by Jamie Knight
“Lyla and I went to the fundraiser last night. I’m on the board. We’d RSVPed together. If I hadn’t gone, the Children’s Hospital could have lost millions in donations.”
“Would the Children’s Hospital still have lost millions in donations if you hadn’t fucked her?”
“You’re not making any sense Pearl. I didn’t fuck her.”
“Yeah, right. The Christmas presents you sent me with pictures of you kissing told a different story. They were dates stamped. You both looked very loved up outside the car. In fact, one of the close-ups showed her tongue shoved down your throat.”
His shoulders slumped like all the fight had gone out of him, but I didn’t stop.
“I didn’t realize you were a sadist, James. I didn’t realize that you were just like Daniel and enjoyed inflicting emotional abuse.”
He stumbled back like I’d sucker-punched him. Good. I hoped my words hurt him as much as his actions had hurt me.
He gritted his teeth. “I’m nothing like Daniel Chastain. I don’t know what Christmas presents and photos you’re talking about. If I was with Lyla and if we were playing some kind of sadistic game at your expense, do you think I would be here? Do you think I would have driven the whole way up here in another blizzard? Do you think I would have brought you to Vermont to meet my friends?”
What he said made sense. The rational part of my brain could see that, but the irrational part of my brain didn’t want to listen. The anger inside was a storm of pain and hate. I didn’t want a glimmer of hope.
“Maybe you’re trying to continue playing your game.”
He shook his head. “Pearl, pet—”
“I’m not your pet, James. I’m Pearl Holmes. I’m angry, and I’m pissed, and I’m hurt.”
“Think rationally, Pearl.” He sounded exhausted, his voice cracking.
“I don’t want to think rationally. I want to think about sitting by the tree this morning and opening twelve wooden boxes, each of them holding a picture of you and Lyla kissing passionately. And even if you’re telling the truth and nothing is going on between you and Lyla, you lied to me about the fundraiser. You could have told me the truth yesterday and said it was something you couldn’t get out of. That you and Lyla were going together. I am not a timid little mouse. I get that you have commitments, and I get that you have things you have to do that won’t include me. I don’t deserve to get treated like I’m fragile and won’t understand.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but I held up my hand. “It was the same thing when we went to the party in Connecticut. You didn’t tell me Lyla would be there because you didn’t think I would go with you.”
“That’s not the reason. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think it was relevant.”
“The same way you didn’t think telling me yesterday was relevant. I can perhaps understand you not telling me the first time. But I can’t understand you not telling me yesterday.” Stony silence filled the trailer. Both of us staring at one another. Accusation in my eyes. Confusion in his.
In my heart, I now knew there was nothing between him and Lyla, but I was too far down the rabbit hole to come back out. “If there’s nothing between you, why did you kiss her?”
“She caught me by surprise.” He blew out a breath and slumped onto the sofa, his hands clasped between his knees. “I opened the car door for her to get in, and when I turned around, she launched herself at me. It took me a few seconds to register what had happened. I’d drank way too much bourbon, and my reflexes were slow. When my brain kicked into gear, I pushed her away and told her there was nothing between us and there could never be anything between us. She must have had photographers nearby to take photos. She had it all planned.”
I hung my head and closed my eyes. “You could have explained yesterday. If you’d told me you would be with her last night, sure, I would’ve been irritated, but I would’ve gotten over it, and we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
“We wouldn’t be in this mess if you’d answered my calls.”
I barked out a laugh. “You did not just say that. We wouldn’t have been in this mess if the night of my mom’s cookie exchange I hadn’t gotten in the car with you. I should’ve said no. I should never have agreed to be your plus one. You said we all make mistakes. You’re the biggest one I’ve ever made. I’ve never regretted anything more.” I hadn’t meant to say any of that, but the fury monster beating against my chest refused to back down.
The hurt in his eyes almost made my legs buckle, but I would stay strong.
“What are you saying, Pearl?”
I drew in a lung-filling breath. “I’m saying this is over, James. Like you, I no longer believe in love.”
Chapter Twenty-Three - James
When Michelle and I reached the bottom of the courthouse steps, she threw her arms around me as the paparazzi snapped photos and yelled questions in our direction. “I can’t thank you enough, James. I’m relieved this is over, but I could never have done it without you.”
“You know he’s going to appeal.”
“I don’t care. Everyone sees him for who he truly is now. Screw the money. I’m going to donate all one-hundred million. I don’t want anything that was once his. The only thing I care about is him not being able to hide his true colors. I can finally move on with my life. I’m glad it’s over.”
I was glad it was over too. We got lucky. The court caseload wasn’t backed up, and the judge signed off in record time. Instead of six months, the whole process took six weeks from beginning to end.
The case had been a trying one. Not because it was overly difficult, but because everywhere I turned, I saw Pearl.
In the New Year, both of us returned to work as if nothing had happened. She accepted her promotion to associate. I congratulated her, and she thanked me. There was a coldness in her eyes now. A sharpness to her tone.
A constant frown lined her forehead, and her lips were often drawn into a grim line.
