She’d say no, and it would just be the cherry on top of this miserable mess I was in. My parents had forgotten about me. Jenn had no time for me. Luke was in freaking jail. Lilly still hated me. And Josh wouldn’t even be at the concert because of his family. Though I couldn’t be mad about that. I felt awful that he couldn’t even go to say goodbye to his aunt, but I was also so disappointed he wouldn’t be there. No one would be there to see me sing. Except Amanda.
Why was I so afraid to call? She’d been nothing but nice and supportive all year. I was tempted to call Mr. Price instead and tell him I wasn’t going. It seemed like it would just be easier for everyone if I stayed home.
Jenn noticed my hesitation and the second tear that escaped down my cheek. I didn’t even have the energy to wipe that one away.
“Leah, just call her,” she said, her voice softer than it had been before. “I’m sorry everything is so messed up right now. I’m sorry Libby can’t help you. But it’s just a phone call. I’m sure Amanda will be able to help you out.”
I nodded and took a deep breath. I wiped my face and tried to calm down. A stuffy nose wouldn’t help my singing. I went to the phone hanging next to the fridge and dialed Amanda’s number.
I was a nervous wreck as I explained everything to her. Well, not everything. I just said that my parents’ car had gotten hit and they needed my sister’s for some important appointments they couldn’t miss. Was there any way she could stop by and get me before she headed over to the competition?
“Of course, Leah!” she said immediately. I felt a pressure release from my chest and a small smile spread across my face. “Can you be ready at ten? I think my mom can come get you first while I get ready.”
The tears collecting in my eyes were from happiness this time. I was going. I still had one friend who was there for me.
The relaxing morning I had planned was now completely thrown out the window. I rushed to get ready by ten when Amanda’s mom showed up. She was a smiling, older version of Amanda that made me a tiny bit more relaxed. She even had the same short dark bob. She chatted away happily the entire drive back to their house about how excited she was to see us perform. I started to get nervous when she mentioned the previous years’ competitions she had attended. We’d only ever come in fourth or fifth, so there was a lot of pressure to place this year. I fiddled with the strap of my backpack, not able to say much more than ‘yeah’ and ‘really?’ to her constant stream of chatter.
It was a relief when we arrived at their house and Amanda came out in a horrid uniform identical to my own. I moved to the backseat with her. She gave me an excited smile, and I tried my best to look happy.
The ride was a long one, but the cherry chatter between Amanda and her mom made it pass in what felt like minutes. Before I knew it, I was waiting in a practice room with the rest of choir. Our warm-ups were just a blur. The toast that had seemed like such a good idea a few hours earlier suddenly threatened to make a repeat appearance. I ran out of the room, ignoring the cries of ‘not again’ from a few people.
As I sat there on the cold tile of the bathroom floor for the second time this school year with an empty stomach and a bitter taste on my tongue, I thought about everything that currently sucked about my life.
First - the boy I really liked had actually liked me back. But I hadn’t been able to do anything about it because of a promise to my best friend.
Second - my best friend currently hated me because the boy liked me and had kissed me. No, because we’d kissed.
Third - I wasn’t even sure he liked me back anymore since he was now with Madison.
Fourth - I was at one of the most important events of my high school life thus far, and neither my best friend nor my parents were there to support me.
Fifth - my parents weren’t there because my train wreck of a brother had gotten arrested. It’s not like I had done it myself, but I could just imagine the whispers that would follow me during my final year of high school. “Did you hear about her brother? He got arrested…” I was acutely jealous of Jenn being nearly out of here, away from what would be a long and trying gossip mill treatment on Mountain Creek Drive. People might not even let me babysit for them anymore.
There was probably more than five things, but I stopped there, my sobs making it impossible to continue.
There was a knock at the door.
“Go away, Amanda,” I said through my tears. I knew she was at the top of the list of good things in my life, but I was too busy drowning in the bad things to want to see her right now.
“It’s not Amanda,” a deep voice replied.
Josh!
“What are you doing here?” I was so surprised that my tears dried up instantly. I stood up, wiped a hand across my face and opened the door a crack; just to be sure it was really him. “I thought you couldn’t make it.”
There he was in his white shirt and green tie that made his eyes look fifteen times more intense than usual. I almost needed to sit back down on the cool tile floor.
“I called Lilly,” he said. I could feel the tears start to prick at my eyes again. “I asked if she could babysit for me.”
I was happy he was here, but now it meant Lilly wouldn’t be here even if she had wanted to come. I opened the door a little wider.
“Is Madison here to see you sing?”
“Oh, her,” he said, rolling his eyes. “She didn’t seem quite as interested in me when I said I wouldn’t be playing football next year.”
“What? Why are you stopping?”
“It’s not what I love most,” he said. “Singing this year has been incredible. I didn’t realize how much I needed it in my life.”
I could definitely understand that.
“She wasn’t interested in being with a choir nerd. She wanted the football player.”
I made a noise through my nose that showed what I thought of that. He chuckled.
“Yeah, well, sometimes you like what you like and you can’t help it.”
