by Jamie Knight
“Well I, uh, she didn’t say that no, I doubt she would do that, she isn’t one of your usual sluts. Elsa is a good girl, you must have misunderstood.”
“Not much to misunderstand, ma. She made herself very clear, as did I when I told her the truth of the situation. Apparently she didn’t like it much.”
“Y-you were angry, you didn’t mean it. Sure if you just apologize Elsa will - ”
“No way am I apologizing to that harpy.”
“Elsa. Is. A. Good. Girl!” mom insisted throwing to convince herself as much as me, “she is from a good family and - ”
“You mean a rich family. Elsa is from a rich family. The link between wealth and virtue is not well established. Just look at the Borgias. Besides, it wouldn’t matter if she was devised from divinity itself, I’ve fallen in love with someone else.”
“Oh, I see one of your one-night strands? Those gold-digging sluts like that young thing I caught you with on Valentine’s Day? How old was she Klaus, 17? 18?”
“19 actually and about to turn twenty. You know very well I’m not into kids and never dip below the age barrier. Yes, I’ve had a few one-night stands but only when the sainted Elsa had decided to be crazy again.”
“She’s not crazy, just a bit eccentric.”
“Really? I’d hate to see it when she was barking.”
It was a low blow, but I couldn’t help it. I was angry and she wasn’t making things any better by resisting me like she was.
“Listen, I know you are confused and hurt but honestly, no one you’ve met could possibly compare to Elsa. You grew up together for goodness sake. She is from a rich family, so we know she isn’t after yours like the other gold-diggers. You have to trust me not this.”
“Why, because you’re so happily married? I really don’t think you’re really in a position to be giving relationship advice here, ma. Astrid and dad already left because of your tyranny and honestly, I’m not far behind them if you don’t stop this. Stay out of my love life.”
The silence on the other end of the phone was as deep as it was pained. I had never spoken to my mother like that, though that could be part of why things had gotten so bad. I waited for her to say something but not words actually ever came. Just the sounds of someone trying desperately not to cry. I hung up not quite sure what else to do. It should have felt cathartic. Like a weight had been lifted. Instead, it felt like I had just lost everyone I’d ever thought I’d loved. For the first time in my life I felt truly alone in the world. A crazy part of me thought about going out to find a one-night stand. Something to help ease the pain. Knew it was bullshit. Not only would the pain and emptiness get deeper after another meaningless hook-up, I knew in my heart it would never be the same again. I doubted I could even think about touching another woman. Alex was perfect for me an all I could ever want or need. It was a desperate act I would have smacked my younger self for if I ever caught myself doing it, but I was in a desperate state of mind.
As the phone toned in my ear, it back a game. How many times would a phone ring. Until the call was just cut off. As it turned out the answer, for Alex’s company at least, was one-hundred and fifty-seven. Unsticking the warm handset from my equally warm and reddened ear, the sounds of the ringtone still echoing in the chambers of my skull, it was clear that another plan needed to be devised. I doubted that she would be anymore I likely to answer a text than a phone call, assuming she was even near her phone. There was no easy to be sure but my gut instinct told me she was. The numerous rings was her trying to avoid me. The only other thing I could think of was to go to her place and try to talk to here there. A complete brilliant, in no way stalker-like plan that had only one flaw. I had absolutely no idea where she lived, as she had been insistent on us having or sexy adventures at my house. Or anywhere else we happened to be at the same time where there was also a bed to use. Whatever the reason, I was complete out of options, unless I was willing to go around and knock on every door in the city until I found her. I was just getting my coat on when my phone rang again with a business call.
Chapter Nine – Alex
The pain was back. Pregnancy was full of upsides and downsides that could really adjust one’s priorities. The morning sickness had pretty much ended, which was definitely good. Though as I moved from the first to the second trimester I got all new kinds of fun, like a restructuring of my skeletal structure, leading to a nasty ache in my hips. Though I’d adjusted as well as i could, working up a pretty good, brisk, pregnant walk. Something I’d noticed but never really though about it.
It was crazy but I kind of wished my mom was still around. At least she’d been pregnant before and would have at least some useful knowledge to share. As it was, she was shining me. Acting as though I never actually existed. I’d heard of people behind disowned but never actually thought it would happen to me. My mom was far from perfect, and neither was I, but I liked to think she at least loved me. Though I had been wrong about that too.
Hauling myself up out of the bed, I waddled into the living room, where Aaron had set up a desk for me to work at. Just for fun, and to sate my burning curiosity, I checked my bank balance.
The little black numbers in the column marked “Total Balance” began to blue, as the tears came to my eyes. Months of overtime, working my pennant ass off had finally paid off, and I had enough money in my savings to get my own place.
“What’s wrong?” Sara asked, hugging me from behind as I bent and wept, “is something wrong with the baby?”
“No, no, we’re good,” I managed, pointing to the computer screen.
“Very good indeed,” Sara agreed, seeing the total, “you’ll be moving out then?”
