Slowly, he nodded his head at her, his eyes never wavering from hers. “I understand,” he said softly. “And I can promise you that I will spend the rest of my life taking each day one at a time, and trying to do the best that I can with each and every one of them.”
She smiled tearfully as she nodded at him again. “Okay.”
“So, do you think … that maybe you might want to spend those days with me? Hanging out with me and helping me to take one day at a time?”
Fae's smile got bigger as she watched him. Then she shrugged her shoulders at him. “Only if you can promise me one more thing,” she said softly.
“Anything,” he breathed as his heart began to beat faster.
“Anything?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes! Fae, I will do anything.”
“Well, then I'm going to need the promise of … a weekly cheeseburger, with extra pickles, followed by a scary movie,” she said with a serious expression. And Benji's face erupted into the biggest smile she thought she'd ever seen.
“Oh, I think that's a promise I can keep,” he smiled. And when she stepped into his arms, he lifted her up off the ground so that her feet dangled a few inches above the floor as he held her. He kissed her then, letting his tongue stroke hers as he slowly lowered her back down. “How did you do this?” he asked between kisses.
“How did I do what?” she asked, looking up at him as he held her in his arms.
“This,” he answered. “Make me feel this way.”
“How do you feel, Benji?”
Benji gave her an embarrassed smile. “You know, I've heard about people falling in love with their best friend, but … I never thought it could happen to me. Mostly because my closest friends are guys. I mean … Noah and Otis are both pretty, but … they're not really my type,” he shrugged.
Fae burst into giggles at his joke, and he tightened his arms around her, kissing her neck as she laughed. But his words weren't lost on her. Benji Staffon just told her he had fallen in love with her, and she was over the moon with happiness.
He kissed her sweetly before she took him by the hand and led him through the suite and into the bedroom. Standing on her toes, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately, feeling his arms fold around her.
“Make love to me again,” she whispered.
He didn't need to be asked twice. Reaching out, he let his fingers weave themselves in her raven curls and gently tugged her head back, just like in his daydreams, as he kissed her feverishly. And he wasted no time in stripping her out of her clothing. Between long, deep kisses, he lifted her t-shirt, revealing the perfect, bra-less tits that he had already come to love since this morning. Lowering his head to suck one pert nipple into his mouth, he pushed her pajama bottoms over her hips and thighs, letting them drop to the floor as his hands found her backside with a firm squeeze.
Pulling his mouth from her breast, he lifted her into his arms and gently laid her down on the bed. And Fae watched as he stood and removed his own clothing, jerking his shirt over his head and letting it drop to the floor. Then he pulled a couple of condoms from the pocket of his jeans and tossed them onto the bed before kicking his pants and his briefs off as well. He stood naked before her in all of his glory, and Fae could feel herself panting at the sight of him. He was so beautiful.
Slowly, he crawled onto the bed, pausing at measured intervals to let his lips and his tongue glide over her skin, sucking and kissing as he went. First her toes, then her ankles, and her calves. Up over her knees, and then the insides of her thighs. He stopped for an excursion at the mound between her legs, and Fae held her breath in anticipation.
Benji let his fingertips run lightly over the dark swirl of downy hair as he took in the scent of her. Hungrily, he explored her folds, and he felt Fae's hands in his hair as her hips rotated to his rhythm. She writhed beneath him as he worked her over, and he placed a hand on her belly to steady her as her body began to convulse.
“Oh, Benji. Ah!”
As her trembling subsided he kissed his way up her torso, pausing to lavish the same attention on each breast that he had given to her sex, and Fae cried out when he let his teeth graze over one nipple. The sound connected with his cock and Benji couldn't stand it any longer. Quickly removing a condom from its packet, he rolled it on and entered her in one swift, forceful thrust, causing her to cry out once more.
She wasn't in pain, exactly. But she had to admit that he was larger than any man she had ever been with before and she could feel her body stretch and mold around him with each delicious thrust. He felt so amazing as he pounded into her again and again, and Fae could feel her body building with every deep, powerful thrust. It didn't take long for him to take her where she needed to go and the explosions began in the inner-most part of her core, radiating outward and overtaking her in wave after wave of pleasure.
She screamed his name as her body trembled uncontrollably, and Benji felt himself let go with a shout of his own as he detonated deep inside of her. He collapsed then, letting his full weight rest on top of her as he kissed her deeply for a moment, stealing the very air in her lungs. They were both completely breathless when he pulled away and rolled off of her, discarding the spent condom to the floor.
He took her hand in his as they lay panting for the longest time, trying to catch their breath. Finally, he tugged on her hand, indicating he wanted her to come closer. Fae complied, moving into his arms without hesitation.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked softly.
She shook her head. “No.”
“You sure?” he asked again, genuinely concerned. “I thought … at one point you sounded like you were in pain.”
Fae smiled to herself as he held her. “No. You felt amazing.”
He smiled at her, and lightly kissed her forehead as she looked up at him. “So did you,” he said as he tightened his arms around her and squeezed.
They lay in silence for the longest time, feeling each other's hearts beating as he held her close. And when Fae started to giggle, he shot her an amused frown.
