by Fiona Murphy
Drake goes still and his blue eyes darken, “If I really believed that was what you wanted then I wouldn’t be here right now.”
I open my mouth only the words to deny what he said won’t come out.
“No more lies to tell me, Ria? No denying you want and ache for me as badly as I do for you. No denying that if Latisha hadn’t disturbed us last night, I might still be buried inside you right now.
There’s no husband to throw up so you wouldn’t have to be the one to fight the need. You made it so I would have to be the one to walk away. A husband you threw up at me every time your eyes lingered longer than you knew they should. Like the last time when I stayed and we played phone tag. I pushed you, made you laugh one too many times. So you mentioned the nonexistent husband again to remind me to back off. You threw a verbal punch and it connected, sweetheart.
When I left the hotel I promised myself I’d never come back. I couldn’t have you and that was the end of it. I’ve driven home half-asleep, spent nights on the cold floor rather than see you again. It was stupid, but I didn’t feel like I could go to another hotel. Just like with the other women. I didn’t want anything that wasn’t you, and I was worried you would find out.
The other night, I only checked in because I felt half-dead and I knew driving home was dangerous. Even though it was just as dangerous to my equilibrium, I knew I had to see you again; four months had been too long. One last time, I’d let my hand graze yours when I took the key card. Maybe this time, because I was so tired, my dick wouldn’t get hard from that little touch. Maybe I wouldn’t want to bend you over the desk you hide behind, and I could move on.
Then Latisha said something that, even though she was yelling it, I couldn’t believe was true. My mind raced to divorce, then I saw the ring still on your hand. I feared it was a divorce you didn’t want. Then she told me the truth, and I saw it on your guilty face. I really did want to pull you across the desk by your sweet little neck and squeeze, for the hell you’ve put us through.” He’s walking toward me and I’m up against the wall at the fury in his eyes. “The entire way up in the elevator I wanted to push you up against the wall and take you hard and fast but it wasn’t going to be enough, not by a long shot. I want to be inside you for hours, for days, not the seconds we would have in the elevator.”
At his words, I’m wet and aching so badly it scares me enough to lash out. “So you offer something only because you thought someone had gotten there first and you want to stake your claim.”
“Damned straight,” His response is fast and without remorse. “I don’t want anyone getting any thoughts around you. In my world, it’s either a girlfriend or a wife, one’s claim is respected and the other isn’t. When others see you, I want them to know you belong to me, you’re mine.”
“Until I want a baby, then I can walk out the door with a cash settlement, and what, a pat on the ass for old time’s sake?”
Drake swings away as if he’s afraid to touch me. “Fuck, Ria, why the hell do you have to say shit like that?” He exhales a shaky breath and turns back to me as he runs a hand through his hair. “Are you not fucking listening to me? Do you really think it’s going to be easy for me to let you go when the time comes? Hell no, but I can’t take the chance. Kids, they need more time and attention than I can give. I won’t let them become pawns when the marriage breaks down. Sherry actually got pregnant and tried pass it off as mine during the divorce so she could get more money. Waiting for the DNA to come back was a week of torment I never want to go through again.”
Shock at his words has me frozen. He doesn’t think it’s going to be easy to let me go and he gets that kids need more than just money from a father. Only because of his bitch of a first wife, I’m being denied a future with him. For two seconds, I wonder if having kids is worth it, especially after the screaming toddlers of last night. Who was to say I could even have kids? Still, there’s a part of me angry he’s willing to marry me while denying me a say in it. A marriage was about the wants and needs of both people, not just keeping me out of the beds of other men. I look up to tell him that, he’s already in front of me. Drake knows I’m going to argue with him and his mouth comes down on mine to stop it.
Just like last night, he’s not gentle any more. He’s demanding, taking what he wants. Just like last night, I melt into him. I want him so badly I’m trembling with need. My arms go up around him to pull him tighter against me. A slight movement and his arms go around my middle and he’s carrying me to my bedroom. This time, he lays me on my bed gently. Following me down fast, Drake is nearly crushing me into the bed with his hard body. I cry out, not from pain, from a need for more. For everything I’ve wanted from him since the first time I looked up and saw him across the desk.
“I know, sweetheart, I ache too. I’m going to make it better, I promise.” His mouth is on my ear, I’m shaking from the heat of his mouth and body on mine. I’m pushing up his shirt frantically and his hands are at the knot of my robe. He opens it and I know the shirt has ridden up to my middle. My plain white cotton panties are on display and through the thin tee shirt it’s visible I’m not wearing a bra. Air comes out of him in a rush and his hands are shaking as he trails his fingers down my stomach. Seeing his reaction to me, has my chest twisting painfully. This need, this overwhelming, body clenching need wasn’t one-sided. Knowing that calms my fears of what will come next. For a moment I wonder if I should warn him but I’m not ashamed to admit I’m scared he’ll stop, and I think I’ll die if he does.
Feeling his fingers edge around the band of my panties I can’t stop my hips pushing up against them, inviting, needing more. Shaking his head, he chuckles, “Not yet, I couldn’t sleep last night, every time I closed my eyes I saw your beautiful breasts. I would remember how they felt and I’d get hard all over again for you. I need to see them again.”