On Christmas night, after she told me it was over, I got back in my car and left. She’d offered me the sofa for the night, but I’d refused. She’d made her decision. I didn’t like it, but I would respect it. I still ached to for her. My arms and my bed were empty without her.
If I were a weaker man, perhaps I would have chased after her. Bought her flowers, gotten down on my knees, and begged for forgiveness, but I wasn’t a weak man.
Lyla denied any knowledge of sending Pearl anything. She would never admit it, but she knew that I knew it was her. I’d completely cut her out of my life.
After one last hug, Michelle got into her waiting car, and I went back to the office. January always brought a landslide of new cases. The holiday season wasn’t a time of joy for everyone.
Grant Taylor stepped into the elevator. “Nice one, James. Another job well done. Not that I expected anything else.”
I nodded in thanks. “On to the next.”
He clasped his hands behind his back and rocked back and forth. “Why don’t you come up to my office? Let’s catch up. Life is too damn busy these days.” Grant was a good guy, and although he was one of the managing partners and our names were over the door, we rarely saw each other, and we never talked about anything personal.
I wanted to go back to my office and get stuck in, but a catch up wouldn’t be a bad thing. “Lead the way.”
Once inside the office, he poured each of us a bourbon. I accepted with a yawn.
“Excuse me,” I said, covering my mouth.
“You burning the midnight oil, James?”
I shook my head. “Long day.”
He nodded but didn’t look convinced. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like crap.”
I lifted my glass in his direction. “Thanks.”
He sat down opposite me and loosened his tie. “I’m serious. Have you been sleeping?”
“What are you, my mother?”
“I’m going to level with you. I
’ve heard the gossip. I’ve heard you and Miss Holmes had a disagreement and are no longer dating.”
My jaw tensed, and I cleared my throat. “Whatever happened between Ms. Holmes and I had nothing to do with this firm.”
“I think you’re wrong. It’s affecting you personally. If you don’t get it together, it’ll start affecting your work.” He took a sip of his drink. “Have you ever wondered why I never married or had children? Why I remained the bachelor?”
“Because you enjoyed the thrill of the chase too much and the bachelor lifestyle?”
He shrugged. “There was that, but it’s because I walked away from a woman I worshiped all because of my career. I’m sixty. The sunset of my life is on the horizon. Do you think my career cuddles up to me in bed? Do you think my career smiles at me across the kitchen table and makes me coffee and pancakes?”
“What are you trying to say, Grant?”
“I’m trying to say you don’t want to end up like me, James. Don’t let your pride or your career get in the way of your life.” He leaned back in his chair. “I hate to say this, and no matter what, it’ll come out wrong and sound cruel, but you’re just a number on the payroll sheet. And numbers can be replaced.”
The hairs on the back of my neck bristled. “Are you telling me I no longer have a job?”
He shook his head. “Not at all. If love knocks on your door, open up, don’t ignore it, and don’t shove it away. Real love can’t be replaced, but you can always find another job.”
I knocked back my drink and winced when I swallowed. “I wasn’t the one who shoved it away, but Pearl made it clear she doesn’t want me in her life.”
He chuckled. “Are you sure about that?”
My hesitation told him I wasn’t.
“If you haven’t done everything you can to get her back, then maybe it is time to walk away. But until you’ve exhausted every avenue, don’t give up.”
***
For the last twenty-four-hours I’d thought about but what Grant had said. I hadn’t done enough to get her back. I hadn’t exhausted every avenue. I’d simply taken no for an answer. I listened when she’d said the word, but that had been the wrong thing to do.
All-day, a plan had percolated in my head. It might not work, but I had to try. I had to get my pet back.
When everyone had left the office for the day, I went to the conference room to get everything ready. I’d had Grant call her. He’d told her to meet him in the conference room. That a big case had landed on his desk, and they needed to start work ASAP. It wasn’t a lie. It was subterfuge.
I dimmed the lights and sprinkled rose petals all over the table. This could all backfire, but if I didn’t try, I wouldn’t know. I closed all the blinds and lit scented candles. After tonight, one way or another, Pearl and I would make a decision that would change the path of our lives.
If all went to plan, we would be spending forever together. If it didn’t, we would both live forever in regret.
The conference room door flung open, and she ran in looking frazzled. Even in the dimly lit room, I saw the fire in her emerald eyes.
“What’s going on? Where’s Mr. Taylor? He said I needed to get here immediately.”
“Come here, pet. We need to talk.”
She remained standing by the door. “We’ve been through this. I’m not your pet, Mr. Matthews.”
I strode toward her until we were inches apart. “You’re my pet, Pearl. Stop denying your feelings for me.”
Her face crumpled, but a few seconds later, she regained her composure. “I’m not denying them, but I can’t open myself up to you again. I can’t be that vulnerable.”
I took her hands in mine, and when she didn’t pull away, I brought them to my lips. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I wasn’t truthful about spending time with Lyla. If you forgive me, I’ll never keep anything from you again. I’ll spend a lifetime making everything up to you.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know, James. Your world—”
“My world is your world, pet. Without you, I don’t have anything. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. My work is suffering.”