“Yeah, I think it’s for the best. I don’t want to be cramping your style with Aaron.”
“Oh, Aaron and I are fine. You can stay here as long as you need. You’re going to need money after the baby is born.”
“Work has that covered. The paid maternity leave is excellent, and they have assured me they’ll be happy to welcome me back when the time comes. Mostly because they know damn well that they can’t afford to lose me. Whatever they spend for maternally leave will be made back in a couple of hours when I get back to work.
“You little dynamo,” Sara teased.
“It feels kind of weird.”
“What does?”
“Successful career and one in the oven, and I’m only twenty. Aren’t most people still in college right now?”
“Sure, but you’re not most people. I always knew you would walk a different path.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
Sara gave me another hug, and went to wake Aaron to make us all breakfast. I had a double portion, eating for two and all.
My style had changed radically from what it used to be. Suits really weren’t an option after I started to show. At least not the sort with the kind of cut I liked. With Sara’s help, I’d put together some work outfits that were appropriate for my position that were still comfortable with my expanding belly. Dressed as nicely as I could, I headed out, trying to beat the morning rush hour. The last thing I needed being any more stress.
I was first in to work as was often the case. There was something about my internal clock that always had me up even before my alarm. As a result I tended to be early for everything. As good an explanation as any for both my teen pregnancy and my career advancement.
The company was one that tried to be inclusive. As such they had not only disabled parking but also spots reserved for those expecting or indeed transporting babies. I’d never really seen the point of them until I’d gotten pregnant myself. Then I couldn’t imagine doing without them. I always got them too, being the only pregnant woman there at the time.
It was interesting to notice the different way people treated me after I started to show. Not that they were jerks usually, but co-workers started holding doors and asking if they could get me water.
“There you go,” Jim said, holding the lobby door wide open for me.
“Thanks.”
The theme contained at the elevator, Jane actually reaching out to stop the elevator door as it closed. There were very many people on it, so I was able to get in comfortably. Even with the extra size.
“When are you due?” someone asked.
“January.”
“Oh, that’s a good month,” she said.
I’d never really thought there were good months or bad months for births, but I was glad that mine was a good one. It wasn’t unique to me, but I wanted our baby to be as healthy as possible. Even though I hadn’t seen Klaus in months, I still thought of the baby as ours. Even though I wasn’t even sure about telling him about her. I really didn’t know how he would react and didn’t want to resist it.
The chair squeaked slightly as I settled into it. The little bundle adding a good ten pounds to my usual weight. Waiting for my breath to regulate, I got out a water bottle and took a swig, downing one of the pregnancy vitamins Sara had gone at the same time.
“Alex?”
I turned in my chairs to see my manager darkening the door of my cubicle, looking serious.
“Hi,” I said, dumbly.
“Are you doing okay?”
“Um, yeah, dandy, why?”
“Oh, no reason really. We’ve just noticed that you’re really starting to show and are wondering when you are going to start on your maternity leave. Believe me, we don’t want you to go, but it might be best at this point. Let you relax and focus on what needs to be focused on right now.”
He was right of course. I also believed that they weren’t trying to push me out and had my best interests at heart.
“I could start today,” I offered.
“That’s probably for the best,” he nodded, “expect your first check in a week.”
Not too bad really. A few months off with pay and then right back into the fray after the baby was off the boob. I could do that. I would just have to make sure to keep my mental faculties up during the time off.
With help from Aaron and his family, I moved out of Sara’s place and into my own apartment, freshly leased with my spanking new bank balance. My pride wouldn’t let me say so, but part of me wanted to stay with Sara so there would be immediate help if something went wrong with the baby. I tried to remind myself that even if something did happen, which was unlikely, Sara, Aaron and the better part of Aaron’s family would be a phone-call away. It was nice to have such a support system both despite and because of the less than ideal situation. Definitely not where I thought my life was going, both in bad ways as well as good ones.
I sat on my couch and stroked my belly. Wondering about our daughter growing in there and what she was going to be like. Thoughts which immediately turned to Klaus. Despite my reservations about telling him after everything that happened, I had little doubt he would be a great dad. I started to wonder if maybe I should tell him. She was his daughter too, and he had a right to know.
“That’s everything,” Sara said, coming out of the bedroom, Aaron and his relations in tow.
“Thanks, for everything.”
“Not a problem, hon,” Sara said, speaking for the group.
“The party,” Aaron said to Sara, before leading his brother and dad from the apartment.
“What party?” I asked.
“We’re having a 4th of July party tomorrow,” Sara elaborated, “we would love it if you could come.”
“I’ll certainly try, but I don’t really have anything to wear. Not that fits anyway. Not since Isolde,” I said, stroking my belly.
“You’ve named her?”
“Of course.”
“Let’s hope she never falls in love with a boy named Tristan. It never works out well.”
“I’ll be careful,” I said, with a wink.
“As for not having anything to wear, I have a surprise for you.”
Before I could respond she disappeared back into the room, returning with the kind of box that dresses usually came in. Sure enough, when I lifted the lid, there was a baby blue gauzy summer dress, laying among the white tissue paper. Just the right size for my new body.
