by Eden O'Neill
More vibrant laughter from my mother, my smile forced as hell, but I had a tendency to wear that shit on my sleeve…
When I was miserable.
The ache was still there. The distance felt. It’d been all I had to stay focused at work today.
Mom panned to me, noticing that. Her smile fell a little, but it returned upon her sudden attempt to engage me in conversation. She’d been trying to do that all night, the two of them having a completely coupled conversation. She’d been aware of my silence and once more, tried to fix the problem.
“Looks like the table could use more wine,” I said, ducking out of the latest attempt. Pardon me, but I didn’t feel up for it. I rose. “Be back.”
I didn’t come back. I stayed in the fucking kitchen with the chilled bottle in my hand. I was about two seconds from downing another glass right there when my mom did come in.
She looked fabulous as always, appearing only a fraction of her age in cigarette pants and a nice blouse. She’d put on makeup today. I assumed for James. Her arms folded. “Are you going to be miserable all night?”
“It depends.” Pulling out a corkscrew, I got right into opening that bottle of wine. I popped the cork. “Is James going to tell dad jokes all night? Oh, and am I expected to call him Dad? You know, when you guys get married.”
I was being a proper asshole. I’d blame it on being slightly intoxicated from the wine and the couple of tumblers of scotch I’d had before that. But, at the end of the day, I held my liquor pretty well. I was being an asshole because I was being an asshole in that moment, and Mom didn’t give the reaction she normally would. She didn’t hold me accountable or anything like that. She just stood there. She frowned there, and the expression pinched her lips tight.
Her manicured fingers danced along her arm. “You’re the one who told me to date, Ramses.” Her eyes lifted, her sigh full. “And now, you’re upset.”
We both knew how I was reacting tonight had nothing to do with that. Of course, I wanted her to date. I always wanted her to be happy.
Too bad she didn’t want the same for me.
I’d left Bri after that bullshit in her office knowing full well I’d have no idea when I’d see my girlfriend again. I didn’t call her or text her. It’d been nearly two fucking days, and I already felt on the brink of goddamn breaking.
That was the power Brielle had over me, the love I had for her. Because I loved her, I wasn’t calling or texting her. We needed to sort out this shit with my mom first, and I didn’t want to add anything more to her plate.
In the meantime, I had to pretend nothing was wrong, but I didn’t have to stand around and endure any more of this shit.
Leaving the wine, I passed my mom, and she let me.
“Ramses.”
Almost let me.
Her hand folded around my arm, shifting me and I made it easy because I respected her.
“I wish you wouldn’t be so upset,” she said, eyeing every surface of my kitchen but me. “I was just trying to protect you.”
“Protect me.” I panned her way, a nod as I propped a foot back to the wall. I shook my head. “You know, I told Brielle when we found out she was my professor and you were her friend—which neither of us knew either, by the way. Not at first.”
Her lips moved over the other, her sight to the floor.
“I told her we should give you the benefit of the doubt.” I eyed her. “I told her you’d be fine, and there was no reason to keep our relationship from you.”
“Well, I guess we’ll never know.” Her head lifted, her frown deepening. “Because you did lie to me. She lied to me and had my son lie.”
“Of course, that’s all you heard.” My hands tucked under my arms. “Of course, that’s all you see. Because if you saw anything else, you’d notice, for the first fucking time in years, I can breathe again. I function again after all that shit with dad, everything with December and all that…”
Because she knew about that too, aware. Mom and I had never been totally open about it, but she’d known I had feelings for my friend. Ones I couldn’t do anything about when we’d been in the thick of it. December had chosen someone else in the end.
My jaw moved. “I feel again, and I don’t have to pretend I do.” I nodded. “I actually do. For the first goddamn time in a long time, I do, and that’s because of her. Because I love her. Because it’s real with her.”
Mom’s throat worked, her expression shifting. She may have known all this if she’d given either of us a chance that day. If she’d trusted me. If she’d trusted her.
Rubbing my hand over my mouth, I pushed off the wall. “I get it. I’m your son. It’s harder for you to listen when it comes to me because in your eyes, I’ll always still be your kid.”
Her head shook, tears blinking down. Real tears.
I hadn’t seen my mother cry in years.
Not even through the divorce. She’d held them back. Stayed strong. Her fingers squeezed her arms. “I didn’t protect you, Ramses. For years, I didn’t. Not from your father.” She covered her mouth. “I can’t help but think what happened at Brown was my fault.”
She would take on that responsibility. She would take on that pain, but she didn’t have to.
I bought her in close. “You’re the first one who told me Dad’s mistakes are his, and mine are mine. I have fucked up. I’ll probably fuck up a lot more.” She laughed in my hands, and I smiled at her. “But you need to let me, and you have to trust her. She’s your friend.”
“You really love her?” she asked, and I nodded. Her lashes shifted away. “And she loves you?”
“She does.”
And though that one was hard for her, Mom did look up at me. She braced the side of my face before her fingernails flicked my hair. “Did she make you cut your beautiful hair?”
