by Shannyn Leah
Jax threw on a t-shirt and pants, planning to head directly to his office. When he found Brea not snuggled in their king size bed, or waiting to throw something at him for invading her privacy, he wondered if she’d taken off again.
Firecracker.
As he stepped out of the bedroom and into the open layout of his wing, he smelled food before catching a glimpse of Brea in the kitchen, doing what appeared to be...cooking.
She’d changed into a loose jersey t-shirt that slipped off one shoulder, baring her silky skin through wispy waves of her hair. The closer he walked, the more of her came into his vision, including a pair of denim shorts exposing her long legs. She looked innocently alluring. He knew she was far from innocent, but she was sexy as hell. His body longed for her.
Jax hadn’t expected the smile she shyly sent him when she looked up from the pot she was stirring and caught him staring. Staring was new for him.
“I cooked supper,” Brea said. “I figured you would be hungry and since you didn’t want to be disturbed−”
“You cook?” He hadn’t meant to sound so surprised. Why was he surprised? There were a lot of things about her he didn’t know yet.
She nodded, with a touch of irritation crossing her delicate features and matching her tone when she spoke. “I know how to, but I don’t like too.”
Jax almost laughed at how similar that thought sounded like how she felt about other things, too. Brea knew she had to bond, but she didn’t want to.
“It’s nothing fancy,” she said, like that made a difference in the fact that she’d gone out of her way to prepare a meal for them...for him. “Pasta and garlic bread. Do you want a plate?”
He hadn’t planned on eating a meal, substituting it with snacks and beer instead, but the mouth-watering smell of a home-cooked meal and Brea’s company swayed his decision.
“You’re eating with me.”
Her hands immediately went to her hips and her lips pursed angrily. “Is that an order?” she snarled.
Jax held back the threatening grin, knowing it would send her into a fit of anger. A breath he hadn’t realized he was holding pushed past his lips as he worked up his next sentence. It also could have been a huff of his own irritation at her for forcing him to ask. “Brea, will you eat supper with me?” It came out harsher than he’d anticipated, but damn, she was difficult.
Her lips thinned. Her eyes glared. There was no winning with her.
“Please?” he added, softer.
She lightened, letting the shy part of her appear again and she began to dish out two plates of pasta.
Jax checked the notifications on his cell phone as he sat at the table. Texts from Gabrielle, Declan, and his mother flashed on the screen, but he knew it would only be to badger him for going against his dad. If it was important, such as Gabrielle having a vision, they would have phoned him. Jax put his cell phone away without reading the messages, as Brea set a plate of steaming pasta in front of him. A cold bottle of beer came next.
“This was all you have in your fridge,” she said.
“It’s good, thanks,” he said, not realizing how hungry he actually was until the first bite. His stomach growled in appreciation.
Brea sat on the chair across from him. She curled her legs up against her chest, spinning her fork in the pasta, but watching him with deep concentration.
Jax ate a few mouthfuls and took a couple sips of beer before he looked at her. “Is there something you want to say to me?” he asked.
She didn’t flinch or flush like he thought the new shy side of her might.
“Are you worried?” she asked, without hesitation.
“About what?” He already knew where her mind was heading−the council.
She frowned at him.
He sighed, set his fork down and took a long sip of beer. “No.” He continued eating.
“Not even a little?”
“Are you?”
Brea didn’t answer, but he sensed her concern. She wore a regular concrete front, but right now, her conviction seemed lacking. Instead she said, “Thank you for standing up for me today.” The apology was sincere, but the will-power it took her to push it out, forced him into containing another smile.
“We are soulmates. I will always protect you.” He meant every word. Always.
Her eyes fell down to her meal. She still hadn’t taken a bite, which made him conclude she wasn’t a nervous eater. Her fork swirled the noodles into a mountain. Everything about her seemed the same as five seconds ago, except her thin lips, indicated she was angry again.
“What did I say wrong?” Jax asked.
Her eyes snapped up to his. “Nothing,” she said, too quickly.
Was he overly exhausted? Or was this wedge between them impossible to break? Just when he thought they were about to take a step forward, they both stumbled.
“Brea?”
“Soulmate,” she snapped. “You will protect me because I am your soulmate.”
Yes. What was he missing? What was wrong with that sentence? It was accurate.
Her questioning eyes waited for his reply. Was he supposed to reply to that? What the hell was he supposed to say when he wasn’t even sure what the problem was?
“Brea, you’re going to have to give me more−”
She pushed her chair back. “Oh, just forget it.” She stood, leaving her plate and stalking past him like a dark cloud ready to drop a rainstorm.
Jax reached his arm out to catch hers. “Wait...” He hadn’t wanted to get into this tonight, but it was past due.
He caught her wrist and pulled her snuggly beside him. Her rear knocked the table, but he was glad when she didn’t resist.
Rubbing his eyes, he took a deep breath and tried to sort out exactly what to say...what she needed to hear.
When he opened his eyes, she was fixated on him, watching him, cross examining him. He found it adorable, but he was certain that wasn’t what she needed or wanted to hear from him right now.
