“What the hell were you doing, Buz? Spying on me?” he asked Buzzy with wide eyes and an amused grin.
“Nah, man! I didn't have to spy. I just happened to be standing in my doorway as you left your room and walked passed. But you were so busy watching her that you didn't even see me,” Buz smiled.
Noah laughed some more at their exchange. Then he turned to Benji and said, “Well, I don't know why I'm surprised, man. I mean, I know Fae's had a thing for you for a while now.”
“You knew about this?” Buz said in surprise as he looked at Noah.
“Oh, yeah,” Noah answered. “Since the last leg of the tour.”
Benji frowned as he listened to them. Holding up a hand to halt their conversation, he shook his head at Noah. “Whoa. Stop! What do you mean since the last leg of the tour?” he asked, still frowning. “I was so fucked up, I don't even remember meeting Fae during the last leg of the tour.”
Noah smiled at him. “Look, all I know is that after you went into rehab, she sought me out a few days later to ask if I had any news on how you were doing. She seemed very concerned. And very relieved when I told her that you were going to be alright. After that night, she would find me at least once a week during the rest of that leg of the tour just to ask me for an update.”
Benji didn't know what to say. And even though he knew that his friend wouldn't make something like this up, part of him wasn't sure he believed what Noah was saying. But he had to be mistaken somehow, didn't he? Fae wasn't interested in getting involved with an addict. She had made that perfectly clear last night.
“No,” he said quietly, looking his friend in the eye. “You misunderstood. Fae's concern was purely professional, man. I mean she's a bass fan, you know? We're just friends.”
“Looked like more than just friends this morning,” Buz offered in a teasing, singsong voice.
“Well, I don't care what it looked like, Buz,” Benji said, growing flustered. “I'm telling you what it is. Fae and I did not have sex. We are just friends and colleagues. We hung out last night. We grabbed some dinner and then went to my room to watch a movie. She fell asleep and it was late, so she stayed. That's all. There was nothing sexual, or even romantic about the entire night.”
“Are you sure about that?” Noah asked, smiling at him. “I mean … she is awfully cute, man.”
“And she's got a heck of a little body on her too, I've noticed,” Buzzy chimed in.
Noah glanced at Buz with a quick rise and fall of his eyebrows. “Nice ass,” he smiled.
“Who has a nice ass?” Mercy asked as she came bouncing through the door, still slightly panting from her run.
Noah smiled at her. “You do, baby.”
She smiled salaciously at him. “Ooh, nice save,” she said as she leaned down and swiftly kissed his lips. Then she turned and headed for the bedroom. “Morning, guys!”
“Morning,” Buz and Benji answered in unison.
She pulled the hair tie from her ponytail as she stopped at the entrance of the bedroom and turned toward them. “Seriously though, who has a nice ass?”
“Fae,” Buzzy spoke up.
“Ah, the pretty bass tech! Yeah, she's hot,” Mercy agreed. “I'd do her.” She turned to go into the bedroom then as all three guys suddenly looked her way with great interest.
“Whoa! Baby, wait a minute. Come back out here,” Noah said urgently. And when she stepped back into the room with an innocent expression on her face, he said somewhat hesitantly, “Um, is that like … a real option, 'cause … I'd be interested in watching that.”
A sly smile kissed the corners of her lips as she slowly made eye contact with each man. She had their rapt attention. Then she rolled her eyes at them. “Boys are so easy,” she mumbled before disappearing into the bedroom and shutting the door.
“I think we've just been played, gentlemen,” Buz said with a frown, and Noah chuckled. “But back to you, my friend,” he said, putting Benji on the hot seat once more.
Benji stared at them for a few seconds and then he rolled his eyes with a sigh. “We had a good time together. We enjoyed each other's company,” he shrugged, ignoring their assessments of Fae's physical appearance. “I liked hanging out with her. We seem to have a lot in common besides the bass.”
“Yeah? Like what?” Noah asked.
Benji hesitated a beat. “Well, for starters … she spent a couple years in the foster care system when she was a kid,” he said quietly.
