That isn’t how I remember it. I kissed her and she shut it down. And, yeah, I thought something would happen eventually but the more we hung out the closer we became and I thought it was a mutual decision that neither of us wanted to risk our friendship for more. To think that we might have hooked up and then never spoke again, seriously makes me feel sick even now.
“Hey.” We’re laying at opposite ends of the couch and I nudge her elbow with my foot. “Remember our first kiss?”
She looks surprised I brought it up at first but then smiles. “Yeah, of course. We were in the pool at The White House.”
“What is it with us and water?”
We both laugh, and then it’s quiet, except for the suspenseful background music of the movie.
“What about it?” she asks.
“I was thinking back to that night and those first few weeks we hung out. I wanted to kiss you again so bad, but I was scared of freaking you out or pressuring you. You intimidated the hell out of me.”
“No way.” Her brown eyes stare back intensely.
“Yes way. I figured it was obvious.”
“Not to me. I thought I turned you off with my five-date thing.”
“What five-date thing?”
“My five-date rule,” she says again like that’s supposed to mean something to me. “I had a rule about not hooking up with anyone before five dates. Actually the rule died after you.”
“It did? Why did it start?”
“Remember the guy, Will, that I told you about?”
“The dickwad who ghosted you?”
She nods. “After him, I was determined to make sure I didn’t let anyone else take advantage of me like that, so I told you I had a five-date rule to keep myself from sleeping with you and then being hurt when you never called me again.”
“I wouldn’t have done that.”
“Which is why I gave up on the rule. It obviously didn’t work.”
“Well, it kept us from sleeping together.”
“The idea was that I would get to know a person before I jumped into bed with them. You and I hung out a ton, way more than five dates. I came over in my cutest dresses to play video games for crying out loud. I figured you thought I was too high maintenance or crazy.”
“I completely forgot about the five-date rule. I was waiting for you to give me the go-ahead that you were ready and then it felt like the moment had passed.” Five dates or five hundred, if I’d known that was what was stopping her, I’d have given them to her to prove how much I wanted her.
“Strange to think about how it might have been different if I’d kept my mouth shut that night.”
“Well, I would have tried to get you naked and probably made you feel like I was another Will, so it was probably for the best.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Even knowing I potentially missed out on seeing you naked…” Jesus, just thinking about having sex with her, my voice goes gruff and my dick stiffens. “I think I got a pretty good deal having you as a best friend instead.”
“Do you think it’s possible we would have hooked up and still been friends like we are now?”
I really wish the answer to that was yes. It’d make entertaining the idea of doing something about it now to make up for two years ago a lot easier. “Probably not, but part of me wishes we had anyway.”
Her grin lights up the room. “Same. I think it would have been good.”
My face feels warm. Actually my whole body does, straight down to my groin. “No doubt about that, babe.”
No freaking doubt.
10
Sydney
Over the next week, Tanner and I spend most of our days on the water and our nights at home watching movies.
In the days since I kissed him, things have slowly gone back to normal. That kiss. Holy shit, that kiss. My body tingles just thinking about it. Every time I look at him now, I can practically feel his lips on mine.
Our first kiss was fun and exciting and sure it was sexy, but our second kiss was full of two years of frustration. We could have powered a city with the sparks from that kiss.
And it was good to finally talk about the kiss two years ago. Everything is out in the open now and we can go back to being just friends. I convince myself of that several times a day, but when I walk out onto the deck where Tanner is kicked back staring at the water—my good intentions speed by with the boats.
I like him. No, I love him. Some of those feelings are purely because he’s my best friend and favorite person, but not all of them. If my emotions were a pie chart, there’s a little sliver of the pie that’s uncategorized and confusing the shit out of me.
I’m busy gawking at my handsome best friend, head spinning around those feelings, when Tanner turns to face me. His lips part into a big smile. “Hey.”
I take a seat beside him but then stand again. Sitting still is not in the cards today. I have too many thoughts in my head to be idle. “I think I’m going to go for a run.”
His feet come off the railing and he stands. “That sounds good, actually. Let me put on my shoes.”
We take off at a jog on the path. It’s hot and humid and whose idea was this anyway? Truth be told, when I said I was going for a run I meant alone, and that I’d run until I was out of sight and then walk.
“Datson is coming tomorrow.” Tanner keeps at my slower pace. “His parents don’t live too far from here, so he’s driving up for the night.”
“Oh yeah? Do I need to make myself scarce for a big, blowout party?”
He grins and gives me a weird look. Probably because he’s never, not once, hung out with a friend or had a party that didn’t include me.
“Thought we could take him out on the boat and Jonah mentioned having a party at his place.”
“Sounds good.”
I lengthen my stride and push us a little harder. Thanks to volleyball, I’m in good shape and my competitive spirit makes me want to impress Tanner even though I know he’s probably only giving seventy-five percent.
We run in silence for a half hour. Our breathing syncs, as do our footsteps. The path curves along the water’s edge and we come to a more secluded area.
“Does this go all the way around back to your place?”
