“He said to stay put.” I want to be here about as much as I want to stab a sharp stick into my eye, but panicking isn’t going to help.
Tara rolls her eyes, but I find an unlikely advocate in Corinne who says, “Sydney’s probably right. Let’s not do anything rash just yet.”
“I’m going to find my brother,” Tara says as she heads to the door. “I can’t just sit here and—”
“There’s a tree down on the highway,” Amelia interrupts. “It’s shut down in both directions.”
A heavy silence settles around us and the pit in my stomach grows until I want to double over in pain.
“Where would he go if he couldn’t get here?” I ask.
“Jonah’s maybe?” There’s genuine worry on Tara’s face that temporarily makes me forget how awful she is.
“That’s thirty minutes by road in good weather.” The thought of him out there stranded makes my stomach drop. “I’ll text Jonah.”
Keeping myself busy edges away a little of the dread, but as I scroll through my phone, I realize I don’t have Jonah’s number.
“Crap, I don’t have it. Do you?”
Tara shakes her head. “No, but maybe I have someone else in my contacts.”
“Good thinking,” I say, thinking of Datson. “I’ll check mine too.”
The power of four girls and the contacts in their phones is impressive, but nearly an hour later, we’ve exhausted them all and no one has heard from Tanner.
“And now my phone is dead,” Tara says with a groan.
“I’m at five percent,” Corinne adds.
“Seven.” Amelia slides hers onto the coffee table.
As I’m deciding whether or not it’s too extreme to call the highway patrol or hospitals, I’m struck with an idea. “Is there some sort of online social media group for the neighborhood or a local highway patrol page we could check for updates on accidents and road closures?”
“That’s a good idea,” Corinne says and picks up her phone
We occupy the next hour by scouring local news and social media pages until all our phone batteries die.
“There aren’t any reports of major accidents at the closure. That’s promising,” Amelia says. “And they have crews working on the downed power lines.”
Someone’s stomach growls so loudly we all hear it.
“Tanner is fine. I’m sure of it.” There are so many things I want to say to him, do with him. I’m not me without him.
In the kitchen, I rummage through the pantry and fridge for anything that we can eat without the microwave or oven. “Does anyone else want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” I offer as I start to make myself one.
“I’m not that desperate yet,” Tara says dismissively, but Amelia comes to the kitchen and I hand her the supplies.
“Thanks.” Her voice is no more than a whisper.
For as friendly as Tara acted toward Amelia, they’re not too chummy now which makes me wonder what happened after I left. I’ll burn in hell before asking.
As it gets darker outside, the mood shifts inside. Tara gets less snarky and the genuine concern for her brother is more apparent. She shuts down, sitting on the couch with her legs pulled up and staring out into the night.
I grab the candles from the spare bedroom, so we have more light in the living room and then I go to the game closet for a deck of cards and settle on the floor. As I lay out the cards for Solitaire, Tara makes an annoyed sound deep in her throat. “How are you sitting around playing cards right now? Do you even care if Tanner is okay? Or maybe you’ll just move on to the next guy and ruin his life too. One hot jock is as good as the next.”
“How dare you.” The cards bend as I fist my hands with anger. “You don’t get to judge me. You know absolutely nothing about me. Of course, I care if he’s okay. The thought of something happening to him.” I shake my head as my stomach clenches. “I can’t even fathom it.”
“We should be out there looking for him.” She stands and motions with a big wave of her hand toward the window.
“He said to stay put.” Though, I agree it feels awful not doing anything. “Besides, the road is closed. How far can we get?”
“Farther than we can sitting here.” She resumes her position on the couch, hugging her knees.
“Well, let’s go then. We’ll go as far as we can.”
“You’re serious?” she asks.
“You’re right, it beats sitting here. The rain has slowed so the roads should be safer.” She doesn’t move. Maybe she still thinks I’m kidding. “It’s what Tanner would do if it were any of us.”
And if it shuts her up, all the better.
25
Sydney
The four of us pile into Tara’s small car. None of us had thought of charging our phones in the car before, but eagerly take turns plugging our phones in and turning them on to check for messages.
The road in the Shaw’s lake house subdivision is quiet and the few vehicles we encounter are going as slow as we are. The rain is just a drizzle, but there’s an eerie feeling being out when the houses all along are dark from the power outage.
We go on as far as we can until a police barricade prevents us from getting any closer to the highway. Tara pulls over on the side of the road and puts on her flashers. “I’m going to walk from here.”
“Walk? And do what?” Corinne asks from the back seat. “They’re not going to let you through on foot.”
We’ve learned absolutely nothing and there’s no sign of Tanner or his Firebird. I’m going to duct tape a charger into his car so he can never take it out again.
“We can at least ask them if they have any update on the road reopening or cars stranded on the other side.” I glance around the car. Amelia and Corinne don’t look like they love this idea. “You two stay here. Tara and I’ll go.”
Tara’s brow quirks slightly in surprise, but she doesn’t protest. The wind whips around us as we walk in silence along the side of the road.
“Tanner is probably sitting somewhere in a warm restaurant chowing down and watching TV. He’d have a good laugh at the two of us.” I try to lighten the mood.