Chuckling, I shook my head. She would focus on that. But that, I could take. That, she could judge. I’d take whatever she gave, as long as it left her open. As long as she tried.
I suppose it was harder for her when it came to me. I’d always be her kid. But Bri, she was her friend, and she should give her the benefit of the doubt. Bri was already hard enough on herself. Had already lost enough. I didn’t want her to lose my mom, too.
I hugged her. “Give her a chance,” I urged. “Trust her. Trust me.”
She hugged me back. “Did you go see your father?”
Surprised by what she asked, I pulled back. “Yeah, why?”
“Because I’m on his do not see list.” She touched my face but didn’t seem mad. “Is finally being able to see him have to do with her, too?”
Maybe. At least these days, it all seemed to connect. When weren’t the decisions in life affected by everything that snowballed from her? We were like organized chaos, all over the place but intentional at the same time. We might always be that way, and I’d certainly never be bored with her.
I made my mom promise me something that night in my kitchen, and she made me do the same. I promised to always be real with her, honest with her if she’d let each of us gain closure in our own ways. If she allowed us both to live our lives and experience both sins and victories. She did that, and I might entertain more of James’s dad jokes. Hell, I’d even call him fucking father when it was time. I’d do whatever she wanted. And surprisingly?
She agreed with no hesitation.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Bri
My soles hit concrete, my arms pumping. Anything I could do for my thoughts not to wander. The end of this terrible week saw me with another hard run, one I wrapped up the moment I turned the street corner on my block.
I slowed to a casual pace but tugged my earbud out at the sight of a familiar face.
Evie sat on the stoop leading up to my condo, her neck angled as if looking for something or someone.
She found me.
My arms fell to my side, my stride halted completely. She stood in my presence, still in her suit from her time at the office. I won
dered if she’d come right from campus to here.
She pressed hands down her cream colored pants, adjusting her purse on her shoulder. “Could we talk?” She shook her head. “Just for a minute. I won’t take a lot of your time. I waited when you didn’t answer and one of your neighbors said you’d be back soon, that you just went for a run.”
I tried to gauge her temperament with a racing heart. She didn’t appear angry, but…
I brushed a restless hair out of my face. “Of course.”
I was just happy she’d come, to see me. Of course, she could be delivering awful news. That I may be fired and couldn’t return next year. Though, since Ramses and I hadn’t done anything unethical in the technical sense, I wasn’t quite sure that was legal.
But the Mallick family were very powerful people, and if she fought me for a place in this town, my job, I wouldn’t fight her back. I’d betrayed her trust, lying to her, and that warranted both me leaving her school as well as her city. I’d leave if she wanted me to.
I cared about her.
Nodding, I had her follow me inside, into the elevator then into my condominium. I was completely aware of the awkwardness of this situation, and to keep myself busy, I immediately invited her into my kitchen.
“Can I make you something?” I questioned, placing my keys and earbuds on the kitchen island. I reached for the tea kettle. “Tea or I could even make coffee.”
“Really, I won’t take a lot of your time.” Her hand raised in my direction, and she invited me for a seat in my own kitchen next to her.
I took it, swallowing hard. I placed my hand on the granite. “Evie, I’m so sorry.”
“For what?”
My lashes fanned, my eyes twitched wide. I felt like I was being Punk’d for a second. I gazed around. “What?”
“Why are you apologizing?” Unbuttoning her jacket, she laced her hands on the island. “Because if it’s for loving my son, changing him in more ways than I’ve ever seen…”
My mouth parted.
Hers lifted into a smile. “Why are you apologizing to me, Brielle?”
My throat thickened with heat, belly all coiled up, anxious. I chewed my lip. “I suppose for lying to you about it.” I nodded. “For not being brave enough to tell you. You’ve done so much for me. I guess I didn’t want to lose you. Your friendship.”
It had meant so much, made me strong, brave. I’d taken the steps to start over here because of her, able to love again because of her. I’d done that because she’d brought me into her life and given me the means in which to take those chances. To come here and eventually, meet her son.
Who I was desperately in love with.
I planned to fight for Ramses, for us, but I also planned to give Evelyn time. I couldn’t stay away from the man I loved and wouldn’t. I did love Ramses, but I also loved her, too. I respected her enough to keep my distance, but it wouldn’t have been forever.
She just happened to come to me first.
Taking my hands, Evie placed hers on top. “Over the years, I don’t pride myself on how great of a mother I’ve been.” Her smile fell sad. “My ex-husband, Ibrahim, was very abusive to Ramses. Not physically, but mentally. He was quite hard on him, held him to these impossible standards.”
My stomach clenched, insides tight with heat. I nodded. “He mentioned.”
His issues with his father contributed to a huge part of his anger, his decisions, as well as his insecurities. This wasn’t unknown, and neither was his ability to overcome. He was putting all that anger and resentment for his father behind him. I knew because he’d mention the things he was doing with his life moving forward. He was doing the things he wanted in life without pressures or a need for acceptance. He was his own motivator now.
And he had the biggest cheerleader in me.
