Another wave of desire crashed through me, and I dug my nails into his scalp. Gladly. I’d gladly tell him. I’d used him so many times—I’d gotten off to him countless nights. I’d come to his image over and over.
“Fuck me with your tongue,” I said, panting as I thrust into him.
He moaned as he cupped my ass, pulling me closer. His tongue explored me. His sinfully delicious lips devoured me, and I’d never felt so lavished, so cherished, or so utterly craved. His hot kisses turned me into a wet, writhing collection of sparking nerve endings.
I closed my eyes, sharing with him all the dirty things I’d said in my head as I’d masturbated to him.
Ride your face.
Come so hard.
Want you so much.
His tongue kicked into some kind of overdrive, flicking against me wildly. He let go of his grip on my ass and grabbed my hands, clasping them tight, clutching them as he feasted on me. Hand in hand, this act became all the more intense.
Closer. I felt closer to him than I ever had before as he held me tight, our fingers laced together, while he drank me in. My muscles tightened. The first wave of pleasure crashed over me, and it was happening.
I cried out as the sensations rolled through me, overwhelming me, flooding my brain with nothing but beautiful bliss.
I was losing control, letting go, and giving in to everything I felt for him. “Coming.” He gripped my hands so damn tight as he ravaged me. “It’s so good with you, so good with you.”
Then I screamed, and nothing else existed in the whole damn world except this perfect moment of pleasure, this unparalleled ecstasy with this man who was so unbelievably good to me in every way.
And I knew as I said those words—so good with you—that I meant so much more than the physical.
I meant it all, since I was falling so hard for him in every way.
Every terrifying way.
37
Colin
She sighed happily as her eyes fluttered open, so dreamy and sexy.
“Hi,” she whispered as I rose up. “That was . . .”
“You are . . .”
Neither one of us could seem to finish our sentences. She scooted down into the pillows then lifted her hand, tracking the lotus design on my chest. She traveled lower, over my abs to my waist. She pushed down my briefs. I was sitting on my knees, still between her legs. No better place to be.
She ran her tongue across her lips as she freed my cock, then stroked it. Shuddering, a bolt of desire tore through me. I loved how she touched me, from the way she ran her fingers over me to how her breath came fast and heavy as she gripped my cock.
Mostly, though, it was her eyes. The way she gazed at me. She looked at me with so much want, so much desire, and so much more. Like she wanted me in all the same ways I wanted her.
My breathing turned erratic the more she touched me. The craving inside me multiplied.
She whispered my name. “Colin?”
“Yes?” I answered, as I pushed off my briefs. My voice was soft, but it echoed, the only sound in the quiet house.
“I want to know how it feels without any barriers,” she said, wrapping both hands around me now, leading me closer to the promised land.
The prospect of flesh against flesh, skin on skin, electrified me. But a kernel of worry set up camp too, and I remained stock-still as I asked, “Are you sure? Should we?”
“I’m on protection. I wasn’t when I was younger. The condom broke. But we don’t have to if you’re not comfortable.”
“No, I want to. I just want to make sure it makes sense for you. For us.”
“It does,” she said decisively.
“You know your body,” I said, running a hand along her thigh. “And your mind. That’s so sexy.”
“You’re pretty sexy too.” Roping her arms around my neck, she drew me closer. She spread her legs, wrapping them around my hips as I sank into her. I trembled from the absolutely exquisite feel of her. I hitched her leg up higher, giving myself a better angle.
She raised her face to mine and claimed my lips. She kissed me, and I fucked her, and soon that was all I knew. The deep and primal drive to fill her. The heat flooding my body. Her fingernails running the length of my spine. And her mouth, her decadent, sinful lips fused to mine, kissing me greedily as I took her.
Hard.
Deep.
Rough.
She let go of my mouth and yanked me closer, kissing my neck, my face, moving her lips to my ear. “I love the way you fuck me,” she whispered, her voice fevered.
So fiery. She was so damn fiery and passionate. It drove me wild. “Fucking you is amazing. Do you have any idea why it’s so good?”
“Tell me.”
“Because it’s more than fucking.” The words tumbled from my lips. I hadn’t planned to tell her now, but I couldn’t hold back. I couldn’t pretend. We were so much more than just the physical. I pulled back to look at her. Maybe I’d scared her. But her lips were parted, her eyes were wide open, and she gazed back at me, not letting go.
“I know,” she whispered, the words like poetry to my ears. Sweet, gorgeous music.
“It’s more than what it used to be.”
“So much more,” she murmured as she moved with me. We were finishing each other’s sentences, filling in what the other was saying. We both felt it. There was no other way.
I couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t have enough of her, couldn’t imagine this stopping at just sex. No, this was way more than fucking. It was fucking and falling at the same damn time, and nothing—no drug, no drink, no high-flying parachute dive—had ever felt as good as coming together with the woman I desired madly.
Coming together . . . and falling apart.
38
Elle
He ran his fingertips over my sparrows, then kissed them. “These are my favorite.”
