His voice was suddenly so impassioned and his words so heartfelt, and Fae knew immediately that he meant every bit of what he was saying. “I don't think they would want you to die for them, Benji,” she said softly. “In fact, I happen to know that they were all pretty upset when you did almost die. They were all a wreck for the rest of that leg of the tour.”
Benji looked down at the table for a moment. “I know,” he said softly. He hated the fact that he had let them down for even a minute. He hated thinking about it. And he had no clue why their whole dinner conversation had been so emotional and deep. But in a strange way, it felt good. He never talked about his past like this with anyone but his brothers. But even with them it was rare, and he kept most things hidden. With Fae though, it all came out so easily. And he frowned to himself as he wondered why that was. He shook his head slightly as he pushed the thought away. They really needed to talk about something fun and frivolous for a while. He took another swig of his Root Beer and let out a sigh.
“So … how did a nice girl like you get into comic books?” he asked, smiling at her. And Fae giggled at his question.
They finished their dinner with much lighter conversation about comic book heroes and which superpowers they would prefer to have and why. And Benji quickly decided that he loved the sound of her laughter. She was a lot of fun to be with, even when they were talking about the dark, scary stuff from their pasts, and he enjoyed getting to know her. He was slightly surprised when he realized that he didn't want their time together to end. As they readied themselves to leave he had a thought, and he wondered what she would think about it.
“So listen, I um … I can have Pete here drive you back to your hotel,” he said, motioning to his bodyguard at the neighboring table. “Or, you can come up to my room with me. Maybe watch some TV or something?” Fae stared at him with a blank smile for a moment, and Benji knew it was his turn to blush. He smiled bashfully at her as he said, “Wow! That really sounded like a come on, didn't it?”
Fae bit her lip to try and stifle a laugh as she nodded her agreement.
“Okay. Um … I didn't mean it that way,” he tried to explain. “I just meant … that I … um.” His face grew hot as he tried to clean up his statement, and Fae giggled at him. He took a breath and tried again. “What I'm trying to say is that, I don't know about you, but I'm not the least bit tired. And in all honesty … I don't really want to go up to an empty room. So … if you wouldn't mind babysitting for a while longer … would you be interested in maybe watching a movie or something with me?”
Fae smiled at him. “I would love to watch a movie with you. And you know, I've done some babysitting in the past. It's a thankless job. The pay is crappy, the kids are usually rotten little monsters, and it's not very much fun at all,” she told him. “This has been nothing like babysitting.”
Benji laughed at her as they stood up to leave. “Oh, I don't know. I can be a real handful if I decide to throw a tantrum,” he teased her.
“Oh, really? Well then maybe I'll just have to bend you over my knee, Mr. Bass Guitar God,” she jokingly threatened.
“Ooh!” Benji softly exclaimed as he smiled at her. “Now something about the sound of that makes me want to misbehave, Miss Miller.”
His smile was wicked and playful, and Fae was instantly weak in the knees. Was he flirting with her? She could never really tell, and the question drove her nuts. He was just so freaking adorable! Her insides felt like jelly when he looked at her that way. Get a grip, Fae!
She felt a thrill run up her spine when he placed his hand on the small of her back as he led her out of the hotel restaurant and through the elegant lobby. But when they tried to step onto the elevator, they were suddenly besieged by a small throng of fans just stepping off of the lift.
“Oh, my God! You're Benji Staffon,” one of them yelled.
“We were at the concert tonight, dude, and you were amazing!”
“You were fucking awesome! We're so glad you're back!”
They were completely surrounded by half a dozen wild teenagers, all wanting to talk to Benji. And Fae stood quietly by and watched as the bodyguard tried to keep the peace, and Benji happily signed a few autographs and posed for several pictures. He was so patient and indulgent with them, taking the time to talk to them and respond to their questions. When they finally made it into the elevator, Benji was wearing a quiet, pensive smile, and Fae couldn't help but smile at him.