With a quick movement, my shirt is gone and he’s gazing down at me with what can only be described as reverence. My breasts are heavy from need and my nipples are so tight they hurt. I’m about to beg him until his mouth comes down on me. He’s gentler now than last night but he’s hungry and his control is barely there. His tongue strokes become more demanding, his mouth greedy as he sucks to the edge of pain. I’m crying his name, begging for more and fingers become rougher as he toys with my other breast. When his mouth leaves my body I’m unable to move. Then his mouth is back on mine and his kiss is so consuming, I can only cling to him. As his tongue begins to mimic his need and mine, my body gushes hot liquid to prepare for him inside me. I shudder, shaken by something that has never happened before.
Clenching my thighs tight, my hips come up to meet his. The feeling of his thick swollen length burns into me and I moan his name.
“I know, sweetheart. I know what you need.”
He kisses slowly down my body, nipping at me in turns as he sucks gently. By the time he’s where I need him most, every bone in my body has melted for him. Skimming the panties down, he kisses up my inner thighs and I’m coming off the bed, begging for him there. Then his tongue strokes me and shock and fire explode in equal, quaking measures. My hands slip into his hair, trying to pull him up and away but he ignores them. Thick, fingers skim over me, then opens me for his mouth, and his tongue sweeps inside. Hot, fire burns where his tongue touches. Long sweeps of his tongue find the moisture of my body weeping for him. Moaning my name, the vibration and hot air against me has my thighs tightening for more. He’s teasing, now, driving me out of my mind. I’m on the edge and then his fingers are there again, finding their way deep inside. I jerk from the discomfort when they meet the protective covering, I hadn’t thought would still be there after so long.
Instantly, he goes still. Slowly, he’s moves up on his knees between my legs and his eyes are on mine, not letting me hide. “Ria, you’re a virgin.”
It’s not a question, I nod anyway. I’m fearful now, he’s lost all color and his voice is rusty and halting, as if he could barely get the words out.
Chapter Four
By the time Justin is home from school, I don’t look like death anymore, barely. His excitement over the field trip helps me from having to add too much to his excited observations. We’ve been to the Field dozens of times, to the Planetarium even more times. Keeping him busy on the weekends was a full time job but I loved taking him out and hearing him talk.
He’s a good kid and begins to do the dishes without me asking him. Today was the kind of day he won’t have many of for much longer. MIT had been as disappointed at his failure of the testing as he had been, but had been positive for next year’s testing. They had promised him a spot, but paid, a free ride would only come with passing of the testing. My salary wouldn’t extend to paying, I had made it clear. They had come back with, next year then. MIT loved collecting little geniuses and showing them off, it was the reason they were willing to pay for the free ride.
“Okay, you were crying yesterday morning and today you’re so quiet it’s freaking me out. What’s the matter?”
Fuck, he’s a genius and I really thought I was going to be able to keep something from him? I don’t care, I’m not talking about my almost sex life with my little brother. “I’ve been thinking. Why don’t I try to get a job with a different hotel than this chain in Boston? We could move during the summer and be ready to go with the testing next year.”
His whole face lights up, then his forehead pulls into a frown. “Wait a minute, I know you were happy I didn’t get into MIT. Why are you willing to move for it next year?”
Double fuck, I sputter, “How did you know I was happy?”
“Come on, Ria, I know you. You were happy. Why are you now willing to let me go into MIT?”
“Because I realized how selfish I was being. I want you to have a normal happy childhood and teenage years, but that’s not what you want. You’ve been miserable and I’m a bad sister for keeping you from what you want.”
“I love you, Ria.” He hugs me tight and I hug him back.
Getting ready for work, I’m slow and lethargic, I hadn’t gotten much sleep and it’s going to be a long night. Justin is buried in a book when I say goodbye. Kissing him goodbye, I know Boston will be a good start over for both of us.
It isn’t surprising, it just strengthens my resolve when there is nothing from Drake all night. I fight the urge around three in the morning while Latisha is away from the desk, to see if he’s in his room and barely manage not to do it. Latisha doesn’t ask, only pats me on the back from time to time and my watery smile of thanks leaves me feeling like a wreck. Even though there aren’t any openings on the website I shoot my resume over to the two hotels in the Boston area that are branches of the hotel I’m at. After six years here, it would be really nice not having to build seniority again. Regardless, I have to get out of Chicago and away from Drake.
Going home is a test of nerves as I wonder if I’m really doing the right thing, and then telling myself I am, and then my mind starts the arguments all over again.
I open the door and Justin is waiting at the kitchen table, he’s dressed and obviously already eaten breakfast and is sipping his juice. The sight has me frozen as my purse falls onto the couch.
“What’s the matter?”
“You know, Ria, I love you, but when you lie to me it reminds me of mom and I don’t like that at all.” He’s not thirteen, he’s thirty and my legs give out. I look around and don’t see any signs but he’d been here. “Yes, Drake came by after you left for work. He talked to me and was honest with me, the way you weren’t. You don’t want to move to Boston for me, it’s so you can run away from Drake.”
