“Yeah—?”
“Well, besides all that lovely incriminating evidence, she also brought back isolated samples of JANUS-23 that McNamara had in his office. Pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to have any of it, considering he never reported the theft. And I think— I think we need to take those with us too.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Did you just say you want to bring a deadly virus with us? Out into the world?”
“I mean… sure, it’s a deadly virus, but I’m the cure. We cancel each other out!”
“Azzie—” Tai didn’t sound convinced.
“We can’t leave it here, Tai. And Mouse is going to need it to continue her research.” I was thankful he didn’t say anything to imply Mouse wouldn’t be able to continue her research.
“How the fuck are we going to transport it? Even dry ice won’t last for however many days we’ll be walking.”
“It’s not refrigerated, they used some kind of ‘transport matrix’ and the samples are dried. We keep them in the server room back there,” I pointed at the door next to the industrial fridge.
“This is fucked up,” Tai was agitated, pacing worse than Sev now, looking around as if a voice from above might intervene and tell him what to do. “We can’t— can’t possibly— this is fucked up.”
“I’ll carry it,” I said, “like it’s my One Ring. It won’t hurt me, and I’ll keep it secret, keep it safe. Okay?”
“It will hurt you, Azzie. It doesn’t matter who you are or how many antibodies you have, exposure to any volume of pure virus is deadly. Your antibodies only work if they have time to do their jobs, meaning exposure to a small amount of virus that requires time to build up in your system, not a dose of undiluted, pure-apex-predator virus without any buffer!”
“I— I’m with Tai, I’m not comfortable with this—” Sev was swinging his head wildly between us and the server room door as if it would explode and a giant two-faced monster would burst forth.
“Guys,” I said, starting to get annoyed, “I wasn’t asking permission, I was basically telling you as a courtesy. We don’t really have a choice, we can’t leave it here unprotected. I don’t trust Greg or Rachel, if either of them found it, they’d probably do something ridiculously stupid like flush it down the toilet, and inject pure Janus Kinase virus into the water table. I also don’t want those kids getting bored and figuring out how to pick all the locks like Mouse and I did, and have them find it. It has to go with me, I’m the only one it’s safe with, until either Mouse or another researcher can take it off my hands and use it to test refinements of the vaccine. And without these samples, there won’t be any advancements to the vaccine unless someone tries to isolate their own samples of the virus. Please don’t fight me on this—”
“Fine,” Tai interrupted me, closing his eyes and running a hand over his face. “I get it— you’re going to do what you feel you need to and fuck the rest of us—“
“That’s not—”
“It totally is,” Sev frowned, his brow furrowed. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the counter. “And if you don’t recognize that, there’s a serious problem here.”
“Fine! Yes! I recognize I’m bulldozing you into compliance with something dangerous and possibly stupid, but I don’t have a choice—”
“Feels like that argument comes up a lot,” Tai sounded so defeated, and I hated it.
“Cheeseburger!” I shouted, and he startled, then straightened up and glared at me.
“You can’t just shout the safe word when you don’t like the outcome of an argument, that’s not what it’s for.”
“I’m not,” I edged towards him, not sure how welcome I’d be. “Really. I’m just scared you’re going to walk away from me over this, like it’s one complication too many, and I can’t… I just can’t.”
“I’m not going to walk away, Azzie,” he shook his head, radiating sadness. “It’s not like you didn’t warn us a million times that you do selfish shit sometimes and we’ll just have to deal with it. I just didn’t expect something so— so fucking dangerous.”
“Please don’t say it like that, like I’m some kind of dictator forcing my will on all of you, I’m not trying to be in charge—”
“You just want to dictate everything we do that revolves even remotely around your goals,” Sev shrugged at me like it was something as obvious as it was fucking annoying, and I felt a pressure growing in my chest, making it hard to breathe. “So what would you call it?”
“It’s not— not like— that,” I stuttered out, feeling like I was on the edge of losing them completely. Even if they didn’t physically walk away, it wouldn’t be the same between us, this thing was more fragile than I ever realized.