I trembled in his arms, my back to him as he held me. I barely felt like myself. I was some other version of myself in these stolen moments with Colin. And I loved this version. I savored being this woman. Not a mom. Not a social worker. Not a woman with secrets that couldn’t be shared. I wore only my bra and panties, and he was clad in his briefs. We’d eaten Chinese takeout while watching the final ten minutes of Goodfellas, reciting the closing lines together. Then we’d managed one more quick round, and now the clock was racing closer to the end of the night.
“Why do you like them?”
“Because I love your neck, and these birds are like a homing beacon to me.”
“That’s why I got them.”
“To draw me to your neck?”
I laughed and shook my head. “No. Because in olden days, sailors would follow birds to land. That’s how they knew when they were coming close to shore. There’s a legend about a sailor who found his way home by spotting sparrows. I loved the idea of finding your way home.”
“Why did you decide to get the sparrows?”
“I did it five years ago. Things were really rough with Sam then. It was his third or fourth rehab stint. I lost count. But I needed the reminder that I could find my own way home,” I said, glad it was a topic I could freely discuss with Colin.
“I like that idea. I believe that’s true. You can find your way home,” he said softly, and I craned my neck to look at him. The sun had dropped below the horizon, and night had fallen.
“I believe it too. And sometimes you have to rely on something outside of yourself to do that.”
“Who or what did you rely on?”
“My mom, my sister, my son. Basically, my family,” I said.
He smiled against me. “I love that you’re so close to them. It’s the same with my brothers and sister.”
Worry thrummed in me. What would happen to that tight-knit foursome when they learned they were five?
Would they stay strong? Would it rock them?
His hand dropped to my hip, traveling across the cherry blossom tree that decorated my side up to my rib
cage. “Wait. I was wrong. This one is my favorite,” he whispered, dusting a kiss across the blossoms. “It’s beautiful and sexy, like you. And it means something. Tell me why you got it.”
“It inspires me. It reminds me of what I want, what I value. In Japan it’s a symbol for the preciousness of life, and I believe wholly in that. I also like that it represents femininity and beauty.”
“Both are perfect.” He traveled across my body, landing on the script-y T on my wrist. “But this one truly is my favorite. Titanium. You told me you got this after Sam died.”
My throat hitched with the memory. “Yes. My reminder to stay strong. Obviously, since that’s what titanium is.” I inched around, facing him, meeting his eyes.
“You needed that after what happened to you. And to Alex,” he said, kind and gentle. It was a relief, that he knew what had happened that night two years ago when Sam died in my arms. “You needed the reminder. And you are strong, Elle. I see it every day in you. I see it in how you are.”
Emotions swelled in me again, but this time they weren’t from the past. They came from the present. My throat tightened again, but I pushed past it, compelled to speak from the heart. I met his gaze, trying to move past my own deep fears. “You’re the best man I know,” I said, holding his gaze tight. “The kindest, smartest, most thoughtful gentleman I’ve ever met. The guy who helps the boys at the center. Who drives them to their tests. Who helps them study and inspires them with gaming strategies.” His expression was soft, vulnerable, and grateful. I ran a hand over his cheek. “And you’re the man who treats me like a queen.”
His smile was priceless.
It warmed every inch of my soul.
I hadn’t come here tonight expecting to want so much more from him, but I couldn’t walk out that door the way I came in. Every second I spent with him, naked or clothed, I became more connected, more linked to this man. This was no longer about sex. It was about why the sex between us was so spectacular. Because of how we felt.
Before he could say a word, I pressed on. He’d taken the lead with us, he’d batted first every time. I needed to be the one to take this next step. I looped my hands in his hair and tried to push past the fear. “You make me feel things I’ve never felt before.”
“It’s the same for me. I’ve never felt anything like this,” he said, and the look in his eyes was one of pure joy. I wanted to remember it always. I clutched that emotion tighter now, because it was giving me the strength to say the next thing—to tell him I was ready to try.
I parted my lips to speak when my phone buzzed.
“That might be Alex,” I said, sitting up and reaching for my purse. “As you’ll probably learn, he texts a lot. Which is good. I want him to. But—”
I stopped speaking when I saw my mom was calling. My mom never called when she was with Alex. Worry flooded me, and I answered instantly. “Hey, Mom. Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine. I just dropped Alex off at home, though, because the hospital called. They’re short-staffed tonight, and I have to go to work an hour early to fill in. But he’s totally fine by himself. He’s not even playing video games. He’s reading,” my mom said.
I breathed easier, but still stood up and started hunting for my clothes. “Did you have a good time?”
“The best. We always have a great time. I beat him at bowling, but he beat me at some crazy motorcycle game. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I wouldn’t be there when you got home, but you still are under orders to have a good time.”
I found my skirt and pulled it on. “I had an amazing time,” I said, locking eyes with Colin, who’d tracked down a pair of gym shorts. He smiled at me as I slid into my shoes.
“Then you need to do it again.”
“I do need to do it again,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows at him. “I love you, Mom. I’ll see you soon. Are you coming to my match tomorrow night?”
“As soon as my shift ends, I’m there.”
I said goodbye and turned to Colin. “I need to go. I know he’s old enough to be home alone, but I don’t like to leave him on his own too long, especially at night. You know?”
He nodded. “I get it.”