Her lower lip wobbled, but she rolled it between her teeth.
“Come back to me.” I cupped her face in my hands and ran my thumbs along her cheeks. “I love you.”
Her eyes widened, and she gasped.
“Before you came into my life, I didn’t believe in love. I didn’t believe I could care for someone as deeply as I care for you. With all my heart and soul, I love you, and if you’ll have me, I’ll protect you and care for you for the rest of your life.” I fell onto one knee, rummaged around my jacket pocket, and took out the ring I’d bought at Christmas. I held it out to her.
“Marry me, pet. Make me the happiest man alive.”
Her hands moved to her mouth, and tears trickled down her cheeks. “Yes, sir. I’ll marry you. And I’m sorry for hurting you too. I’m sorry for telling you to leave when it wasn’t what I wanted. I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. I’m sorry for everything.” She got down on her knees in front of me, and I slid the ring onto her finger.
“I love you, sir. I’ll never stop loving you.”
“Are you ready for the rest of our lives to begin?”
She nodded. “Yes, sir.”
Chapter Twenty-Four - Pearl
The past few weeks had been hell on earth. The night James left the trailer, instead of sleeping on the sofa, I’d wanted to run after him and tell him I was sorry and that I hadn’t meant what I’d said. That I was stupid and stubborn.
But my pride got in the way, and I’d allowed him to walk out of my life. I reasoned with myself that it was all his doing, and if he wanted to drive home in a snowstorm, he was welcome.
It wasn’t his fault things ended as shittily as they had. My insecurity had caused the problems between us. Sure, he hadn’t told me the truth about the fundraiser and Lyla. It would have been nice if he had. Like I’d told him, I would have been irritated, but I would’ve gotten over it.
He’d respected my decision to end things, and since then, we hadn’t had any communication that wasn’t professional.
I tried to convince myself I was fine, but I wasn’t. Not one bit.
Nothing could get me out of my self-pity funk. Not even binging on reality shows with Bella and getting blind drunk while we made fun of stupid people who got married at first sight.
When I went back to work after the holidays, all of the managing partners had called me in to a meeting to congratulate me on my new position as an associate. That news was something I had wanted to celebrate with James. I wouldn’t have gotten it without him championing me.
The partners all made it clear that I’d gotten the promotion because of my work ethic and drive. They hadn’t said outright that it had nothing to do with my previous relationship with James. They were all tactful and diplomatic, which I appreciated. Even Susan had congratulated me on getting the promotion and hadn’t once made any snide remarks about James and me.
I hadn’t been brave enough to talk to him and apologize for my behavior. Some of the things I’d said to him were unforgivable and hurtful.
I placed my hands on his chest, loving how his heart pitter-patted against my palm. “I really am sorry for everything I said at the trailer. I didn’t mean a word. I should never have compared you to—”
“Ssssh. Don’t fret, pet. We all say and do things in anger, but I will have to punish you for your behavior.”
I grinned. “Now, sir?”
“I’ll save it for later. I’ll have to come up with something suitable.”
“I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me what it is when you do?”
He chuckled. “And ruin the surprise.”
I groaned. “You know how much I love surprises, sir.”
He curved his hands around my waist. “Hop up on the table, pet. There’s something I’ve wanted to do ever since I
overheard your phone conversation.”
My heartbeat accelerated. If he was going to do what I thought he would, I would die and go to heaven.
Laughter danced in his eyes. “Is there something you want to ask me?”
I slid up onto the polished surface, and James positioned himself between my knees.
It took me a second to figure out what he meant, and when I did, I giggled. “Will you do something for me, sir?”
“What would that be, pet?”
I batted my eyelashes and sighed contentedly. “Will you throw me over the conference table and eat me out?”
“It would be my pleasure, pet.”
He brought his hands down to my blouse and ripped it open. The buttons flew everywhere and pinged off the table. Roughly, he pulled down my bra, grabbed my tits, and massaged them, showing my nipples no mercy.
He could be as rough and as ruthless with me as he wanted. I needed to feel alive, wanted, and loved.
He pressed me back, grabbed my ankles, and anchored my feet on the end of the table.
“Hold yourself open for me, Pearl.” He took my hands and placed them on my knees, and I spread myself wide. Just like he did with my blouse, he ripped my thong off.
He blew out a long, low whistle. “I’m happy to see you’re already sopping wet.”
“Don’t make me wait any longer, sir. It’s been too long. Way too long. Nothing can make me feel the way you do. Nothing can make me explode the way you do. After I come, I want you to kiss me. I want to taste my orgasm on your lips.”
“I see you’ve got naughtier over the past few weeks.”
“You have no idea.”
He pressed my thighs wider and buried his head between my legs. At the first sweet touch of his mouth against my pussy, my back arched off the table, and I groaned out his name. My hips undulated, and my body writhed. Every cell in my body sang halleluiah, and the wisps of my orgasm began to unfurl in my stomach.
When I was on the precipice, James lifted his mouth from between my legs and moved up my body, kissing, sucking, and nipping every inch. I grabbed his head and pushed him back down. More than anything, I wanted to come on his mouth.