“You are really good, Leah,” he said as I let my eyes shift away from his and linger on Josh. I couldn’t really see him, just the number 45 running down the field faster than I thought was possible.
“I don’t know anything about it, though,” I said, pulling my eyes back to Brandon’s. “Not like you. It’s your whole life.”
Even if I liked it more and more, I wasn’t ready for it to be my whole life. I’d barely been in choir two weeks. And it was still an awful lot of foreign words and slow music.
But the way he talked about the different competitions he had been in, and the private teachers he’d had, and places he’d traveled with the different all-star choirs he’d been in… It was like a peek inside a world I could one day be a part of. Maybe. If I was good enough. Which he said I was, but…
“Music isn’t all about notes on a page and memorizing harmonic scales,” he said, his eyes shining brightly. “It’s a feeling you have. How do you feel when you sing?”
I shrugged.
“It’s okay.”
He shook his head and sighed, glancing behind me.
“Here comes Jenn,” he said before turning to head to his own car. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I waved goodbye and allowed myself one last lingering look at Josh on the field before turning to face my sister.
“I didn’t know Brandon was the one giving you lessons,” she said, her mouth pulled down in a frown. “I thought it was Mr. Price.”
It’s true I’d never said who was giving the lessons.
“Brandon’s going to music school,” I said. “He knows a lot about it.”
“So are you, like, with him now?” she said as we made our way to the car. She was trying to sound like she didn’t really care, but I could hear the interest bubbling underneath.
“No!” I said, a little too forcefully. “Why would you think that?”
She shrugged.
“You’re spending a lot of time with him after school one-on-one. He waited with you for me out here in the cold. He can’t stop talking to you.” She ticked things off her fingers as she went. “It’s not that weird of a question.”
I shook my head.
“We’re just friends,” I said, opening the car door.
“Okay, whatever you say.” She rolled her eyes.
I frowned. We were just friends. Right?
Jenn was her usual silent on the rest of the drive home, and I used the time to think about Brandon. I’d never really done before. Josh was at the forefront of my mind, but he shouldn’t have been. Lilly didn’t mention him anymore so she was respecting her end of things. Or maybe she had just realized, like I had, that neither of us really had a chance with him. So why was I still pining?
Brandon was cute, and he was nice, and not off limits.
But I just didn’t like him like that.
I sighed as we pulled into our driveway. I had to get Josh out of my mind before anyone else even stood a chance of making their way in.
Despite her lack of mentioning Josh recently, Lilly apparently still had him on her mind. When she came over that night to study, she had a suggestion about how to spend our Friday night.
“You want to go to the football game?” I repeated her request slowly, my eyebrows raised as high as they’d go. “We’ve never been to a football game.”
“Well, now we have a friend who plays,” she said, her eyes sparkling.
In keeping with our agreement, I knew she wouldn’t go if I didn’t go with her. And I could tell she really wanted to go.
“Okay, sure,” I said. “I think Jenn has a match that night anyway, so she’ll need a ride.”
“Yay!” Lilly smiled widely.
I couldn’t help but grin at her excitement, even though I knew this was all pointless. We’d barely seen him since school started. He had football every night until late, and Lilly’s parents didn’t let her have people at the house now that school was back in session, even on the weekends. There was no real reason for us to see him during the week. Neither of us had any classes with him except me and choir. It just wasn’t going to happen for either of us.
But a football game might be fun, right?
When we got there Friday night, we spotted Amanda in the bleachers with a few other friends (including Melissa and Katie, I noticed with a grimace). Lilly knew some people in the marching band as well, but they were all laser focused on keeping their instruments warm during the long breaks they had.
“Why didn’t you do marching band this year?” I asked Lilly. “If you suddenly like football so much?”
She blushed.
“It was too late to sign up,” she said. “They’ve already been practicing over the summer, so there was no way I’d catch up.”
I frowned. So she had thought about it. Why was this stupid guy making us so crazy? I hated that I had to pay attention to everything I did now in case it made it look like I was trying to get Josh to like me. As if that was even possible. Our regular school year routine was underway, but it felt wildly different this year. There was the tension of starting to think about college, sure, but the underlying current of Josh on our minds seemed to infiltrate everything we did. And it had only been two weeks! I didn’t know if I could keep this up all year.
Just then, Amanda smiled and turned to me. Her dark hair was peeking out from under a cute knit hat with little kitten ears. I’d seen it at Hot Topic but never would have dared wear it.
“So, do you know anything about the game?” she asked.
I laughed and shook my head.
“Not really. Do you?”
She nodded.
“My boyfriend, Jason, is in marching band,” she said. “I went to almost all of the games last year. I’m pretty sure I know what’s going on most of the time.”
“Great, just be sure to let me know when to cheer and when to boo,” I said while trying to think if I’d ever seen a game on TV. I came up with nothing.
I looked around at the cheerleaders standing on the sidelines. I’d seen a few of them at Josh’s table at lunch. They were that perfect kind of pretty, with tiny bodies and shiny hair that never had flyaways. I sighed. Lilly and I were both dreaming. We had no chance. We were barely even friends with him at this point. I was starting to seriously think about just heading home. Amanda was nice, but she kept smiling and waving at Jason, and I didn’t want to hang around with a happy couple right now.
