by Maine, Miley
“Oh, Taylor.” His name cascades off my tongue like water over a waterfall. “Oh my God.”
His magical fingers travel over my breasts, pausing for a moment to tweak my nipples and it sends me in to a frenzy. Then they slowly make their way down, causing goosebumps everywhere, until he reaches forwards between my thighs and circles my sensitive clit.
I want to hold it together for a little bit longer, savor every single second, but he already has my walls clamping hard around him, coaxing the orgasm from him the moment it hits me too. It’s my favorite thing for us to come together, and luckily, we know each other’s bodies so well, we can make that happen easily.
“Oh, shit…” I’m on the edge already, teetering, about to fall. “Fucking hell, that feels good.”
I hold my head up high and attempt to keep it inside, but it seems impossible. Taylor is sinking under the waters of pleasure and he seems determined to pull me under with him. Not that I’m fighting it much, soon the hot waters of bliss are flooding me, the waves of intense pleasure are rolling over again and again causing my body to buck and writhe, hard. Luckily, I have Taylor there to cling on to me, to make sure that I don’t completely fall apart.
“I don’t want this to end!” I yell out loudly as I try to twist my body to grab on to him. I don’t even know how that’s going to be possible… I’m so desperate to feel him before he slips through my fingers like grains of sand. Because that’s going to happen in a moment, isn’t it? It always does. “Taylor, don’t leave me…”
But of course, he does. He begins to fade away, leaving me with nothing but the incredible memory of him buried deep inside of me…
“Taylor?” I call out while patting my side of the bed next to me. “Oh my God, Taylor, last night was absolutely incredible.” I let out a little giggle. “You really are the best I’ve ever had.”
I expect him to make a joke about how he’s the only man I’ve ever had, but that never comes. Instead I’m met with a resounding painful silence, one that aches my brain.
Of course, it was a dream. I come out of my fog, push myself up into a sitting position and rub my head. I’m alone. All alone, and Taylor is gone. He has been gone for the last year, ever since I kicked him out and ended our marriage. Even if it is still weird that this bed is half empty, it’s for the best. I can’t have him around any longer.
“Don’t forget why you sent him away,” I whisper to myself. “He’s a liar, and a bad person. Just because he was good in bed, and the only man you have ever been with, doesn’t make it right to have him here.”
I keep telling myself that, but the pep talk isn’t working anymore. I hate myself for it, but I miss Taylor, I still miss being Mrs. Braxton, I miss the life we shared together as a family. I wouldn’t admit it out loud because I would get my ass kicked, particularly by my best friend, Maggie, but I can’t help how I feel. When I’m dreaming, all of that flies to the surface.
I force myself out of bed and head into the bathroom where I can stare at myself in the mirror. I don’t want to be yelled at by my friends, but I can do it to myself. And to get the real effect out of it, I have to look at myself while I scold.
“Rebecca, you didn’t even know Taylor. You might have been with him for all of your adult life, married for five years, and have a five-year-old daughter together, but you didn’t know him. He lied to you about being in jail, about being involved with money laundering, and that is messed up.”
I groan and grab on to the side of the sink, to keep myself standing upright as my knees try to crumble. Every time I think about the life I lived in; it makes me fall apart. How can someone know so little about the man they were married to? It doesn’t seem right.
I still remember the day when I found out about the man, I thought I knew everything about. Well, it wasn’t exactly me that found out, it was Maggie. She was at the local library, studying for her college classes, and looking up old newspaper articles for something to base her latest project on, when she came across an article about a guy just out of high school involved in a money laundering scandal to help get his business off the ground. Taylor Braxton, my husband. Since he’s a few years older than me, I was too young to notice when he went to prison, so I didn’t know anything about it. I always thought that his business was built legally, and that he had an astute mind. How wrong I was. I don’t know if I would have believed it, had I not seen the article as evidence for myself.
My world shattered, the universe that I had built my life upon, vanished. Loving and living with a liar, I knew that nothing could ever be the same again.
Taylor tried to explain it away without denying anything, not that he could have, since I had the evidence, there was no excuse for it. All the money we had as a family was from illegal activity, our marriage was built on a bed of lies, and that meant that everything about who we were could be fake too. He tried to tell me that it was all a mistake, but if it was a mistake, why didn’t he just come to me and tell me? He wouldn’t have kept it from me if it was a misunderstanding. That’s why I had to kick him out and end our marriage.
“You did the right thing,” I remind myself. “He had to go. These residual feelings are meaningless. I just need to get over him. Easy as that.”
But it isn’t as easy as it sounds, is it? Otherwise I would have gotten over him already, I mean Christ, it’s been a year. Yet here I am, dreaming about him, imagining him in the bed next to me, still wishing that he was here. Sometimes, in the depths of my mind, I kind of wish that I could go back to the time when I didn’t know about everything because things were so much simpler then. Ignorance truly is bliss.
“Be strong,” I whisper to myself. “Jenny needs you to be strong.”
Speaking of her, my daughter skips into the bedroom, happy as a clam, and she wraps her arms around me. This girl is my ray of sunshine in all the sadness, the one incredible thing to come out of my marriage. She is the reason why I wouldn’t change meeting Taylor, even if it really hurts now.
