by Eden O'Neill
Evelyn’s green eyes settled my way, her hands rubbing my shoulders. “You okay?”
“Yes.” No. I shook my head. “I suppose I’m just still adjusting.”
Still trying to deal. Every day was a damn struggle and only got worse as the days slogged on. I had classes to trudge through, ones involving her son and when I wasn’t dealing with that issue, I had to come to terms with what had become my life. I had to come home every night and sit at an empty dining room table (yes, my furniture had finally arrived) and be by myself. I had to eat alone.
I had to think about my life.
I had to engulf myself in the reality of my situation, and like Evie knew my thoughts, she squeezed my shoulders.
“You know, there’s classes you can go to, right?” she asked me, angling a look down to my level. “You’re not the only one going through divorce, life changes, and other things.”
Life changes.
She’d put that nicely, few things I could tell my friend about my divorce. I’d signed an NDA surrounding all marital issues involving my celebrity husband, but one I could speak of had been what she referenced. She knew about my life change.
She knew about my entire world upheaving.
She had, hence why she’d been trying to get me to go out that night of the wedding. She wanted me to be a part of the world, make friends, and now, apparently wanted me to go to therapy.
“I’ll send you some information for a group I know about,” she said. “You can meet with others. Talk about it and, of course, talk to me.”
I did know I could, but how would I? I didn’t have the audacity. I mean, I’d slept with her son.
I was lying to her like I lied to myself on any given day, that I was okay, that I had moved on from things in my past.
It seemed she had two liars in her life apparently.
Chapter Twelve
Bri
I’d been surprised to see Ramses had decided to not finish out the rest of the week’s classes. There were only two, but he didn’t show for the last one like the rest of the class. I assumed he’d been the smart one and decided to put us both out of our misery by dropping the seminar, but the following week, he’d been there in the back row.
I knew because he texted through most of it.
He was casual about it, but as I was also completely aware of him, I knew exactly what he was getting up to in that back row. He had his phone out on the table, his gaze jerking over it as much as he took notes on the laptop in front of him. He took notes like the rest of the class in that way, but his cell got just as much of his attention as his notes, and that’d surprised me.
I wouldn’t say I expected to have his eyes and attention on me the entire time in class…
Actually, I did. I very much expected it because I was his teacher and he should have his attention on me. The fact we’d hooked up even more a given, as arrogant as that sounded. He’d been a frequent flier in my mind, so yes. I expected the same. Especially after that awkward-as-hell dinner and him cornering me in the hallway, him leaving me in the hallway. He’d dashed out rather quickly that day and I figured to save me, to save us from more awkwardness.
Well, in class today it seemed he’d forgotten about me. I was apparently his professor and only that when he came in and immediately started taking notes with the rest of the class. He did so at the top of the hour, his focus on only that. Of course, I did catch those dusky brown eyes on occasion, but never longer than it took for him to get the point before he was back to taking his notes or on his cell phone. He was either really into today’s lecture or doing other work, or something else out of class. That annoyed me, yes, but it made me equally sick to not have as much of his attention.
What the hell, Bri?
These feelings were completely unreasonable, of course. Completely inappropriate, I knew, but we did have a history and, yeah, he was on my mind. He was naturally since I did have runs with his mother either before or after work. When I wasn’t with him, I got to hear about him, naturally since that was Evie’s kid. None of our topics were as deep as the other day, but he made it into the conversation more than once since then.
“Can I see you in my office after class, Ramses?”
His gaze jerked up at the end of the hour, his classmates putting their note taking devices away. He’d been doing the same as well and at the sound of his name, actually looked around like he wasn’t the only one in class with his name.
Well, after he realized I was speaking to him, actually speaking and not avoiding eye contact, he nodded at me. I’d been bad about that, trying not to look directly at him, which made it even worse. It annoyed me he’d been attempting to do the same. We didn’t clash a lot, not on either of our ends.
God, I was a hypocrite.
Amongst other things, a cradle robber… well, not really. But I was a liar to a friend who’d been nothing but gracious and helpful towards me.
Evie had been so kind to me since I’d come to Maywood Heights, and here I was lying to her on the daily. The only relief I got from that was the fact that she was very busy and didn’t always have time to visit with me in my office or go for our runs. We hadn’t gotten to run together at all this week yet due to her tight schedule.
Ramses stood up in his suit, not surprising considering how formal he’d dressed last week. I assumed that had something to do with his job and today, he’d come in a full suit. In fact, the gray tapered blazer and tight trousers reminded me very much of the outfit I’d met him in, the wedding where we’d had so much fire. He’d basically blown me out of Evie’s Louboutin heels, and I had offered to give them back to her on a few occasions. She’d insisted I keep them, though, claiming she had a closest full of them and those were her gift to me. My friend was very generous.
I didn’t allow Ramses’s gaze to stay on me long before I was gathering my things and dashing out of the classroom. I needed time to get to my office and get myself together. He knew where my office was like the rest of the class since I put the room number on my emails and syllabus. I emailed the class quite a few times so, yeah, he should know where he was going.
