His finger was now gone. “No, Sterling, that’s not what I see.”
“I’m glad. I don’t want you to see that. When I’m with you, even I can forget that part of me. Araneae, I’ve known you were mine since I was thirteen years old. I’ve never doubted it.”
He cupped both of my cheeks and peered into my eyes as the silence around us grew. With each second, my heart beat faster as I anxiously waited for what he was about to say. As the clock ticked, I feared that maybe my sentiment wouldn’t be reciprocated.
Finally, he spoke. “Like I’ve said before, I knew you were mine. I watched you. As you grew older...” His free hand brushed the side of my breast. “...and you became so fucking sexy, I knew I’d have you. I’d make you mine. None of that came as a surprise.”
“Sterling?”
“Araneae, even with all of that, I never expected to love you. I never expected to love anyone—ever.” His lips brushed over mine. “The story you told Louisa and Winnie, the one about me sweeping you off your feet?”
With my face still within his grasp, I nodded.
“Sunshine, you had it wrong. From that first meeting at the Sinful Threads distribution center, you’ve had me completely swept off my feet. I should have told you that night when I had your sexy body pinned against the wall that I loved you, but if I had, you probably wouldn’t have believed me. I hope you believe me now. Araneae McCrie, I love you.”
We both leaned forward until our lips united. As our kiss deepened, warmth flooded my circulation like a warm spring to a frozen stream, each second thawing the winter’s ice.
Sterling may see himself as unlovable; however, what he didn’t understand—nor maybe had I—was that without realizing it, I’d felt the same way about myself. If I were lovable, I wouldn’t have been abandoned twice by the age of sixteen. Every other relationship since then, except with Louisa and her family, I’d ended, perhaps because I feared that if I didn’t, then once again I’d be left behind or made to leave.
Sterling’s possessiveness, his declaration of proprietorship pissed me off and reassured me at the same time. I was his, which meant he was mine. The shitstorm—as he called it—could continue to blow as long as we were together.
When our kiss ended, I smiled, staring into his dark gaze. “I meant it. I love you too, and I believe you. I believe everything you’ve told me. I know you’re not perfect; neither am I. What matters to me is that when we’re together, we’re honest with each other—no lies or secrets. When we are, we make one another better.”
“I don’t fucking deserve you.”
“You’re stuck with me,” I said with a grin. “Will you tell me how it went with my mother?”
Sterling nodded. “I will. First, what happened with Winnie?”
After asking Jana to order us lunch, we sat at the table and talked.
I was completely honest, telling Sterling how Agent Wesley Hunter had approached Winnie in Boulder, at first pretending to be an insurance adjuster. And then how he’d asked her out.
“There are eyes on your friends in Boulder. I’m pissed that they didn’t see this,” Sterling said, now standing and pacing as I told him the story.
“They had no reason to suspect federal agents. Are those eyes...Why?” I wanted confirmation.
Stopping in front of me, Sterling reached for my shoulders and encouraged me to stand. “You asked me to keep them safe. Everyone associated with you could be considered a liability. Do you see that now? That’s what Hunter is doing, capitalizing on your friends.”
Swallowing, I nodded. “He said they would offer witness protection to not only Winnie, but Jason, Louisa, and the baby. He accused you of using Sinful Threads for illegal dealings, threatening my company. It reminded me of when you threatened the same people and thing to get me to Chicago.”
“Sunshine, I told you I do bad things. That doesn’t mean I’d let anything happen to anyone you love or a company you conceived.”
“Then first and foremost,” I said, “keep yourself safe because you’re one of those people.” It was then I recalled something else. “It seemed like Hunter has information on McFadden from when he infiltrated the McFadden outfit. He said he couldn’t discuss it, but he laid out the pieces. If you hadn’t told me...I wouldn’t have understood. Hunter isn’t satisfied with only bringing down McFadden. He wants both of you and wants me to help him get evidence that will stick. He said something about power working in a vacuum.”