But then Josh ran onto the field and my breath caught in my throat. He was running with his helmet under his arm, his hair blowing in the cool autumn wind. I suddenly remembered something he’d said to me in choir that afternoon in the few minutes before we’d started class.
“Are you nervous for tonight?” I’d asked. “It’s your first big game with a new school and everything.”
He shook his head.
“I don’t get nervous anymore,” he said. “I give everything I have at practices, and I do my best at the games so, if we lose, I don’t feel like it’s my fault. Sometimes the other team is just better.”
Despite what he’d said, he looked nervous now. I knew that Pinebrook was our big rival, and it seemed like Josh had been informed of that. He was clutching his helmet tightly, his eyes roaming the field taking it all in.
Football was kind of a big deal at Rosemark so, despite what he’d said over the summer, he must have been pretty good to get on the team. I thought I saw the corners of his mouth lift a little when his eyes passed over the section where Lilly and I were sitting, but we were also sitting right in front of the cheerleaders. Still, I felt a little lift in my stomach and the energy of the crowd around me was making me excited for the game to begin.
Between the pulsing of the crowd and the band’s peppy tunes, it didn’t take long for me to get into the game. Amanda filled me in the best she could on the rules. I yelled when everyone else did, and obeyed the cheerleaders’ instructions to clap and stand and repeat whatever they told me to. The early September air was a little c
ooler than it had been all summer and I was yelling so loudly that I knew I’d have trouble singing on Monday. I told myself it was worth it to see Josh play. I made a mental note to speak softly all weekend and drink the tea Brandon had recommended.
Speaking of Brandon, he’d joined us about ten minutes into the game, sitting behind Melissa and Katie with a wave in my direction. He looked at ease in our group of choir and band kids, though a bit separate as well. I was a little surprised to see him there.
“You come to the games?” I asked him, shifting in my seat to face him.
He nodded and moved over a seat to be closer to me.
“Sometimes. I have friends in the marching band,” he said. “And I do like other things besides music.”
“So, football, and what else?” I was honestly having a hard time keeping track of the game, but I didn’t want to admit that to him. Everyone else seemed really into it. Besides, Josh was sitting on the bench now, so it wasn’t terribly interesting at the moment. I tried to keep my eyes focused on Brandon. I knew I’d be able to tell when Josh went back onto the field by Lilly’s reactions. She’d been yelling even more loudly than I had.
Brandon shrugged in response to my question.
“Well, okay, so mostly music,” he said with a grin. “But I like going to concerts at the 10X club, not just like, operas and stuff.”
“Oh, what bands have you seen there?” It had been one of the more exciting parts of getting my license - going to concerts without the need for parental supervision.
He rattled off a list, and I was surprised to see so many of my favorite groups in there, too.
“Did you go to the Warped tour this year?” he asked.
I shook my head. My parents had said no unless Jenn went with me and, of course, she had her summer soccer league. Maybe this summer I could finally go.
Speaking of my sister…
“Leah!” I heard my name and turned to see Jenn running along the back of the bleachers. Her face was red and her hair was up in what I called her ‘serious match bun’. “Let’s go!”
“But the game isn’t over,” I said without much conviction. I was getting colder and we were up by 21 points. It’s not like their victory was dependent on my being there. I glanced over at Lilly and Amanda who were chatting with her boyfriend Jason and some other guy in marching band. Maybe Lilly came for Josh, like I did, but it looked like she’d have someone else to keep her entertained if I left.
“I don’t care,” Jenn said, crossing her arms. “Mine is. Let’s go.”
She must have lost. She was always in a rotten mood when they lost. She glared at the back of Brandon’s head. He turned his head but quickly looked away when he saw her glare. What was up with that?
“I’ll see you Monday,” I said with a small smile. I waved goodbye to Amanda and Lilly and cast a final glance at Josh on the field. Number 45 was running with the ball in his hand but then got tackled by a huge guy from the other team. I wanted to stay to at least see if he got up, but Jenn was pulling on my arm now. With a sigh, I followed her out of the bleachers and into the parking lot.
Chapter Eight
After a very long and boring weekend spent fending off the frosty glares of my sister, and trying to convince my brother to at least let me look at his math homework, I was actually excited for the school week to begin.
“You look awful happy for a Monday morning.” I heard Josh’s voice behind my open locker door. My heart did its typical flutter whenever I heard his voice. I was really happy now that I hadn’t changed my locker at the beginning of the year. Sometimes, it was just a quick ‘hi’ as he walked by, but if we were both there a few minutes before lunch, he’d come over and we’d talk.
Today, he looked upset.
“I had a really boring weekend,” I said. “Your parents don’t need a babysitter, do they?”
He shook his head.
“They have me,” he said with a sad smile. “That’s what I did all weekend.”
“You couldn’t even go out to celebrate after the game on Friday?”
His eyebrows shot up.
“We lost.”
“But we were up by twenty-one points when I left!”