It wasn’t far, down the hall, and after unlocking it, I tossed in my bag, then fluffed my hair like an idiot. I even swiped on a fresh layer of red across my lips, like that mattered.
What are you doing? This isn’t a hookup.
Tell my body that, completely buzzing at the fact my student was going to be here in nanoseconds. My hot student with the height of a demigod and a smile of an actual god. I’d missed seeing it in the class he’d missed, and today, he’d avoided my eye contact.
Yes, I was a complete mess, but I did stare in the mirror a second before smoothing out my cigarette pants and easing myself into my desk chair. I had my laptop out and ready. I did have office hours after this so I could pass off trying to look like I was working.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Like he was trying to be timid, or maybe just hesitant. I had pushed him away on more than one occasion. I blew out a breath. “Come in.”
He did behind my laptop, again lowering his head for basically every door frame he had to walk through. Outside of that, he filled the thing nearly shoulder to broad shoulder, that blazer he wore sans the tie. Perhaps, whatever work function he was doing today didn’t require it.
“You wanted to see me, Professor?” he asked, grinning when he took off his leather bag. He adjusted it to his shoulder. “Am I in trouble?”
He would be if he kept call me professor in that way, an edge to it I most likely put there because I wanted to hear it.
Cool your jets. This ends here.
Hence why I asked to see him, waving him in. He closed the door, then stamped those big thighs of his directly in front of me. I swallowed. “Probably don’t call me that.”
“What?”
My lips pinched together. “Professor. It’s just…” Weird. Ridiculous? I pushed my hair out of my face. “Just not professor.”
His grin easy n
ow, he eyed me. “What do you want me to call you then? Professor is what you wanted. What you said, right?”
He hadn’t been smart about it, but direct, and I didn’t miss how his throat tightened and worked a little. He may be aware I requested he call me that, but that didn’t mean it sat well.
It just showed me even more that this particular arrangement, what we were, wouldn’t work out any more than anything else had before.
I opened my hands, inviting him to a seat, and though he took it, he was hesitant about it. Like most things, he caused the seat to completely dwarf beneath him, his long limbs squeezing in just to adjust. He was like Goldilocks in a little chair but made do when he crossed his leg at the knee. He frowned. “Am I in trouble?”
I closed my laptop. “I just noticed I missed your attention today,” I said, nodding. “You were texting and possibly doing other work. At least, that’s what I’m assuming.”
I was speaking to him like I would any other student, but the issue was Ramses wasn’t every other student. He’d been mine.
At least, for a night.
He’d been a heavy cross, a sin in an evening charged rife with emotion and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t seem to wash all that away.
His lips parted, a lengthy digit scratching his bare cheek. He flashed that chunky ring he wore, the one he’d fucked me and tightened my walls with.
I crossed my legs beneath the desk.
Like he noticed my reaction, either to the ring or him, he dropped his hands between his legs and leaned forward. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. And you’re right. I was working. Doing other projects but not school. I’ve been working really long hours. My father’s business, but that’s no excuse. You’re right. I shouldn’t have been doing that.”
I nodded, sitting back. “I remember your mom mentioning that the other night. You working for your family’s business?” I messed with my wristwatch. “I get it. You have a lot of responsibility.”
This seemed untold, and I wondered why he took on so much. If it was really like Evie said, him trying to prove something…
Not my business, I shook my head. “I do want to talk to you about something else, though.”
“What?”
I breathed a shallow breath. Could I really let him go? I needed to. I was well aware of that. My fingers danced on my desk. “I don’t like that I know so much about you. That I know how busy you are outside of the teacher-student relationship. That your mom and I are friends and that I have to lie to her—”
“But you don’t.” His lips tightened. “I wanted to tell her the truth that night. You never gave me the chance.”
I did know that, but that was only part of the problem. “I don’t think this is working out.”
“What isn’t?”
“You being in my class.” I couldn’t see him in my class every week, just too hard.
Weak, I knew.
I was just too emotionally invested in him, and it didn’t feel good. It was a distraction, and it had to be for him too. He, too, had been trying to avoid my eyesight, and he shouldn’t have to do that. He couldn’t do that. I was his professor, and that was obvious.
I pressed my hands together. “I know what I said. That I could deal, but I don’t think either of us should have to. I should be able to teach without thinking about… what happened. And you should be able to come to me, or any other professor you have, as a professor and nothing else. You should be able to look at me without—”
“I can look at you.” His chest hovered over the desk. “I do.”
Okay, so that was the problem. That.
He did look at me. He did see me, and I did as well.
I laced my fingers. “Don’t make this hard.” Don’t make this inappropriate. “You already have it hard enough, don’t you think? You’re working. You’re also in the last semester of your senior year, and you should be able to focus. I am a distraction, and I don’t want to be that for you.”
He said nothing, his lips closing. “So, you want me to drop the class.”
“I’ll sign off on any class you want to get into. I’ll even speak to anyone whose period you want to join in the department. Doesn’t have to be early western civ.”