“What's so funny?” he asked, holding her tightly to him and lightly running his fingers over her skin.
“I was just thinking about everything you said before. You mentioned needing to take things slow. But this is probably the opposite of slow.”
Benji frowned as he thought about her words. She had a point. Slowly he let go of her and sat up, moving to the edge of the bed as if to stand.
“Benji?” she questioned, propping herself up on her elbow and pulling the sheets over her breasts. “What's wrong?”
He shook his head. “You're right. This is not taking things slow. I just … I said one thing and then did the exact opposite. Again. Seems to be an ongoing theme with me tonight.”
She reached out and lightly rubbed his arm. “Benji, I was just joking,” she smiled.
“I wasn't,” he said quietly as he turned to look at her. “As tempting as is to just rush right in with you … I have to stay mindful of the fact that I'm still in recovery. That still has to come first, Fae. I wish it were different, but that's the way it has to be for now.”
“Benji, I understand that. And I know that I pulled you in here and begged you to make love to me again. But I am willing to move at whatever pace feels right for you,” she said looking into his eyes. “Even if that means going back to simply sharing a bed and holding each other. If that's where we have to be right now, I can live with that.”
He smiled at her. “You would do that?”
“I will do whatever you need me to do.”
He reached out and lightly caressed her face for a moment. And Fae watched as his face seemed to cloud over for a moment, and she wondered what was troubling him. He shook his head as his mind seemed to fixate on whatever it was.
“What is it, baby?” she softly asked.
“I don't understand what's going on with me. Everything was going so good. And making love to you this morning … I nev
er felt anything so right in my entire life. And I rode that feeling all day long. But it's like everything I've done since coming offstage tonight has been so … out of control. So reckless. I don't know, I almost feel like … like I'm trying to sabotage myself or something.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, think about it for a minute,” he said, turning to look her in the eye. “Everything I have done tonight. Going to that party, when I knew full well what Shannon's parties are all about. And Beth! Her too. I could tell the moment I saw her; I could see it in her eyes. But I kept telling myself, 'no, she's not high, she just came out of rehab.' And you, Fae,” he said, taking her hand. “I knew that I should just leave with you so that we could come back here and talk about us! But I didn't do that. I think … maybe I purposely avoided doing that.”
Fae watched him agonizing over his actions and she wondered where he was going with all of this. And she wasn't the type to just let his last statement slide by. Even though she knew that part of her was terrified to hear his answer. “So, what do you think that means, Benji?”
He was quiet for the longest time as he thought about her question. Finally he took an unsteady breath and looked at her, staring into her eyes as he still held her hand. “I think it means that I'm scared,” he answered softly. “I have never been as happy or at peace as I was this morning after we made love. You know … heroin brings this … this sense of peace with it. It's a sense of … just being content with the whole world around you. Nothing bothers you, you don't care about shit. But it's a false peace. It's not real. And after a while, it ends up messing with your head. But this morning, with you … I knew that was real. That was the real thing and I could feel it. For the first time in my life, I could feel … happiness. And I want it so bad,” he said softly. “But at the same time, it scares me. I'm scared that it's not going to last. Scared that I'll find a way to fuck it up somehow. So maybe tonight I tried my best to do that. Only, I discovered that going back to that way of life scares me more than happiness does. I don't want to go back there again,” he whispered tearfully.
Fae sat up and gently took his face in her hands. “You don't have to,” she said softly. “You don't ever have to go back to that way of life again. You are not alone anymore, Benji. Earlier you said that you had nothing. That your life is empty, but that's not true. Not anymore. It hasn't been true for a long time now, you're just afraid to see it! But you have your brothers, and those four men care about you. And you have your band, which is beloved by thousands! And you have me.”
He stared at her in wonder for a moment, trying to understand why she cared. She ran her fingertips through the soft hair on his face as she stared into his eyes and repeated herself.
“You have me, Benji,” she said quietly. “And I love you.”
“I love you, Fae.”
Chapter Eleven
Benji stood looking out at the water in the pool, his hands in his pockets as his eyes traveled slowly around the large backyard. It reminded him of the first time he had seen Noah's place in Brentwood, shortly after he had moved in and had all the guys over to show it off. Or when Cory and Donna had bought their huge house in Calabasas. Or Otis' place in Malibu that overlooked the beach. He remembered thinking then how strange it was that he didn't seem to share that same “homeowner's mentality” that the rest of the guys had. The whole concept had seemed so foreign to him at the time. And now, here he was. Standing on the veranda of what would soon become his new home.
He had rented the place, sight unseen, right before the last leg of the tour ended. The realtor had sent him photos of it, and a few others, via email, and Fae had helped him chose. They had settled on this one for a few reasons, not the least of which was the fact that it came furnished and Benji had neither the time nor the desire to hunt for furniture or hire a decorator. They had only a few weeks between the last leg of the Thank Heaven world tour and the start of the next one, and he wasn't about to spend that time fussing over a house. He could do that later. Much later, now that he had made the decision to take advantage of the house's option to buy.