“Eventually, probably. I’ve never tested it. It’s got to be seven or eight miles.”
I stop and my chest lifts and falls as I suck in deep breaths. “Fuck that.”
Tanner stops and comes back with a smirk on his face. “You’re cute when you cuss.”
“Shut it.” I start back at a jog in the opposite direction. I don’t hear Tanner’s steps behind me and glance over my shoulder. “Are you coming?”
He’s kicked off his socks and shoes and is pulling his shorts down, giving me a glimpse of his black boxer briefs.
“What are you doing?”
“Cooling off. It’s about a thousand degrees out here. Who goes for a run in this heat?”
“You didn’t have to come.” Sweat drips down my neck.
“But I did and now I want to swim for a few minutes.” He inches his boxer briefs down and then pauses. “Better look away unless you want to see my very white ass.”
Rolling my eyes, I give him my back. “Since when are you so modest?”
“I’m not, but thought I’d give you the chance to choose whether or not you looked. All right. I’m going in.”
I turn in time to see a flash of his backside as he jumps in, holding a hand over his dick. He goes under and comes back up with a smile and runs a hand over his face and pushes his hair out of his eyes.
“I am not skinny dipping with you.”
“Your loss.” He makes a big show of tilting back and floating in the water. Relaxed and enjoying himself far too much.
He’s not even looking at me, but as soon as I toe off the first shoe, he grins all too knowingly.
I strip down to my sports bra and then hesitate with my shorts, finally saying screw it and adding them to my pi
le of clothes. While it isn’t a bathing suit, my bra and underwear cover more than some of my bikinis. I walk out onto the small dock and Tanner swims closer.
A few boats dot the water in the distance, but other than that, there’s no one around. I jump in, the cold jolting me at first.
“Oh, that does feel nice.”
“Told you.”
Closing my eyes, I lay back and float beside him. The sun is still hot, but the chill of the water makes it perfect.
“Sometimes, I guess, you have good ideas.”
“Sometimes?” A spray of water hits my face.
Keeping my eyes closed, I splash in the general direction of him. “I need a lake house. It’s my new life goal.”
“I hear that. Maybe when my parents croak, they’ll leave me theirs.”
I snort laugh. “Your life goal is dependent on the two people who love you most in the world dying?”
“Don’t knock my dreams.” He hums deep in his throat. “Last summer.”
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that too.”
“About what you’re going to do without me?”
“We’ve spent summers apart before,” I remind him.
“Yeah, I know, but what if you end up on one side of the world and I’m on the other?”
“We’ll see each other when we can. Plus, we can text and video chat.”
“Let’s make a pact.”
Opening my eyes, I smile at him. “A pact? What are you, twelve?”
He splashes water at me again.
“Can we talk about this on the way back? My legs are jelly, and if we keep treading water, you’re going to have to carry me back to the house.”
His gaze drops below my face but from the neck down I’m below the water, so his scan of my body is thwarted. It gives me a small thrill that he attempted to check me out anyway.
“I’m enjoying this. Grab on.”
I wrap my arms around his chest from behind and without thinking, circle his waist with my legs. It isn’t until my foot brushes against his dick that I realize my mistake and quickly bring my legs back behind him. Bare ass I can handle… bare dick… big nope.
“Try not to kick me in the balls.” He chuckles.
If he’s felt uncomfortable since our kiss, he hasn’t shown it. I desperately wish I could go back to when I wasn’t so aware of him. They were simpler times.
But I am all too aware of him. His back, for example. The man has back muscles that are hard and flex in front of me. And his chest and abs are defined. Not too bulky, but it’s obvious that he’s got more than a skinny-guy six-pack. I’m not even going to mention his butt. Captain America has America’s ass? Please. Tanner wins that contest every day of the week. His aforementioned lack of modesty has given me plenty of glimpses over the years.
Yeah, Tanner’s ridiculously hot. I’ve always known all of these things. I didn’t suddenly gain the ability to see. That kiss just made me less objective about it. Hot is just hot, but the chemistry I felt kissing him can’t be as easily dismissed. Long ago before I knew how awesome he was, maybe. Definitely not now. Especially when I know he feels the same way—or did.
“Okay, so back to my genius idea,” he says.
I don’t have to look at him to know he has an excited grin on his face. Tanner doesn’t always show his emotions on his face, but right now as I glance to confirm my suspicion, he’s easy to read with a big smile that stretches ear to ear.
“We promise to meet up here every summer. No matter what.”
“O-kay.”
“You agreed to that way faster than I expected. Damn, I’m good.” He twists his head around so our faces are close enough that I could kiss him by barely moving. “You mean it?”
“I think I can manage that.” Even as I say it, my stomach dips at the thought of only seeing him once a year. Yeah, I’m sure we’ll stay friends but eventually he’ll get a serious girlfriend and get married and we’ll drift apart. I think he’s far more likely to back out on our deal than I am.
Unlike me, Tanner’s had some semi-serious relationships over the years. None of the girls were even remotely good enough for him, but I liked them well enough.
