by Sybil Swift
No, she couldn’t tolerate Noah being a dick on purpose simply so she didn’t get the wrong impression. She was a damn adult, she should be able to navigate a slippery slope like theirs without getting caught in an avalanche of unneeded emotion. Hell, it was as much her choice to come this far as his—and were there any regrets? No, not really.
Only a gut clenching need to prepare for the future. To map out a road to avoid the pain that would inevitably separate them, casual or no, because no relationship came without a little bit of pain. The first step was acknowledging their honesty with each other and the second was embracing the possible pain, accepting it, and knowing she had brought it on herself with a full arsenal to combat it.
Nothing was unexpected. There was an odd kind of comfort in that little form of control because it wasn’t like anything she’d previously had before with any other man. Either of them could call it off—he’d given her that power. By telling her point blank that they had an expiration date, her relief, after the ache, rose up unfiltered.
Noah wouldn’t catch her off-guard, he wouldn’t do her wrong. And if he did, what bearing did his expected rejection really hold on the rest of her life? She would be gone. Far away from him, his gorgeous smile, earnest eyes, and cocky brashness that was such a duality against a stutter that broke her heart.
Worse came to worst, Chloe would stock up on red vines and horror movies before hitting a local bar to get it on with a random hottie. After this encounter wasn’t she an emotional processing expert? Surely hooking up again would ease the ache of Noah as easily as any pre-meditated pedicure. Sometimes slipping new memories over the old ones were the best cure and if it was supposed to be a recurring cycle until she found someone she could tolerate, well, damn it what was the problem with having a little fun?
Okay, so this would hurt. What didn’t hurt? Noah’s brutal honesty empowered her as the breath left her lungs in a whoosh of odd relief. She’d been flirting with her old patterns, wanting to make their pseudo-relationship into something lasting, because she never knew anything else. But it was entirely possible for a man to treat her like royalty with no commitment, simply because she deserved it and not with any strings or fake promises.
She acknowledged with a sour stomach that it had taken some deep reflection to even come to the conclusion. That she was worth that kind of time commitment without any prior or future contract to give a man what he wanted in the end.
Sick that she saw her emotional loyalty as a bargaining chip. That her feelings could only be invested as an expected and accepted gift to man because he was nice—not because he deserved all of her and more. Had her lack of choices really pulled her self-esteem to pieces until it was see-through taffy? Chloe rolled over onto her back with a huff of annoyance.
From here on out she promised herself she could give as much she was comfortable with to Noah without tripping over herself to give him what he “deserved” for his kindness, to deign to even look in her direction. There was a difference between enjoying his company, caring for him, and planning their kid’s baby names because it was the next expected step now that he’d invested so much of his time.
“Damn old-fashioned crap,” she muttered. “Where the hell do I get this stuff?”
With an alarming ache, Chloe knew she had to take full responsibility for her breakup with Eric, purely because she gave him all of herself without a single question, meanwhile knowing his expectations for every rose, every trinket, and each glance her way. He wasn’t the man for flings. He was a business man in need of shiny, polite arm candy to do the job as his wife. She could have easily gotten out and not settled for mediocrity. Even if she broke every tie to her mother in the process and the choice left her stranded without a clue to her future.
At least then she wouldn’t have ignored the warning signs. The small hints that Eric was growing sick of her, growing disinterested in them as a couple—which seemed fleshed out in indelible ink like a map when she looked back at it. Maybe if she’d examined their relationship sooner she wouldn’t have taken every half-hearted compliment and tucked it away as full of truth, waiting like a trained dog for the next time Eric dropped another one. So she could silently nourish her languishing relationship and their waning sex life.
Maybe she didn’t even want to get married!
Thoughts that she hadn’t even entertained for half of her life threw her preconceived notions into a tizzy. There was a path, a certain way to do things. Chloe laughed and threw her hands up in the air examining her chipped manicure. Guess that was out the window. She breathed in a long, soothing breath. The future was clear, crisp, and uncertain. Her unpreparedness for the clean slate, the freedom, twisted into so much self-empowerment that she almost wanted to cry, like a little girl fumbling with a new super expensive toy she’d wanted all Christmas.
Reality was an unfurling path and she could diverge as she wished so long as she kept her head clear and her expectations sound. There was no doubt she was in complete control. Noah had given her what was her due, and if she chose to give him back anything, it was a damn fine gift. With a silent promise to do more emotional work in her journal, Chloe eased out of the epically comfortable bed and dusted herself off.
What did she want to do right this second? Forget helping Noah with the shutters, what did she need? If it was manual labor, awesome. But a niggling twist in her lower abdomen gave a hint to where she wanted to go with her shiny, aggressive path. Take life by the balls. Or, when in doubt, take Noah’s balls. Chloe could only imagine no longer being in charge would be the perfect shock to her lover’s system and put her squarely where she needed to be in their relationship without any confusion.
Chapter Ten
“Hey…how are you doing?” Noah asked with his back to her as he gazed off into the ocean on the deck. He cleared his throat and she noticed his muscles tensed on the railing where he held fast to it.
