by Lesley Jones
“We really need to talk, Georgia. I really need you to understand that what I did, I did out of love and concern for my daughter. What I did, I did to protect you.”
I didn’t want to cry, I wanted to be strong and defiant and nasty to her. I wanted to say spiteful, hurtful things. Instead, I just said what came into my head as I really didn’t have the capacity to think too much right then. “I understand all of that Mum, but what you also forgot along the way is that you’re my friend, and friends don’t keep secrets from each other. Even if they think it’s going to cause pain, they tell each other the truth, they share, and they’re there for you. Then they help you to pick up the pieces and move on.”
“Well, Jimmie lied to you too. You don’t seem to be angry with her.”
“Oh, no. No, don’t even go there! Jimmie was asked, by you, I might add, not to mention something. She didn’t blatantly, bare-faced lie to me.”
Sean appeared from behind my mum and moved to stand next to me, taking my hand in his.
“Mum, I’ve had the night from hell, and I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. I need time to think. I need to get my head around the fact that for the last four years, someone has gone out of their way to fuck up my life and you helped them to do it.” She went to say something, but I held my hand up to stop her and shook my head. “Please just go. I’m going to take tomorrow off and maybe next week, too. I’m sure you and Ash can cope.”
“Don’t do this, George. Please talk to me.”
“I can’t right now, Mum. Just give me some time.”
“One day, Georgia, one day you will be a mother and then you’ll totally understand my actions.”
I shrugged and looked at her. “Who knows?” She let out a deep sigh and then turned and walked away.
My dad gave me a cuddle. “Don’t be so hard on her, Princess. She loves you more than life. She thought she was doing the right thing.”
“I know, Dad. I know.” Was all I could come up with. I just didn’t want to argue right now, not with anyone.
He shook Sean’s hand. “Look after her, Maca.”
Sean placed his arm around me and pulled me in tight, kissed the top of my head, and said, “I will, Frank, I promise.”
My parents left, and I just wanted to go and throw myself down on the sofa, but Sean pulled me back as I went to walk away from him. I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“We need to talk, G.”
“Not tonight we don’t, Sean. I’m exhausted, and I just wanna flop.”
He bent his knees slightly so that we were at eye level. “Okay, but tomorrow, we talk.”
“Fine,” I agreed. He held my hand as we walked back into the lounge, and I sat down next to Marley. I laid down and placed my head on his lap. Sean lifted up my legs and put them in his lap before pulling off the boots I was wearing and throwing them on the floor. He then proceeded to do something that he knew I loved, something that he knew would calm me down. He massaged my feet.
Marley looked down into my face. “Ewww, George. You have the biggest bogies up your nose, they’re like boulders.”
I smiled up at him and shook my head. “Well, I can’t see anything up your nose. Your nostrils are hairier than Dad’s.”
His hand flew to his nose. “Fuck off! I do not have hairy nostrils.”
We stared at each other in silence for a few seconds. “That was horrible, what just happened with you and Mum, intense and horrible. I love you, and I’m so sorry. This all started with me getting off my nut and wanting to shag—”
“No,” I said quickly. “Do not say her name.”
“Well, whatever, George. I’m just saying I should never have dragged Maca into it. Then none of this would ever have happened.”
I sat myself up as Sean scooted up and sat in tight next to me.
“Marls, how many times do I need to say this? We were both at fault, and neither of us should have gone back to that room with her, we both knew—”
“Enough, enough! That bitch has fucked with my life for long enough. It ends now! I don’t want anyone blaming anyone for any of this anymore, including yourselves. What’s done is done. I hate her, and if I ever get my hands on her, I will beat the bitch, but I’m not letting her actions eat away at me anymore. She’s taken all she’s getting from me.”
Bailey was lying spread out on the two-seater my parents were sitting on earlier with his long, lanky legs hanging off the end. “I can’t believe the whore got away with it all for so long.”
“Bails, I just said I didn’t wanna talk about it.”