“Or at the bar.” She snorts and pulls her jacket tighter around her stomach.
“No, not the bar. He doesn’t drink if he knows he has to drive, and he’ll be wanting to get home as soon as he can.”
She regards me seriously and gives me a slight nod. When we get within earshot of the barricade, one of the police officers notices us and walks toward us.
“The road is closed ahead. We’re not letting anyone through—cars or pedestrians.”
“We don’t want to get through. We just want to know how much longer it’ll be?” Tara asks.
“We have someone stuck on the other side who can’t get home,” I add.
He rests his hands on his belt. “It’s going to be a while still. We’ve got a crew cleaning up from the wreck and there’s the tree and the power lines… anyone needing through is going to be waiting a bit, I’m afraid.”
Tara’s lower lip trembles.
It’s the first anyone’s mentioned an accident at the closing.
“Can you tell us who was in the accident or the model of the vehicle?”
“Smaller vehicle, a Fusion, I think. Everyone was stable and alert when the ambulance left for the hospital.”
“Thank you,” I manage for the both of us.
With a nod, he dismisses us, and Tara and I head back.
“Maybe by now he’s realized he’s not getting through any time soon and he’s headed to Jonah’s. I’m sure he’ll call when—”
“This is all your fault.” She stomps her foot and makes fists with her hands at her side. “If you hadn’t left, he wouldn’t have chased after you and he wouldn’t be stranded in the middle of nowhere or on his way to the hospital while I’m stuck with you.”
My mouth falls open. Every time I think she can’t hurt me any worse, she somehow manages. “I left because of you. What is
your problem?”
“Girls like you are my problem. I know your type. You hang around the jock houses, you’re friendly with all the guys, and you’re a convenient fuck that screws up their lives and wrecks any real relationships that comes along. You’re beautiful and fun,” she says the word like it’s the worst trait possible. “And no sane girl wants to try to compete with that.”
My face heats, and a chill runs up my spine. I’ve never been so angry in my entire life. “I am not a convenient fuck. Tanner and I were friends, nothing more until this summer. But you’re right, I’ve been there. Through every relationship, I was there to tell him when he was being an ass. When he needed a shoulder to lean on or someone to talk it out… I. WAS. THERE.” I grind my teeth down on every word. “I’ve been there through it all, not because I was hoping to trick him into sleeping with me but because I care about him. I want him to be happy. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. So, don’t you dare lump me into some stereotype jersey chaser.”
She starts to cry, which is definitely not the reaction I expected. My anger dissipates into confusion and then guilt for being angry at someone who is clearly having a meltdown. I’m still pissed, for sure, but it’s hard to feel good about kicking someone when they’re down.
I have no idea what to do. How do you comfort someone who hates you? I watch her shoulders shake as silent tears slide down her cheeks. Tentatively, I reach out and touch her arm. “He’s going to be okay, I promise.”
It’s a promise I have no business making, but I know what he means to her. She may hate me, but she loves her brother deeply and she’s scared.
She throws her arms around me and sobs into my shirt. Stunned, I pat her back gingerly and let her squeeze me like a human teddy bear. For several moments, she cries while I hold still letting her use me for whatever consoling she needs. I’m half afraid this is her attempt to strangle me, but her arms stay at my waist.
When her tears slow, she sniffs and says, “I still don’t like you.”
A shocked laugh rips through me before I can stop it. “Yeah, I don’t like you very much either.”
We amble back to the car without saying another word.
“Well?” Corinne asks.
Tara stiffens her shoulders and pulls out onto the road. “He’s fine. He’s going to be fine,” she says without any conviction in her tone.
She drives back to the house without any snarky remarks or evil glares in my direction. Her somber mood doesn’t make me feel any better. When we get back, I’m the last to go inside. I linger on the front porch, looking out into the night. Where the hell are you, Tanner?
I swallow the lump in my throat and go in the house.
“I’m beat,” Amelia says. “Is it okay if I crash here tonight? It doesn’t look like I’m going to be able to leave until morning when the road is open. Tanner said I could stay, but I don’t think he meant all night.”
Tara shrugs from her reclaimed spot on the couch.
“You can stay in the spare room,” I tell her. “Come on, I’ll show you.”
We take a couple of the candles with us, so she has light.
“Thank you.” Amelia sits at the head of the bed and hugs a pillow to her chest. “I’m sorry about all this.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
I take a seat on the end of the bed and face her. “Was it my fault?” Tara certainly thinks it is, but she wasn’t there. “I’ve been going over it and over it all day. Replaying times that the three of us were together and the things I might have said or done…”
“No.” Her voice has a slight lift to it, and she laughs. “You were always so adamant that you were just friends. I thought you must be holding on to him any way you could and hoping he’d return the feelings someday. Believing that kept me from facing the fact that what he and I had felt inferior to what he had with you. He’s different with you. He always has been.” I can make out her small smile in in the mostly dark room. “It wasn’t your fault any more than it was Tanner’s. You two just fit together. I want that.”
“Thank you. He cares about you a lot. I know that probably doesn’t help, but I thought you should know.”