“You just made their night,” she said softly.
Benji's smile deepened as he shook his head. “They just made mine,” he muttered with a shy, embarrassed smile. “It still shocks me sometimes, you know? I mean … to go from nobody wanting to know me to … that! Blows my mind,” he said softly, and Fae smiled at him.
They were silent during the rest of the elevator ride, and when the doors opened onto Jagged Ivory's rented floor, they were greeted by two security personnel. And when Benji took her by the hand to lead her out of the lift, Fae felt an electric tingle of heat shoot from her palm all the way up the length of her arm. He led her to the door of his suite, and when he opened it and stepped aside to let her in, she heard him address his bodyguard.
“Thanks, Pete. I'm in for the night.”
She couldn't hear the bodyguard's response, but it didn't matter. She was too preoccupied with the notion that she was in Benji Staffon's hotel suite.
“Make yourself comfortable,” he smiled as he immediately kicked off his shoes and removed the long-sleeved shirt he was wearing over a Metallica t-shirt. “Help yourself to whatever you want in the minibar, but as you can probably guess, there's no alcohol in it.”
Fae smiled at him as she nervously ran a hand through her dark curls. And as she watched him walk through the spacious suite and into the bedroom, she awkwardly stepped out of her black flats and slowly joined him in the other room.
“Okay,” he said, picking up the remote and sitting down on the bed to study the list of available movies on the screen. “Looks like we have three kid's movies, one chick flick, two horror films, and several movies of the adult variety to choose from.”
“No shoot 'em up action films, huh?” she asked, leaning in the doorway as she watched him.
“Mmm, there's something called Screw Hard: With a Vengeance. You think that counts?” he smiled. And Fae giggled at him.
“I'm going to guess 'no,'” she smiled.
“Okay,” he chuckled. “What about horror? You like scary movies?”
“Oh, yeah! I love them,” she exclaimed. “Except for all the scary parts.”
Benji looked up at her with the biggest grin. “You are so weird!”
She smiled at him from her standing position. And feeling herself begin to relax some, she slowly moved further into the room and climbed onto the bed beside him and turned to face the TV. They decided on an old horror classic, Friday the 13th, and settled back onto the pillows to get comfortable. They chatted amiably throughout the movie, talking to the characters on the screen and trying to warn them of the inevitable horrors to come. And Benji soon learned that Fae wasn't kidding about those scary parts, because she would cling to him and bury her face during those scenes.
He found her fear to be endearing, and he couldn't help but laugh a little whenever she would jump and hide her eyes from the screen. Plus, he had to admit, it felt sort of nice having her cling to him like that. If he hadn't been so afraid of overstepping his bounds, he would have gladly wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in close. But he didn't want to offend her. And he definitely didn't want to give her the wrong impression. He liked her, and he had enjoyed spending time with her tonight. But he remembered her words from dinner about not getting involved with someone who was using. And even though Benji wasn't actively using anymore, he knew that he couldn't promise her that he would never use again. She was looking for absolutes, and he couldn't give her that. He knew that he had nothing to offer her but friendship.
Fae was really hoping that he woul
d take the hint and put his arm around her, but Benji was a perfect gentleman throughout the entire movie. But she was grateful that he didn't seem to mind her clutching at his arm like a frightened lunatic because she really was scared. She had never been a fan of scary movies, but she knew that she would sit through just about anything to be this close to him. And when she would bury her face against his arm she could smell the woodsy, masculine scent of his cologne and it was wonderful. He smelled so good, and she just wanted to curl up in his arms and have him hold her. Being this close to him was like sweet torture.
When the movie ended he sighed and looked over at her. And Fae was suddenly nervous once more. She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she glanced around the room.
“You okay over there?” he smiled.