“I don’t know you,” he started. “And you don’t know me. We should have courted before our vows. Hell, we should have been introduced to each other years ago.”
Jax didn’t mention how Gabrielle was already close with her soulmate. Although they lived hours apart, and only visited on special occasions, they kept in touch and were patiently waiting for the day they bonded. Jax and Brea hadn’t even been introduced to him before the morning of their vows. He didn’t know why and he didn’t care. Truthfully, he hadn’t pushed meeting his future wife because he’d always been more interested in traveling the rips...until now. Now, even with their fighting, he didn’t know how he’d lived life without her. That’s the effect his soul had over him and he gave her credit for resisting the urge.
“But we didn’t, so, now we have some catching up to do−”
“We didn’t court because you didn’t want to,” she said.
He eyed her. The thought might have crossed his mind, but he’d never said it out loud. Alright, it was possible he may have insinuated his lack of interest in meeting Brea at times, when the rip was overwhelmingly amazing, but he hadn’t purposely avoid her. In fact, he knew for certain that his prying and pushy mother had tried on numerous occasions to arrange a get-together and the lack of response had been on Brea’s part. She could blame him for a lot of things, like his father’s behavior this evening, but not this.
“We didn’t court because you couldn’t find the time,” he said sternly.
“It must have been between my ‘how to be the proper wife for a Gatekeeper’ and ‘learning to bond correctly’ classes.”
Jax made a face. “You’re joking, right? Sarcasm?” They didn’t really have those classes in a Seconds school...did they?
“Yes,” she snapped, looking mortified he’d even considered her mockery real. “There are no classes on learning how to bond, you...you...Gatekeeper.”
Was that an insult?
“How hard can it be?” she continued. “Honestly. Grab
necks, bond, done.”
“I don’t know. I’ve yet to do so with my wife.”
She sent him a defiant look. “Anything else you wanted to discuss?”
There was so much he wanted to discuss. More than she would ever know, but his paperwork called him and her attitude drained him.
“Brea, I will protect you because you are my soulmate. Once we are bonded, my soul won’t have it any other way, you know that. And I know that you’re not ready to bond.” He squeezed her hands and said, “I’m okay with that. Take the time you need. Council...” He shrugged. “Not so okay with it.”
A half smirk found her lips, and his lips followed.
“Do you like pissing off the council?” he asked.
She shrugged and this time he chuckled.
“I want to evaluate us deeper, I really do. But, since our lack of bonding has infuriated council enough to make a visit tonight, I have to finish my paperwork for the rip. While I’m doing that, can you figure out what you need to say to me so we can move on?”
“So we can bond?” Accusation dripped from her voice.
He stood, pressing the length of his body delicately against hers, enough to feel the warmth, the soft pressure.
“A bond is only one part of our future. The smallest part really. After we bond, the years that follow are the years that worry me. I don’t want you to spend them resenting me because you didn’t say what needed to be said now. Figure it out. I don’t care if you have to yell at me, accuse me, hate me, just as long as when you’re done, I have the chance to counteract it. If I am going to listen to you, and I will, I want the same courtesy from you.”
Brea bit her lower lip in response but it wasn’t good enough for Jax.
“Brea, do you understand? And agree?”
She let out a puff of warm air. “Yes.”
“Thank you.”
Grabbing his beer from behind her, Jax walked to his office, shutting the office door behind him. He collapsed in his leather chair, needing to close his eyes for ten minutes and rejuvenate before hitting his laptop.
Brea would definitely be the death of him.
Chapter Ten
HOURS HAD SLOWLY ticked by since supper, and Jax was still stowed away in his office. Brea sat on the living room couch with the same book from this afternoon in her hands. She hadn’t read a page...she hadn’t even read a full sentence.
He wanted to talk, but not tonight, and tomorrow he would be gone...again. Gone all day, no doubt, only to crawl into their bed long after she’d gone to sleep. Unless council showed. Then she might very well get dragged into that threatening meeting. Jax claimed he would protect her, but she didn’t need protecting. Certainly not from that clueless man. Brea’s emotions were obvious even to his grandmother−why not him? Eve understood, why didn’t Jax?
What did he want her to say? She didn’t feel accepted here? Didn’t feel accepted by his family? By him? That, at every turn, someone, including him, made her feel like the only reason she was here was to create heirs?
Brea stood, wanting to scream, wanting to rip her hair out. What was she supposed to do? Her entire existence had been spent being groomed to be bonded to this important man. After spending her life fighting this destiny, she’d come to the estate closed-minded, ready to fight, and not wanting to accept. But now.... Now she didn’t even know how she felt.
She stopped in front of Jax’s door and placed her hand on the wood. All the fighting wore her down. Her birthmark, their souls, pulled at her. Was it even worth it? Did she even want to battle him anymore?
“Come in,” Jax said and she jumped a mile away from the door.
Holy hell, he’d scared her.
“Brea?”
Her fingers wrenched together, and her teeth bit the inside of her mouth. She wasn’t ready...would she ever be ready for any of this?
Taking a deep breath, Brea pushed the door open and stuck her head in. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I know you’re busy. I was just passing by...”
