Easy right…?
But it wasn’t easy. Not anymore. The older I get the more I want to rebel against everything my father has ever done and stood for. He isn’t a good person. And for a long time, I didn’t think I was a good person either. But the love I have for my mother and the fact that seeing her as a shell of her former self absolutely kills me each and every day, is proof I’m not the monster he thought he raised. And as for Hendrix…. The fact that a real girl like her even makes me want to care, proves that I don’t want the future my father has set out for me either. I’m a selfish bastard, and I’ve always taken the easy route. And whilst this will be anything but easy, I’m ready to get my hands as dirty as they need to be if it means taking back control over my own fucking life.
A life that could also include her.
Austins’ horn sounds as he turns into the drive, and I grip the envelope in my hands as I stalk to the door tossing my bag into the back when I hop in.
“How’d it go?” he asks as soon as we take off. Unlike keeping Banks and River in the dark, Austins the only one I know I can go to. He’s as close to a brother that I ever had. He gets it.
“As can be expected.”
I tuck the envelope in my bag, zipping it into the back compartment. I notice Austins eyes tracking my movement between the road and the envelope curiously, but he doesn’t ask about it. I’m thankful, because I don’t feel right even sharing the contents of that envelope with him, and I don’t want to have to lie to him either. But it wouldn’t feel right him knowing this about Hendrix. It’s bad enough that Amber knows, because that right there is a bigger reason for me to be concerned. She’s definitely the type to use shit like this as offence if Amber feels there’s a reason she needs to use it. Which makes me trying to get through to Hendrix all that much harder. I know I should just leave her be. It would be the safest option for her. And the more I think about it, the more I know that’s the right thing to do. But for once in my life, I will do what I can to protect her without the fucking glory attached to it and hope she still wants to understand me when it’s all over. I glance up when I notice us bypass the main campus carpark and end up outside the dorms on the Westside instead.
“What are you doing?” I ask Austin as he jerks to a stop.
“Meeting new girl to walk her to classes,” he replies like it was an obvious answer. Which it should be, since I’ve asked Austin to keep an eye on her, mainly to make sure Amber doesn’t start shit with this information behind my back. I can’t do it myself, because I know the more I’m around Hendrix the more she’ll continue to crack me open.
“So why can’t you walk here from our usual spot?” I jump out to meet Austin on the sidewalk.
“Man, I got flattened at training yesterday, so I can barely be fucked walking at all today. Cut a guy some slack.” He slaps my back as he heads to the building, causing me to watch in irritation as does so. It’s stupid to be jealous over his swagger to her door, when he’s only doing what I asked. But what pisses me off is that it’s just proof again that I don’t have control over my own fucking life. But all thoughts disappear when I see her emerge from the building. She’s dressed in our Academy uniform that’s oversized on her and hides her beautiful body, and makes her look younger than she is. Her long dark hair draped down her left shoulder in that braid she loves, and her gorgeous eyes trying to hide between those thick, black frames. But a girl like her could never not be seen. And for the first time, I suddenly realise something.
She too - is hiding.
She may not have the status bullshit we all have to play with, but she does have a façade she uses as her mask to hide some of her truths. That single thought making it feel like she has more in common with me than I thought….
She takes slow, measured steps down the front porch, not taking her questioning hazel eyes away from me. My heart beats so loud in my chest, that it’s hard to stand still. She only pulls her gaze away when she meets Austin at the bottom, and the at-ease at which he throws his arm over her shoulder has me wanting to punch something. Preferably, not my best friend either. When I see them head my way, I know I should walk away, but I’m stuck, watching her small frame tempting me as she comes closer. She’s barely a few meters from me, when I feel a hand grip my forearm.
“Morning.”
I feel Ambers sloppy kiss on my cheek before I see her, because my eyes watch in slow-motion the surprise, anger and then hurt that crosses Hendrix’s face. I force my gaze off her and grit my teeth. I stalk toward the building with a girl I can’t stand, when all I want to do is check on the girl who reaches me on some level, even I didn’t understand.
And whilst I used to think I couldn’t get what I wanted…. I was beginning to realise I’d risk everything.
To do just that.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Hendrix
“Back again Austin?” I ask, pitching my voice into a higher register, pretending I didn’t see Paxton and Amber just head off together arm in arm. I don’t know why I’m still letting it bother me. I hardly know Paxton, and what I know of Amber I didn’t like anyway. But I guess it’s because I think that even he can do better than her…. And I’m disappointed that he apparently doesn’t agree with me on that. Or on a lot of things it would seem…
“Just call me, your personal chauffeur. At your service,” he bows playfully, before waggling his brows as he hooks his elbow around my neck.
“Is there even a point in telling you that I don’t need you to do this?”
“Nah I’m kinda’ liking this little sis-older bro vibe we got goin’ on.” He ruffles my hair with his free hand, causing me to move my head out of the way – the broad smile still on my face.
“And who said I wanted an older brother?”
“Come on new girl. Everyone needs someone. May as well take someone who can’t get in your pants and be your friend, right?” I glance up at Austin as we walk to campus, noting that his expression says that perhaps he wasn’t just talking about me with that statement.