“Really?” Noah said, clearly surprised. And Benji nodded.
“Yeah,” he answered. “We were able to talk about the heaviest shit last night. And I guess it's because she can sort of relate to what I've been through, you know?” he asked with a shrug.
At his words, Noah glanced over at Buzzy again, and they exchanged a knowing look between them. He turned back to Benji and smiled.
“Well, I'm happy you made a friend, man. And I'm glad you're bonding with your new tech. That's cool. But, I'm telling you … I know what I saw in her this summer in Europe. Her concern for you was much more than purely professional, Benji. Whether she admits it to you or not … she has had a serious thing for you for a while now.”
They were silent for a while as Benji let his words sink in. Was Noah right? Did Fae have a crush on him? Was her occasional awkwardness with him more than just star-struck jitters? Benji didn't have the answers to any of those questions. But she had made it clear that she couldn't get involved with him. Not romantically anyway. And maybe that was just as well. After all, in rehab you're taught to avoid romantic relationships in early recovery. So at this point, Benji knew that friendship was probably just about all that he could handle.
*****
Fae dashed into her apartment and dressed quickly. Then she gently pulled the hair tie from her wild mane of still-damp hair and ran her fingers through it. Quickly pulling out her blow dryer, she did what she could to make it presentable. She hated her curls sometimes, even though she was always being complimented on how pretty her hair was. She was always wishing for a sleeker hairstyle, but she had been cursed with her mother's raven curls. She wished she had inherited something great, like her mother's painting talent instead.
Once dressed, she dashed back out of her apartment just as quickly as she had dashed in, and Benji's bodyguard was waiting in the car just outside to whisk her off to the stadium. She arrived just in time for load in to begin, and she got to work immediately, directing the movement of her equipment. She set up using the same amp arrangement from the night before, and while the deck, lighting and backline were being set up, she ran her power and signal lines for the amps, effects pedal boards, and the wireless systems. When all the technical work was completed, she finally set about the maintenance side of her job and began cleaning, restringing and tuning all ten of the basses in Benji's cache of instruments.
She worked quickly but diligently, taking great care with each bass as if they were her children or something. And by the time Jagged Ivory showed up for their soundcheck a few hours later, Fae had completed that part of her job. She was just putting away the last bass when she heard Benji's voice behind her.
“You made it on time, I see?”
She turned around to face him and gave him a big smile. “Yes. Thanks to Pete. So thank you for loaning him to me.”
“No problem,” Benji smiled. He stood somewhat awkwardly for a moment, and Fae got the impression there was something he wanted to say. Only he didn't get a chance because Otis called them to order so the soundcheck could begin. She handed Benji the StingRay 5 he requested, and as the soundcheck got underway, she went back to work, conferring with the Front of House engineer to perform her line check. Once everything was all dialed into the monitors and soundcheck was over, Fae knew that she could finally relax for a short time before things got crazy again. This was usually the time to find a bathroom for a short pit stop, and maybe grab a quick bite to eat before getting back to any restringing that hadn't been done yet. But since she had comp
leted that task before soundcheck, she thankfully had a little time to play with.
She found the lunch tent where food was being catered for the crew, and while she munched on a chicken salad sandwich, she spent a few minutes texting with Dave and Wayne. They were both so excited for her being on tour with Jagged Ivory, and they always had a million questions for her. She was laughing at a picture Dave had just sent her when she looked up to see Benji pulling out a chair and sitting down at the table across from her.
She sat up quickly, instantly nervous in his presence. And he smiled at her as she put her phone away.
“I'm sorry to interrupt,” he said quietly.
“No! That's okay,” she smiled. “Um … I didn't expect to see you here. I thought the band had an interview or something backstage.”
“Yeah, we've got a meet-and-greet with the JI Fan Club in a little while,” he confirmed. “But I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes before things get crazy.”
“Oh. Is something wrong? Did you want to adjust something about the monitor settings?” she asked.
