Luke instinctively grabbed Jesse’s hand, the same way he had during their study session, and felt Jesse’s cold fingers. Luke held Jesse’s hand gently, and Jesse’s eyes moved from where their hands touched to Luke’s eyes. There was something more than just gratitude there. Jesse looked at him as though he were seeing Luke deeply. Everything else in the room was blocked out except for the two of them. Luke said: “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’ll be here, whatever happens.”
Jesse smiled through teary eyes. He spoke again: “I’m so happy that we ended up working together on Prof. Ndlovu’s assignment. I think we’re pretty much in sync with the way we work and think about psychology. I need to do well at this assignment, and I think we’re right on track to make it something really great.”
Luke gently stroked his thumb over the back of Jesse’s hand: “I’m glad we’re working together too. Psychology is the one thing I still really care about. Well, one of the few things. I think we’ll do well at the assignment.” They never broke eye contact. It was the closest moment they had shared.
Jesse spoke again, his smile slowly morphing into a look of determination: “I wanted to be a psychologist to help kids who went through things like I did when I was growing up, always feeling invisible, never being able to stand up for themselves or feel confident. I knew that if I could help just one child not have to struggle as much as I had to, to deal with things better… I’ve wanted to get into the Clinical Psychology program forever.”
“I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll get in,” Luke said. “You know everyone in class is jealous of you, right? We all think you’re a shoo-in for postgrad.” Luke smiled reassuringly, enjoying the moment of connection with Jesse. Jesse’s soft features were even more attractive than Luke remembered them. The softness and vulnerability in his eyes drew Luke in. There were hints of amber in his eyes from up close. Luke was losing his resolve to fight off his feelings for Jesse.
At that thought, Jesse was on his feet and dropped Luke’s hand. The vet had stepped into the room with a serious expression. Luke got to his feet next to Jesse and they both listened intently as she spoke.
“Mr. Montgomery, Scampers is stable now. He’s out of any immediate danger. It’s a rare stomach virus that is usually life-threatening. There have been a few cases recently in slightly older dogs like him. His organs have taken a beating and it will be a while before we know for sure if he’ll fully recover. The virus acts quickly and he’s not in good shape. He’ll have to stay here for a few days at least, and then we can decide what kind of action to take.”
Luke could see the barrage of information had hit Jesse like a ton of bricks. Luke tried to raise his hand to Jesse’s shoulder, but Jesse pulled away.
“Can I see him?” Jesse asked.
“Of course,” the vet responded. “My assistant will show you the way.”
The vet pointed to her spiky-haired assistant who motioned for Jesse to follow him. Jesse turned to Luke, worry written all over his face: “Thank you for staying with me. I just need to be alone with Scampers for a while. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Are you sure?” Luke asked. “I don’t mind staying for longer if you need me.”
Jesse was already walking behind the assistant as he responded: “I’ll let you know how he’s doing tomorrow, okay? I have to go.”
Luke watched as Jesse walked away, still wearing Luke’s thick grey pullover. Luke was left standing in the reception area, his hand still tingling with the memory of holding Jesse’s.
Chapter 17
Jesse hadn’t done a lick of work since he rushed Scampers to the vet. He had stayed with Scampers for about fifteen minutes, seeing him hooked up to an IV and asleep from all of the drugs. Jesse stayed simply to stroke the dog’s fur and to tell Scampers that he would be okay and that Jesse would be there for him, no matter what. Eventually, the vet’s assistant came in to tell Jesse that visiting hours were over, and promised that he would take good care of Scampers. Jesse thanked him and left, barely able to contain his emotion.
Jesse realized that he was still wearing Luke’s pullover and was grateful that Luke had waited with him. It had comforted him greatly and even made him forget, just for a second, how lost he would be if Scampers didn’t make it through.
