions that he felt guilty for having, but couldn’t entirely banish.
He knew Arulean and Rajiah needed them, and he knew he would always drop everything to come here to help them, but more than anything he just wanted to be home, wrapped up in bed with Blake.
He knew a solution to the itch beneath his skin was a good run, to feel useful again. He had asked Marcus if he could accompany their security team on their patrols. Marcus had given him a curious once over at that, his gaze hovering a moment too long on Dylan’s belly, but he had hesitantly agreed. Dylan couldn’t blame him. He knew they wouldn’t want a pregnant man holding them back. Thankfully, they didn’t have that problem.
He knew the patrol protocols from when he and Blake were first here and Dylan had spent some time on security duty. He could keep up with them on runs, was as sharp as any of the others when it came to scent tracking, and he still knew the routes by heart. Running with his pregnant belly wasn’t even that hard. It was a little awkward at first, but he had gotten used to it on his last mission with his SEAL team, although it hadn’t been quite so obvious then. Thankfully, his body was resilient enough to deal with the strain, and he wasn’t far enough along for it to be dangerous for him or the baby.
The only thing that had changed was the speed at which he was able to shift. When he first started running with the security patrols all those years ago, he had been one of the fastest to shift between forms. Now, he was the slowest because he had to take his time and be careful. Even then, he wasn’t too slow for it to be a problem.
When Dylan was done lacing up his boots, Marcus held out a hand and helped pull him back to his feet. Once the team was all dressed, they started back toward the compound, Marcus in the lead and Dylan strolling casually at his side. The others fell into line behind them, chatting softly amongst themselves.
As they stepped through the trees and into the open field, they paused, conversation stopping as all their eyes glanced skywards.
Arulean was circling again. It wasn’t often that the man took to his dragon form, but it
had been happening more and more often lately. When pacing wasn’t enough, he shed his human skin to take to the skies. He had taken to circling the compound in wide, sweeping circles. The Shadow Pack had vast grounds, keeping them entirely secluded and away from human civilization. Dylan noticed that Arulean was careful never to fly far enough for humans to see him. He did push his limits, though. Some days he kept low enough in the sky that they could see the outline of his inky, black scales. Other times he flew high enough that he appeared little bigger than a bird, the clouds obscuring his form.
At first glance, his flight was almost lazy. His wings were spread wide, catching the wind as he glided in meandering circles. A human might even think it looked peaceful. Shifters, however, knew better. They could feel the frustration and pent up rage, worry, and desperation rolling off his aura in waves. They could smell the bitterness in his scent, alpha hormones clogging up the air. They could see it in the near constant twitch of his tail and weave of his body.
It made Dylan’s hackles rise. It made shivers run down his spine and put his inner wolf on alert, cowering just beneath the surface, restless and eager to get away from the gigantic and fearsome beast. He could tell from the shifting and change of scent that the others felt the same way.
Nonetheless, they didn’t run. Despite it all, they knew Arulean, and they knew he wouldn’t do anything to harm his pack. He was keeping his own hurt as tightly controlled as he could, and it wasn’t his fault it bled out. It was heartbreaking to see, and it only made Dylan more anxious, knowing that he couldn’t do anything about it.
Marcus was the first to continue their walk back to the castle, with Dylan following right behind him. The rest of their patrol fell in step as they made their way down the slope and along the loosely worn paths in the grass that lead across the field toward the compound.
“How is the search going?” Marcus asked in hushed tones as they walked, his head was tilted back and his eyes focused on Arulean.
Dylan sighed, following his gaze. “There haven’t been any new leads in days. Blake is trying everything he can, hacking into computers overseas, reading through communications, and finding camera feeds to search, but no one has seen them and nothing is known about their whereabouts. The witches aren’t having any luck either. Their detection spells are being thrown off by Abel’s magic, and they can’t pinpoint an exact location. Each time they try, they get a different place.”
“Have they at least learned to work together?”
A dry bark of a laugh escaped Dylan’s lips. “Work together? They can barely stand to be in the same room as one another. Arulean has tasked them with trying to find Rajiah together, and so far all we have to show for it are disjointed efforts,” he sighed, brows pinching and lips pursing. “And unfortunately, Arulean is in no state to rally them. So it comes down to me to defuse the situation.”
Marcus gave him a wry smile and a sideways glance. “I do not envy you in the slightest.”
Dylan snorted a short laugh. “I don’t envy me, either.”
“Do you think they’ve throttled each other in your absence this afternoon?”
“I honestly wouldn’t be surprised.”
They reached the gravel drive and turned toward the compound, all the while casting wary and anxious glances at the sky where Arulean still circled. They headed for the security building and changed out of their patrol gear before dispersing.
“I have a few schedules to write up,” Marcus said as they headed out of the locker room. He paused outside his office and turned back to look at Dylan. “Good work out there today. Can we count on you for more patrols?”
Dylan nodded. “I’ll let you know. It depends how soon we find Rajiah and how quickly we’ll be shipping out to retrieve him.”
“Alright, just let me know. And if you see my wife, let her know I’ll be a little late for dinner.”