“Hey yourself.” There was no way to answer the second part of his question without dropping bombs—and she preferred to keep things a little less messy and a little more sexy. His back muscles rippled when he adjusted against the railing and she licked her lips. Now was her moment. “Face me, Noah. I want to see your face.”
He seemed to take a beat before he spun around to face her on the balls of his feet and leaned against the railing, arms crossed over his wide, gorgeous chest. His expression was full of questions. There was no way to hide her smirk—so she didn’t even try. And when he tilted his head, slightly curious as she cracked her knuckles, she held in her laugh when he cleaned his glasses with his sweaty t-shirt. What a useless action.
But his quick reaction had driven icicles low in her belly, until her stomach was swimming with nerves. She made sure to push back her shoulders. Meanwhile he continued to wait, as if in limbo waiting to hear the next words off her lips.
“Enjoying the view?” No matter what, she couldn’t psych herself out. Adrenaline tingled at her fingertips and thoughts were swirling around in her head like a carnival ride.
“In more ways than one.” His gaze snapped to hers sensually easing down the damp line of her body. “What can I help you with? Please tell me there’s something I can do for you.”
The innuendo was as clear as a bullet.
“Put your hands on the railing and keep them there, no matter what I do. Do you understand?”
Noah stuck his wire frames back on his nose, narrowed his eyes, and seemed to be weighing her order. He shuddered, rolling his shoulders. And when his hands felt behind his back and clenched the wooden balcony, Chloe thought maybe she’d won the lottery. The pureness of the command and his respect pulled a weird trigger low in her belly until goose bumps slid all along her flesh, despite the fact that it was far from cold out yet.
“What are you going to do?” His eyebrows arched, forearms bunched with tension.
“How about you keep your mouth closed and wait to find out. Don’t speak unless I ask you a direct question, understood?”
When he nodded she trusted her wobbly knees to stalk forward while she let her stare rest on every part of him that she wanted to use and abuse with her lips, tongue, and teeth. He was a feast for the senses. And she was looking forward to hearing his unintelligible noises while she was in full control and Noah was under her complete surrender—enthralled to her body and begging for more. Sounded about perfect inside her head. She only had to translate it to reality. Barely an inch away and the only sound between them was the crashing surf mingled with the echo of her loud pulse.
His jaw clenched, as if he fought not to speak. A small side smile tipped up her lips as her fingers trailed along the smooth leather of his belt. She traced the icy belt buckle and he swallowed so hard his Adam’s apple bobbed as if it were an actual fruit stuck in his body. Quick shallow breaths, until she drew a straight line with one finger to outline the bulge of his erection through his jeans. His teeth clenched as she sensed the last hint of a hiss through his lips. Pressed up against his body heat, but not quite touching, there was a wealth of possibility—and she had the key in the palm of her hand cupping his cock with her palm.
“You’re not going to move,” she ordered.
A grunt, but no actual words. Good, he was behaving with their game while she watched the pulse in his neck go into overdrive. There was no getting around the fact that his whole body mirrored tension, while he fought to give up control. With their eyes locked and his masculine scent surrounding her along with the salt of the sea, she moved her hands back toward his belt buckle and undid it. The tiny tinkling noise seemed oddly loud. She slid his belt through the loops, snaking it so the thrumming tension echoed through both of them.
Once she’d shifted the leather through the last of the loops she contemplated the soft binding in her hands. There wasn’t a question that she knew what she wanted to do with him. The only real uncertainty was if Noah would allow her to get away with it. As she contemplated his statuesque form he remained immobile, even as he licked his lips. His gaze flicked across her body alighting onto her face. She made sure there was nothing readable to her expression, measuring him with her stare.
“Put your hands as close together as you can get them on the railing so I can tie you up.”
Noah looked as if he wanted to protest. But his jaw firmed, determined, and his cock twitched beneath the cage of his jeans. Without looking away he eased his arms closer together until his shoulders drew back. She couldn’t pretend she didn’t relish the idea of separating the tiny gap between their bodies, so she had to press all over him in order to tie him down. Her first step forward wobbled as she took a sharp breath. Control was heady and delicious as she lingered close enough that her nipples brushed against his chest.
“Now’s the time for objections,” she spoke softly as the crisp sea wind took away her words.
Noah shook his head, playing by the rules. For that he should get a reward. Without hesitation, Chloe stepped up on her tiptoes and placed a soft, passionate kiss on his mouth that made them both moan from the weight and heat of their arousal. His cock pressed against her belly through the fabric of her clothes. Her awareness of every inch of his body came alive in her mind, until she forced herself to draw back from his soft lips and continue on their journey together.
She threaded the belt behind his back looking off to the side of him so she could be sure of what she was doing when she snaked the belt tight around his wrists. Though she wasn’t exactly experienced, she had a good enough guess of what might work out. She jerked the belt taking the extra slack and twisting it, until she could finish a looped circle around the railing. Noah grunted, but he didn’t pull away. With a little fumbling of the buckle, she managed to secure him in place. Not only were his hands tied, but the rest of his body was completely trapped by the deck.