Sterling chuckled. “He’s a fucking idiot.”
“Why?”
“He’s not an idiot for saying power works in a vacuum. He’s right. He’s an idiot if he thinks removing the McFadden and the Sparrow outfit will solve the crime problem in Chicago. Think of...” He contemplated. “...nature.”
“Okay.”
“A long time ago, the Great Lakes were surrounded with forests. The ecosystem was balanced. And then with time, the predators, the large ones, were killed by man or pushed north.” His smile grew. “Remember what Rita told you about hiking in Ontario?”
“Bears,” I said with a shiver.
“Right. It’s a balance thing. Bears don’t kill to kill. They kill to survive, to eat. When the ecosystem is in balance, the smaller creatures are monitored and their population is kept in check. Today, hell, probably literally today, if you drive the country roads of Illinois or Wisconsin, you’ll find multiple deer lying on the side of the road, dead from an automobile. The population of deer is so high they starve in the winter. Their natural predators are gone. Even the smaller predators, foxes and wolves, are being pushed away or killed.”
“Why does that make Hunter an idiot?”
“Because he thinks that if he takes out the top powers, Chicago will be crime free. He’s got it completely backward. If McFadden and Sparrow were both gone, every two-bit petty thief, drug dealer, numbers runner, and pimp would be vying for that top position. Right now, we keep those lowlifes in line. Without us, this city would implode.”
It made me think of Lion King, of what happened when Scar allowed the hyenas to rule the land. I nodded. “It’s your job to keep Chicago looking good to the outside.”
Sterling smiled. “You’ve been listening.”
“I have. I think that’s why I didn’t believe him when he said you’d been lying to me.”
“He said that?”
“Yes. And if you hadn’t shared my secrets and yours with me, I suppose I could have believed him.” I reached for Sterling’s large hand and held it in the palm of one of mine. Running my fingernail over his outstretched palm, I traced the lines until I looked up at his incredibly handsome face. “I’m not sure what kind of person it makes me, but I’d rather never know the things that keep you awake at night. What I do know, Sterling Sparrow, is that these hands can be loving, sensual, and protective. They’ve brought me more adoration and pleasure than I ever imagined having.”
“They can also redden your ass, and after that stunt at the hotel, that’s on their agenda for tonight.”
I tilted my head and looked at him with veiled eyes. “You see, if Patrick had come in that room, I would never have learned what I did about Agent Hunter and the FBI’s plans. So really it was a good move.”
A knock on the door refocused our attention.
As we both turned, Sterling whispered, “Nice try. Your ass is mine.”
With a new layer of goose bumps, I called to the door, “Who is it?”
“Jana. I have your lunch.”
“Come on in.”
Once we were alone again, Sterling asked, “Hunter wants you to report to him about me?”
I nodded.
“He actually offered you that option?”
“Yes. I told him to go fuck himself.”
Sterling’s lips curved upward. “While I don’t think those were your exact words with the agent, they were when you said that to me.”
I grinned. “Maybe I’ve learned my lesson with that.” I tilted my head. “I’d much rat
her have you fuck me.”
He shook his head. “That makes two of us.”
Looking at the grilled chicken salad before me, I asked, “If you tell me about my mother, will I lose my appetite?”
“I’ve told you that Reid, Patrick, and I’ve done research.”
I nodded as I took a bite.
“I was also honest that there were some things we had to hypothesize. Today, I learned something I honestly never assumed.”
“What?”
“Annabelle Landers didn’t give you to the Marshes.”
I set my fork down. “What?”
His head shook. “No. She...damn, this isn’t easy to say.”
“Tell me, Sterling. You promised.” He had promised to be with me when I learned the good or the bad.
“She wanted you very much. She still does. She was nothing like Pauline had been. Her demeanor was...” He seemed to weigh the best words. “...respectful and hesitant. She told me that after she gave birth, she was handed a deceased baby, one with dark hair. She held it, thinking it was you.”