“Cheeseburger,” Tai said softly, and reached for me, tugging me into his arms. “Alright, let’s all calm down. You’re on the verge of a panic attack.”
“I— I can’t—”
Suddenly he was on alert, holding me at arm’s length by my shoulders, studying me. “Can’t what? Can’t breathe? You sound like you’re gasping for air—”
“Can’t lose you,” I cried out, miserably, feeling like I’d taken a fist to my gut. “We’ll leave it— fuck them, okay? I don’t owe them anything, and if they can’t read the fucking label and not be fucking stupid, that’s on them, but I’m not— I’m not— I just want us to be equals!” I wailed out, on the verge of ugly-crying. “I don’t want to be a dictator, I don’t want all the control. I just want to be partners, and I feel like if Spider was the one who had to do this, you’d deal, but since it’s me— and that makes me angry but it isn’t worth losing you! So fuck it! Whatever, I’ll deal—“
“Fucking cheeseburger, Azzie!” Sev was up against me on the other side, pressing me into Tai and wrapping both of us in his arms. “I know that’s not my thing with you, but stop! You’re bringing the virus, okay? I can’t stand the idea of you thinking I’m not gonna support you when you gotta do the hard shit that we all hate. You can’t always be worrying you’re gonna lose us, or have to give in— just… no. I’ll be your Sam Gamgee, I’ll carry it for you if I have to.”
“For the fucking record,” Tai snapped, “I wouldn’t fucking agree to Spider bringing pure Janus virus in his fucking backpack either, so it isn’t you and it fucking pisses me off that you think that or that I’m not gonna have your back— goddammit, Azzie! It’s fucking dangerous! And I don’t care what you think, you’re not invulnerable! And I can’t fucking lose you either!”
He sounded off, his normally deep and rumbly voice was strained, pitchy, and limned with panic. His arms around me were tight, unyielding, and— and shaking. I forced Sev back and stepped away far enough that I could see Tai’s face clearly, and his eyes weren’t focusing, they were darting around like he was watching something play out, images super-imposed on top of reality. I hesitated, then reached up and cupped his cheeks, forcing his face down and catching his gaze.
“Tai,” I said, then repeated his name a few times until I could see him in his eyes, present and with us again. “Hey— were you having a flashback?”
He shook his head, silent, aging ten years in about ten seconds. “Just… memories. Can’t lose you, Azzie,” he rasped out. “Watching you in that hospital room, suffering like that— can’t do that again. Can’t sit there and let you do something by choice that could kill you. I’m not being unsupportive, I just can’t fucking risk you. I’ll carry it. It’s the only way—”
“How is that a compromise? No. I have to be the one—”
“This isn’t a negotiation. The only way I can go along with this is if I’m carrying it. You are not invulnerable and you’re too fucking important. Stop arguing with me, you aren’t going to win on this one — you can’t fucking save the world if something happens and you get exposed to it, okay?”
I nodded, reluctantly. He wasn’t wrong, it just wasn’t the solution I wanted. I couldn’t bear the idea of him being at risk… and apparently now I kne
w what he was feeling when I insisted on bringing it with us. “I see what you did here, Tai. I get it.”
“Thought you might,” he said with a gusty sigh, resting his forehead against mine. “If it’s in a small enough package or whatever, we can take it to the kitchen and vacuum-seal it in the machine there.”
“The case is about the size of a paperback book. I’ll get it for you, then we’ve got one last thing to pack up in here.”
The room was ransacked. Everything we could possibly need — that wasn’t a two hundred pound piece of equipment — was packed, and the plastic box with the Janus samples was set aside to take to the kitchen. Once that was all ready to go, I broke out the final goodies: trays of vaccine that we produced in anticipation of Operation: GTFO of Town.
“Holy shit—” Sev breathed out, eyeing the impressive stash. “How— how much is here?”