Dylan nodded, turning toward the door while Marcus slipped into his office. The gravel crunched beneath his shoes as he made his way to the castle. It was a nice day, and as such, there were plenty of people outside enjoying the last rays of sunshine before night fell. Once again, Dylan found his gaze drifting upward towards Arulean, watching the way the warm evening sunlight reflected off his dark scales. It was beautiful yet heartbreaking.
He wondered if Blake was like this when Dylan went missing.
A small part of him wondered if Blake would even notice if he went missing now.
“Daddy!”
Dylan paused, tearing his gaze away from the dragon. Lily came sprinting down the front steps of the castle, skipping steps as she went and stumbling across the gravel to meet him. He smiled, bending to scoop her up in his arms and settle her on his hip automatically. “Hey, sweetie. How’ve you been?”
“Look! Lucy taught me how to make bracelets!” She excitedly held out her wrist, shoving it into his face. He had to lean back to focus properly. There were several woven bracelets on her arm, some more well made than others. The grin on her face was broad and proud, making him smile.
“They’re beautiful. Are you going to make some for me and papa?”
Her face scrunched up in thought, brow wrinkling and lips pursing. She looked offended that she hadn’t thought of that before. Dylan had to bite back a laugh. “I should,” she said with a determined nod. “I will.”
He smiled, bumping his head against hers. “I can’t wait. What’re you up to now?” A knot formed in his stomach, hoping that he wouldn’t have to watch her, before he forced the feeling away. She was his daughter. He shouldn’t feel this way. He should be happy to spend time with her, especially after being gone for so long.
Yet…she had grown up so much in his absence, and she was doing just fine without him.
She turned, pointing to where Lucy was walking down the steps with a few other kids at her heels. “We’re gonna go play,” she said, voice a little quieter and significantly more shy. He ignored the slump of relief in his shoulders.
“Are you having fun with the other kids?” he asked, unsure of what else to say to her. When did he get so awkward with his own child? When had she become a stranger to him?
She ducked her head, fists curling into his shirt as she nodded. “They’re nice…”
Dylan chuckled, rubbing her back. “It’s okay to make friends, Lily.”
“I knooooow,” she said, sounding exasperated. She made a face, and Dylan got the distinct impression that she had just tried to roll her eyes. “But…” she chewed on her bottom lip before mumbling, “I miss Remi…”
His smile turned sad, and he hugged her close. “He’ll be back soon, though.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah, I promise,” he said, because...what else was he supposed to say? He wasn’t good at comforting adults, let alone children. Still, she took it in her stride.
“Okay,” she said, though she didn’t sound very happy about having to wait.
“Until then, play with the other kids. They’re nice, right?”
“Yeah…”
“And you like Lucy, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So it’ll be fun.”
She made a small huffing noise, though she didn’t sound convinced as she looked sideways at the kids milling around Lucy’s feet. “I like Katie...she’s nice.”
“Which one’s Katie?”
Lily pointed out a girl toward the back of the crowd, roughly around her age, with long dark hair pulled back into braids, a few curls escaping to frame her face. She clung to the back of Lucy’s shirt, eyeing the rowdier kids with wary but curious eyes.
Dylan smiled. “Maybe you should show Katie your favorite spots in the garden?” he suggested, and felt his heart warm when his daughter lit up. See? He could still do this. He could still be a good father. Despite how often he left and for how long, he could still say the right things to inspire this kind of happiness and confidence in Lily.
Some days, he felt like parenting was a puzzle he was never meant to solve
and other days, it felt instinctual. More often than not, it felt like the flip of a coin as to whether or not he’d do alright.
Blake was so much better adapted for this kind of life. Until he had met him, Dylan hadn’t wanted this life. He couldn’t bring himself to regret it though, not when he saw Blake’s face soften and that smile turned on him. He couldn’t do so when he looked at his daughter’s face, such a unique mix of him and his mate. Not when he felt the child inside him kick.
He didn’t regret it, but he still worried that he wasn’t suited for it, and not quite up to it.
“Okay,” she said, already squirming to be put down. He chuckled, letting her drop to the ground before she hurried back to the group, skittering around the others until she reached Katie. The little girl brightened with recognition as Lily came up to her, and he watched with pride as his daughter talked quickly and animatedly. She didn’t make friends easily, but once she found someone, she clung to them.
“Hey, Dylan,” Lucy said, peeling away from the group to step over to him.
He met her halfway. “Hey, Lucy. Has she been good today?”
Lucy smiled, soft and fond. “An angel, honestly,” she said with a tired laugh, gesturing to the group. Two of the older boys were trying to put each other in a headlock. “She’s one of the better behaved ones.” Dylan preened, and Lucy gave him a smirk. “Don’t know where she got that from, though.”
Dylan rolled his eyes and shoved her lightly, making her laugh. “Really, though, thanks for watching after her.”
She shrugged, loosely crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s no trouble. We all take turns watching after them when we have time, and I enjoy it.”
Lily tugged on Lucy’s shirt. “Miss Lucy?”
They both looked down to where she was holding Katie by the wrist. They were both looking up at Lucy with wide, hopeful eyes. “Can we go to the gardens?”