She wept, unfazed by who watched and uncertain of how the time passed.
Diana said something, but Everly didn’t listen. She simply opened one letter after another. A few words were visible.
Please...
I beg....
Everly closed her eyes and leaned back in the chair.
She awoke sometime later to see light in her eyes. The sun. She was lying in a bed. She tried to sit up, but her head seemed far too heavy to move. Even turning her head made her far too exhausted. She moaned and then struggled to breathe with a sharp pain shot through her throat.
She heard a gasp and then the sound of light footsteps as they left the room. They returned moments later.
“Everly?” Diana came into view, but she held herself away. Her mouth was covered by a handkerchief. “You’re awake. Good. I was worried.”
Everly frowned but knew better than to try and speak.
“Lord Renner didn’t want me coming to visit you. You’ve fallen ill like our housekeeper and I don’t think the rain helped. We thought to send you home, but how could I when I feel so responsible? Still, my husband has kept me away from you for days.”
Days?
A maid came and assisted Everly to sit up so she could drink some water. It felt wonderful.
Diana went on, “But in time, I’m sure you’ll be good as new. Lord Ayers was sure to send over the very best physicians and he ordered that I have someone in here with you at all times.”
Everly pressed a weak hand to her throat and tried to speak. “Is…” It hurt greatly, but she pressed on even as tears burned her eyes. “House… keeper.”
Diana smiled. “She’s doing well. She’s alive.”
Everly was glad. “And he… here?”
“No.” Diana shook her head. “He’s not come back since that evening.” The faintest flash of worry lit Diana’s eyes before they crinkled into a smile. “I’ll be sure to tell him you’re awake, though it would still be improper for him to visit. But of course, we won’t tell anyone if he does. I’m sure he’s been very busy.”
Busy avoiding her.
She’d not been herself that night.
“You’ll also be glad to know that no one blames you for that night,” Diana said. “We told our friends what Miss Christensen did to you, destroying your last connection to your mother. She’s been ostracized from society. She’s already returned to the country. Everyone pities you. Even Apollo is distraught. I’ve never seen him this way. Your illness came as a heavy blow to him.”
She didn’t care for society or Apollo’s thoughts. She only cared about Asher.
The look he’d given her that night rose to the front. Was he upset? Likely.
What could she do to make it right?
She should have simply sent footmen out, but she’d allowed Abigail and Apollo to push her.
And then she’d struck him.
Her stomach turned.
She’d never struck a man before and she loved Asher.
“Asher…” she whispered.
“Of course,” Diana said. “I’ll tell him that you wish to see him. Eat and rest now. My servants will see to your care.” She left then.
Everly ate but refused to take the medicine that the maids offered. She wanted to be alert for Asher’s visit. She did take honey for her throat, but it hardly cut back on the pain.
While she waited, she read books, but nothing could hold her attention for long. Then she decided she’d work on her apology.
A part of her was still upset that he’d tried to hold her back from the yard, but she quickly decided to let it go. They’d discuss it, of course, but then they’d get past it.
They had to.
When evening came and the sun fell from the sky, Everly grew worried. She slept fitfully that night.
He didn’t visit the next day either though she received letters from Brinley and Beatrix, both wishing her well.
By her third day awake, Everly was feeling much better and was ready to return home and to her own bed.
She was also embarrassed by Asher’s lack of presence and when they finally spoke, she didn’t wish her cousin to be around for it.
Everly broke out into a sweat as the maid helped her dress to leave. She’d just finished her hair when there was a knock on the door.
Another maid announced that Asher was in the sitting room.
Everly’s heart jumped, and her stomach bubbled with nervousness.
She left the room her cousin had given her and headed straight for the sitting room.
Lord Renner and Diana were there. They sat far from her, likely to ensure they didn’t fall ill. Their expressions were controlled.
But not as much as Asher’s. His blue eyes were as cold as frozen lakes.
He bowed when she entered. “Lady Wycliff. I hope you are feeling well?” He straightened and lifted a brow as he waited for her response.
Everly blinked at his formal address and felt fear lace through her blood. She pulled in a breath and turned to her cousins. “Could we have a moment alone?” Her throat felt tremendously better.
Her cousin and Lord Renner quickly left the room and then she turned to Asher. “I’m well, thank you.”
“You look flushed,” he said.
“Just a little.” She touched her cheek. “But I’m much better.”
“You should be resting,” he said. His brows furrowed.
Was that worry for her?
She smiled. “I plan to once I get home.”
“Of course. I’m sure you’ll do what you feel is best for you.”
The words struck her right where he’d meant them to.
∫ ∫ ∫
4 3
Asher saw how his words affected her. She’d even stumbled back a foot and he had to ball his fists to keep from reaching out for her.
It had taken him days to come to his decision, but once he had, he’d known it to be the right one.
“Asher,” Everly whispered.
“Please, have a seat,” he said. She was clearly still weak. He didn’t wish her to push herself.
She sighed and went to a chair, and he was unsure whether she’d done as he asked because she knew she needed to or if she simply wished to appease him.
The former no longer mattered.
“Could you please sit as well?” She did nothing to hide the vulnerability in her hazel eyes.
He took a chair that wasn’t far from her.
She fiddled her hands together and then stopped and squared her shoulders. “I owe you a very large apology. I’ve never struck another person before. I… hate that I did it to someone I care so deeply for. Please, forgive me.”