I squirmed uncomfortably, tempted to close the door again and sit down. I could feel his piercing green gaze on my face and was suddenly aware of how ridiculous these uniforms looked. Mr. Price had added an orange sash for the competition. Green blouse, black pants, and an orange sash. It was nothing if not eye-catching. He was hoping the judges would like it. I could care less about what the judges liked. All my thoughts were on what Josh might like. Could it still be me?
I opened my mouth to ask him when Amanda came around the corner slightly out of breath.
“There you are!” she said. “We’re on in five minutes! I told Mr. Price you were in the bathroom throwing up.”
“I was,” I said, blushing. Red to clash nicely with the orange. “I did. Let’s do this.”
“You’ll be great, Leah,” Josh said with a squeeze of my shoulder that warmed my entire arm. It spread through my entire body and, suddenly, I felt like I could do anything. I looked at Amanda, and she was biting her lip trying not to laugh. “Just sing like you did in my car that day.”
I took a deep breath and followed them out into the hall.
My hands were shaking through the first three songs, but everything seemed to go perfectly during out performance. Then it was time for my solo. I looked out into the audience, heart pounding. I thought about how it felt to sing. Not for Josh, not for anyone, but for myself. It didn’t matter that my parents weren’t there. It didn’t matter Lilly wasn’t there. I wasn’t doing this for them. It was something just for me.
I closed my eyes and the pounding in my heart settled as I let the words flow out of me. I pictured myself in Josh’s car instead of on a stage, but even that melted away as my voice grew stronger. I let everything else fall away. I just sang.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The best performance we’d had all year was followed by an agonizing two-hour wait for the results. I managed to grab a snack from the vending machines and someone had a toothbrush for me to use, but all of that only took about fifte
en minutes. I spent the rest of the time playing MASH with Amanda (my best one was eight kids with Lance Bass in an apartment and a VW bug) and avoiding her questions about the stares Josh and I were sending each other across the room.
Finally, we were back on stage, the winners were being announced and... we came in second! The look on Mr. Price’s face was torn. He had been hoping for first. Josh had a similar look on his face. Brandon, too. They were used to winning. But we still placed, out of fifteen schools, higher than we ever had before. And I had never been second place in anything before. I was floating on air.
Backstage, it was madness. Everyone was trying to get to their bags to rush to the bathrooms to change out of the uniforms. Lots of people stopped to congratulate me and then, finally, the one voice I wanted to hear was behind me.
“That was amazing, Leah,” Josh said. I turned to look at him and didn’t even hesitate. The room was full of people, I was dressed in the most ridiculous outfit, and Lilly was still furious at me. But, sometimes, you like what you like and you can’t help it. I kissed him. I wrapped my arms around him and I pulled him close, letting myself feel everything I had been holding back for months.
The moment seemed to last forever. The kiss melted into a second, and then a third. I could have stayed there all day, but someone wolf whistled and we pulled apart, blushing furiously.
“Are you sure?” he said, taking my hand in his as a smile slowly spread across his face. “I don’t think this will help with Lilly.”
I sighed and shook my head.
“I can’t make my choices based on her anymore,” I said, resigned. I was sad, but the joy I had felt and discovered through singing had made me realize there were so many other ways to find happiness and fulfillment than letting your best friend run your life for you. “I hope she’ll be able to see that one day.”
He hugged me close, and I breathed him in, never wanting to leave his arms. But I pulled away eventually. There was no way I was staying in that uniform any longer than strictly necessary.
When I came out into the entryway of the school, hand in hand with Josh, I saw Lilly standing there. My knees buckled from a combination of shock and fear. I instantly dropped his hand, but then I noticed she was hand in hand with Jeff. She blushed when she caught sight of me but didn’t let go of his hand.
“Hi,” I said after making my way over to them through the crowd. Fifteen schools meant a lot of bodies packed into the hallways around the auditorium. Josh had gone off with some of the other guys from choir. “I didn’t know you’d be here. I thought you were babysitting so Josh could be here.”
She shook her head.
“Your sister came home early with all her friends, and I asked Libby before she headed home.”
“I didn’t know she babysat for them.” We’d pretty much had the market cornered for a few years now.
“She did the other week when I was sick,” she said. “I would have suggested you cover for me, but...”
“We weren’t really talking,” I supplied for her.
She shrugged. It was the past.
“I wanted to come cheer you on,” she said. “Not that you need it. You’re amazing.”
“Thanks,” I said and glanced down at her hand clasped to Jeff’s, an eyebrow raised. She turned and told him she’d be right back. He lightly ran his hand along her back and nodded. He looked completely besotted.
Lilly quickly grabbed my arm and herded me into the nearest bathroom. She turned to face me, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.
“Amanda told me I should apologize,” she said, her eyes open again and looking right into mine.
“No, don’t, I was the one-“
“Stop,” she cut me off. “I know you feel bad about the kiss. But what I did was worse.”
“How?”
She took another deep breath.
“I could tell he liked you back in the summer. It was so obvious. But you seemed so clueless. I figured he’d move on, and he was, is, so hot…”
I waited. So far, this was just making me angrier. I remembered she’d mentioned apologizing so I needed to let her finish.