Luke had texted Jesse the next morning and agreed to carry the bulk of the work over the next few days while Jesse focused on Scampers, but Jesse knew that he couldn’t put off work completely. It was eight days before the assignment for Prof. Ndlovu was due. The past thirteen days, since Ndlovu had announced the assignments, had flown by. Jesse walked across campus to his final English tutorial of the term, eager to have a free moment so that he could go and see Scampers again. He had constant flashes back to that moment, finding Scampers like that in his room, that same feeling of shock and horror that he had felt when he had found Luke by the side of the road. But at least Luke was okay now. Jesse couldn’t be sure that Scampers would be that lucky.
Scampers had been Jesse’s most loyal companion throughout high school and college. Jesse knew that it wasn’t looking good for his dog, but he had to maintain hope that Scampers would pull through.
Jesse’s final tutorial passed in a blur. He wasn’t able to focus at all, and he hadn’t even taken the time to edit his term essay before handing it in during the tutorial. He rushed out after the tutorial and walked directly to the vet clinic, desperate for an update about how Scampers was doing. The receptionist told Jesse to take a seat in the waiting area, and a few minutes later the vet arrived to take him back to see Scampers in the kennels. He was shocked to see how thin Scampers looked as he lay sleeping in his cage. It had only been a night since Jesse had last seen him, but it felt like Scampers was a completely different dog. “Has he been sleeping this whole time?” Jesse asked. Scampers’s coat was frizzy and unkempt. He looked frightfully unwell.
The vet nodded her head: “He’s extremely weak right now. The next few days are critical. If he manages to get up and walk, and maybe eat something on his own, it’ll be a good sign that he will recover. My main concern is that he is in a lot of pain. We have him on medication, but I think that if we don’t see good signs from him very soon, you’ll have to consider…”
“Don’t say it, please,” Jesse said, tears welling in his eyes. “I know what you want to say, but I don’t want to hear it yet. I just want to hold on to hope. He’s a fighter and I know he’ll pull through this.”
The vet’s serious expression and cold manner, no doubt the result of seeing countless sick animals throughout her career, was frustrating to Jesse. He wanted her to acknowledge just how much Scampers meant to him. Scampers wasn’t just another dog. It wasn’t just as simple as letting him go after one day. Jesse needed to give Scampers a fighting chance.
The vet spoke again, her voice softer than before: “He’s not a young dog. It will be a tough few days for him. But we will continue to do our best for him. And you can phone whenever you like for updates.” She nodded again and walked out of the room, leaving Jesse with Scampers. Jesse put his hand against the cage. Scampers seemed so much smaller than he usually did. “I’ll do my best for you, Scamp. Just promise me that you’ll fight.”
***
Despite feeling exhausted and distracted, Jesse arranged to meet Luke that afternoon to discuss the final week of preparations for their assignment. Jesse waited for Luke at JJ’s Bistro, which was usually quiet before dinner time during study season. He cradled a cup of warm coffee as he sat facing the door. Jesse knew how important the assignment was and how much he needed to work on it, but everything seemed so trivial compared to what was happening with Scampers.
Luke walked in the room, his beard seeming a bit longer and more unkempt than usual. Luke seemed just as tired as Jesse was. Luke sat down across from Jesse and greeted him solemnly. “Any news on Scampers?” he asked.
“I just went to see him this morning. They say he’s not doing any better. I’ll just have to hope th
at he pulls through. There’s no other option for me right now.”
“I’ll be here for you if you need anything,” Luke said. “And I’ll take over the formatting and editing of the assignment for a while. We still have the final two sections to get through, but that can wait until next week. You can focus on Scampers. I found a few more articles that I want to integrate as well. I’ll email them to you.”
Jesse responded halfheartedly: “Great. Maybe we can meet over the weekend to talk about the final layout. We need to include a few tables of statistics that I think will be useful. Next Friday is so close now. What time suits you this weekend?”
Luke’s eye twitched as he responded: “Um… actually, that’s what I needed to talk to you about. My friend invited me to join her this weekend in Gouendaal. She’s renting a lodge out there. I was going to ask you to come along so that we could work together, but now with Scampers… I’ll have Wi-Fi so we can still communicate.”