Oh my God.
Tears stung the back of my eyes. “How is that possible?”
He grinned. “That was the same question she had. How was it possible that the dead infant she held and buried is now alive?”
My stomach twisted as the little bit of salad churned. “Maybe...maybe you’re wrong. Maybe I’m not Araneae.” Panic bubbled in my stomach. “Oh God. What if you are wrong?”
“You saw her—Annabelle,” he said. “What do you think?”
“I-I don’t know what to think. Our coloring is similar.”
“Her first question was how, not if you are who I say you are. She said that when your eyes met in the bathroom mirror of the club, she knew. In her heart, she knew.”
I stood and walked to my desk and back, wringing my hands as I recalled that night. “She scared me. The way she was looking at me.” I remembered her grabbing my wrist. “She asked me about the bracelet.”
Sterling nodded again. “You two even have some of the same mannerisms.”
“Have you? Did you?” I asked, unsure if I could open my heart to another mother.
“Have I proof of your lineage?”
“I mean, you seemed very confident, but she’s saying she saw me die.”
“She said she saw you dead. That’s not the same thing, but I didn’t think of it at the time.” He gestured toward the salad. “Sit down and eat.”
I took a tentative step toward the table but didn’t sit.
“I do,” Sterling said. “Mitochondrial DNA. It’s only passed from a mother to her children.”
The tears that had only threatened now flooded my eyes. “She didn’t give me to Josey? Then how did I get there?”
Sterling reached out and held my hand, pulling me closer until I fell into his lap. “Sunshine, we’re going to find out.”
I nodded as more tears flowed and my breaths grew ragged. “She wanted me?”
His arms surrounded me, hugging me closer to his solid chest. “She would like to reintroduce herself.”
“W-what did you tell her?”
“I told her that the decision was all yours.”
My temples throbbed as I leaned against him, his heart beating in my ear as I cried. It was so much. A month ago, I would never have imagined the opportunity to meet my birth mother or defend my boyfriend to my friends or an FBI agent.
Who could imagine those things?
The meeting with Pauline McFadden had been my worst nightmare—more rejection. I’d expected the same thing from Annabelle. Now that she’d responded differently, I was too confused to make a decision.
“Shh,” Sterling soothed. “I have her number. You can call—”
I shook my head. “Not today. It’s too much.”
“I understand.” His chest inflated and deflated with a deep breath. “In this world, for Judge Landers to go to my mother and ask for her help and then for her to come to my office...it took a lot of fortitude.”
“Your mother?”
“Don’t ask.”
“She doesn’t like me.”
“She doesn’t like the possibility that you could ruin her perfect crystal world.”
“I don’t have any information.”
Sterling reached for my chin and with the pad of his thumb wiped the tears from my cheeks, one and then the other. “This isn’t about my mother. It’s about yours. If you won’t call Judge Landers, I will. After her show of bravery today, she deserves it.”
I nodded again, sensing Sterling’s newfound respect for the woman who gave me life. “Okay. Tell her that I’m considering it.”
He kissed my forehead. “I will. I need to get to a meeting.” He looked down at my uneaten salad. “After you eat, go home...” He inhaled and rephrased, “Will you consider having Patrick take you home after you eat? We have a yacht waiting, one with an empty deck where tomorrow I plan to have you naked in the sun.”
I smiled.
He’d said will.
My cheeks rose. “Mr. Sparrow, whoever said old dogs can’t learn new tricks never met you.”
His finger came to my nose. “I’m not old.”
No, he wasn’t.
“But you are learning new tricks.”
He helped me to my feet as he too stood. “I have some more tricks in mind to teach you after we complete our discussion of your disobedience today.”
My eyebrows rose. “Discussion, that sounds reasonable.”
He winked as he headed toward the door. “Sunshine, enjoy sitting for the rest of the day.”
That shouldn’t make my insides twist, but it did.