“Yeah, sometimes they’re just better than we are,” he said, looking down. Ah, so that’s why he looked upset. I thought his expression looked familiar. It was just like Jenn’s ‘we played a great game’ face. Which was not the face she’d had on Friday. They’d actually won. I still had no idea why she’d been in such a mood. Her silent treatment all weekend hadn’t given me any clues.
“Well, I thought you were great,” I said, not able to hide my blush. The corners of his mouth turned up in an almost-smile.
“Thanks. I’ll see you in choir,” he said and headed off with a parting look I couldn’t quite read.
The late September days cooled off and seemed to drag on for an eternity in between these brief moments I had with Josh. I told myself Lilly didn’t have to know since it was barely five minutes every day. But they were usually the best five minutes of my day.
Even though we didn’t share any classes, we had a lot of the same teachers. Josh was still trying to get a feel for everything and, while I knew he could have asked his teammates, or anyone else really, I liked that he seemed to see me as his unofficial guide to Rosemark High and Marlowe Junction.
“The guys on the team were talking about Langford’s farm?” he asked me one day at the beginning of October. “What’s that?”
“It’s this haunted corn maze. It’s pretty cool,” I said. “Last year, it was shaped like the Simpsons.”
I decided not to mention that it was mainly an excuse for girls to cling to their dates in fear. I tried not to picture him wrapping his arm protectively around me as the various creatures jumped out at us. Well, I didn’t try that hard. I was still allowed to fantasize, wasn’t I?
“So have you already been this year?” he asked. He was leaning against the locker next to mine, the hallways buzzing with end of day energy.
I shook my head. Lilly usually dragged me there, but she hadn’t mentioned anything yet this year. I know Jenn and her crew always did it together, but we didn’t have quite the same tradition going, for a very good reason.
“I don’t really like scary things,” I admitted, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. I didn’t want to admit how deep that fear went. I had my locker door open and was pulling books out slowly, one by one, making the time together last as long as possible.
He smiled and opened his mouth to say something, probably teasing, but then he saw my face and closed his mouth again, his brows furrowed.
“I mean, I don’t like scary movies and stuff like that,” I said, feeling like I had to explain a little or he’d think I was totally weird. “Lilly loves them. She usually just tells me when to cover my eyes, but you can still hear it, you know? She says it’s like the thrill of a roller coaster, but to me that’s like a physical thing. The problem with movies is that it makes my imagination go crazy, you know?”
“The haunted corn maze is too much for your imagination, then?” There was still a trace of a smile on his face, and I felt my blush deepen.
“You can go during the day and everything, but most people go at night,” I said. “I usually go during the day.”
“Is the day better for kids like Matt and Abby?”
I nodded.
“So do you want to go on Saturday?”
I blinked. Did he just ask me out? After I had admitted such an embarrassing thing? Or was he asking for me to take his brother and sister?
“I can’t,” I said quickly, trying to think of an excuse besides ‘because Lilly would be totally pissed.’
“What about next weekend?”
I shook my head.
“Oh,” he looked down, now his cheeks were starting to get a little red.
“I promised Amanda and Lilly I’d go with them,” I blurted out, hating to see him look so disappointed. “Maybe we could all go
together?”
“Sure, maybe,” he said, looking at his watch but not back up at me. “I gotta get to practice.”
I stared after him as he walked away. I was angry with Lilly, but even angrier with myself. Even if we didn’t have our agreement, I doubt I would have had the courage to say yes. Some things are even scarier than horror movies.
The more I thought about it, the more I was pretty sure that Josh had wanted me to go with his siblings and not him. There was no way he had meant to ask me out. I wish I could talk to Lilly about this. It felt so weird to be keeping secrets from her.
She and Amanda humored me with a daytime visit to Langford’s farm in the middle of October. They had gone back that night with Amanda’s boyfriend and one of his marching band friends. I had tried to ask Lilly how it had gone, but she’d been hesitant to talk about it.
“So how was your double date?”
“It wasn’t a date,” Lilly protested.
“What was it then?” I asked, twirling the phone cord around my finger. I didn’t bother using my cellphone when I was at home. No sense wasting the minutes, despite the risk of someone picking up another extension. Luckily, I was home alone that afternoon. Jenn was doing soccer stuff with my parents, and Luke was… somewhere. “You don’t go to the haunted corn maze with a guy at night without it being a date.”
“Well, I did,” she insisted, sounding annoyed. “We’re just friends.”
‘Just friends’ the way that she wanted us to be ‘just friends’ with Josh? I was tempted to ask but bit my tongue.
Though I wasn’t sure he was even still my friend. Josh had been a little less chatty in choir or the past few weeks, and he didn’t stop by my locker to talk as much. The football team was doing pretty badly, so I chalked it up to that. Jenn was always super pissy whenever they lost. Even if they only won by one point instead of two she got cranky.
Lilly’s crankiness, however, was more of a mystery. She didn’t mention her non-date again, and neither did Amanda. Had it gone badly and now she was embarrassed? She didn’t usually come to me with her own failures. She liked it when I came to her with my problems for her to solve.
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