She doesn’t fucking deserve this!
When I shook my head out of my stupor, Hendrix and Tucker were both gone. My eyes frantically sought the cafeteria doors, but they were still swinging from their hasty exit.
“Fuck Austin, I’ve got to go.”
“Pax,” he snapped, grabbing my arm which I simultaneously shrugged from his grasp.
“Don’t fucking stop me right now Austin. I know I’ve caused this, but I have to do something.”
He stood, nodding. “I know. But I’m coming with you.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Hendrix
I barely even noticed Tucker wrapping me in his arms as we dashed out of the building. I barely saw the sun glistening above us as our feet moved quickly across the freshly-cut lawn. I could barely see anything, but my ears were hearing just fine when I heard the agonising bellow from behind me.
“Hendrix!”
That voice. The one I had been completely fooled by, didn’t have the same affect on me that it once had. I kept walking, letting Tuckers arms squeeze me to his side tighter.
“Hendrix!” Paxton shouted once more, until I felt his heavy hand on my shoulder. “Just stop.”
I paused, as Tucker turned around and shoved his free hand into Paxtons shoulder as he bit, “Haven’t you done enough Reed? Just leave her alone.”
“Oh, you really don’t want to go there right now pretty boy,” Pax grinded.
Tucker sneered. “And what can you do about it?” There was an odd edge to his voice, but my brain barely understood what was going on. I finally turned to face them both, but caught Austins worried gaze instead. He was the lesser of the two evils right now.
“Just try me.” The gritty, deep tone of Paxtons voice sent a chill down my spine, that my arms automatically folded themselves around my waist. But I was still staring at my so-called friend Austin unsure if I was even capable of looking at Paxton, when I asked, “Did you know?”
But it wasn’t Austins voice that answered.
“Hendrix?”
Finally, I stole a breath and looked at Paxton. The desperation in his eyes as they roamed my entire face held too many emotions for me to even try and decipher. I was exhausted. Numb maybe… I was just done. So, I repeated my question as I stared at him this time.
“Did you know?”
The pulse in his jaw, and narrowing of his brow, told me everything I needed to. It didn’t matter if he was or wasn’t behind those photo’s being sent out - but he knew. And who knows how long…. Is this why he was spending time with me? Some sick joke about the girl who got beaten every night of her life and had to hide it from everyone except the two people who were supposed to care for her?
My eyes numbly leaked a tear, that I barely felt it trickle down my cheek, until I glanced at Austin. Again, my eyes were asking him the same question, and he couldn’t even hold my gaze like Paxton had. He cowardly looked toward the ground instead answering my question without words.
I nodded, and took a step away from them.
“Hendrix, wait,” Paxton pleaded, as he jogged in front of me, causing me to stop before crashing into him.
“Fuck Reed, just leave her!” Tucker snapped as Austin held Tucker in a bear hug to keep him from getting any closer to Paxton. But me? All I could do was tiredly look at him.
“What do you want?”
He reached for me, but before he could make contact my entire body froze like I was about to be struck. I didn’t know him like I thought I did, and all of my old fears were flooding to the surface. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore – my past was right here with me now.
“Hey,” he softened, complete worry overcoming his face. “I’d never, ever hurt you. Hendrix, I couldn’t.”
I shook my head. “You already have. It may not be like in those photos, but you’ve hurt me Paxton. You’ve hurt me.”
He looked devastated, but I couldn’t be sure I even cared.
“Hendrix, let me…” he started, as he reached for me again; but this time my hand found his cheek and I slapped him. He didn’t even look stunned like last time and I barely even felt ashamed like I had before either. Because in this moment, I realised something. In my entire life - I never fought back. I took everything that was dished out to me with steel in my spine. I accepted it. I just did. But now – I wanted to fight. I wanted to fight for my right to this school. I wanted to fight for my right to this education that would change my future. To a life that didn’t involve me being looked at like I was a thing to pity. And in this moment, all I could see was that he was responsible. Paxton. The beautiful beast who fooled me like no other. He was responsible for the photos. Responsible for Amber… For making me care about him, when I never thought I would love about anyone. And responsible for taking away the only friends I thought I had… Tucker, Lucy and Austin, who would now see me as something to pity. Everything that I was questioning right now – was all tied to him. And I wanted so much to hate him.
“Leave. Me. Alone.”
But when my voice cracked, I knew I would never. I was so broken, so fucked up, that even now – I still couldn’t hate him. Beneath it all, I still thought I saw him. And for some reason, my instincts were screaming at me that something wasn’t right. That none of it was as it seemed.
“I’m going to fix this,” he muttered brokenly, as Tucker wrapped his arms around me as we slid by him and made our way across campus.
“I’m going to fix this Hendrix,” Paxton roared, his voice breaking my resolve to hold it together. And when my eyes became too blurry with the unshed tears to see anything, I just wept. I barely noticed anything at all, except a pair of brown eyes searing me inside my soul and the sting of my palm from the hurt I just caused us both.