“Morning, Mommy,” she declares with a bright smile. “I Love you.”
“Oh, I love you too, baby girl.” I pull her tighter to me. “I hope you slept well. Shall we go get some breakfast? Something warm, since it’s so cold.”
She runs in to the living room, and I follow close behind, trying my hardest not to look at all the family photos still hanging on the wall as I pass them. I thought it was a good thing for me to get the house in the divorce, to keep Jenny’s life as normal as possible. But being surrounded by all the memories that me and Taylor once shared, makes it damn near impossible for me to move on. No wonder I’m still stuck in this rut.
2
Taylor
December 14th
“So, you are happy with the offer they gave you?” Archie asks with a bright smile. “Because personally, I think it’s an amazing one. Not only will it allow us to expand, but the merger gives us a brand-new market to go in to. A bigger audience for everything.”
I grin back at Archie, so glad that we are on the same page as always. This is the exact reason I hired him as my manager, because we click on so many levels. He always has the best interest of company at heart, just like me, which is why together we have made such a success of it.
Archie has been with me ever since I restarted my company, after I got into some trouble when I was younger. He took a chance on me when a lot of people wouldn’t have, he saw that I had a knack for business, and I spotted the same in him.
“I agree, Archie. I think it’s the best move for us going forward. Do you think all the staff are going to feel the same way?”
“Oh, Taylor, you really need to get over the idea that you can keep everyone happy, because you can’t. It’s impossible when you have so many employees. Someone will have to piss and moan about it, probably because their workload is changed slightly, that isn’t a reason to stop. I know that majority of your staff will be happy, and that’s the main thing.”
I nod along with him, agreeing with
what he says. Personally, I would much prefer for everyone to be happy, but I suppose that isn’t possible. That’s one of the things I have had to learn since restarting my life. Not that I’m complaining, because I know that there is a big chance I could have sunk. Other people in jail had been in and out after their first time, and I’m well aware that could have been me. So, I have to be satisfied to have most people happy.
“Okay, so I think we’re in agreement here. Everything seems to be in place.” I glance down at my paperwork to check there isn’t something I missed, but it seems that we have everything covered. “So, unless there is something else going on, I think we’re done?”
I look at Archie expectantly, and wait to see if he does have anything else for me. Since he runs the majority of the daily stuff, I’m lucky not to have to put up with any office dramas, which I’m sure there are millions, but whenever it’s anything important, he does keep me up to date.
“Nothing works related,” he tells me mysteriously. “I’m all good on that front.” he purses his lips thoughtfully. “But I do have something I’d like to talk to you about, you know, off the record. Nothing that needs to be written down if you know what I mean.”
I wonder if he’s about to tell me about another date he has been on. Those stories can go either way. Sometimes they are amusing horror stories, sometimes they are terrible sex related stories that I just don’t want to hear.
“What is it?” I ask curiously, morbidly so, since I don’t know which way it’s going to go. “Do I even want to know?”
“This isn’t anything to do with me,” he reassures me. “I would much rather talk about you for a change.”
“You would?” I don’t know if I’m comfortable about that. The problem is Archie is a good enough friend of mine to ask me anything. We are closer than just being business colleagues. “What about?”
“Well, I wanted to see how things are going with the divorce and everything.” Yep, I knew that I wasn’t going to like this. “Because we haven’t really talked about it much, and I don’t want you to think that I’m not here for you. Because I always am.”
I sigh and hang my head low; he is probably right that I should talk about it a little bit. I avoid discussing anything to do with Rebecca most of the time, because it hurts too much, but sometimes I probably should let things out.
But how can I talk about it, without being honest about my feelings for Rebecca? It’s pathetic, isn’t it? To still be in love with the woman who kicked me out a year ago without even listening to me. I should be angry about it and hate her, but I can’t.
“Things are still pretty much the same,” I reply a little too coldly. “I don’t see it changing for better or worse. Rebecca and I only see one another at pick up and drop offs now that we don’t have any more court dates. We barely say a word to each other. We just do what we have to do, and that’s the end of it.”
“I see.” Archie can’t meet my eyes and that’s because he can see right through me. If anyone knows how much I am pushing my feelings to the side, it’s him. I mean, he has been around the entire time during my relationship with Rebecca. He was there when I just met her as I was trying to get my life back on track and I immediately fell head over heels for her. He was there when we were dating and first falling in love, he was there when I asked her to marry me, and also when I was heartbroken, and things were falling apart. He has been there through every stage, and he knows how much I still want her. But like the good friend he is, he allows me to live in my own little bubble while acting like everything is okay. “Well I’m glad everything is alright between you. Or civil anyway. It can get ugly, can’t it? When my parents got divorced it was a nightmare. All I remember is them arguing constantly. And making my life hell.” He rolls his eyes. “So, at least you two are on the right page.”