“Are you kidding me?” Jesse burst out. He frowned in anger. “You’re leaving on the weekend before this assignment? I should’ve trusted my instincts about you, Luke. I thought you took psychology seriously, but you’re ready to flake on me now. Why didn’t you tell me about this a long time ago?”
Luke squirmed a bit and his face was a mixture of embarrassment and outrage: “It’s only two days, Jesse. You’re completely overreacting. It’s not like I won’t be working while I’m there. I just won’t be on campus.” Luke hesitated, and spoke again even more forcefully than before: “And don’t tell me I’m not taking this assignment seriously. That’s bullshit and you know it.” Luke seemed taken aback by his own boldness, and after a second, he added. “I’m sorry, I know you’re going through a tough time right now. But you know me better than to think that I’m flaking on you.”
Jesse was relentless. Something in Luke had triggered his anger, and he wasn’t prepared to let him get away with leaving at such an important time: “Is it really that important to you to go on a road trip with your friends that you can’t just skip out on it this one time? It’s so typical of you, Luke. You only want to do the superficial, fun things and never want to commit to something serious. You think that you’re supposed to be a wild child to enjoy your life. You push everything real away and just want to fill your days with nonsense and partying. When are you going to grow up?” Jesse’s eyes were practically bulging out of his face and flaring with fury. Luke seemed completely taken aback by the vitriol Jesse was throwing at him, but Jesse didn’t care. Luke was abandoning him. He was that same, invisible child again. The same guy who was always left behind and taken for granted. This time, he wasn’t going to take it.
Luke breathed deeply and said: “I feel like we’re talking about more than just me going away for the weekend here.” Luke shook his head and looked down at his hands. They both sat in silence, seething after Jesse’s sudden outburst.
“I guess that’s that,” Jesse said, still speaking with anger in his voice. “You’re going away and there’s nothing we can do about it. Let’s just divide the work for the weekend so that we can make enough progress and pick up again on Monday.”
“Fine,” Luke said. They discussed the assignment for a few minutes, the anger still bubbling under the surface. Finally, they reached the topic of the presentation. Luke started: “We still haven’t decided who will do the presentation. I still feel like you should do half of it. Ndlovu will respond to that better than me standing up there alone the entire forty-five minutes.”
Jesse lashed out again: “I told you, I don’t want to do it! Do you want me to make a fool of myself and stutter my way through the presentation?”
Luke seemed like he was about to shout back, but he bit his lip and breathed deeply into his chest. “Okay, Jesse. I don’t think we’re being very productive right now. But I’ll do the presentation.”
Jesse realized that he was being too hard on Luke, but he was still angry. For some reason, Luke seemed like an easy target for all of Jesse’s frustration in that moment. He was annoyed that Luke would be willing to take a holiday right before one of the biggest assignments of their undergraduate career. But he knew that it was a lot to ask of Luke for him to do the entire presentation; all of the other groups would be sharing the speaking time. Jesse tried to push aside his anger and said: “Thanks. I think that will be better. I’m guessing you won’t have time tonight to do a run-through of the presentation before you leave? Probably packing already for your trip?”
Luke seemed to regain a bit of confidence, and said in a biting voice: “Actually, I’m seeing someone tonight. A nice guy that I hung out with a few nights ago. A date, in fact.”
Jesse narrowed his eyebrows, the suppressed anger rising again: “A follow up date with a guy? I thought you said you don’t do anything more than hookups.”
“Maybe it’s time I change that,” Luke said, and started packing his books, clearly livid at Jesse.
Jesse grabbed his books without saying a word and stormed out of JJ’s. He couldn’t stand the sight of Luke any longer. He realized that Luke was toying with his emotions, intentionally trying to hurt him. He took out his phone and texted Martin, desperate for some support and consolation after the infuriating meeting with Luke. Movie this weekend? I need a break. Scampers is very sick. I had to take him to the clinic last night. I miss you.