I stand and start out of the room, but Amelia stops me. “Sydney?”
“Yeah.”
“Tara will come around. She loves Tanner too much to stand in the way of anything that makes him happy, and you make him happier than anything. She’ll realize that.”
I want to believe that’s true. I really do.
Corinne must have gone to bed, too, because it’s just Tara in the living room when I leave Amelia.
I grab two beers and offer her one. “Here. A peace offering. I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Warm beer is your idea of a peace offering?” She makes no move to take it. “Besides, I don’t want a peace offering. I don’t think you’re right for my brother. You’re not going to convince me of that with any amount of alcohol.”
I set it on the coffee table with a thud. “You know what, take it or don’t, but stop pretending that this is about looking out for Tanner. This is your issue. Whatever story you’ve made up to make yourself feel better about treating me like shit, that’s on you. I don’t need to convince you of anything, but I hoped that you and I could find a way to get along for his sake. God, I actually thought we might be friends. How dumb was I? But, regardless, I’m not going anywhere, no matter what awful things you say or do to try to get rid of me. You’re only hurting your brother.”
With my beer, I sit on the floor and grab the cards I abandoned earlier. I’m finishing up my second game of Solitaire when she finally pops the top of the beer and we settle in to wait for Tanner.
It isn’t exactly peaceful, but we’ve both said our peace anyway.
26
Tanner
I can barely keep my eyes open as I walk up to the front of the house. It’s after three in the morning and the little sleep I got in my truck wasn’t restful at all. Stuck in traffic for two hours and then by the time I could go anywhere, the only way they were letting anyone go was in the other direction.
Most people, saner than me, turned around, got a hotel, or went somewhere to wait it out. I pulled off into a parking lot as close to the highway as I could find and stayed. With no cell phone, there wasn’t a lot to do except stare out into the night and think.
So, that’s what I did. I thought about whether or not I’m going to play baseball or basketball next year. Both? I thought about my future and what I wanted after college. I thought about this summer and how great it’s been. And I thought about Sydney. Mostly about Sydney.
How does she fit into all of it? What dreams does she have for the future and for us? We haven’t talked about it, but I want to. I want to give her whatever she wants. Big dreams, epic life. Everything she deserves.
The house is quiet, and I shut the door behind me softly. The lights are out, but the microwave clock flashes and there are candles lit around the whole front living area. I’d heard the electricity was off in the area, but it looks like they managed. Eucalyptus and pear have never smelled so good.
Two forms are lying in the living room. As I get closer, I identify the one on the couch as Tara and the other is Sydney on the floor. Her eyes are closed, but even in sleep, her phone is in her hand as if she’s been waiting for me to call.
I’ve been thinking about what it’d feel like to be back here, hugging her, all night. I swear those hours felt like weeks. I’m not sure why she left in the first place. Maybe she really thought there was a chance I’d get back with Amelia or maybe she’s pissed at Tara—that’d make two of us. But whatever the reason, I don’t want her to run when she’s upset. I want to be her person even when she needs someone to vent to or punch. Though, she’s punched me before and it fucking hurt, so I hope that’s not what she needs right now. I’m so tired it might knock me on my ass.
I’m still staring at her, blonde hair splayed out, the comforter fr
om the bed tossed over her, feet sticking out, when her eyes flutter open. She lifts her head slowly. “Tanner?”
She scrambles to her feet, but I can’t make mine move. I manage to open my arms and brace myself before she throws herself around me.
“You’re really here, right? I’m not dreaming?”
I run a hand down the back of her head, tangling my fingers through her hair. “I’m really here.”
“Are you okay? What happened? Never mind, just kiss me.”
“What if I’m not okay?” I chuckle as I bring my lips to hers.
“Then you better make it a good one that I can remember you by.”
Sweeping my tongue into her mouth and digging my fingers against her back, I try to somehow get her closer. I don’t worry about it being one to remember me by because I’m not going anywhere.
Funny how something as simple as being cut off from the ones you love for half a day can put things in perspective.
“Tanner?” Tara’s groggy voice pulls at my attention.
Sydney and I break apart and I set her down. She moves to my side as Tara hurries to me.
“Oh my god, I was so scared.” She’s crying as she buries her face into my chest, then pulls back and smacks me on the arm.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“For scaring the crap out of us.”
“I’m sorry. My phone died and I didn’t have my charger.” Another slap. “The highway was closed. They wouldn’t let anyone through.”
She nods and sniffs. “I know. We went out looking for you and saw the barricade. We called everyone we knew trying to find you.” Her eyes widen. “You have to call Mom and Dad.”
I wince thinking of my mom freaking out. “Do me a favor? Call them for me. My phone needs to charge, and I need to catch up with my girl. Please?”
She hesitates, glances between me and Sydney, but then agrees. “You owe me, though. For this and for taking a good five years off my life last night with all the worrying.”
“I’ll make it up to you later. Boat ride in the morning? We’ll go to that place with the biscuits and gravy.” I’m still pissed at the shenanigans she pulled today or yesterday, whatever day that was, but now is not the time to hash it out.
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