“Hey Hendrix, wait up!” Lucy calls, as she catches up to us. “Oh my God I slept like a disaster last night. I barely had time to get ready this morning.”
I glance at Lucy in her Academy uniform, short skirt and knee-high socks, her gorgeous ringlets bouncing effortlessly, and chuckle.
“Yeah, it totally looks like you just woke up.”
“Uh, you’re supposed to be my friend,” she whines, like she didn’t realise I was joking with her.
“Luce, seriously? You look like you stepped off the set of Gossip Girl. You look amazing.”
“She always looks amazing,” I hear Austin mumble, causing me to shoot my head in his direction, and from his uncomfortable squirm, it didn’t appear he liked the fact that I heard him either. But when Lucy continued chatting on our way to the building, it was clear she didn’t hear his compliment at all. Which makes me think that I may just have to ask my new ‘brother’ about that later….
I managed through the rest of the week in the same pattern that was fast becoming my new routine here. Austin met me outside my dorm each morning, walked me to classes and sat in on most of them too. Again, the professors didn’t bat an eyelid or question it, but it meant I was starting to kick ass in the classes. I felt confident and capable, which wasn’t something that came easily for me in these kinds of topics, and despite me not asking for my new shadow (that was Austin) – he was actually starting to become a somewhat comfort to me. He wasn’t overly talkative like the others in our group were, but he had a calming presence about him which I liked. Not that I’d admit that to one of the Elite of course, but we’d found a rhythm that was becoming somewhat normal. It was light-hearted and it was easy, and it meant I didn’t risk coming face to face with Amber and her friends at all. It was like both her and Paxton made a deliberate effort to stay away from me anyway. Which was okay by me. It meant it was easier to get over any connection I may have felt with Paxton, because if I couldn’t see him
– I didn’t feel him as intensely either. But all of that was about to change when Austin walked me toward the dorms on Friday afternoon.
“So, you’re coming to the game tonight right?”
My heart froze, just thinking about seeing Paxton there. But I forced myself to take a breath, when I realised I’d managed almost a week without seeing him. Surely, I could bare being in the same outdoor venue as him couldn’t I?
“Umm, I’m not sure football is my thing.”
“New girl you wound me!” Austin claims, hanging his arm off my shoulder. “I thought we were friends?”
“I mean I guess we are…”
“I’ll pretend that that too, didn’t sound rudely offensive, because if we were friends, that means you come and cheer for your friend. And, I have to say your friend, looks pretty killer in his uniform.”
I roll my eyes, and mumble a sarcastic, “Talking about yourself in third person now?”
“And you know who also looks pretty good in their uniform….?” he continues on. I edge a cough, like something suddenly got stuck in it, shrugging like I didn’t know who he was referring to. When it’s about as obvious as the people staring at us right now.
“Well, I said pretty good, but definitely not as good as me. Seriously new girl, it’s the only place to be in this town on Friday. I’m sure your crew is going.”
I nod. “That is true, they have been badgering me all week about going to the game. Apparently, football is a big thing here. Who knew?” I shrug playfully, causing Austin to roll his eyes like I’m being an idiot.
“Are you only just realising that your brother here is football royalty? Wow, and you really think you know a person.”
I elbow him in the side, causing him to grunt. “Hey, watch the merchandise! I need those ribs if I’m going to protect your precious QB out there tonight.”
I ignore the second reference to Paxton in as many minutes, because it’s all I’ve heard about in the halls all week. It’s not enough that I do my best to ignore my own thoughts about him, but hearing his name whispered through campus like he’s this hero everyone worships – has been hard to ignore as well.
“Well don’t try too hard.”
“Haha, I like you new girl. Have I told you that lately?”
We laugh on the way to the dorms, until Austin leaves me to get ready for the game. And as I dump my things on my desk, the shiny new phone that said ‘QB’ left here for me days ago – stares at me like it’s some beacon I must respond to. I pick it up, swiping open the screen and clicking on the one and only message I have.
You’re welcome.
Memories flash to me wanting to ask him about the phone, or maybe thank him for it…? Even to ask him how he got it in here…? So many things that I still didn’t understand but couldn’t make myself ask him. Because all those questions vanished when I saw him walk away with Amber the very next morning like nothing had ever happened. It was like, he was two people. There was the one who I’d seen glimpses of who was sweet and who I felt this weird connection to – and then the other one, who was aloof, uninterested and totally vacant. I hesitated over the message, when my heart wanted nothing more than to reply. I could ask him all of those things that I still wondered about, and even why he seems to be keeping his distance now. But when your hearts been shattered the way mine had been raised - the head always wins. So, I shake myself out of such thoughts, and place it back on my desk, just as there is a knock on my door.
As soon as I fling it open, Lucy struts past me, looking hot as hell in tight black jeans and a cropped tank. She’d teamed it with oversized gold-hoop earrings, and her hair in those perfect, red ringlets with lipstick to match.
“You’re not dressed yet,” she states obviously. I glance down at my Academy uniform, shrugging, resigning to the fact that I’ll more than likely be attending this thing tonight against my better judgement.