Jesse walked towards his car which was parked near the swimming stadium. A light drizzle had begun to fall and Ridgemont was enshrouded in a gloomy grey hue. Jesse’s message tone chimed on his phone and he read Martin’s reply: That old dog’s still alive? Cheer up, we can choose a new puppy for you together. Yay co-parenting! See you this weekend maybe. Xx
Jesse climbed in his car, raw with emotion, his fingers freezing from the cold. It had been a rollercoaster of a day and he needed sleep.
Chapter 18
Luke arrived at Martin’s flat complex along Elizabeth Street and pushed the button for the intercom. He pressed the button on the intercom’s keypad for the flat number that Martin had given him. He was still upset about his encounter with Jesse earlier that day, and was relieved that he could have a simple night with a cute guy like Martin. He needed to just unwind with some meaningless conversation and no-strings-attached fun. Jesse was insufferable earlier. It wasn’t as if Luke had to answer to Jesse for his every movement. Luke was trying to be there for Jesse when he was going through a tough time, but he didn’t owe him anything. And on top of that, Luke was really only trying to help Jesse by encouraging him to do half of the presentation. Ndlovu would never accept the fact that only one group member was doing the entire presentation. Jesse knew that just as well as Luke did. It was beyond ridiculous that Jesse had reacted the way that he had. Luke grimaced as he waited for Martin to answer the intercom. The gate ahead of Luke buzzed and he pushed it open. He walked through the small courtyard of the flat complex and finally found Martin’s flat number, and knocked on the door. Luke didn’t even have the energy to spare to be nervous for his evening with Martin; all of Luke’s energy was being consumed by his annoyance with Jesse.
Martin answered the door with an overconfident, “Hello, sweetness!” Luke winced at the pet name, but shrugged it off.
“Hi, Martin. Good to see you again,” Luke said with as much suave machismo as he could muster. He looked around Martin’s flat at the cluttered knickknacks on every counter and wall space. There was kitsch, colorful artwork on the walls and Martin’s cologne was pungently hanging throughout the small flat. Luke noticed that love songs were playing softly on the small speakers mounted to the wall. He walked to the couch and dropped his scarf and jacket. “I like your place,” Luke lied.
“Thanks!” Martin responded, seeming overly cheerful and swooping Luke’s scarf and jacket up to hang them on a coatrack by the door. “I made a wild berry soufflé. I hope you’re hungry!” Martin’s hair was gelled and styled elegantly, his dark eyelashes strikingly attractive and accentuating his chiseled, almost feminine features
. Martin wore a t-shirt with an “Occupy Ridgemont” slogan, the movement that had rocked campus for the past few months. He poured two glasses of red wine and put one on the coffee table in front of Luke. “This is one of the best wines from the Ridgemont Valley. I’m friends with the winemaker. His cousin is the actor Derek Truter. You know him, right?”
“Sure. That’s pretty cool,” Luke responded, feigning interest in Martin’s namedropping. “How did your test go, by the way? You said you wrote a test yesterday, right?”
Martin’s eyes were large: “You remember that? What an attentive guy! I’m sure I failed. It wasn’t a good time for me.” Martin proceeded to list a litany of trivial complaints, and Luke sipped his wine as he nodded along. He was getting bored of Martin and wouldn’t have minded escaping for an early night, but he would’ve felt bad running out without at least trying the soufflé that Martin had been hyping.
After a few sips of wine Luke was feeling a strong buzz and he found himself speaking louder. Martin’s stories were no longer quite as annoying; in fact, they became slightly entertaining. Martin was a decent distraction for the night, especially after the assault Luke had suffered at the hands of Jesse. Martin brought out the soufflé and Luke tried some of it. It was incredible. “This is one of the most delicious things I’ve ever tasted,” Luke said, and he wasn’t lying. He found himself relaxing with Martin. Martin definitely had a particular charm and a way of making guests feel comfortable. He mostly told silly, superficial stories, but his delivery was so good that Luke found himself attracted to Martin anew.
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