“I can find her if you want, George? Let me have her name, and I can get a trace on her.”
“Bailey, will you leave it,” Lennon snapped. “Just leave it. Like George said, we all need to move on.”
Bailey huffed and folded his arms across his chest. “Well, if you don’t want me to do it, ask your new boyfriend, he’s pretty good at tracking people down.”
Cam. Fuck!
He hadn’t entered my head once since I fell through the front door earlier. I realised the whole room had gone silent. Sean was completely still next to me, and I was too scared to turn and look at him.
“Bails, you really do need to rein in that big gob of yours tonight. These two have got enough shit to sort through without you stirring the pot!” Lennon said to him.
My skin prickled and the hairs on the back of my head and neck stood on end. I just knew that he was looking at me, but I didn’t look round.
“For fuck’s sake, is anyone gonna skin up tonight or what?” Marley jumped off the sofa and headed out to the kitchen, returning with Lennon’s stash box.
“Help yourself, Marls, why don’t ya?”
“Cheers, Len, I will.” He winked at Len as he started to roll a joint on the coffee table in the middle of the room. He lit it up, took a huge draw, passed it to Bailey, and proceeded to roll another.
I managed three hits before I felt the effects, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks, and all I wanted to do was sleep. “Can I stay here tonight, Jim?” I asked.
“Of course, babe. Your usual room’s all made up.”
I didn’t dare go home. Cam would be going absolutely mad and was probably waiting at my place for me.
Cam, bloody hell. What was I going to tell him?
Things had been going perfectly with him until this past couple of weeks, but now there was Sean. Sean… Who I loved with all my heart. Sean who made me feel whole, complete, fixed, just by being in the same room with him. Sean who I had a whole shed load of shit to sort through with. If we had the slightest chance of ever getting back together, it was only fair that I ended things with Cam while I try to fix things with Sean. My heart felt a little stab of hurt, or was it guilt at the thought of ending things with Cam? Given time, I think we could’ve been good together.
At some stage, I must have fallen asleep as I felt myself being carried up the stairs. I opened my eyes slightly and saw that I was being taken to the spare room. I knew it was Sean carrying me because I could smell him. He laid me down, kissed my forehead, and then sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking my hair off my face. I opened my eyes and looked into the eyes that I had missed so much.
“Don’t leave. I don’t want to be on my own.” I barely finished speaking when he stood up and started taking off his jeans, while toeing off his shoes.
“Thank fuck, because I don’t want to leave ya, G.”
“No sex though, Sean. I just want to cuddle.”
He stopped and looked at me. “Gia, I wasn’t… I didn’t think. That’s not what I wanted to stay for.” His eyes looked all over my body. The dress I was wearing had ridden up my legs, but the thick black tights I had on covered my skin. I watched as he adjusted himself through his boxers. “Okay, what I mean is, I’m as horny as fuck, and of course I’ve got a fucking hard-on.” He shrugged and smiled at me. “You know me and what I’m like around you, G. I just can’t help it, nothing’s changed there.”
/> I couldn’t help but smile at his honesty.
“But that’s not what this is all about. I just want to be with you. I won’t even touch if you don’t want me to, but I hope you do. Coz, I do, I really wanna, really, really wanna touch ya. But I get it, you’ve got a boyfriend now, I just—” He looked around the room, struggling to get out whatever it was he wanted to say. “Fuck, G, please don’t tell me I’m this close, but I’m gonna lose you again?” He sat back down on the bed next to me. The only light in the room was coming from the old-fashioned street lamp Jimmie and Len had on their drive, and it bathed him in a soft, golden glow. I unconsciously reached out and touched his hand just to make sure he was real.
There wasn’t any part of that night that had really sunk in, and I still had to keep pinching myself.