She shook her head as she smiled at him. And then she yawned as she said, “I guess I'll be okay. Not sure how I'm going to get to sleep later though. I'm sure I'll be much too scared to even turn off the lights.” Benji chuckled at her. And then his laughter grew harder when she exclaimed, “Oh, that is the creepiest music ever! Can we turn the TV off now?”
Still laughing, he pointed the remote at the television set and turned it off, ending the movie's famous and very creepy theme music.
“Better?” he smiled.
“Yes! Thank you.” She took a nervous breath then and asked, “So why are you guys in a hotel tonight? I mean, this is home. So why aren't you … at home?”
Benji laughed slightly as he thought about the answer to her question. “Because Mike says that we tend to party too much when we're at home. So putting us in a hotel is sort of his way of reminding us that we are still on tour, we have time commitments and obligations, blah, blah, blah,” he smiled. “During the last tour when we played at home, we just about gave Mike a coronary.”
“How so?” she asked sleepily.
“Well, after the opening show we had ourselves one hell of a night with an old friend. His name is Clinton, and he used to help us out back in the day when the band first got started. Not really a tech, but more of a … amateur equipment manager of sorts. Honestly, I don't know why we kept him around back then because we always had to show him how to do everything over and over again. But anyway, he showed up backstage that night and he said that he knew about this great party that we just had to hit. Some friend of his, or a cousin or something, so we all said what the hell. We climbed into his van without question. Didn't even think to ask where the party was, and back then we didn't really care. We were all smashed; we had come off the stage that way.
“So, long story short … we drove forever and ended up way out in San Bernardino somewhere at this huge ranch in the middle of the dessert, at one of the wildest parties I have ever been to in my life. Next morning, or I should say afternoon, 'cause all of our phones started ringing at about one, waking us up. Right around the time that we should have been reporting for soundcheck. We were all completely shit-faced, and Mike went ballistic! I don't think I've ever seen him that pissed at us collectively before or since. That night's show almost didn't happen.”
“You're kidding me,” Fae said quietly, her sleepy eyes trained on his face.
“Nope. Not kidding,” he answered. “Ever since then, any time we play at home and we have more than one show, Mike insists that we stay in a hotel. I don't know why because we could just as easily leave and go wherever, but … I don't know. He says it gives us a sense of commitment. I think it just gives him a false sense of control,” he shrugged.
Fae was quiet as she thought about his tale. She had been in this business a long time and had seen a lot of things over the years. The phrase 'party like a rock star' certainly held meaning for her. But she just couldn't imagine partying that hard all the time, every single night.
“Benji, can I ask you a question?” she said softly.
“Sure.”
“Have you ever been in love?” His surprised expression probably mirrored her own, Fae suspected. She had no clue where that question had come from, she just blurted it out. And she was instantly embarrassed by it.
“Uh …” Benji stopped to clear his throat as he looked at her with raised eyebrows, wondering what had brought this on. “Well, I've been in what I thought was love at the time,” he said slowly, answering as honestly as he could. “My ex-girlfriend, Lea.”
“The supermodel?” Fae asked, leaning her head back against the pillow.
He nodded his head as he smiled at her. “Yeah, she was a model. We were together a little over a year, and I guess I thought I loved her. Although I don't know why because we had nothing in common, and our entire relationship we were always on again, off again. We argued constantly. The sex was good though, which is probably why we both stayed as long as we did.” He was quiet for a moment and then sighed. “But if I'm being totally honest … my drug use probably had a lot to do with the state of our relationship. She hated it, and was always on me about it, and I was always defensive about it. So, when I checked myself out of rehab for the second time, Lea was out the door. And I did nothing to stop her, because at that point …” He paused and looked down at the bed for a moment. And Fae could feel the shame rolling off of him in waves. “At that point, the heroin was more important to me,” he said quietly.
Fae didn't know what to say. It was odd, but she suddenly felt so much empathy for his former girlfriend. She knew all too well what it felt like to have the person you love most in the world put their drugs ahead of you.