I pulled on my tank top, wishing I could have finished what I’d started to say. But maybe this was the universe’s way of slowing me down. I had been prone to rash decisions before. Perhaps I needed to meditate more thoughtfully on what to say. Or maybe what I really needed to do was talk to my son. I’d been protecting him, keeping him safe from the kind of hell he’d witnessed with his father. Before I told Colin that I wanted to try with him, I should tell my son what Colin meant to me.
Then perhaps the three of us could hang out after the match.
That sounded like heaven.
Like the life I’d always wanted.
My heart squeezed as I imagined it.
My greatest dreams come true. “Hey,” I said softly, taking a step toward a new future. “Would you like to come to the match too? My mom will be there. Alex usually goes. It would be fun to have you there too.”
“I’d love to. I’d absolutely love to. Ryan gets back tomorrow, which means he’ll be jonesing to see Johnny Cash, and once he picks him up, I can come see you. Are you going to be wearing those crazy hot socks that go to here?” he asked, wiggling his brow as he tapped me above the knee.
I laughed and nodded. “I will.”
He adopted an intensely serious face. “So when I come up and say hi, I need to act like I don’t have fantasies of fucking you while you’re wearing nothing but those socks?”
A sweet rush of heat spread down my spine. “Yes. Try to pretend you’re not thinking that.”
“I’ll just pretend I’m one of your loyal volunteers at the center coming out to support you.”
I leaned in and kissed him. “Pretend for now. Maybe not much longer,” I whispered, then turned on my heel to go as he walked me to my car.
That was all I could manage for the moment. I had so much more to say. I felt so much more in my heart.
39
Elle
My heels clicked on the concrete steps as I walked up the two flights to my apartment. I slid the key into the latch, but there was no give. The door slipped open.
Alex appeared, a gotcha look in his brown eyes. He pointed at me. “Now, where were you tonight?”
Heat spread across my cheeks. My mom had picked up Alex before I’d gotten home from work, so he hadn’t seen me when I left for my date, but my attire said it all.
“Out,” I said sheepishly, slipping past him. He shut the door behind me, letting it close with a loud bang.
“Out. Is that his name? You were out with Out?”
I laughed as I headed to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. I took a long gulp then figured now was as good a time as any. Speaking the truth—at least the start of it—to Colin had been such a refreshing change from holding back. Perhaps telling my son would have a similar effect. Besides, it was the right way to handle this blossoming relationship.
I walked around to the stools at the counter and patted one. “Sit.”
“Uh-oh,” he said as he plopped down. “Am I in trouble?”
“No.” I took the other stool and crossed my legs. Nerves beat a path through my chest, but I glanced down at my tattoo. Be strong. “Alex, I made a promise when your father died that I would never put us in that situation again.”
He furrowed his brow. “What situation?”
“Me being involved with someone dangerous. Me being involved with someone, period. I don’t have a great track record with relationships, and you’re the most important person in my life.”
“Is this the part where you tell me you met a hot meth head and you have bags of kitty litter in your car?”
I laughed softly and shook my head. “You do know there is no such thing as a hot meth head, right?”
“Yeah. I know. Meth heads are nasty.”
I crinkled my nose. “So gross,” I
said, then returned to the topic. “But I’ve been seeing someone who’s a recovering addict.”
“Oh,” he said, his voice flat. I didn’t know if that meant he didn’t care or he was disappointed.
“And he’s a really good guy,” I added.
He arched a skeptical eyebrow. “Like my dad was a good guy?”
I shook my head vehemently. “No. Good guy like the real deal.”
“Okay,” he said, his tone easing up. “So what’s the issue?”
“I want to know how you feel about that. He’s been in recovery for eight years. He’s a good, solid, strong man who hasn’t relapsed.”
He shot me a look like I was nuts. “I don’t get it, Mom. What’s the problem? He sounds cool.”
“He is cool. You know him.”
I could see the gears turning in his head. Then they clicked, and he wagged his finger at me. “No way! You’re dating Colin.”
I couldn’t help but grin. “How did you guess it was him?”
“Duh.”
I jutted out my chin. “Duh, what?”
“I can’t believe you thought I wouldn’t guess him,” he said, laughing at me, clutching his belly.
I straightened my spine. “I’m sorry, but did you have radar installed?”
He stared at the ceiling as if he was deep in thought. “Hmm. Let’s see. Could it be the way you flirt with him at the center?”
“I don’t flirt with him.”
“Could it be the fact that he started texting me video-game tips?”
“Oh, excuse me. Did any of them say, ‘I like your mom’?”
“No. But get real. What guy does that?” he scoffed.
“A nice guy,” I said insistently.
“Exactly. That’s my point. He’s a good guy. He volunteers. He helps Rex for free. And I’ve seen the goofy look you get when you’re texting.”
I was so busted. “Would you prefer that I didn’t go out with him?” I asked gently, giving him the out that I felt I needed to. Alex was my top priority, and even though I prayed he’d say no, I’d have to honor his wishes if he said yes. “I want to protect you. And my history of picking men hasn’t been the best.”
My Sinful Longing (Sinful Men Book 3) Page 14