by L A Cotton
She was too eager, too hot and soft. Her lips were pliant and skilled. Her tight little body felt too good rocking against mine. I drowned in sensation, letting my hands run over her slim curves.
Eventually, she pulled away, cheeks flushed and eyes alight with lust. “That was... wow.” She dabbed the corner of her lips before dropping back into the space beside me. “I guess we got carried away, huh?”
“Something like that.”
I didn’t know what to think. Her body felt good pressed up on me, too fucking good. But she wasn’t Phoebe.
Not even close.
“We could take this somewhere a little quieter?” She purred in my ear, letting her hand drift down to my crotch.
I glanced over at Phoebe, watching her until she finally looked my way. Her expression fell, her lips parted on a shaky breath. She cared.
She fucking cared, so why was she doing this? Why was she denying us both what we wanted?
Pick me, I wanted to scream. Choose me.
But she didn’t. She gave me a sad smile and then looked away.
Pushing me right into the arms of a woman who would never be her.
Phoebe
I watched Levi leave with Hudson and their harem of women. They all worked at the club, but apparently, the chance to sleep with a rock star negated work responsibility. Or maybe Levi had handled their boss.
I didn’t like to think about that.
“Everything okay?” Dougie asked me. He was a junior manager at Cantor Records. He and his colleague, Paul, had spent most of the night entertaining me with stories from their intern days. It was nice, normal.
At least, it had been until he returned from the restrooms a little while ago. Levi had gone out of his way to be rude to Dougie, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because of me.
Guess it didn’t matter now. He’d left with the blonde. If that wasn’t a giant ‘fuck you’, I didn’t know what was.
I suppose it had to happen eventually. If it wasn’t tonight, it would be one night. Levi was a young, hot-blooded male. He had needs, and according to his reputation, he liked to get those needs serviced at regular intervals.
The pit in my stomach carved a little deeper.
“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” Dougie touched my arm making me startle.
“S- sorry.” I forced a smile. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”
“Yeah, we should probably call it a night,” Paul said, shooting Dougie a strange look.
“Yes, Dad,” he chuckled. “It’s been nice chatting, Phoebe. If you’re ever in town again and want to get together, here’s my card.” He slid his wallet out of his pocket and handed me the foil embossed business card.
“Strictly professional?” I eyed his wedding band.
“Of course.” His smile suggested otherwise, and disappointment washed over me. I’d spotted his ring immediately, but our conversation had been nothing but innocent industry talk. We were all professionals in the same field.
I’d obviously misread the situation. Stuffing the card in my purse, knowing I had no intentions of ever looking him up, I smiled. “Excuse me, I need to check in with Letty.”
His eyes burned into me as I walked away.
“What’s wrong?” Letty asked when I reached her, Eva, and Rafe.
“Guy in the gray suit. He’s married.”
“And let me guess, he wasn’t just talking for talking’s sake.”
“He gave me his card for if I’m ever in town again.”
“That’s so disappointing,” Eva said, cuddling into Rafe’s side.
“Men are dogs,” Letty added.
“Hey, guy standing right here.”
“You’re an exception to the rule.” Eva beamed up at him. “At least, you’d better be. Because if I ever find out you’re giving your number to random girls across the country, I’ll—” She tugged him down to her and whispered something in his ear.
Rafe chuckled. “Okay, I think it’s time to get you back to the hotel, Starshine.”
“Can we do that thing again? The one with—”
“Okay.” He clapped his hand over her mouth. “I’m going to have Travis bring the car around. Are you two riding with us?”
“Might as well.” Letty shrugged. “Since the others already left.” Her eyes flicked to mine, but I ignored her.
I didn’t want to think about Levi back at the hotel with Blondie.
“He’s hurting.” Letty squeezed my hand as we made our way out of the club. “When he hurts, he lashes out.”
I mumbled some inaudible reply. Because for as much as I told myself it didn’t matter, that this was the best thing for us both, it didn’t change the fact that my heart—my stupid, foolish, fickle heart—didn’t believe me.
The next morning, I was up early. I couldn’t sleep, imagining Levi and that girl together. I knew Letty would be up and at it early too, so I decided to go in search of coffee for us both.
As I left my room, I didn’t expect to come face to face with Blondie. “Oh, hi,” She rubbed her bleary eyes. “You’re with the band, right? I need to go. Do you think someone can give me a ride?”
Just then, Johnson appeared around the hall. “Miss Halstead,” he greeted me.
“Levi’s friend,” the words were like ash on my tongue, “needs to get home. Can you make the necessary arrangements?”
“Of course. Please Miss...”
“Miss Bass. Darcie Bass.”
“Very well, Miss Bass. This way please.”
“Oh, before I go,” she dug around in her purse and pulled out a notepad and pen, scribbling her number on it, “can you give Levi this and tell him I’d love to finish what we started sometime.” She thrust the note at me and skipped off down the hall as if she hadn’t just decimated my heart.
I stared at the digits, anger swelling inside of me. These girls, they only wanted the rock star. Their five minutes of life in the spotlight. They didn’t care about the guy underneath.
