by Kali Emerson
I was grateful that I’d chosen to wear my boots, because the grass was slick with a light frost almost making me slip a few times while I looked for the plot where my mother was buried. As I grew closer it became easier to spot because it was the newest looking one and the only one with fresh flowers.
I hadn't visited her grave sight since the funeral, and they had just put the headstone in about a month ago. My dad sent me a text when they installed it, although I never texted him back about it. Besides, at the beginning of February it was too cold.
I touched the top of the stone. It was cold and had a thin layer of frost over the top of it, which the grass. I traced her name with my fingertips and thought about how vulnerable she was. She had left me long ago, to somewhere I didn't understand. I hadn't been able to grieve her because she left me before she was ever really gone.
I knew she tried her best to be there for me, but she couldn't. My body started to feel heavy, and weak. A pain in my chest throbbed as I remembered how my mother would brush my hair before bed, while it was still wet to help preserve my curls. I never told her thank you for doing the best she could with what she had. I suddenly regretted a lot of things I said to her, wishing I had said them differently and allowed her into my life more. She was a good mom when she could be, and I took that from her.
I felt a sudden presence as my memories were flashing through my head. I pulled my favorite memory from when my mom took me to the beach when I was seven, and we spent hours building sand castles and racing to the ocean. She always let me win, although at that age I didn’t realize what she was doing. The memory stayed in a wholesome place in my head, where I kept all of my favorite childhood memories. It usually stayed buried deep, somewhere not readily accessible because of all of the lousy things expanding and taking up too much room.
Goosebumps rose on my skin as I felt a push of cold air over my back and down my spine, followed by the pressure of a hand on my shoulder. I knew who it was before I even looked up. The smell was familiar, and lingered in the air around me. It was a mix of her perfume and dirt. My mom always had her hands in dirt. Potting, repotting or trimming her herbs in her garden. It was the one thing beside reading, she continued to do even when she was really sick. I looked up and saw her standing above me.
“Mom?” She looked down and smiled at me. I stood up quickly, meeting her gaze at eye level. She squeezed her hand tightly on mine and showed me a vision through her own eyes.
I became dizzy, just as I had before I received my own visions. My vision became dark, and I fell to the dirt.
Suddenly I was watching her as a spectator. No one could see me, but I could see them. She was my age, when she got her first one. It was a small vision, but prophetic vision nonetheless. She didn't say anything right away, but my grandmother knew something wasn't right. My parents were already married then, so my grandmother took care of her like she was her own.
It kept happening, and when she was contacted by The Coven and ignored them. She didn’t want their help anymore than she wanted anyone else's and The Council turned her away. They made her feel crazy and lost, telling her there was no such thing, and she couldn’t be having visions like that.
She even had a vision of Alex and I. After she realized the vision was about me, she lost her focus and started to have visions of demented demons and spirits. It got worse, and worse until she wasn't having prophetic visions anymore, it was only the delusions. That's when she started to see a doctor and got diagnosed with schizophrenia.
It had been caused by something magical and there wasn't anything she could have done about it. That's why it was so hard to find a medication for it because she was doomed from the beginning. Then she showed me the moment she decided to end it. She wanted me to know that she thought about me in her final moments, and knew that she was leaving me in good hands. She had one last vision the night before and felt content with her decision. She saw Alex and how he loved me.
She also saw that I would be given her gift, and it wouldn't torment me like it did her. She showed me that she just couldn't take the pain of seeing what she saw anymore. She didn't want her regular visions back either, she wanted to be completely free of it. I understood.
When I was released from the vision she was gone and I was alone again. I slumped into the wet dirt. I had been holding in so much pain that it bolted in waves through my body, making me quiver and shake in agony as the hurt left my body.
The build up of every kind of hurt in my life was let go, and even though it hurt to let go...forgive.I was born to be a magnificent witch, and I’d just severed the thin cords that were holding my body up like a marionette. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down, and sat up. My eyes were bloodshot and my face was pink from the strain. I couldn't smell anything because my nose was full. The sun had come up over the horizon just slightly, and I turned to look at the orange and yellow light show across the sky and ocean. I leaned back onto my mom's headstone, for comfort while I stared out into the water for a few more minutes.
I suddenly felt exhausted. All of the emotional energy was gone from letting out everything that had been building up over several years. I forgave my mom for what she did to me, to our family. I silently thanked her for showing me what I needed to see.
Then I noticed a small folded up piece of paper lying on the ground in front of her tombstone. I touched it, feeling the fragile paper under my fingers realizing what it was. It was the missing page from her spellbook.
I opened the folded paper, and let it sit in my hand as snowflakes started to settle down on the paper, dissolving only a few seconds after. It was the page I was looking for, but it didn’t contain the information I had originally thought. It was in her own handwriting, and at the top it read ‘Past Lives’ but the information was about Alex and I. It was the same information that Maria started to give us. I read it quickly as the snow started falling harder.