“Have you heard from Amelia?”
“Nah, that’s definitely over.”
“I’m sorry. I know how much you cared about her.”
His shoulders shrug. “Yeah, I guess. I mean I did, of course I did, but I feel fine about it. She isn’t someone I could see myself with long-term.”
“That’s because you know as soon as you get back to Valley, you’ll have your pick of girls again. Boys have it so freaking easy.”
“What, like you couldn’t have any guy you wanted? I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve almost maimed someone in the locker room for speaking their unfiltered thoughts about you.”
“Really?”
He chuckles at my excitement. “Really.”
“Hmm. Maybe you can hook me up with one of them.”
His blue eyes bore into me as if he’s checking to see if I’m serious. “No.”
“Why not?”
“They aren’t good enough for you. College guys are trash.”
“Oh, please. Come on, there has to be someone you like well enough to set me up with? It’s been months since I dated anyone. I think I’m ready.”
He studies my face for a second as if to gauge my sincerity. “All right. I will think about it, but no ballplayers. It’d be too weird.”
I let go of him and swim toward shore. “Come on. I need a few minutes to dry off.”
“Yeah, I suppose I should get back. I told Jonah I’d go over this afternoon and work out with him.”
“At his house?”
“He’s got a gym in his garage. Just a half-rack and some weights. Enough for us to get in some workouts over the summer.”
I hop out first and walk toward my clothes. Tanner follows behind me, cupping himself until he reaches his boxers. I take a seat in the grass to dry off before getting dressed. Once he has on his boxers, he joins me.
The early afternoon sun feels like it’s zapping the water from my skin in seconds. I already want to jump back in. “Maybe I’ll take a nap when we get back.”
He chuckles. “You just woke up.”
“It’s summer vacation.”
“Come with me. Jonah has a great pool. You can swim or you can watch us work out.” He winks.
When Tanner said Jonah had a great pool, he wasn’t lying. It’s huge and has its own lazy river. The house is just as ridiculous which makes me curious as to what it is Jonah’s family does to own a place like this.
We all sit out back next to the pool for a while before Jonah and Tanner decide it’s time to get their workout in.
“You good?” Tanner asks me.
“Oh yeah,” I say, pulling my T-shirt over my head. “I’ll be just fine.”
Jonah tilts his head toward the house. “There’s beer, wine, and some other drinks in the kitchen. Help yourself.”
They disappear inside and I finish undressing and then slather my body in sunscreen, don my sunglasses, and grab one of the rafts stacked up beside the pool. As I’m slipping into the water, music filters out from speakers around the pool. Yep, a lake house just like this is definitely a life goal.
I float around the pool for who knows how long. I’m in that happy state where my brain is turned off and I only exist in bliss and peace. My phone rings and breaks the moment, snapping me back to reality. I consider letting it go, but I’ve already been knocked out of my pool bliss, so I climb out and grab it.
“Hey,” I say, answering with a smile that Emily can’t see but I’m sure comes across in my voice.
“Hey, I was just about to hang up. You sound way happier than I expected for a girl back in her hometown, or have you started drinking already this afternoon? No judgment. I know how much you hate it there.”
“Actually, I had a change of plans and I’m at the lake with Tanner.”
“Oh, that’s awesome. You’re there for the weekend?”
“For the month.”
She’s silent for a moment and then, “What about Amelia?”
“They broke up.” It sort of annoys me that I wouldn’t be allowed to be here if he had a girlfriend like I’m the evil best friend who is trying to steal Tanner away. I mean, okay, I did kiss him, but I definitely wouldn’t have if he had a girlfriend.
More silence.
“We’re over at one of his friend’s houses today. Em, you should see this place. The house is as big as The White House but right on the lake and he’s got this huge pool… I never want to leave.”
“Sounds awesome. I was calling to make sure you hadn’t fallen into depression and turns out you’re having a better summer than me. I’m jealous.”
“Why? What’s going on with you? When do you leave for Disney?” Her family’s summer vacation plans of going to Orlando to visit Disney World and the beach is all she’s talked about for the past two months.
“Eh, that sort of fell through. My mom got shingles and all she wants to do is sit inside in front of the fan.”
“Sorry.” I sit beside the pool and stick my legs into the water, capturing a bit of the bliss like a contact high. “You should come visit.”
“I bet Tanner would love that. He finally gets you to himself, and you still find ways to cockblock him.”
I fumble for words. “I’m not… he’s not… we’re…”
“I was kidding, but wow, you sound guilty. Did you two finally hook up? You bitch. I expected you to call me immediately when that happened. Tell me everything.”
“You misunderstood. I only meant that he doesn’t care about having me alone. Datson is coming up tomorrow, and his sister and her friends are coming later this month. We’re just friends, Em.” I do consider telling her about the kiss, but I think that will only add fuel to her theory that Tanner and I are inevitable.
Maybe it’s part of my stubborn competitiveness, but the more people insist Tanner and I are more than friends, the more I want to prove them wrong. Sparks be damned.
The Pass Page 7