He shook his head and smiled to himself as that knowledge sunk in. He was buying a house. And not just any rundown, ramshackle, place to flop, which was usually what he looked for in a dwelling. Nope. He was buying a high-dollar home in, of all places, Beverly Hills. Granted, it wasn't as huge as Cory's place, or even Otis' for that matter. But it was elegant, in a hip sort of way, and Fae seemed to really dig the old Hollywood glamour vibe the place had going for it.
His smile got bigger as he thought of her, and he turned and walked toward the house, letting himself into the spacious kitchen through the glass French doors. She was bent over, taking a roasting pan out of the oven, and he involuntarily licked his lips as he watched her. Whether that was because of the delicious aroma of whatever she was cooking, or because she just looked so damn hot while she was doing it, Benji wasn't sure. His eyes traveled up the length of her legs as he walked over to her. He loved the fact that she liked to wear short skirts and high heels when they weren't working.
“I had no idea that you were so domestic,” he said softly as he slipped his arms around her from behind.
Fae giggled at him. “Well, working the backline for a rock band doesn't exactly give me the opportunity to cook much,” she smiled.
“Well, I am so impressed,” he continued. “Whatever that is, it smells and looks good enough to eat.”
She laughed at his response. “It's just a beef roast with vegetables. It's nothing fancy.”
“Well, it looks fancy to me,” he said, still holding her. “I didn't know you could do this.”
“I like to cook. Unless it's just me. It's a lot more fun cooking for more than one person,” she said. “I did a lot of the cooking when I moved in with Dave and Wayne. We would take turns because we were all so busy.”
“I know you're really looking forward to this dinner,” he said as she turned around in his arms. “But I have to be honest and tell you that I'm looking forward to later tonight, after they leave,” he whispered as his hand ventured beneath her skirt to lightly squeeze her ass. And he smiled as he felt the thin strip of material running between her cheeks. Short skirts and thongs. A winning combination as far as he was concerned.
“Mmm, are you fondling the cook, Mr. Bass Guitar God?” she asked as he kissed her neck.
“I don't know what you're talking about, Miss Miller,” he said as he nuzzled her neck and lightly tugged on her earlobe with his teeth, still stroking her backside all the while. “I'm just kissing my girlfriend.” His arms tightened around her as he kissed her deeply, and he found himself really wishing her friends weren't coming over for dinner.
She moaned softly as he kissed her, and then pulled away from him, suddenly eyeing him very cautiously. “You like Dave and Wayne, don't you?”
Benji shrugged at her. “Honestly, I don't really know them, baby. I only met them that one time, right after we got back a few weeks ago. But from everything you've told me about them, I think they sound like great guys. And I appreciate the fact that they care so much about you.”
She smiled at him just as the doorbell rang, and she could feel the nervous jitters run through her. She gave him a quick peck on the lips as she began to untie the short apron protecting her outfit. Quickly putting it away, she rushed from the kitchen to answer the front door as Benji followed after her. She wasn't sure why she was so anxious about this dinner. It was just a casual get-together with her boyfriend and her two closest friends. Her two closest friends who had known her since she was in middle school and probably knew her better than almost anyone else. Both of whom were prone to saying absolutely whatever was on their minds at any given time and loved to pick apart the guys she dated. Yeah. Maybe that had something to do with her nerves.
She opened the door with a dramatic flair and greeted their smiling faces. “Hi, guys!”
“Hey, chipmunk!” Wayne's voice was friendly and playf
ul as he stepped in and wrapped his arms around her. “Oh, God, I've missed my little Faerie Princess. I am so proud of you for getting this job with the Jagged Ivory tour, but I will be so happy when this thing is over so I can have you back home where you belong!”
Benji smiled at the man's comment, but it made him a little uncomfortable.
“No offense, of course,” Wayne said, flashing a smile Benji's direction. “I love Jagged Ivory as much as the next rock fan!”
“No offense taken,” Benji said, offering the man his hand to shake.
“Oh, don't mind Wayne,” Dave said as he kissed Fae on the cheek. “He seems to have been born without a filter, and he has a tendency to say whatever is on his mind. You'll either get used to it, or you'll kill him.”
“Oh, like you don't share that tendency,” Wayne said in a good-natured fashion.
“That's alright. I like knowing where I stand,” Benji smiled, shaking the other man's hand.
Their exchange, though certainly friendly enough, made Fae uneasy for some reason. She really wanted them all to love each other as much as she loved the three of them. “Um, well … dinner is ready and waiting so … shall we?”
Benji took her hand as they ventured back through the house and toward the kitchen. And since she had planned this dinner to be casual and relaxed, they sat at the table in the spacious kitchen even though the house had a very nice formal dining room. As they ate, they talked about the music shop and Dave's plans to expand it. And they talked about how the tour was going and about the upcoming leg that would take them through Australia and New Zealand. They were due to fly over in just a few days and Fae and Benji were both very excited. The whole band was really psyched for it.
“So, Benji?” Dave asked, smiling from his seat across the table. “I don't know if Fae's told you this, but I am a frustrated world traveler. It is my fondest wish to see so many places that I have never been to before. So, anytime I have the great fortune to talk to a well-traveled musician such as yourself, I always ask the same question.”
The Essential Jagged Ivory (Jagged Ivory Boxed Set) Page 56