Something else was missing. The prophecy was written incompletely, and there were scribbles and demonic images drawn at the bottom of the paper as if she started an episode in the middle of writing it down.
I saw someone walking up the path toward the cemetery, and stood up promptly. As they got close I realized it was my dad, so I shoved the paper back into my pocket and uncrumpled Fiona's address, quickly reciting the spell to teleport.
I couldn’t let him know yet.
“Lacus” I stepped into the air, disappearing and reappearing in Fiona's front lawn.
Her driveway was rounded, and I hid in the front bush on the other side of the cement. I looked at each window to see if anyone was awake. When I saw that everything was dark, I stood up and walked toward the door.
I had written Fiona a note, and would leave it at the door. I wrote about how sorry I was for ending our friendship the way we did. Even though I was only sorry about that. I wasn't sorry about being leaving.
As I walked across the ground and into the grass on the other side, I heard something come from the back yard. It wasn't a big back yard because only a few yards away was a cliff with rocks all the way down,leading to the water.
It was a small white house, with dark brown on the sides, and a grey roof. It was a cape cod style house, which was very common on the east coast, especially in coastal towns. I tried to walk up the steps quietly but, because it was an older house it squeaked loudly.
As I approached the door, I felt someone standing behind me. I turned around immediately and saw Fiona, in her pajamas standing in the grass with her arms crossed.
“What are you doing here.” Her face read angry, but also hopeful. She thought I was there to come back home.
“I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry.”
“Are you leaving them?” She sounded desperate for the answer she wanted hear.
“No.”
“Then go.”
There was a long silence, we just stared at each other. I wanted to say something else because when I looked in her eyes, I saw her sadness.
She was so broken down from everything that was happening to her. We were going through the same thing, but she was hanging onto comfort and familiarity, rather than trusting her gut.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the piece of paper twisting it in my hand.
“This is for you.” I trudged down the steps toward her with my arm stretched out. She backed up in sync with how fast I came at her.
“Stay away from me.” She sounded so cold.
“Will you take this?”
“No.”
I held my hand palm up with the note in my hand and concentrated on making it float toward her. I suspended it in front of her, but she never reached for it, so I let it fall to the ground. The clouds started coming in, it was going to storm soon and I could feel the energy of the cold front making its way there.
The wind started to pick up and I heard lightning crash in the distance.
Suddenly I heard the door swing up and I turned to see Fiona's mom, Maria standing in the doorway with a small object in her hand. I couldn't quite see what it was, but then I felt a sharp pain in my side. I screamed out in pain and dropped to the floor.
“No Mama! I'm not done yet.”
“It's too late Mami she's too far gone to them. It's over.”
From my knees I could see the object better, it looked like a small pin cushion with needles sticking out of it. I raised my hand and thought about the invisible energy arm reaching out and grabbing the pin cushion from Maria.
She felt it start to move in her hands and realized what I was trying to do, so she held on tighter.
“No.” She looked right at me. I pulled harder and the pin cushion came flying at my hand. I caught it with a thud and the pain was gone. She looked at me, annoyed the amount of power I gave off in order to pull it away from her.
Another flash of lightning struck across the sky, and thunder boomed. The waves started to get bigger and angrier. Fiona ran past me and stood next to her mother, under the front porch just as the rain started pelting down.
“Lacus” I shifted again and in a moment I was gone and back in my condo, soaked. Alex glared at me from across the room.
14
I dropped all of my wet clothes in the middle of the floor forgetting about the paper in my pocket, and I sprawled myself out, naked across the leather and Alex.
“What happened?”
“I shouldn’t have ever been friends with that bitch. All she cares about is herself. I can’t believe I’ve been so fucking stupid for so long.”
“You’re not stupid, baby you just have a lot of love to give.”
Those words pierced through my heart and I turned to curl into a ball in his arms. He was right. I was too passionate about people that didn’t matter. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him, comforting me in my moments of vulnerability.
I grabbed a blanket from off the back of the couch and draped it over myself turning to my side and sliding back off Alex. I faced the TV but was unable to concentrate on what was happening on the screen. I blindly reached under the couch where my box of bud was. It scraped against the floor and echoed into the hallway. Alex looked down at what I was doing.
I grabbed two joints and a small yellow lighter. I gave one, and kept the one I already lit for myself. After the last twenty-four hours I needed it.
“It's going to be okay.” He ran his hand up my arm.
“I know.” I lifted the joint to my lips and pulled.
We sat watching TV together for a few minutes when my Alex’s cell phone rang.
“Olivia?”
‘Are the two of you able to jump to the village?’
Alex looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders.
“Okay. When?”
‘Now.’
“Did something happen?”
‘Yes.’
I wrapped myself in the blanket, covering up my still naked body and walked to my bedroom to get dressed. It wasn’t what I wanted to do after coming home from such an emotionally exhausting expedition, but if it was something involving us. We needed to go there. Olivia made it clear that she would only involve us on short notice if it was dire.