I felt like one second, I was staring at Paxton, and the next I was in my dorm, sitting on my bed with Tucker beside me. I barely had any recollection of getting here except that there were photos. Photos of me. My worst night ever. I slapped Paxton.
And now I was here.
“Are you okay?” Tucker asks, as he settles in beside me.
I shrug. “I don’t know. Did today really happen?”
His hand came into view as it took hold of mine that was nestled in my lap. “Did you… did you want to talk to me about it?”
I glanced up at Tucker, and when the concern on his face looked absolutely genuine, the reservations I usually had toward him deep-down weren’t something I could focus on right now. I was cut so wide open that I needed someone to help slow the bleeding.
“What’s there to say? Those photos were part of my childhood. My life. Until I came here and it…. Wasn’t.”
“Did you ever tell anyone about it?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t know any different. I knew it was wrong, especially as I got older… but it’s all I knew. Kids from where I’m from… it wasn’t like I was the only one. I don’t expect you to understand.”
“You might be surprised,” he muttered angrily, before adding more softly. “You know I would never hurt you right...?”
I shook my head, tugging my hand away from him, and plastering a small smile on my face. “I don’t think anyone here would hurt someone like that.”
“I think someone already has though.”
I glanced up at him, his jaw clenched tight as he continued. “Paxton. He is just as bad as your father. He may not have beaten your body, but don’t think he’s innocent in this. He’s behind this Hendrix. I know it.”
There was a strange desperation on his face, that I didn’t understand. I was still numb, so all I could do was stare at him and whatever he was going through; up until he cupped my cheek and pressed his lips to my hair.
“I think it’s just a good thing you saw his true colours now. That everyone can finally see what should be, you know...? Everything will be the way it should be now - you’ll see.”
I didn’t understand what he was talking about, but when I heard the commotion in the hall, it was a moment
later we were interrupted.
“Hendrix!” I heard Lucy holler from outside my door, knocking frantically at the same time. Tucker sighed, regretfully pulling away from me before reluctantly getting up, his hand pausing on the door handle. When he didn’t move, but just stared at the door, Lucy’s knocking and shouting only got more insistent, so I said, “It’s okay. Let her in.”
When Lucy appeared in the doorway, her eyes widened at Tucker answering it, before shaking her head and searching for me. I waved awkwardly, causing her to rush past Tucker and throwing her arms around me. The force, barely keeping me upright.
“Oh my god, are you alright? What the hell happened?”
I sighed. This is what I never wanted here. Back home, I was always that girl. The girl who had a sad story, the girl who people saw but turned a blind eye to. I was never an actual person who had goals, or purpose or was seen as an actual human being. I was just… that girl. Coming here, I was so keen to start fresh. To be in a place where I could just be Hendrix James. Someone who didn’t have the sad story, or had to be ignored out of guilt of allowing things like that to happen to an innocent child. I could be someone who had an actual future. But now….
This is what life here would become now. I’d be that girl again. The girl who had the sad story, who people looked away from when I walked by. People didn’t know how to treat someone who had scars. Who had a story. It was easier to turn a blind eye or pretend I wasn’t there. And I guess in a way I could deal with being that with Tucker – but with Lucy…. It made me realise that the friend I found in her would always see me like that now too. And after everything, that was the nail in the coffin. So, all I could do was sob into her shoulder and grieve the very loss I never knew I needed. She held me and kept repeating everything would be alright, and that everything would be fine. But that’s the thing… I didn’t make the choices of my past – I was a victim by situation and circumstance. But I wanted to be in control of my future. To make my own choices for who I could become. I wanted to start fighting back. And I wanted something that was mine to cherish. The moment came earlier but now, all I could do was grieve the loss. And the fact that I was no longer in control of that future right now – was devasting to me. The second wave of emotion came and it wasn’t for losing everything I wanted to achieve here. But the first guy I had actually felt a connection to and who was likely apart of my loss of control here. And for that reason alone, the tears just seemed to keep falling.