My fingers began closing around the note, crumpling it into nothing, when Levi’s door opened again. He ground to a halt, his eyes red and bloodshot. “Intern?”
“Your little friend just left. She asked me to give you this.” I threw the note at him and stormed off down the hall.
Levi Hunter wasn’t just hazardous for my heart; he was a plague on my sanity. And I needed to do a better job of reining in my emotions around him.
Letty intercepted me at the elevators. “Problem?”
“Nope.” I pressed my lips together, eyeing the coffee in her hand.
“Oh here, I got one for you.”
“You read my mind.” Silence settled over us as we backtracked to her room.
“So this dark thundercloud over you, wouldn’t have anything to do with the cute blonde I caught sneaking out with Johnson just now?”
“You think she’s cute?” I gawked at her and she smirked.
“Got ya.”
“Not funny. She asked me to give Levi her number, can you believe that?”
“Girl, you wouldn’t believe the things I’ve done for those boys over the last couple of years.” She shuddered. “Some of the stuff doesn’t even bear thinking about.”
Her words were like a slap to the face. This was their life. Sure, it was somewhat tamer with Eva on the scene, but so long as Hudson and Levi were single there was always going to be a revolving door of girls.
Could I handle that?
Could I watch him fuck girl after girl after girl, and survive?”
Mentally I could do it. I’d been through worse. Much worse. But my heart... she was already battered and bruised and no longer whole.
“Uh oh, I don’t like that look,” Letty said.
“What look?” I played dumb.
“The one where you’re trying to figure out if you’re cut out for life on the road with the band and their immoral ways.”
“I can cut it,” I said with conviction. Because I had something to prove. Not only to my father,
and the label, and Letty... but to myself. I needed to know I could stand on my own two feet without letting a guy get in the way of things.
“Atta girl.” She beamed. “Because I’ve kinda got used to having you around now. We all have.”
We left for New Orleans that night. Things in the studio had been wrapped up and the song was in the post-production stages now. Letty and Alastair wanted to give The Rock Report the world exclusive at the live interview they’d arranged for two days from now.
I’d managed to avoid Levi for most of the day, but now we were all crammed onto the Van Hool because Alistair wanted a meeting.
“Hudson, let’s go,” he yelled.
Seconds later, the drummer swaggered into the room, shirtless, sporting shower-damp hair.
“Really, dude?” Letty rolled her eyes.
“What? It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”
“And I’ll say to you again. Really, dude?” She smirked and he flipped her off.
“Can we please get started?” Alistair groaned. “Believe it or not, I don’t enjoy being crammed on this tour bus with the four of you.”
“Hang on a minute, Ali, that’s a bit sexist, mate.”
“Hudson!” Everyone seemed to yell at once, and finally, he sank down onto one of the chairs.
“Now that the track is recorded, I thought it was time to address the elephant in the room.” His eyes found Levi across the table. “What happened with Riley is done. She’s been taken care of and as far as I’m concerned, we draw a line under that shit here and now. Got it?”
A collective of grumbles filled the bus. “The label wants you back on tour bigger and better than ever. The first show is New Orleans and we know how crazy the Die Hearts can be there. Security will be tight but that doesn’t mean we won’t give the fans what they want, okay?”
“We know the deal, Ali.” Damon folded his arms over his chest.
“Good. Because the label and Dowager will be watching. Another wrong move and everything you’ve worked so hard for could come crashing down.”
Silence ushered over us, tension rippling in the air.
“You didn’t hear this from me, but the international leg of the tour still has the green light... but, one wrong move and—”
“Yeah, yeah, Ali boy, we got it,” Levi let out a big yawn. “I’m on thin ice.”
“This isn’t just about you, Levi, it’s about all of you. One of you goes down, you all go down.”
“What Ali is trying to say,” Letty added, “is that we want to look forward, not back. The track is almost ready. We have the exclusive with The Rock Report soon. This thing with Riley is in the past; let’s leave it there.”
“Any questions?” Alistair asked.
“Do you actually style your hair like that, or is it just—”
“Hudson!” The guys yelled again, and Letty slapped him up upside the head.
“What? It was only a question.”
“Right, if we’re done here. Try and not kill each other before we arrive in New Orleans. We’re on the bus for the next two nights. Figured we didn’t need you all getting too comfortable in hotels.” Alistair got up and moved to the front of the bus.
Rafe stood up and grabbed Eva’s hand.
“Now, really?” Hudson asked.
“We’re just going to… rest.”
“Rest? Is that what they’re calling it these days.”
They disappeared into one of the two bedrooms on the tour bus.
“I’m going to take a shower and then call my mom,” Damon announced, leaving the four of us.
Letty, Damon, Levi... and me.
I pretended to be on my cell, answering emails while Letty flicked through the schedule for the next few days.
“I can’t stop thinking about those girls from the club last night. Fuck, man, she was wild.” Hudson let out a dark chuckle.
I risked peeking over at Levi. He was slouched against the backrest, eyes closed.
“Yo, Lev, you sleeping?”
“Fuck off,” he grumbled.