“I couldn’t stand it,” she looked down, her voice cracking. “I was so jealous when I realized how much he liked you. The way you two would look at each other…”
Again, I waited. It was hard. I wanted to shout, or rant, or accuse her of being a bad friend. But what she was doing was so hard. We both needed to say things but, right now, it was her turn.
“I wanted to make him jealous. I wanted him to like me. So I did everything I could except outright flirt with him. It started when I went to the maze with Amanda and Jason and they brought Jeff. When I saw Josh there, I could see him looking over at us, and I wanted him to think I was into Jeff. I feel so embarrassed about it now.”
“Does Jeff know that’s what you were doing?” I thought about how he looked at her. I hoped he wasn’t so into her that he’d ignore something like this. Lilly was gorgeous, but guys weren’t really that dumb, were they?
She nodded.
“I told him eventually,” she said. “He said he kind of figured, but I was so hot that he didn’t really care why I wanted to hang out with him. He was just happy I did.” She blushed.
“Well, you are totally hot, Lil,” I said, trying not to roll my eyes. I’d told her so many times over the years that I knew it didn’t mean anything when I said it.
“Well, so are you, Leah,” she said. “I know you don’t think you are, but that’s why I was so jealous. You’re so beautiful, and with the singing, it’s like you were Christina Aguilera or something.”
That was kind of a weird comparison. I definitely thought I was more a Britney, but this wasn’t really the time to argue about details.
“Fine, we’ll agree we’re both awesome, okay?” I smiled.
She nodded and giggled a little. I could feel some of the tension in my shoulders release at the sound.
“So you really told Jeff and he didn’t care you were using him?” I didn’t really believe that.
“Well, at first he said he’d help me out since it made him feel pretty cool to have me hanging out with him. I didn’t realize how much I liked him until winter break and I went away with my family. I missed him so much and called him, like, every day we were away.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She shrugged.
“I guess it felt like admitting defeat, and I didn’t want you to go for Josh. When I came back and we saw him at Blockbuster, it made me crazy again.”
“Yeah, HBG asked me about that the other day,” I said. “He said you hadn’t been in since you asked him out.”
She blushed.
“Oh, my god, I was so embarrassed about that later,” she said. “I still can’t believe I did that. I don’t know why I thought that would be a good idea.”
“Well, he is still incredibly dreamy,” I said. “I would never have that kind of courage. You’re always so confident. I was sure that Josh would end up liking you, so I never even noticed he liked me until, well, he told me and we kissed.”
“I wish you’d have told me sooner,” she said. “I know I would have been mad. Like, really mad. But I think I would have gotten over it sooner and realized how much I liked Jeff.”
“I’m sorry you heard it from my brother and not me,” I said, finally leaning in for the hug I’d wanted to give her for weeks. “That’s not how I wanted it to go down.”
“I know,” she said, her arms wrapped tightly around me. Her voice was muffled in my hair. “I think that’s why I just lost it at the dance. To know that someone else knew that he liked you, that he’d really chosen you, it just made me insane.”
She pulled out of the hug.
“I’m so sorry I’m such a crazy person. I don’t know why Jeff puts up with me.”
“Because you’re hot, duh,” I said with a smile. We laughed.
I started to say more, but then my phone rang. I’d had it turned of
f the entire performance and had meant to call my parents right after we found out the results, but had gotten distracted by Josh and then Lilly.
I looked down at my phone. It was my mom calling. I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice quiet when I answered. I could feel Lilly lingering, hesitating if she should stay or go.
“Hi Leah.”
“Luke.” My heart started beating faster. Lilly looked at me, her eyebrows raised. I nodded. I wanted her to stay. Depending on the news, I might need some serious support. “Are you okay?”
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” His voice was rough and warbling, like he’d been crying, but I couldn’t be sure. He cried even less than Jenn. “About your bike. About everything this year.”
“Thank you,” I said, leaning against the nearest sink. “But you didn’t answer my question.”
He took a trembling breath.
“I’ll be okay,” he said. “I got a warning, for stealing some food from the 7-11. The guys all did it and then dared me. They’ve been doing this dare thing all year, saying it’s freshman initiation.”
I was pretty sure that was not actually a thing and these guys were just idiots. Luke included.
“So Mrs. Stevenson’s garage? Jenn’s watch? The coach’s car? My bike?”
“Yeah, it’s dumb, I know. Like, really dumb. They hid my bike and wouldn’t give it back until I took yours. But even then they didn’t give it back, and then at the store this morning, they just ran for it when I got caught.”
“They’re jerks, Luke.” I looked up at Lilly. “I should know, I was a jerk too this year, to a friend.”
“Yeah, well, you’re still pretty cool. For a big sister.” I smiled.
“You, too. For a little brother.”
I heard my mom yell at him to finish up. We hung up, and I looked up at Lilly.
“At least we didn’t mess up things as badly as my brother,” I said with a small laugh. I told her about what had happened and she smiled without commenting. I could tell she wanted to say something, but was holding back. She was trying. I gave her a final hug before we both turned to head out, my heart a million times lighter than it had been just a few short hours ago.
Leah's Song Page 17