Just as long as it wasn’t with me.
This was so very selfish what I was making him do, to completely adjust his life to mine, but I couldn’t do this. This was week two, and I already couldn’t do this. I couldn’t see him weekly.
I couldn’t lie to Evie.
At least with him not in my class, I wouldn’t have to keep in that lie, and he wouldn’t have to either. He was lying to her too.
Because you made him.
I waited, just waited. I needed to give him time and it was completely warranted.
Ramses jaw shifted, tightening before lacing his fingers across his chest. I thought he’d fight me on this. He had before, so it definitely surprised me when he reached down and picked up his bag.
“If that’s what you want then,” he said, and my stomach immediately turned sour. I really had expected him to fight me on this. To give it to me good like he always did. That was just who he was. Ramses pushed. “It’ll probably be for the best anyway.”
I guess not today.
That sickness stirred deep. Especially as I watched him walk toward the door.
“I’ll sign whatever transfer slip you give me then.” I swallowed hard. “Just let me know whenever.”
He leveled me with his brown eyes, giving nothing more than a nod before letting the door close behind him. He left me to my thoughts without another word, and I suppose I’d gotten exactly what I wanted.
I guess just remember that.
Chapter Thirteen
Bri
I was late for the meeting Evie had suggested I go to that evening.
A bereavement group.
Actually, I’d gotten there on time but simply hadn’t been brave enough to go inside.
Instead, I watched from outside the class doors, waiting until the next group, Coping with Change.
This one seemed better suited. So after that wrapped, I made my way inside, tugging off my coat and taking a seat. They had a podium up front, and I very much intended to make myself blend in. I most assuredly wouldn’t be talking and definitely didn’t want to be there. I figured I’d sit back, relax, and see what these people had to say.
Evie: Did you go? How was it?
I decided to pocket my phone and respond after this class. That way, when I gave my friend a response, it wouldn’t technically be a lie.
God, I was still lying to her. In a different way, but lying, nonetheless. She wanted to help me, and I had actually come to the building.
Even if I hadn’t gone inside.
I sat within the seating arrangement with a shaking leg, my wool coat on top as I circulated my gaze around. I found myself rather happy that I opted not to eat dinner before coming. I’d thought about it since I was fresh out of work and after that long drive, but when I’d stopped home, I’d simply showered before putting on a pair of jeans and a casual top. I’d had just enough time to get downtown, then park in front of the building in Maywood Heights’s capitol district. Of course, everyone working had already gone home, the evening settling into a quiet chill, and I had managed not to trip outside on the ice this time.
I should leave. I should definitely leave.
My confidence was quickly leaving me the longer I sat, and even though this was only a group meeting about trying to deal with change, I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to deal with my changes. I could win the award for avoidance these days.
To fill the time before starting, I pulled out my phone, playing a game with jewels. I exploded a few before tossing my head back and shoving my phone into my purse. I shot up out of my chair.
“Sorry.”
My head jerked up, nearly colliding into someone with my coat in my arms and my purse on my shoulder. I’d wimped out, trying to leave.
&nbs
p; But then him.
Ramses picked up the program I’d dropped. Ramses was standing in front of the aisle with his coat on and his cheeks flushed like he himself had just rushed over here. He had snow in his hair, a white mist on those ebony brown locks. He handed out my program. “You dropped this… looks like.”
What the fuck?
But there he stood. Again in my life after I, once more, tossed him out of it just today. I idly wondered if this would keep happening, since we both obviously frequented the same towns. But really, this shouldn’t be happening. There were more than two people who lived in Maywood Heights and even more who frequented Pembroke’s campus.
And yet, here we were.
I swallowed, taking it. “Thank you?”
A question to it, because well, what the fuck?
His hand now free, Ramses brushed the snow out of his hair before eyeing the empty seat I hovered over. He pointed toward it. “This, uh, taken or are you leaving?”
I was leaving. I should leave.
Instead, I opted to stand there like a loon. I think mostly due to shock and Ramses took my silence for, well, I didn’t know what for, but he crossed in front of me.
He completely bypassed the seat he’d eyed and without a word, sat himself down in the one next to it. He immediately took the next steps to make himself comfortable, taking off his scarf and coat, then placing it there on the seat beside his chair without a word. He literally didn’t speak to me, fisting his hands before resting them on the chair ahead. Eventually, he passed a look over to me who was still standing there.
“You going to sit?” He eyed me, actually curious. His eyebrows furrowed in—tight. “Though, I am quite curious why you’re continuing to stalk me.”
Me stalk him?
I chortled, barking a laugh before righting with my stuff. “I’m not stalking you.”
“Sure.” His eyes twinkled now; his fingers laced. He glanced at the seat beside him. “Well, are you going to sit?”
No, and I showed him that when I exited out of the aisle. By then, the room had basically completely filled, but I made it only about halfway to the door before a woman in jeans and a beanie hat closed it. She was middle-aged, gray and brown curls under her hat, and pulling off her gloves, she looked at me. “Oh, you’re a new face. You joining us today, sweetie?”