Jax grunted. He looked worn out, even more so than at supper. Deep lines dug into the skin beneath his eyes in dark circles of overtiredness.
“Come in,” he repeated, stretching his arms above his head. She marveled at the muscle and strength. It was all hers if she would just take it.
Brea nearly jumped out of her skin at the thought. He might be all hers, in a way, but it all depended on him and his vision of their future.
She stepped inside. “Are you finished?”
He nodded and a yawn followed. It was clear he was too tired for the questions running through her head.
“I can sleep on the couch and−”
He cocked his head to one side. “Now you want to sleep on the couch?”
“I’m offering so you can have a good night’s sleep after your stressful day...”
“Every night with you in my bed has been a good night.”
Liar.
Her pity for him evaporated. Brea crossed her hands over her chest. “After we bond and you line your future up in my ovaries, then what? We’re done? Do you have what you want from me and plan on sending me off to live in a different area of the house? Lock me away, while you live your glamorous life, only to bring me out and show me off at events? Are you planning to take our children away from me as they are born and raise them yourself? Or will your nannies raise them? Or do I raise them, but you and I don’t interact? Do you still want me around after that? For sex? What? What is your plan?”
Jax’s face looked even more tired now than before. His eyebrows knitted together, and his green eyes clouded over.
He shook his head.
Opened his mouth. Shut his mouth.
Stared.
“I would ask you to repeat yourself, but I am genuinely positive I can’t absorb that twice,” he finally said.
Did he really want to talk? Or was this act was all a game?
Brea turned and started toward his bedroom.
What had she been thinking? Did she hope that, at the very least, he’d say she wasn’t the gardener?
Stupid.
Stupid, for letting her barriers down long enough to believe Jax was more than the selfish Gatekeeper she’d heard stories about. She felt foolish for letting a moment escape her, a Second, to have hope where it didn’t exist.
When Jax followed her into the bedroom, she turned to face him. Confusion danced across the hard features of his face while his eyes searched hers for answers. He was the one she needed answers from. Answers, she would probably never receive. Brea was tired of fighting and holding onto the one shred of hope that actually didn’t exist. She was done. Finished.
Brea walked back to him. He stood over a foot taller than her, intimidating, but she didn’t fear him. She might be unsure where they stood as a couple, but she knew he would never hurt her, not physically anyway. Emotionally, he’d already drained her. That’s why Brea reached her hand to the side of his neck and grasped his birthmark. As much as she tried, she couldn’t run from her destiny any longer.
A blast of energy surged through her palm, electrifying a path to her own birthmark and lighting her insides along the way. Touching his birthmark mixed together the simple craving to bond as well as the desire to kiss him. How had he grabbed her neck in front of his family? This touch felt so personal, so private...for only the two of them.
Brea almost forgot why she’d touched his birthmark in the first place...almost. Combining her emotions, she used them to force out the words, “Bond me.”
She could see Jax was affected by her touch, too. She felt a surge of lust from him, but she tamped down on her own desires and said, “I would rather have this done with and move on to whatever you have planned for me afterwards. I’m yours, right? You own me because destiny says so. I’m tired of trying to figure out the big secret you all don’t tell us Seconds. Let’s just get this over with, so I know where I stand.”
She struggled to stay focused on her point. The lightning
sparked between them, but she’d said her peace.
Jax took two steps back.
There was no way he would walk away from her! She gripped the front of his shirt with her other hand, pulling them back together. He smelled so good.
“Do it,” she demanded.
Jax touched her, but not the side of her neck pulsing for him. Each of his hands tenderly touched one of her bare arms. His touch so soft that her eyes dropped to watch him slowly move up each arm. When his hand touched the side of her face, her knees grew weak. She looked up into his eyes.
His voice, a low, husky whisper, said, “The only thing I’m going to do tonight is kiss you.”
What? Her mind whirled, trying to comprehend his words.
“I’m going to carry you to our bed, lay you down and strip you naked,” he continued.
What was he talking about?
“If you don’t want that, then I suggest taking your hand off my neck.”
Was she imagining this conversation? Was he honestly denying their bonding after days of waiting for her to be ready?
“Brea?”
“What?” she snapped.
“Your hand.”
She couldn’t tear her hand away. The pull was too strong for her to control.
Bond me.
When it was clear he refused the bond, and even clearer that her hand had a mind of its own, Brea pulled his neck down and lifted her body to meet his lips. Her needy kiss was met by his hungry one. He tasted more delicious than he smelled and she couldn’t get enough of his tongue stroking hers, swiping her teeth, and plunging deeper inside. Brea could have stood there until the sun rose, simply kissing him. She would have, if Jax hadn’t done exactly what he had threatened.
Lifting her up with one solid arm, Jax carried her to their bed and set her derriere on the edge of the bed. He pulled off her shorts without moving away from her lips.
Jax deepened the kiss, sending her mind spiraling with pleasure. His knee pressed against the mattress between her legs, and his hard torso pressed against hers. He was gentle and sweet, going against everything she’d thought about him. It was confusing to want him so much and loathe him at the same time.