“Next time we’re in Nashville we should totally look them up. She gave you her number, right?” Hudson’s eyes slid to mine, smirking.
Asshole.
Everything was a game to him.
“You and that guy seemed pretty close, Pheebs. What was his name? Douglas?”
“Dougie,” I said.
Levi tensed, a dark cloud swirling around him.
“The cutie in the suit?” Letty added. My eyes snapped to hers, but she just smiled. “Did you get his number?”
Levi shot up.
“Where are you going?” Hudson asked.
“To get some sleep.” He didn’t meet my questioning gaze.
“Sleep? It’s barely eight.”
“Yeah, well, beats sitting out here and listening to you three talk shit.”
“Me?” Hudson frowned after Levi disappeared down the hall. “What the hell did I do?”
Levi
“How are you feeling?” Rafe approached me as I watched the production people rush around on set.
In fifteen minutes, everyone expected me to sit on that chair opposite Kinney Gretchen, one of The Rock Report’s top interviewers, and bare my soul about the events of the past couple of weeks.
“Like I want to go and find a dealer and score some of his best shit.”
Rafe bristled, inhaling a sharp breath.
“Relax,” I said. “I’m joking.”
For the most part I was anyway.
“You know, I never apologized—”
“Not this shit again?” My eyes slid to his. “What’s done is done. We’ve got to look forward, right?”
It was what everyone kept saying. Look forward. Move on. Put the past behind you.
There was just one glaring fucking problem with that—my past wasn’t behind me. It was embedded in my DNA, a dark stain on my soul that, no matter what I did, what heights of success the band reached, would never go away.
“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have acted like that. I was just shocked that after everything, you’d go there with her.”
I couldn’t even remember the full details of that night. There had been an argument about Eva. I’d just found out that Rafe had been seeing her behind the band’s back... behind my back.
“It could have been anyone.” I jammed my fingers into my hair and scraped them over my skull. The bite of pain was soothing.
“Yeah.”
Silence settled between us. Letty and Eva moved into our line of sight, talking to Kinney. I watched my brother out the corner of my eye, as he watched his girl.
He was a lucky son of a bitch. He’d found it. Found the one. The girl put on earth to love him and him alone.
I didn’t believe in soul mates. But watching the two of them called everything I’d ever believed into question. Rafe wasn’t like me; he wasn’t screwed up, constantly losing a battle to alcohol and drugs, but he still had his own demons. Demons that Eva was more than happy to stand at his side and slay. Together. As a team.
It was hard not to be bitter and jealous. It was hard not to drown in the void of self-loathing and hatred I so often found myself in.
Our mother had always called Rafe her angel. He was worthy of her love. Worthy of Eva’s love. But not me.
Never me.
“All set?” Letty came over to us, and I nodded. “Just stick to the script and everything will be fine.”
She’d spent all morning briefing me on questions and answers. It wasn’t my first rodeo, but I had a history of screwing up.
“We’ll do the interview first, and then they’ll play the track—”
“Actually,” Kinney appeared over Letty’s shoulder. “We were thinking, you could do an acoustic performance of the track.”
“Kinney, that’s not what we agreed.” Letty stepped aside, giving her a hard look.
“I know. But since Eva is here, and I know you guys don’t travel anywhere without your guitars, we though
t—actually, I thought, it could be kind of epic.”
Everyone looked at me and I wanted to disappear. To disintegrate into nothing but particles in the air.
“Whatever,” I grumbled.
“Okay, we’re going to need time to set up.” Letty jumped into action, pulling out her cell phone. “Eva, with me.”
The two of them disappeared, leaving me with Rafe and Kinney.
“As sneaky as always,” Rafe said. A few weeks ago, he and Eva had done an exclusive interview with The Rock Report, and she’d gone above and beyond the questions agreed with Letty.
It happened all the time, they would try to scratch under the surface, digging for every scrap of information they could. Always hoping to uncover their next big story.
“Hey, no hard feelings.” Kinney smirked. “Besides, it looks like you and Eva are still going strong.”
“We are, no thanks to you.” He sulked off, leaving the two of us.
“He knows I was just doing my job, right?”
“He knows.” But she’d tried to come between Rafe and his girl. That was unforgivable as far as he was concerned.
“Sorry about blindsiding you. We just thought the live performance would really give everyone something to talk about.”
Phoebe entered the room, immediately catching my eye.
“Levi?” Kinney said.
“Uh, yeah?” I forced my eyes back to hers.
“I was just saying, I hope you didn’t feel blindsided. It’s nothing personal. We want to give the fans what they want, and this could be good for you and all the media frenzy around what happened.”
My spine stiffened.
“You know, if you ever need to talk...” She plucked a card from her pocket, and all I could think was what interviewer carried a card in their back pocket?
One that was looking at you with ‘come fuck me’ eyes apparently.
Kinney stepped closer, taunting me with her card. “Take it.” Challenge sparked in her eyes. “No strings.”
What the fuck was happening right now?
I felt Phoebe’s eyes burning into me, but I couldn’t look at her. I’d already fucked up once.
“Okay, awkward,” she let out a strained laugh, “I just thought—”