I’d make sure he’d always have support for the things he wanted to do, and as long as he allowed me in his life, I wouldn’t go away. Not unless he wanted me to. I would fight for him.
“He’s strong, Evie,” I said to her. Because he was. “I bet that has a big part to do with you.” I’d seen the things she’d done, the empire she had. I’d looked into it. The Pembroke history department hadn’t had any female deans before her. She thrived in this world, commanded it.
She squeezed my hands. “I apologize to you, Bri. Because of all that with my husband, I’m very cautious when it comes to Ramses. Jump in when it’s not even necessary. Especially after his issues at Brown.”
And I got that, completely. I looked up at her. “I never should have lied to you. He didn’t want to.” I smiled. “He said we should give you the benefit of the doubt always, and I should have listened. I was just scared. I didn’t want to lose you or our friendship.”
Funny, this conversation we were having. Funny, because, before Ramses, I never would have had it. My default was to avoid.
But it seemed that wasn’t the case now.
Evie put her hands on my face. “You will love him, won’t you? Be good to him?”
I folded a hand on her wrist, nodding. “I was staying back to give you time. The only reason. I do love your son. I will be good to him.” My smile widened. “I’m not going to step back again, but I respect you enough not to throw it in your face. I’m sure this is weird. Will be weird. Especially with the age thing. Our age difference.”
I wouldn’t lie and say that still didn’t bother me or that we wouldn’t have issues. People judging us or thinking things, but I was at the place now where I wouldn’t be the one contributing to it. I’d be our biggest cheerleader in this too.
Her head tilted. “I suppose because he is my kid, yeah, that will be something I’ll have to adjust to.” She laughed a little. “But the age thing isn’t an issue. I’ve got almost a decade on James.”
“Seriously?”
She chuckled, tipping her chin. “And fuck anyone that has issue with that.”
That had us both roaring at this point, which made me so happy. I really had feared losing her. I didn’t want her to be a casualty to what I wanted.
Squeezing her hand, I brought her into a hug. “I love you, Evie.”
“I love you too, honey,” she returned. She squeezed harder. “And you take care of my son. I don’t want to lose either of you.”
I was completely with her there, and I would. So hard.
“He’s intense,” I said, pulling back. “Some days, I question if I’m strong enough for him.”
“You are.”
“How do you know?”
Her shoulders lifted, her eyes warm. “Because he chose you.”
We ended our talk after tea in the end, a long talk in which she told me all about James. Things really seemed to be going well, and I was so very happy for her. She was starting to take back her life, too, a new beginning just like mine. I walked her to the door and offered to walk her down, but she told me she was all right.
We hugged one more time before I let her go, and I’d never felt so free. How I managed to get two pretty amazing people added into my life had me truly in awe. That life could be this good. I’d been so sad for so long, but I was more than ready to give in to the power of this healing. This town and these people, I had a feeling, were going to be good for me.
“You call me,” she said at the door. “I’m sure you’ll be busy with final grading, but don’t lose touch.”
I wouldn’t, waving to her. I did have final grading now that examinations were over, but the commencement that followed, I didn’t anxiously anticipate anymore. As it turned out, Ramses and I didn’t have to wait to tell the truth. And how nice that was.
I closed the door with nothing but a grin, my head touching the back.
I pushed off at the sound of a knock.
I opened the door without looking, thinking it was Evie. “Did you forget some—”
The words banded down in my throat, a set of male arms stretched heavy and wide in my door frame. They dropped down, and I stood back.
The
man’s head rose.
America’s Most Sexiest Man Alive. He’d even made the Most Beautiful People list several times, but today, nothing but messy hair and a disheveled appearance radiated before me.
My mouth dampened. “You,” I said, and he frowned.
His head lifted, growing another foot when he stood tall. “Me.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Bri
My ex-husband was drunk.
He stumbled on his way inside my condominium. I had no idea why I let him in. I’d been so shocked this was happening.
That he was here.
Alec Norrington sauntered the calculated steps of the inebriated into my home, still the size of a tank. Guys with his background, in those careers, tended to stay that size. Even when they spent more time at bars than at their homes during the final days of our marriage. My ex-husband had all but given up on life prior to our divorce, falling into himself, his misery, and I guess there had been signs where things were going. He’d gotten so depressed once we’d lost our child, and I had asked him to get help. Funny enough, he used to say he was going to his therapist on the nights he got wasted. He hadn’t wanted help. He’d wanted to wallow.
And he’d wanted to hurt me in the process.
My hand ventured to my kitchen island, my gaze studying my ex-husband as he entered the kitchen behind me. He shouldn’t be here.
Alec eyed the room under his hair. It was way too long and not normal for him. “Someone here?”
His attention fell on the two teacups, the ones Evie and I had shared. I started to say no, but I wasn’t sure if I should. Maybe he should know someone else was here.
“Why are you here?” I asked, keeping my voice level. I didn’t want him to know this visit put me off, made me shake. He’d only hit me the one time, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t again. I swallowed. “How did you find me?”
I hadn’t gone out of my way to keep where I was from him. But I definitely hadn’t told him where I was going. It was none of his business.