“144 per tray, 10 trays… 1,440 doses. It’s from a couple partial blood draws that we did right before and since you guys arrived — Kane was so sketchy that we started getting ready and doing extra draws whenever it seemed safe. As you can tell, I’ve had plenty of practice manufacturing the vaccine — I was Mouse’s assistant, every step of the way. Can you set out those two bags that are over by the door?”
The guys watched me in confusion, then mounting annoyance, as I separated out four trays worth of vaccine into four biohazard bags, sealing them up and putting two bags into each nylon duffel. I added another, smaller case into one of them.
“They’re assholes. And bitches,” Sev growled, giving me the stink-eye. I ignored him. This was the right thing to do.
“If you guys want to go ahead and empty the rest of the trays into these other biohazard bags, and pack them up with the vax gun, that would be appreciated. Split them up if you can, so we can distribute it without anyone seeing just how much there is. Although four bags of lab supplies and vaccine is probably already pushing it…”
“It should be fine,” Tai said, looking over the mounds of stuff needing to be packed up with a face that made me think it probably wasn’t. We each had a go-bag plus I had Mouse’s, and then there were the weapons, and the food, and some other supplies… how were we going to carry all of it? Even with ten of us?
“You sure you don’t want to give the vax gun to Jason and Ryan?” Sev was being super snide, tempting me to punch him in the throat for being a little bitch.
“Maybe I will… because it’s my call.” I grabbed the duffels for the Callises and Slopes, and told them I’d be back.
Chapter Ten
Azzie
I tracked down the Callis brothers in the game room, playing pool and drinking beer. Which was fine, because Spider, Sasha, and Luka were handling the sorting and packing of the food all by themselves, but I was still a little annoyed on principle that they were off fucking around while the rest of us were working.
I wasn’t sure what to do about them either. I didn’t want to get outside the walls and be like “cya!” — and I did have enough affection for these guys that I wouldn’t be comfortable unless I knew nothing would happen to them — but I didn’t fucking trust the Slopes. And unfortunately, they were inextricably linked together, and I couldn’t just tell the Viper Twins to hit the road while I brought their cousins with us.
If I even wanted to bring them, which was a bigger question.
I’m not sure how I felt about them, to be honest. I liked them as friends, maybe even more than friends, but not anywhere close to what I felt towards my guys. My guys. That right there said it all.
Maybe I’d feel that way towards them eventually, given the opportunity and time? But did I want to deal with all the conflict and aggression between them and the guys I knew I cared so deeply about?
“Who’s winning?” I asked, setting the bags down on a couch and getting slightly closer to them.
“Both of us, now that you’re here,” Ryan said, and I snorted, rolling my eyes. He grinned, knowing damn well his charms were lost on me, and winked as he bent forward, lining up his shot.
I’ll admit, I was a little hypnotized by the arm porn.
“Is it time to go?” Jason asked, and even though I looked over at him immediately, he still snapped his fingers at me like I was too busy ogling his brother to focus. Jerk.
“I have a few things left to do and then we’re going to head out. As long as the schedule hasn’t been disrupted, there’s a shift change for the guards at midnight. I’d like to take advantage of that if we can.”
“Sounds good,” Ryan had finished his shot but he was staring down at the table with a weird expression on his face. Jason sauntered over and elbowed him, and he moved to line up another shot.
“Need anything else, Azzie?” Jason asked, taking a swig from his beer. His elbow was resting on the tip of his pool cue, and he was watching me with a determined expression. The question seemed a little loaded, but maybe I was reading into it.
“Here.” I grabbed one of the duffels off the couch and handed it to Jason. “These are for your family. I’m not sure where we’re going once we get out of here or what, but you have to understand that I don’t trust your cousins. At all. So just in case we need to split up, I wanted to make sure you had your own supply. And take care of your family first, then whoever is left, okay? Keep whatever you need hidden until you take care of your own. You can probably also email me if you end up needing more, as long as it’s in code — I don’t think anyone knows this email account is mine, it was set up off-base before I moved back to Salem. Call it… call it oranges. Obviously don’t use my name, but say you heard I’m in Florida and you need more oranges, and I’ll see what I can do, okay?”