“Thank you, it’s beautiful,” I said.
“Only the best for you,” Sara joked, giving me a gentle hug.
She’d been a lot more careful with me recently, which was both understandable and appreciated. I put my hands on her arms, squeezing her back. Eventually, she pulled away and went to follow Aaron back to their place.
Without work to go to the next day was pretty boring. Did about thirty cross-word puzzles trying to keep my mind sharp. To relax I started on the translated volume of Camus I hadn’t gotten to yet. Aaron gave it to me soon after the incident at the resort. He said it would help put things into perspective and help get me through. He was right of course, and I could only wish I’d read it months before.
I was actually excited as I went down the hall to their place. It might feel weird going back after having only moved out the day before, but I was determined to try and take my mind off things. Going to a party like I used to seemed to be the perfect way to do it.
“Hey,” Sara said, hugging me at the door, careful to avoid bumping my belly.
“Come in and meet everyone.”
As usual, it the party was mostly people I didn’t know. Sara made friends as easily as others breathed and there was always a new group of faces at every event. Aaron was there too of course. Though they were the only two I really recognized. Until I saw him.
Despite his attempts to stay out of the way, there was no mistaking him. Not least because of his height. Towering over most of the other guests. Even Aaron only coming up to his neck. Our eyes met, and I froze, everything in me seeming to seize up at once from the very sight of those blue eyes.
I threw up when I got down to the street. Sara had called after me, but I didn’t look back. Catching my breath I got into my car and drove away.
Chapter Ten – Klaus
I wasn’t sure about going to another one of Sara’s parties. Particularly not after what happened with Alex at the lodge, never mind Elsa at the office. Neither of us said anything, but i could tell she was as embarrassed as I was. If nothing else, I hope I proved to her that I had no interest in Elsa or really any other woman. My eyes and heart were only for Alex. I didn’t say any of that of course but as they say, actions speak louder than words.
The party, like most of the ones Sara threw, was another cadre of strangers. Most of the other attendees seeming to be as perplexed as I was. I was a bit surprised to be invited, considering I really didn’t have much stake in the celebration not begin culturally American or British. Not that it mattered much, the 4th of July, like most holidays, had mostly become an excuse to drink in the afternoon. A tradition which I was taking part in when the new arrival turned up. I wasn’t drunk. At least not to the point of beer goggles, letting me know that I had actually seen what I had seen. Unlikely as it I get have seen at the time.
It wasn’t beer googles, but it still could have been a hallucination. Sweet Alex in a dress of Virgin Mary blue, obviously very much with child. My child as far as I could tell. The time line was right. Things had fallen apart in March, and she looked like she was about four months gone.
I wanted to talk to her. Everything in my screaming to go to her. To talk to her To try and explain things if not for my sake than for hers and that of our unborn child. Things had gotten bigger than both of us. I was a bit miffed Alex hadn’t at least told me that she was pregnant, though I couldn’t really blame her. We hadn’t parted on the best of terms and I could understand if she never wanted to see me again. She probably thought I was cheating on her after all. Though I still wished she hadn’t left right away.
The party wore on but all I could think about was Alex. Even after the deafening burst of the fireworks started up. I’d drank enough to take down a large dog, but I was made
of sterner stuff. Besides which I had my pain and obsession to keep me going, in an ironic attempt to try and drown them.
“Careful big guy, don’t want to over do it,” Aaron said.
To be fair, I had just downed an entire bottle of vodka in one go. It would be awhile before it made itself known, but it was probably better not to aggravate things.
Leaving the bottle aside, I found a comfortable place on one of the chairs and watched as the party happened around me. Doing my best not to imagine the future. Life with Alex I would never have, and failing miserably. I was really a romantic at heart and would have loved to have the whole domestic life. Not that I would have expected her to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, unless that was what she chose to do. Her self-determination one of the things I most appreciated about her. She was still discovering who she was but wouldn’t let anyone else define it for her. Preferring to find out for herself.
As the party wound down my will grew. Once out of options, except for the brief moment when she came through the door, I’d thought of another one I hadn’t dared use before. It being pretty wrong on quite a few levels.
Picking my way careful, I found Sara in the kitchen putting what was left of the drinks back in the fridge. I heard the door open behind me and knew it was Aaron, but Sara just shook her head at him, the same way she had done with me at the lodge, and he retreated. I wasn’t too worried either way. I had no doubt I could take him though I would have also preferred that it not come to that. Not least because it would be the very height of rudeness to kick Aaron’s ass in his own place.
“Was that Alex I saw?”
“Yes, and she ran from you. Is that not a hint?”
“That she is under a grave misunderstanding sure.”
“Is she now?”
“Yes.”
“Sit,” Sara ordered, indicating the small table across front the sink.
We sat down, and she scanned me with an assessing eye. As though I was being weighed, and measured to see if I would be found wanting. It was clear I would have to choose my words carefully.