“No, no. It's not about the show,” he said. Then he paused a moment as he looked at her. “It's, uh … it's about hanging out tonight.”
Fae couldn't have stopped the stupid grin on her face if she had tried. “Did you have something specific in mind that you wanted to do?”
Benji couldn't help returning that smile of hers. Noah was right. She was awfully cute. But he knew that he couldn't let himself be taken in by that. He shook his head as he said, “Actually, I want to just … let you off the hook.” Fae's bright smile faded as he talked, and he felt bad as he watched the light in her eyes flicker out. But he had to say what he had sought her out to say. “I know that I … I must have looked and sounded pretty desperate last night before the show began. And I admit, I was a total nervous wreck and … well, I probably leaned on you a little too much, and I feel bad about that. I'm grateful that you took pity on me. But I don't want you to feel obligated to keep hanging out with me. You don't need to do that; that's not part of your job description. I should have said that this morning at breakfast, but … I just wasn't thinking. And it's not going to affect our working relationship in any way if you tell me that you would rather go party or go do whatever after the show. It's not your job to babysit me.”
Fae didn't know what to say. She felt like he had just taken the wind right out of her sails. Had she done something wrong? Did she say something or do something to make him change his mind about hanging out with her again tonight? She wracked her brain but she couldn't think of a single thing. But she had to know. She wasn't the type to just take it at face value and not ask questions.
“Did I do something?” she asked quietly, looking into his eyes. And Benji was startled at her question.
“No!” He frowned as he shook his head at her. “No, you didn't do anything, Fae. I'm the one who did something. I …” He paused for a second as he tried to decide what he wanted to say. How could he discourage her without making it sound like her fault? He needed to let her down easy. “I feel like I took advantage of you last night. Like I took advantage of my position over you, or something. I don't want you to feel like you have to hang out with me. That's not a part of your job!”
“I know it's not part of my job. That's what made it so much fun,” she answered honestly. And she could feel the warm blush steal over her face as he looked at her. But she knew a kiss off when she heard one, and she knew that she had to suck it up. “I enjoyed last night. I was being honest when I said that I had a really good time. But if you don't want to hang out with me again, that's totally fine. I understand,” she said with a sad, quiet smile. “It's not a big deal.”
Benji felt like an idiot as he watched her smiling at him. She looked so sad and so completely taken by surprise. She hadn't been expecting his turnaround. He had blindsided her and he knew it. And he felt like shit about it, but he just didn't want to make a mistake here. He was committed to his recovery, and Noah's words this morning had thrown him for a loop. He wasn't at all sure what the right thing to do was. He liked her. As a tech, as a person … he liked her. And he would really like to continue getting to know her. But if Noah was right, and she really did have a thing for him, Benji wasn't sure how he should handle that. It wasn't like she was a groupie or an obsessive fan that he could just fuck and then forget. And he didn't want to fall into the trap of substituting sex for the heroin.
He smiled at her as he tried again. “Fae, I enjoyed hanging out with you. I really did. I just don't want to feel like … a pity date,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “Or like, I'm keeping you from something more fun. And I don't want you to think that I'm getting the wrong idea,” he said, hoping to make his meaning clear.
Fae held his gaze as she slowly nodded her head, a poignant smile kissing the corners of her lips. “The wrong idea,” she said softly, almost to herself. God, was he always such a gentleman? She knew that this was his way of making sure she wasn't the one getting the wrong idea. “You don't have to worry about that. There's no wrong idea for either of us to get. We're friends. Nothing more,” she smiled. “And if anyone is the pity date here, trust me … I know that it's me! I know that you have so many other things that you could be doing. So many other people you would probably rather spend time with.”
“That's not true,” he smiled. “I had a great time last night.”
“So did I,” she said softly.
As she stared at him, Benji suddenly felt the same urge to tell her everything that he had felt the night before. “Look, Fae … I like you,” he began cautiously. “I enjoy talking to you. And I'd really like to continue to get to know you. But I have to … I have to put my recovery first. And that means that I have to be a little careful with my relationships right now. All my relationships – even with the guys. And I know that you went through a lot with your mom, but I'm not sure how much you actually know about being in recovery.”