Jason stared at me, his face shadowed, then Ryan started swearing. “FUCK! Fuck, Azzie!”
“What?”
“GODDAMMIT!”
“What’s going on?” Suddenly I was very suspicious and the temperature of my voice dropped about a hundred degrees. “What did you do?”
Jason stared down at the duffel, then tilted his chin back and met my eye. “We sent an email, through our handler.”
I looked between them, waiting for the punchline. They couldn’t have possibly—
“We know what state we’re in, we figured out a rendezvous location. We told our dad to be ready for a pickup, we were bringing a present.”
“He’s going to have a small army waiting for us.”
I staggered backwards, my ass hitting the back of the couch, staring at Jason dumbly.
“You sold me out?” My voice was so small and weak. I sounded pathetic. Pathetic.
“Most of our family is shit, Azzie,” Jason almost sounded like he was pleading with me, but he was the one holding all the cards. “We didn’t have a choice.”
I moved my mouth as though words could come out of it that would make any of this better, but nothing could make this better.
“We didn’t have a choice!” Jason repeated louder, like it made more sense at a higher volume.
There was always a choice, just sometimes you had to make the hard one; the one that required work. The one that hurt. Suddenly, I was flooded with rage.
“What’s the plan, take me back to your parent’s house and put me in a cage?” I screamed at him, stomping forward. “Make me your fucking blood boy?” I snarled, raising my fist and punching him in the face as hard as I could. He jerked back, but he’d made no attempt to stop me or hit me back, and I reared back to punch him again.
Ryan grabbed my arm — not too tightly but he had me secure, and yanked me back from his brother. “Don’t be dramatic.” His voice was colder than I’d ever heard from him, and I felt a threat I’d never felt from them before.
I flinched away, pulling my arm free. “You hurt them, I’ll fucking kill you, you hear me?” I said softer, not screaming, but not weak. There was a lifetime of losing everyone behind that threat, and I’d never meant anything more.
“Stop, Azzie,” Jason said wearily, running his free hand over his fac
e. “There’s no threat now, and we’re not going to do anything.”
“We didn’t expect this,” Ryan gestured at the bag. “This? It changes things.”
I shook my head, sneering. “You gotta stop expecting me to be at your level, because I’m always going to be better than you.”
“Yeah, I know you are. Known that since the beginning,” Jason gave me a weak smile, rubbing his jaw.
Ryan tugged on my arm, the one he was still holding, and my hand was starting to feel the pain of bashing against Jasons’s bony skull. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, but if we’d gone back with nothing to show for it, we woulda been dead. All of us, Gemma and Adriana too. We needed a get-out-of-jail-free card. It wasn’t personal.”
“Let me guess, just business?” I shook my head, scowling.
“Precisely,” Ryan grinned at me. “More true than you know.”
“This is bullshit,” I snapped, his grin pissing me right off again. “You’re bullshit, you know that, right?” I yelled, jabbing a finger at Ryan’s face, which he caught in his other hand. He spread his arms out, taking mine with them, and I was useless against his hold.
Motherfucker tried anything, I was going to kick him in the nuts.
“Let her go, Ry,” Jason growled, stepping up and taking Ryan’s hand off my arm. Ryan lifted my hand up, almost like he was challenging his brother, but then squeezed it gently and released it. I backed away from him, too close to Jason, and redirected away from both of them.
Jason’s head drooped when I so obviously avoided being near him. “Azzie…”
“I fucking trusted you!” I was up in Jason’s grill, fists clenched, ready to punch him in the face again. He grabbed my shoulders and squeezed — not painfully, not even trying to control me, just… contact.
“I wish I could explain things to you but it’s better if I don’t,” he said, softly, and he gazed down at me with so much sadness and resignation that I knew he understood this was it, we’d never be going back from this moment. Only forward. Only separate.
Book of the Lost: AAV-07d25-11: (A reverse harem, post-pandemic, slow-burn romance) (The JAK2 Cycle, Book 3) Page 12