I dressed comfortably because I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. I didn’t know how long we would be there, and I was so mentally and physically exhausted still. I didn’t even know if my magic would work well enough to make the jump with Alex.
I slid my sweatpants over my cold skin, and matched it with a t-shirt and sweatshirt layered to try and keep me warm. I looked at my jewelry box, considering wearing something nicer to keep my outfit fashionable, but relinquished my strength and chose the silver moon necklace instead. The mirror sitting on my floor, reflected how I felt and I didn’t know how I was going to be able to continue.
My wet pants were still in the living room, so before we departed I took the folded paper out and stuck it in my dry pants to take with us to the village. I didn’t know how much I trusted them, but I wanted to bring it anyway.
Alex was ready quicker than I was and waited for me by the door. We weren’t going to drive, because Maine was hours away. Luckily we would be able to use the portal spell together.
“Can you do it?”
He nodded at me and took my hand.
“Lacus.”
We stepped into the portal and appeared right outside of Gabriel and Olivia’s cottage. We knocked on the door and Gabriel opened it quickly. He was the same height as Olivia, and had jet black hair that was waved,hitting his shoulders. His face was incredibly structured, and was covered by a slight five-o-clock shadow.
“Come in.” The four of us walked past Gabriel and stepped into the most impeccably designed living room I'd ever seen.
It was just one white room for everything. The kitchen sat against the back wall to the left. There was only a stove, refrigerator, and a small counter area with a sink that hada foot of empty counter space. To our left toward the front door, was a small sitting area with a light grey loveseat and a long cream colored couch. Under the larch wood modern coffee table, was a red oriental rug.
Her walls were almost bare, with the exception of three massive abstract art pieces that took up the entire wall to the right, in the dining area. Centered in the space was a long wooden table matching the wood of the coffee table. Everything was cohesive and warm. Despite being neutral and minimalistic.
In the back right corner was an iron spiral staircase, leading up to their bedroom. It was the only room on the second floor and was decorated with the same aesthetic as the lower level. The broad French doors led out onto the balcony which could be seen from the front of the cottage.
Olivia grabbed a teapot that was sitting on the stove, filled it up with water and lit the burner. She reached into the open cabinet above the stove and pulled a petite white ceramic tea cup out, with a saucer. There was a jar that sat on the empty counter with a mixture of herbs in it. She reached into it with a small spoon and placed the contents in a container that's used to steep tea. Plopping it into the water, she lifted her hand to the spoon and began to stir the hot liquid clockwise.
“Mara, drink this.” We had congregated to the long table in the dining area, and she sat the tea cup down in front of me.
“What is it?”
“It's Mugwort tea. We are going to need to induce another vision. Gabriel will be there in the Astral Plane waiting for you to arrive. He will help guide you through and help you focus on your visions. It will be like you are lucid dreaming but you need to pay attention to everything that's around you. Gabriel will not be able to see exactly what you are seeing, but he will be there.”
“How do you know about the visions?” I panicked thinking they had been spying on us, and I looked at Alex who looked shameful.
“You told them?!” He had been preaching about not keeping secrets, the sting of betrayal dug deep.
“I’m sorry.”
There wasn’t anything we could do about it, he already told them so I had to deal with both
having to develop my new ability, and be upset with him at the same time. I couldn’t believe that he went behind my back.
“Don’t be sorry, just remember that you were the one that said we were a team.” I looked back over at Olivia, and back at Alex who obviously didn’t regret the decision to tell them.
I'd taken Mugwort tea before, so I kind of had an idea of what would be happening physically. Although, I never used it to induce a vision like that so I assumed it would be different. I knew it would get intense, and I knew I had to be ready for anything. We needed to know more about what was happening in the vision, and hopefully get insight into what they were planning.
I thought about whether or not we should trust them. We had just met them, but I was already taking strange teas and drinking it without much thought. There had been one thing that kept us safe. It was the fact that they needed us, and drugging us or killing us wouldn’t do any good. My visions came with no experience, and under other circumstances, I would have had time to learn and prepare to have my visions the right way. This was rushed, but it was necessary.
“Okay.” I delicately picked up the tea cup and placed it on my lips. With a few large gulps I had consumed it all. It would take a few minutes to kick it so I took my shoes off to ground myself. I focused on the way the wood, feeling it beneath my feet and how the air felt touching my skin. I could feel my hair against my scalp and waterfall down to the middle of my back.
After only a few seconds my vision started to get blurry and the room started spinning. It was a different sensation than that of a normal vision. It was more concentrated in my head rather than my whole body.
“Just get her to the couch.” Olivia's voice sounded grainy and distorted. Alex grabbed one arm and Callie had the other, as they helped me get to the couch. I didn't know which way was up, or down. I was completely disoriented and halfway between worlds.
“I'll meet you there.” Gabriel's voice was clear, he had already started the process of crossing over to the Astral Plane just as I had. I felt the soft material on my skin as I lost consciousness completely, and I woke in my vision.