“I can’t believe you’re here.” My voice was barely a whisper as I spoke. He laced his fingers with mine. “I can’t believe we’re together in the same room, touching.” My belly felt like it had bat wings flapping about in it. I’d had a few wines, I was slightly stoned, and all I really wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep with him. I could think about the reality of it all in the morning when I had a clearer head. “Draw the curtains and get into bed. I’m taking my dress off and putting your T-shirt on, so don’t look.”
He tilted his head to one side. “I’m the one that’s taking their top off, G. So, don’t you be looking. I saw how your tongue was hanging out of your head in the kitchen when I showed ya my tats.”
“Don’t flatter yourself, rock star. I was admiring your ink, that’s all. Besides, you ain’t got nothing I haven’t seen before.”
He smiled at me as he stood up and pulled his T-shirt off, and yes, I did stare, because he was fit and toned, and he was Sean, my boy, and he was standing right in front of me in just a pair of boxers. He handed me his top, and I stood to take off my dress and pull off my tights. I rarely wore tights anymore. I only ever wore stockings, especially when I was going to see Cam because he loved them. I actually thought they drove him a little bit insane when we went out and he knew I was wearing stockings and suspenders underneath my outfit. He’d occasionally growled, ever so slightly, when he’d brushed against me, just like a real Tiger.
I needed to shut down thoughts of Cam. This was weird for me. In the past—before everything happened—there had only ever been Sean. I’d only known Sean. So much had changed since then, though. I wondered if we could ever get back what we once had. Right now, right at this moment, it honestly felt like we had never been apart.
Lost in my thoughts, I unhooked my bra and let it drop to the floor. When I realised what I’d done, I quickly pulled Sean’s tee over my head. God, it smelled divine. This was the smell that I’d been dreaming of for so very long. I pulled the quilt back and climbed into bed, and Sean climbed in beside me. The room was now in complete darkness, but my eyes had gradually adjusted.
“Come here,” he whispered.
I curled into him, my head on his shoulder, his arm around me, and our bare legs tangled together. It felt so right, so perfect, as if the past four years had never happened. It would have been so easy to just go with it, so easy, but I was not a naïve little sixteen-year-old. I was almost twenty-one, and I knew that wasn’t old by many people’s standards, but I bet there were forty-year-olds out there that hadn’t been through what I had in my short young life. And the one thing I’d learnt from all the drama of the past few years was that the only person I could ever really rely on in this life, was myself, and I was not about to let me down. I had to protect myself from whatever tomorrow may bring.
Sean pulled me in tight against him and whispered into my hair, “I love you, Georgia Rae. Good night, sleep tight.”
I closed my eyes, and despite the drama of the previous few hours, I quickly drifted into a deep, contented, dreamless sleep.
When I woke, it was still dark. There was no clock beside me, so I knew I was not in my own room. My belly did a few flips as his scent invaded my senses, and I remembered in an instant where I was and who I was with... Sean, I was in bed with Sean. My boy, my beautiful boy, who I’d loved, missed, and longed for these past four years. I turned and faced him. I could just make him out in the dark. I studied his face. He was more handsome than beautiful now, his features were much stronger than I’d remembered. His boyish good looks were still there, but his jaw was stronger, and he had more stubble. I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to touch. He was lying on his side, facing me with one arm folded under his head and one around me. I reached out and using just my fingertips, I traced across his brow, over his cheek, and outlined his lips. He sighed softly and ground his hips into me, and then, I was totally amazed as he whispered, very, very softly, “Gia.”
I thought for a moment that I’d woken him, so I lay still, stopped my secret exploration of his face, and waited until I was sure he was still sleeping.
He was sleeping.
He was sleeping and dreaming of me.
I wasn’t sure if my heart ached with happiness at this revelation of with pain as I thought of the time that we’d wasted. Nights I’d lay in bed and dream of him. Even on the nights I’d been with other men, it was still Sean that I’d dreamed of. I wondered if it’d been the same for him, despite all the beautiful women he had no doubt spent the last four years shagging. I wondered if all the while, he was dreaming of me. I wondered if they heard him whisper my name. I wondered if they asked, or even cared who Gia was. I didn’t want to obsess too much about the other women, but I knew I would ask. I really didn’t want to know, but I needed to know. I wasn’t sure if that was a woman thing or a Georgia thing.