At her mercy.
A thrill twitched up her lips and she stepped away from him. A million questions were clearly visible in his eyes, even while he kept his facial expression guarded. Although it surprised her when he didn’t test the limits of his bonds, merely shrugged his shoulders and cracked his neck. The idea that she might have to do a little more to get a rise out of him was challenge readily accepted. One she’d jump toward without second thoughts. One small, shallow breath later and her finger trailed down the line of buttons on his button down shirt. His whole body shuddered beneath the near touch.
She added her other fingers, both hands easing up and down the smooth line of his chest until he gulped and tried to step back. But there was nowhere for him to escape. Nowhere to run from her wicked games. Chloe’s fingers shook slightly although she didn’t try and hide it. Instead she worked her fingers slower over every single button down the line of his shirt.
Until it was spread halfway open and her fingers trembled grazing his flesh. He groaned, no doubt mentally straining to remain in charge even as she lowered her mouth to his nipple. One small flick of her tongue on the dime sized, pale rose flesh and he jerked backward while his hips ground forward into her midsection, silently begging for release.
“Already?” she spoke against his nipple, drawing out the word so that her breath teased against the wet warmth her tongue had left in a trail along the sensitive area. “I didn’t think you’d give up so easily and be this responsive. I like it.” She glanced up as she laid a soft kiss over his heart and his eyelids went half-mast behind his glasses.
What to do…what to do? The limitlessness broke goose bumps across her flesh despite the fact that there was only a slight chill in the air. Her fingers skimmed down his shirt, making quick work of the rest of the buttons. Meanwhile her mouth never left his chest, using lips, tongue, and teeth. Until his heart thundered beneath his ribcage and against her mouth.
She spread the shirt wide, teasing her thumbs along the line of his jeans dipping below the waist to note that he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. He was so tightly wound she waited for him to give some outward sign of displeasure or to break the rules by protesting.
Somehow he kept quiet. Until she took it as a personal challenge. She curved her palms behind to his lower back, sliding her nails against a sensitive spot until he bit his lower lip and jerked away from the railing. Her lips found the delicate hollow at the curve of his neck and she licked a firm, smooth line along it while her hands took two giant palmfuls of his ass.
“Fuck,” he groaned balancing from foot to foot.
Chloe instantly removed her hands and mouth taking a rapid step away, her stern look broached no arguments.
“What did I say to you?”
Noah’s eyes squeezed shut and it looked as if he was trying to steady himself while his breath sawed in and out of his lungs. She gently cupped the side of his face before gripping his jaw and forcing him to look into her eyes. His irises blazed with a mixture of anger, disbelief, and yearning so eager it twisted low in her abdomen.
His slow smile was defiant while his muscles strained against her fingertips and she wondered when he’d grow sick of their power game. Because though a good deal of their current play was new, it didn’t mean she wasn’t intent on winning. Finding a way to bring him to his knees would be one of the most exciting things she’d ever done. Besides, she had a lot of backtalk and quips to pay back—she didn’t snore nearly as badly as he’d said the first morning that they’d met.
There was nowhere to hide. Then she planned on riding his cock until they both screamed for mercy.
“Answer my question, Noah.”
“You told me not to speak unless spoken to, Chloe.” He growled her name through his teeth as if she were the devil.
“Keep that in mind as we continue. This is your only warning.”
His eyebrows furrowed and it almost looked as if he’d pose another question. But some form of self-preservation must have kicked in at the last second because he kept his mouth shut and she let her rough grip flutter away from his jaw. Her soft, lingering touch pushed back the rest of his shirt until it was free of his s
houlders and clung to his forearms, blowing in the breeze. Noah sighed and she checked the need to kiss him again. All in due time.
She went up on tiptoe caressing his earlobe with her lips before nibbling it ever so slightly as he moaned and used the railing for support.
“Be patient. I’m only enjoying the struggle,” she whispered against the cartilage of his ear before tracing the outer edge with the tip of her tongue. “You look great, but not nearly naked enough.”
She went to work on the snap of his jeans and when the zipper slowly coasted down, Noah shuddered from the sharp sound. Unable to take her eyes from his, she dragged down his pants easing down the line of his legs until she was crouched at his ankles. An arch stare from his feet nearly rolled his eyes back into his head.
He grunted, blinking, and it was hard to ignore his jutting erection. Someone could see them on any number of the porches nearby—but her previous fear of being seen by all of kingdom come was pushed away because of the way his cock twitched in the wind, pupils dark, mouth half-open while his muscles bunched trying to break away from his belt.
With her stomach in nervous knots, Chloe trailed a fingernail behind the delicate skin of his knee. Noah nearly went down to his knees with a noise so primal she bit back a moan. The only thing holding him up was the bare bones of the porch. Naked and vulnerable, she twisted every sensitive spot and well-timed caress to her advantage until she no longer had to think about her actions, but was confident enough to do them, damn the consequences. Beneath her manipulation, Noah seemed to be a walking erogenous zone. Even the light brush of the cool air made his cock bob and he grit his teeth through a smile silently promising retribution.