“I had an afternoon class, and besides, the games still hours away.”
Her eyes grew wide, before she rolled them dramatically. “Yeah, but we always go to the diner for some food before we head to the game. And if you’re not dressed, that means we are already late.” She stalks to my closet flicking through my things hastily.
“Well clearly what I think would be appropriate football attire you won’t find in there. I mean, Luce you look amazing. I don’t own anything like that.”
She tugged two items out of my closet, turning to smile at me warmly. “Thanks girl. But, don’t speak too soon. You are going to look as hot as hell by the time I’m done with you.”
“Oh no, I’ve seen that look Luce. Seriously, I’m good.”
“Oh, come on Hendrix. Dressing up is just a bit of fun, and besides, we usually head to the game party at the beach after. It’s Friday night! Just let loose with us, please….?”
I eyed the ensemble she held in her hands, which was my skinny grey jeans and grey capped-sleeve tee. It had a wide neck, so it would fall effortlessly off one shoulder, but would cover my waist, so I guess I could work with that. I sighed.
“Fine, let me get dressed then.” I grabbed the items off her and got dressed behind my closet door, grabbing a jacket before I closed it.
“Okay, so don’t freak out…” she starts, as her hands come to rest on my shoulders. And before I could ask her what she meant, she pulled the elastic band out of my braid, and began detangling my hair. I panicked a little, as I never wore my hair down. Memories from why that was, began surfacing, but without Lucy understanding my panic, she softened her gaze like she was begging me to trust her. And I realised that I did. Trust her I mean. I took a deep inhale and tried to slow my breathing, letting her grab her curling iron out of her bag, and start running it through my long dark-hair. I adjusted my glasses nervously when she’d finished, as a warm look crossed her face when she gazed at her work.
“You are so, so pretty Hendrix. Seriously.”
I fumble my hands against my stomach nervously, taking in the seriousness on her face. I’d never been given many compliments when I was young, especially not regarding my hair. It was always conflict and violent outbursts that centered around it, that it was too attention-seeking, too-long, and too-convenient - to someone in particular. I stole a glance at my reflection in the mirror above my desk, shaking off those images. Lucy had run some soft waves through my hair that fell naturally down my back and around my face. I looked so different. Older. And the more I looked, the more my anxiety started to lower, because I didn’t see that same girl I remembered staring back at me. The one who had a swollen cheek, or a bruise on her jaw. The one who had those haunted shallow eyes staring back at her because her father used to tear out chunks of her hair during one of his tirades because it was too-easy to reach for. The girl who just looked lifeless. Empty.
Broken.
I had colour on my face, a confidence in my shoulder, and a tiny smile on my lips. I felt lighter than I had my entire life, and for once I didn’t want to pull back my hair and hide. I didn’t have to keep it down my side where I could hold onto it incase he tried to grab at me and pull me down. I could relax. I could feel free.
“Thank you,” I muttered, turning toward Lucy. Before I noticed, her finger gently wiping my cheek where a sole tear had dripped from my eye. I barely cried anymore, but this moment meant more to me than I would’ve ever thought. I know Lucy didn’t understand the magnitude of my gratefulness, but something unspoken passed between us anyway, like she somehow understood. She shrugged like it was no big deal, but I know, somehow - she did.
“Come on beautiful girl, it’s time to go break some hearts.”
I laugh whole-heartedly as Lucy struts out the door, and as I follow behind her, I spot the phone on my dresser. And before I think twice about it – I stuff it in my back pocket and head outside to join her.
We met Mercedes, and Gabe at the local diner for a quick bite to eat, and apparently, a few drinks before Lucy drove us all to the game. She decided to drive us in her car to
save her drinking for the afterparty, because she was on some kind of ‘detox’ from making bad boy-decisions. Something which didn’t really make any sense to me, since I hadn’t seen or heard about her having any drunken boy-mistakes since I’d been here. But somehow, Lucy made it make sense, so I didn’t question it.
“You taking a detour behind the bleachers Gabe?” Mercedes huskily asks as we wind our way through the crowd.
“You know it girl,” he replies cockily, shooting a flirty wink at a burly guy in opposing colours as we pass him.
“So, who is this team we are playing tonight?” I whisper to Lucy.
“Oh, the guys in the yellow are the lame-ass Eagles.”
“Their name is lame-ass huh?”
“Well, no, not actually. But they are our schools main rival for sure. You can’t help but get involved. School spirit and all,” she adds, rolling her eyes. “Every year since high school the Lake Shore Eagles and our Academy Angels vie for the championship. We’ve won the last four, with Lake Shore winning the three before that. History says, it’s their reign for a few seasons, before it’s then ours. Let’s just say there is no love lost between the teams or their families that’s for sure. It’s always a tough game on and off the field too.”
“Oh, remember when Paxton broke his arm freshman year after taking that hard hit Luce? Brutal,” Mercedes states, before adding quietly, “Shame it wasn’t Austin.”
Broken Wing (Arthur Academy Book 1) Page 16