“I know enough to understand that this is a tricky time for you,” Fae said softly. “And I would never want to do anything to compromise your recovery. If you feel that hanging out with me would present a problem for you …”
“No, I don't think that,” he insisted, looking into her eyes. Then he hesitated a second before adding, “At least … not as long as we both understand going in that this is a friendship. It can't be anything more than that right now.”
Fae stared at him silently for a moment as she studied his eyes, and she loved the resolve she saw reflected in them. He was very clearly unwavering in his commitment to his sobriety, and she felt strangely proud of him. And the fact that he felt the need to have this conversation with her made her feel good in an odd way, because it meant that he could see her as a potential love interest. She smiled slowly at him.
“Agreed,” she said softly.
And as she smiled at him, Benji actually found himself wishing that his sobriety was one or two years old and that he didn't have to discourage her crush on him. There was just something about her that he felt drawn to, and he wanted to spend more time with her. Maybe now that they were in agreement over their relationship status, he could.
“So, now that we've cleared that up … dinner and a movie okay with you again tonight, or do you want to try something else?” he asked quietly as he held her gaze. And he smiled as he watched her pale blue eyes light up again.
Chapter Seven
“Oh, you are going down!” Fae snarled at him in delight.
“In your dreams, Faerie Princess,” he shot back. And even as he taunted her, he loved the flash of fire he saw in her pretty eyes.
Fae gasped in horror at his words. Then she angrily pointed her index finger at him as she said through clenched teeth, “Nobody but Wayne and Dave are allowed to call me that!”
“Well you should have thought of that before you told me that was your nickname,” he fired back without remorse. “I'll use it whenever I want to. Boom! Whatcha gonna do about it? Faerie
Princess!”
She glared at him with murder in her eyes. “Nothing, Benjamin!”
“Ooh, that hurt,” he teased, rolling his eyes at her. “Don't get pissed at me because you're losing!”
“No, I'm pissed at you because you're cheating,” she exclaimed. “And don't call me Faerie Princess!”
Benji couldn't keep from laughing at her. And when she hauled off and punched him in the arm, he laughed even harder.
“Ouch! You're getting violent,” he said with a shocked smile.
“I'm gonna punch that smug grin off your face, you cheater!” Fae said, punching his arm once more. But she couldn't help laughing herself. And when she punched him that time, Benji purposely fell out of his chair, landing on the floor with a theatrical flair and making a big show of being abused by her. He lay on the floor between their chairs and the TV screen, making moaning noises as if he were truly in pain.
“Oh, you are so dramatic,” she sighed, rolling her eyes at him.
“I'm going to stop playing video games with you,” he moaned. “You take it way too seriously. And the guys are starting to notice all my bruises. It's embarrassing!”
Fae erupted into giggles, and he smiled at her. He was so playful and silly sometimes, and she loved it. But as she watched him get up and climb back into his chair, she realized that there wasn't much she didn't love about him. He was the sweetest, most amazing man she had ever met, and Fae was completely smitten with him. She loved being near him. It was like he had this aura about him that she was just drawn to. Like he had this magical inner light that seemed to radiate from him. At times it almost felt as though he reserved that singular light just for her alone, and he would turn it on and beam it directly at her, making her feel special. And when he did, that light … that brilliance was the only place in the world that Fae wanted to be. She craved it. As if it were something she had missed out on all of her life and had now gotten a small taste of. He was like the most enticing drug in the world to her, and Fae never felt so high as she did whenever she was near him. And she wondered irrationally if this is what it felt like to be high on a real drug. Because of what she had gone through with her mom, Fae had made it her practice to never take anything stronger than an aspirin. She didn't even drink unless it was a special “champagne” occasion. So she had no frame of reference or anything to compare it to. But she couldn't help but wonder if this was how the heroin had made Benji or her mother feel.
The Essential Jagged Ivory (Jagged Ivory Boxed Set) Page 49