Rebecca/Josey
Twenty-six years ago~
“What did you say?” I asked, staring at my husband of five years. He’d awakened me when he arrived home early in the morning, apprehensive and nervous to tell me his news.
As I worked to still the shaking of my hands, I realized his anxiety was contagious.
“Becky, I don’t know how to say it...other than to say it. He made me an offer. I’m not sure there’s an option B.”
I stood, walking warily away from the kitchen table where I’d been sitting, and moved to the stove. Lifting the teakettle, I gave it a shake, confirming its lack of contents. As I moved, Neal continued staring my direction, waiting for an answer. I didn’t have an answer. I was having difficulty comprehending his statement.
Did a statement even need an answer?
My husband’s head was down in defeat as he leaned against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. Adding water to the teakettle, I placed it back on the stove. Twisting the knob, I waited for the pilot light to ignite the burner. First a hiss and then with a burst of blue flame it came to life. I adjusted the heat.
“Are you going to say anything?” Neal asked.
“Would you like a cup of tea?”
“Becky.”
Sitting back down on the hard wooden chair, I shook my head. “I-I don’t know what to say.” I looked up at him as he eyed me from under his furrowed brow. “May I ask what happened or how it happened?”
“You know that I can’t answer that.”
“Is this because of your brother?”
Neal formed his lips in a straight line as he shrugged his shoulder. “Isn’t everything?”
“Why us?”
Neal shrugged. “He knows he can trust me—us. I owe him. He knows that I’ll never get out from under the debt. If we do this, we’ll be free.”
“Free? How are we free if he’s still watching us?” Neal didn’t answer. With my frustration growing, I asked, “Whose baby is it?”
“We’re not supposed to know.”
“How are we getting it? Does he expect us to kidnap this kid?”
“No, he’s got it all arranged. It’s our chance for a family.”
My stomach twisted with equal parts terror and anticipation as my emotions began to build. “Damn it. This isn’t fair. You know I’v
e been trying to get pregnant for years.”
Neal came forward, kneeling near my chair and placing his hand on my robe-covered knee. “I know that, Becks. Of course, I know. I’ve been the one to watch helplessly while you cry every time your period starts. This is our answer. Think of this as a gift.”
My neck straightened. “Allister Sparrow isn’t God. Babies come from God, not a man like him.”
Neal’s lips attempted a smile. “Aren’t you the one who says God works in mysterious ways?”
“What if Mr. Sparrow changes his mind? What if we agree to all the terms that he’s laid out, and then one day he comes and snatches the baby away?”
“No. We won’t let him.”
My stomach twisted more. “Who’s going to stop him?”
“It’s a chance at a whole new life for us,” Neal said again. “Think of it. You, me, a kid...he said it’s a little girl.” My husband stood and lifted my hands. “The pressure we’ve been under and the debt, it’ll be gone—vanished with this one assignment.” He gestured around our simple nine-hundred-square-foot flat. “This offer comes with a whole new identity—for both of us. I’m going to be able to do what I’ve always wanted. Have a legitimate job. He offered Boeing.” My husband’s face grew brighter. “And you’ll be able to do what you wanted, be a mom. Think about it. We’ll have a house in a decent neighborhood with a yard and other kids living nearby. We’ll raise her like she’s our own.”
“There’s a catch,” I said. “There’s always a catch with Mr. Sparrow.”
Neal and I should know. From the time Neal was young, his mother’s drug problem was supported by turning tricks. Her pimp was in Sparrow’s outfit. Obviously, my husband didn’t have the best childhood. That didn’t mean his mother didn’t try her best with Neal. Her options were limited. To hear him tell the story, she did what she could to help him avoid her path, including bragging about his various abilities to her pimp.
Though I didn’t know the details, according to Neal, some kids had it worse. In order to avoid darker options, as soon as Neal had been old enough, he’d gone to work for his mom’s pimp and became part of Sparrow’s outfit.
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