“So, that's my experience with love,” he finished quietly as he settled back against the pillows once more.
“So there's no one right now?” she asked timidly.
Benji shook his head slowly, feeling slightly confused at her question. She didn't want an addict, right? Not even a recovering one, so … why was she asking?
“Nope. Although I did meet this chick in rehab,” he stated. And he knew that he'd said it to make a point. But then he shook his head again and sighed as he decided to leave it alone. He chuckled slightly as he looked at her. “I'm sure all the great romances begin with that line, right?”
Fae giggled at him but said nothing as she stifled another yawn.
Benji shrugged and said, “She was a sweet girl, but she had a lot of problems. I think about her a lot though. I wonder how she's doing. But no … there's no one. What about you?”
Fae stared at him for a moment, thinking about her mother and the promise she had made to herself. Why was she so drawn to him? Like a magnet. Why couldn't she simply not be into him? It would make everything so much easier.
“No, I've never really been in love before,” she said softly. “I've been in lust. And I've been infatuated. I've been completely crazy about someone who had no clue I was even alive. In fact … that little scenario seems to be a recurring theme in my life,” she said, yawning once more.
“I find that hard to believe,” he said quietly as he smiled at her. “That some guy hasn't snatched up a sweet, pretty little thing like you.”
Fae looked at him with surprised, sleepy eyes. Pretty? He thinks I'm pretty! She suddenly couldn't help the smile she felt spreading across her face.
And when she smiled at him, Benji flushed, suddenly feeling exposed somehow. He looked away as he began to ramble, his words coming out in a rush. “I didn't mean that! I mean, of course … I, I meant that you're pretty. You have to know that you're pretty. But, I mean you … you know, you … you've got a lot going for you, Fae. That's all I meant. I mean, you're smart, and talented. I haven't heard you play much, but I know you didn't get this far not being able to. And you did an amazing job tonight during the show, by the way. I … I know I haven't told you this yet, but I was really impressed. I was very happy with tonight, and I thought we worked really well together. Didn't you?”
He looked over at her just in time to see her eyes flutter closed as she drifted off to sleep with a smile still on her face. And for a split second, he found himself hoping that maybe she hadn't he
ard a word he'd said. He didn't want her to know that he thought she was pretty. He didn't want her to think that he saw her as a chick at all. She was just his bass tech. She had to be just his bass tech. Just one of the backline guys. His new friend. He had to remember that.
He sighed to himself as he watched her doze, and he suddenly felt tired himself. And he realized why when he picked up his cellphone and glanced at the time. It was very nearly 2:30 in the morning. Right about the time that he and the guys would normally come staggering back to their hotel after their partying. In fact, if he paid close attention, he was certain that he would hear them dragging in any minute. It was much too late to get one of the security guys to drive Fae back to her apartment now. Benji glanced back at her, fast asleep, and he gently moved a dark curl from her face with his finger. Then he reached over and turned off the light, and lay down beside her. Ten minutes later when the rest of Jagged Ivory came off the elevator and noisily made their way down the hall to their own rooms, Benji was sound asleep.
Chapter Six
Her eyes opened slowly and she frowned at the unfamiliar surroundings. She wasn't in her apartment. Then she took a deep breath as she remembered that she was in a hotel room in Los Angeles because the tour had resumed last night. That's right. The first of three shows in L.A. before getting back into the smelly, crowded van with the four smelly, boneheads who were her fellow backline technicians. She loved working the backline. Especially when it was for a band that she adored, like Jagged Ivory. But there were parts of her job that she truly despised, and being on the van for hours – sometimes days at a time – was one of those parts. It wasn't so bad when she was part of a crew that had a couple of other females, because they could travel together. And women always made much nicer travel companions on the road. But she didn't have that luxury on this tour. She was the only female on the crew, so she had no choice but to travel with the smelly boys.
The Essential Jagged Ivory (Jagged Ivory Boxed Set) Page 47