If only I could be happy with that as well, but all I really want is to have her back in my arms. I would love everything to go back to how it was when I was married and had a family, I had it all. Perhaps if I had just been honest in the first place and told Rebecca about my jail time before we got married, things could have been different, but I decided against it because I was trying to put that part of my life behind me. I never thought that it would come back to bite me in the ass. To be honest, the longer it went on, and the more time that passed without me saying it, it felt like a different life, something that never happened to me.
But then she did find out, and the fact that I lied made it a million times worse. As soon as she started yelling about it, I knew Rebecca well enough that she wasn’t going to forgive me. It didn’t matter how hard I fought; she wasn’t going to let it go. But that didn’t mean I stopped trying, not that it made any difference. She kicked me out and divorced me anyway, she wouldn’t listen to reason.
“And things with Jenny are good?” Archie continues, seeming to sense that I really need to talk about this. “I know that girl loves you, but from personal experience, I know that divorce can be hard on kids.”
“Jenny is good. We still see each other a lot. Every other weekend. Plus, because of my job, the judge granted me ten days in a row during the school holidays. I know that she isn’t old enough for school now, but he wanted a long-term plan, so we don’t have to keep going back to court.”
Archie narrows his eyes curiously. “You are always at work. I can’t think of a time when you have had ten days off in a row, how is that going to work?”
“Huh.” He’s right about that actually. “I do really need to organize that, don’t I?” I pat my chin thoughtfully. “Christmas is coming up, that’s the last holiday of the year, is it too late to make that happen?”
Archie parts his lips as if he has something to say, but he stops himself at the last moment. I fold my arms across my chest and cock an eyebrow in his direction, basically demanding that he says whatever is on his mind. Even if I’m not going to like it, I want to hear it. Maybe it’s even more important that I hear it.
“I was just thinking that it’s your first Christmas after being divorced, so Rebecca might not be too pleased about the idea of you having Jenny during that time.”
Again, he’s right, but what else can I do? I shrug my shoulders and try to avoid his eyes. “There aren’t any more holidays, so I don’t see what choice I have. It’s either at Christmas, or I miss out. Rebecca hasn’t mentioned it during any other holiday periods, so she must be expecting it now. Don’t you think?”
“Honestly, I don’t know if she will. Rebecca knows just like everyone else, that you are a massive workaholic, so she probably just assumes you forgot.”
Now that hurts. I can’t even express how painful that is. The fact that Archie assumes that I would put work before Jenny is a killer. Even worse, that Rebecca might think the same thing. Sure, work has always been important to me. It has to be, it’s been my livelihood and redemption ever since I got out of jail, but I wouldn’t put it before anyone else. Especially not my child.
“Well, she is going to find out,” I snap taking my anger out on the wrong person. “Because I am about to show her that I am the best father ever, and I’m going to make sure that Jenny has the best Christmas with me, because it’s my first Christmas alone as well. So why shouldn’t I have Jenny?”
Archie gives me a funny look, but I chose to ignore it. It might sound like I’m being a dick, but this isn’t that. I wouldn’t really want to take my daughter away from her mother during the festive time. Even if I do want to see her. No, what is really happening is a plan I’m not going to share with him because he will immediately shoot it down. All I really need to do is show Rebecca that I’m not a bad person, I made a mistake when I was young and dumb, and she should be able to trust me again. I’ve changed. Perhaps this is the way for me to do it.
“I better go now,” I say tartly to Archie, hoping that he can’t see what’s going on inside my mind, because sometimes it feels like he understands me way too well. “But thank you for the chat.”
“You know I’m always here,” he reminds me again. “Whenever you need to talk.”
But I’m done with talking for the time being, I haven’t got anything else to say. I have a plan that I need to get working on to make sure it works out perfectly because I could either end up alone with absolutely no one, or I could end up with everything back where I want it to be.
I fought for Rebecca in the first place, but I stopped fighting far too quickly. I should have carried on. Well that’s what I will do now. I will let her know that I still want her, without putting too much pressure on her.
It’s a risky plan, but it could work, couldn’t it?
3
Rebecca
December 17th
Ring, ring... Ring, ring... Ring, ring...
I grab my cell phone impatiently, not really in the mood to talk to anyone right now. I don’t know if it’s the time of year, or the fact that my nights have been restless due to dreams about my ex-husband.
And when I see Larry, my lawyer’s name on the screen, I’m immediately annoyed. These days he only ever calls with bad news, which is even worse.
“Hello?” I answer, trying to sound confident rather than letting my nerves shine through. “How are you, Larry?”
“I’m calling with news about your ex,” he says immediately, blunt as always. “He has been in touch through his lawyer, about Jenny, and the ten days that he gets to spend with her on holidays.” Oh God, I almost forgot about that clause in the divorce agreement. “He has picked the 23rd of December to the 2nd of January.”
My heart stops beating. “Is this a joke?” I demand. “Is he really doing this to me? Taking Jenny over Christmas. He has had all year long to have his ten days with his daughter, and he hasn’t bothered. So why would he do this now?” I rake my fingers through my hair angrily, my rage starting to get the better of me. I have been missing this man, like a freaking idiot, while he has been plotting to take me down. “Why now, over Christmas, does he decide that having his daughter is more important than work? Why the hell does he have to have ten days anyway? Aren’t alternate weekends enough for him?”