“Tell me about your boyfriend.”
Shit, I hadn’t even noticed he had opened his eyes and was watching me. It was creepy that what was going through my mind was pretty much what was going through his.
“Is it serious?”
What do I say? Is it serious?
I thought it was important more than serious. Cam was important to me because he’d helped me move on.
Sean rolled away from me, put on the bedside lamp, and then rolled back to where he was. We mirrored each other, side by side. One arm folded under our head and the other draped across each other’s hips.
“I need to know, G. If you’re in love with this other bloke, and if we’re… If all of this…” He looked all over my face as he tried to think of the right words, “If it’s too late for us, G, then I need to know now, before I get my hopes up, before I start…” He paused again and closed his eyes. He moved his hand from my hip, to the back of my head, and pulled me towards him. He kissed my forehead and then rested his against mine. “Just tell me, G. Are we too late? Please tell me it’s not too late. I fuckin’ love you so much, but if… If… Fuck, I can’t even say it.”
I took his face in my hands. “Sean, like the tattoo says, ‘There’s no one else. There never was. It’s still only ever you’.”
He repeated my actions and took my face in his hands. We were so close that I could see the little flecks of gold sparkle in his brown eyes.
“I love you, Georgia Rae Layton, so fuckin’ much. I’m gonna give you the world, the whole fuckin’ world, but first, first, I’m gonna kiss ya.” And he did, so softly and so gently, all over my closed mouth. Then he pushed inside with his tongue, tangling it with mine and swiping it over my teeth the insides of my cheeks as if he were trying to taste every bit of my mouth. He kissed, licked, sucked, and gently dragged his teeth over my lips and my jaw. He rolled over and knelt between my knees, then pulled me up to straddle him. I went to wrap my arms around his neck, but he put them back down at my sides. He reached for the bottom of his T-shirt that I was wearing, pulled it over my head, and threw it on the floor. He used the fingertips of both hands to trace over my face, jaw, and neck, and he brushed, so gently over my collarbone that I shuddered.
I didn’t take my eyes from his. He mostly studied intently what he was doing, but every now and then his eyes fl
icked up and met mine. My heart threatened to escape my chest with the way he looked at me. Love, lust, desire—it was all there. His fingers travelled over my chest and then over my breasts. He circled my nipples a few times and then cupped them. He looked up at me in absolute wonder before he moved his mouth to suck on my right nipple, and I arched my back, offering them up to him. He switched his attention to my left, except now it was his teeth I could feel. He didn’t bite. He just dragged his teeth and his tongue over me, pinching and rolling with his fingers. I wrapped my legs around his hips and ground against him. He moved his hands to underneath my arse cheeks and lifted me as he shifted us, laying me gently back down.
I was lying sideways across the bed. Sean stood in front of me and took off his boxers. I wanted to look, but I didn’t take my eyes from his. He leant in and took off my knickers, bending each of my knees up as he pulled them down. I went to close them and lay them back flat on the bed, but he stopped me. “No. Don’t do that G, leave them up and open, I want to look at you.”
I didn’t hesitate this time. This man had kissed every part of my body. He’d watched me throw up, he’d watched me wee, fuck, he’d actually held my arms while I’d squatted in a bush when we’d pulled over on the side of the road on the way back from a gig one night. He’d bought tampons to me in the toilet when I’d unexpectedly come on. He’d seen me drunk, and he’d seen me stoned.
He’d watch me grow from an eleven-year-old girl to a sixteen-year-old woman and my heart hurt as I realised exactly how much we’d shared, how many of my happiest, scariest and most embarrassing moments, he’d been there to witness. All of the memories I’d locked away for so long suddenly came rushing forward.
And there he was, back. Kneeling right between my open legs, looking into my eyes.