Shaking my head, I fight back the tears, “Yes and no, I know you’re a fucking genius but when it comes to this you don’t know anything. Drake coming to you behind my back is a dick move.”
“I know you’re in love with him, and after last night I know he’s in love with you. The dick move is you running away from him.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Ria, he asked you to marry him, and because he fucked up and didn’t propose right, you turned him down.” I give him a look at the swear word and he sighs, “Sorry, but it’s so obvious. I knew you had a thing for him since you first met him. Drake Hawthorne, this and that for a few months he was all you talked about. You really don’t remember? I do, and I asked you about him. You sighed and said not going to happen. You were sad for like weeks after that. After the snowstorm, when he stayed for days, you practically went into a depression.
Come on, I’m a genius and the little brother that you’ve raised. I know you, I know when you’re stressed, even when you try and hide it. I thought it was just a little crush until the snowstorm. I thought you were happy I didn’t get into MIT because it would take you away from Chicago and Drake.”
My head comes up in shock at his words, the tears start falling, I’m unable to fight them. Justin sighs, gets the Kleenex box, and comes and sits beside me. He hugs me and pats my shoulder. “It wasn’t because of Drake, I promise you. I meant it, about you having the normal teenage years. I know what it’s like to miss out on that, I don’t regret it for a second but there are things you miss out on by not having that. In one way, you’re far behind everyone else on the relationship and friendship stakes. How do you know he loves me?”
I hate sounding needy for reassurance, I no longer trust myself to know about anything anymore.
Justin rolls his eyes, “For one, it’s practically written all over him at just the mention of you. Then he comes here, spilling his guts to a thirteen year old to figure out how to make things right between you two. That’s sad and desperate; only someone in love is going to be that desperate.
Then I told him about you wanting to move to Boston. I thought he was going to be sick on me. What are you doing to this guy? Why aren’t you saying yes and moving us to his million dollar mansion that’s been in his family for six generations? It has seven bedrooms with eight bathrooms, every bedroom has their own bathroom. There’s an indoor swimming pool and tennis courts and even a movie room. He has a housekeeper and a gardener and he loves it, and even though he thinks it’s too big for just him, he’ll never sell it. Even though he loves his home, by the end of the night he was looking at houses in Cambridge and asking which ones I thought you would like.
He’s not looking at shipping me off and flying you out every once in a while. Drake’s ready to take us both on, knowing you’ll see me as a priority until I’m old enough to be on my own, but knowing you—until I’m in my thirties. None of that fazes him, he wanted to come and get to know me, to know how I felt about you two, and make sure I knew he wanted to be here for me. All he wants is a little respect for both him and you.
I saw the ring, he was wondering if it was wrong, should he get something else. Maybe a regular diamond instead of chocolate. Are you kidding me, it’s twelve carats. He said he got it because it reminded him of your eyes. I felt so bad for the guy, I’ve been wanting to yell at you since he left. Then when I get mad at you, and can’t believe everything you’re putting him through, he starts to defend you. He slept on the couch last night because he didn’t want to push you. After finding out about everything last night, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep from doing that.”
The tears come harder, I just don’t know what to do anymore. “He doesn’t want kids and expects us to divorce over it. He expects it because he’s so damned arrogant he refuses to change his mind, or consider a different ending. It could be twenty two carats and I could still say no.”
“Yeah, he figured that out already. Why can’t you
just talk to him and tell him what and why?”
“Because he doesn’t talk, he gives orders and commands. Then does sneaky things like investigating me and you, and coming to you behind my back. What did you tell him, what did he find out last night?”
“Ria, he’s a multimillionaire born with a silver spoon his mouth. He lost almost everything, then practically overnight he goes from not ever getting his hands dirty, to back breaking hard work while pulling off deals no one would even attempt. You don’t get back to his previous status in under a year without being a little sneaky and commanding. He wasn’t as ruthless as he could have been with you, he didn’t go so far as to pin you into a corner where you felt you had no other option than him. You still have your job, he could have easily gotten you fired. He’s been careful to make sure that didn’t happen. He came to see you here and only pushed it when Latisha was there, never when Reese worked overnights with you. Drake was sure Latisha would never sell you out to Charlie.
I told him pretty much everything, after everything he told me, I thought he deserved it. I told him about you talking about him all the time and how upset you were after the snowstorm. He perked up when I told him that I was pretty sure you were in love with him. Cut the guy some slack, and maybe this time, talk to him. You’re really good at making sure I hear you when you want me to listen.”
The alarm goes off in Justin’s room and he gets up to turn it off. He comes back with his backpack on. “I’m going to school a little early to give you some time to think about it.”
Watching Justin leave, I feel so alone. Lying down on the couch, I can smell Drake, his cologne and the scent that’s him alone. My head is spinning, I’m feeling close to tears again. Was I making this too hard? He was offering marriage, not some hole in the wall hook up. How could he be sure enough of us to want to get married? While the last two years had felt like an eternity, our time together had been limited. How was he sure?