I startled awake, jolting into an upright position on my bed. My eyes, frantically scanning the dark room, whilst my heart raced speedily in my chest. I gasped, trying to settle the eeriness surrounding me that caused me to rouse from slumber. My trembling fingers found my messy braid, where loose strands hung loose from its’ weave. I glanced at the phone on my side table, awakening the screen to its full illumination showing it was a little after 3am. Memories flooded back from earlier, when Lucy barrelled into my room, holding me while I cried. I cried until there was nothing left but a puffy face, her wet blouse and leaving nothing but emptiness inside me. Tucker had slipped out sometime during that, mumbling something about heading to the game. But I barely paid much attention because truthfully, I was too caught up in my own emotions. When my tears finally dried up, Lucy was patient while I explained the photos she saw. And for once, I didn’t hold back. I told her everything. Well, almost everything. I told her about my fathers abuse, my mothers’ blind-eye, and the small town that knew something was going on but chose to keep their nose out of our business. It’s not uncommon in poor communities to witness abuse going on, and with too many people connected to gangs and other dangerous people – it was an unwritten law that you just kept your head down and mouth shut. If it’s not in your own backyard, you don’t make it so. The first person who tried to, a shop assistant at our local store, ended up in hospital. And the police report may say it was an unfortunate car accident where her brakes failed – but I knew the truth. I shook my head, the shivers scattering across my skin as my memories from that time begin flooding me again. I glance at my phone again, igniting the screen as shows 3.15am. I let my head fall to my hands, as I take a deep breath. It was probably a dream that has me so startled. Not surprising after the day I’ve had today, where so many old wounds were open and bleeding. Reminding me that most of the Academy has probably seen that photo of me by now, which means, I’d have to find a new way to deal with that here now. I had no other choice but to try and keep moving forward. Somehow…
I take another deep breath trying to clear the thumping in my chest when my neck prickles with awareness. Like, I knew I was being watched or something. Instinct saw me glance over to the chair in the far corner of my room, and somehow in the darkness I see a figure there. Motionless. Nothing but blackness and a silhouette of broad shoulders. As quietly as I could, I reached my hand toward the side table once more, but instead of looking for the phone I fumble wordlessly for the lamp before my fingers find the switch. I take a steadying breath. My eyes, never once moving from their target in case I startled them when I flip the switch. And without another moments hesitation – I flicked on the light. I gasp, as the soft glow offers me a reprieve from obscurity and simultaneously gives me a clearer view of the figure my eyes were glued to as well.
“Paxton…?” I whispered shakily, a mix of relief, confusion and worry filling me at once. He was motionless, still; the firm rigidness of his body was utterly immobilised. He was sweaty, still wearing his football uniform like he didn’t even have time to shower afterwards. But noting the time that would’ve been hours ago now.
What had he been doing the last few hours to cause him to come him in this state?
It was a vast difference to how I’d left him desperately calling to me, outside campus earlier. His eyes then… held a flicker of hope in them as he tried to hold me and declare that he would fix what happened today. The desperation that clung to him as all but tried to fix what was broken. But now, even as he stares distantly at the worn carpet, his gaze holds nothing but numbness and despair like the mere life has been sucked from him too. After today, I knew that look all too well.
I slowly raise the covers off my warm body, and settle my feet on the cold floor – my eyes never straying from my beautiful stranger in the corner. Despite me feeling worried that he may have had something to do with those photos being leaked today, my gut always told me that I wasn’t in danger with him. Somehow, I’d always felt this strange comfort when he was near - despite me not trusting him. It was a complicated mix I didn’t understand, but even so, it saw me timidly step closer. I wanted to hate Paxton Reed. I wanted to. But like I discovered earlier, I wasn’t sure I would ever be capable. I wanted to have hope that he was the guy I thought he was and that there was something else going on here that would ensure that statement were true.
“Paxton?” I tried again, a barely-there whisper, as I took more timid steps toward him. Something wasn’t right. He was here in body, but his spirit – was definitely elsewhere. When my feet had finally reached his, my hands shook as I reached toward him. He still hadn’t moved an inch, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare me up close.
“Pax…” I tried softly again, my hand finding his cheek. The same one I had slapped earlier; my palm hoping to soothe the pink mark I had left. On contact, I gasped, finding his skin too cold beneath my touch; his body chilled with sweat despite him not seeming to notice. I gently tugged upwards and when his beautiful but broken gaze finally met mine, I watched in slow motion as some clarity finally settled behind his lifeless eyes.
“Hendrix?” he questioned, like he wasn’t sure he was seeing me. He looked so different to the commanding force I had come to know, that all I could do to stop myself from crying was nod solemnly.
“Are you alright?” I muttered, with baited breath. He held his breath too, a tremble passing over his lower lip, a lip that was stained with blood. Whether the blood was his or not I wasn’t sure, but as my eyes checked over him so
me more – he was in more than a rough state. But before I could finish my concerned perusal he uttered two words I was not expecting. At all.
“She’s dead.”
I gasped. I couldn’t be sure I heard him correctly, or understood what had him so shook. I’d only just seen him mere hours ago and he had his football game straight after. But I couldn’t help but wonder if something had happened to his mother. Was that what was wrong with him? What else would make this strong, beautiful man look so broken…?
“Who is?”
He narrowed his eyes then, like some of that power I was used to was coming back. He snarled, an angry lift to his upper lip with that cloudiness to his expression barely resembling the Paxton I had come to know. And then the words seemed to grind out of his mouth. Words, I couldn’t have expected or anticipated. Or even prepared for.
“Amber. She’s fucking dead.”
Epilogue
Paxton
My eyes continued roaming the grounds looking for her, but I knew she wasn’t here. Why would she be? As if she would come and show her face to these people after her entire past has been dropped into their ravenous laps for them to feast on. I didn’t even want to come and play tonight, but there was only one reason I was here and as her long legs sashayed their way toward me – my fists clenched with pure anger.
“Paxy!” Amber called, in that sickly, over-the-top voice of hers. I took a few long strides toward her, grabbing her arm forcefully and tugging her toward me furiously.
Broken Wing (Arthur Academy Book 1) Page 24