“You’re forgiven,” he said immediately. The slap had surprised him more than it hurt. “You were clearly dealing with a great amount of emotion. You were overwhelmed.”
“Yes,” she said quickly. “But it was no excuse. It never should have happened.”
“It is forgotten,” he told her.
A smile touched her lips and Asher stilled once he noticed he was leaning toward her. Instead, he leaned away. “I believe I owe you an apology as well. I never should have grabbed you.”
“No.” She shook her head. “You were right. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I could have sent a footman for the letters like you did.”
Yes, she could have.
He said nothing.
“But I’m sure it was already too late by then,” she whispered. Her eyes fell to her lap. “Miss Christensen had been sitting at the dining table for some time before I realized they were out there.” She sighed and squeezed her eyes tightly. “And then I allowed her and Apollo to goad me into arguing with you.”
She had.
“I understand your need for power, Everly,” he said. “I would never dream to take it from you. I simply didn’t want Apollo to hold the letters from you if you upset him, because after all, they are his property. And when I said your plans would change, I meant that I planned to work very ha
rd to always have your attention.” It would have put Miss Christensen in her place and thus returned the evening to something close to pleasant.
And he’d already threatened Apollo, though she need not know that.
She looked up and smiled at him again. “I’m sure your words would have been sweet had I allowed you to say them.”
He turned away as his heart raced. He could take no more of her smiles. “Everly…”
“We’ll get through this, won’t we?” Her words were a plea.
He turned and swallowed back his pain at the tears that began to fill her eyes. His heart ached for her.
And for himself.
“I won’t call off the wedding,” he told her.
She visibly relaxed and he hated himself for what else he had to say.
“But we can never go back to what we were,” he said.
Her eyes flashed. “What do you mean?’
“I believe it wise that you announced you planned to keep your own townhouse. It would be best that you remained in it.”
The room became so quiet, it was eerily loud to his ears.
She licked her lips and asked, “You wish to live separately?”
“Yes.”
She flinched and inched to the edge of the couch. “Asher, please…”
“Everly, I don’t trust you. I won’t. Not again.” Not with his heart.
She whipped back as though his hand had pushed her. Her hand went to her chest. “Asher.” His name sounded squeezed from her very depths.
He was suddenly angry, but he didn’t know if it was at her or himself.
“I told you about Mary,” he said. “I shared that with you and still you ran out in that weather. The worst storm I’ve seen in quite some time. Do you have any idea what it did to me?” And then he knew just who he was angry at. Her. “I confessed that tragedy to you and you threw it in my face when you ran out there.”
“No.” She stood and started for him. “Asher, you must understand…”
“I do understand.” He stood and moved away from her. “I understand perfectly. Your father held your mother away from you. The letters were all you had.”
“Yes!”
“You’d have done anything for them.”
Her eyes widened, and she nodded. “Yes.”
He glared. “Then you’d have willingly died and left me.”
Her eyes flashed. “No.” She reached out for him and took his hand. “Asher, I love you.”
“I told you!” he shouted. His face ached with fury.
He stepped away before he took his rage out on her. “I let you in when I wouldn’t even let in my own blood. I have been blind.” That’s what hurt the most. Perhaps, if he’d never told her his fears…
Maybe…
“I didn’t tell you about John’s death.” He looked at her. “He was older and though I knew it was wrong for him to have our father’s gun in his possession, I said nothing when he told me not to.”
She pressed her fingers to her lips. Tears tracked down her face.
He swallowed. “He knew how to load and light it. He’d seen Father do it so many times.”
She closed her eyes.
He ran a hand through his hair. “We were running down the stairs, playing some game, when the gun went off. He tumbled down the rest of the way.” He frowned. “I recall seeing red little pieces flying through the air and believing we’d kicked up some of the carpet from the stairs. But it wasn’t carpet. It was pieces of his skull.”
Her hand flew to her stomach. “Asher…”
He approached her, and she looked up. “Have you ever seen an open head?” he asked quietly.
She paled. “I hate that it happened. I hate that you saw that.” He saw the truth in her words.
“I was only five but could have stopped him. I could have stopped Mary from going out into the rain. I tried to stop you.”
“Asher.” She grabbed his arm and then his face. “I was not myself that night. You must know that.”
He ignored her softness. He ignored her scent. “I know I can’t control you and you obviously can’t control yourself when you are emotional. Therefore, I must take measures to protect myself.” He took her hands and forced them off of him. “I let myself be free with you, but it was a mistake.”
“Asher.” She sounded so wounded. He’d never seen Everly this way and prayed to never see it again.
She was still ill. This conversation was only making it worse.
It was time to leave.
“If you wish to end the engagement, I will not fight you on it.”
“You mean you won’t fight for me,” she said, some of her former self returning.
He sighed with relief. “The decision is yours.”
“I want you to stay,” she said with a nearly fully composed voice. “I want you to love me.”
He didn’t know what to do to end this meeting.
“Asher, I love you. We can get past this. I know we can. I’m simply dealing with discovering who my mother was and feared losing my freedom.”
“Any freedom you have is because of me.”
∫ ∫ ∫
4 4
“What?” Everly asked, certain she’d misheard Asher.
She hadn’t.
“Any freedom you have, I gave you,” Asher said.
She shook her head as she tried to make sense of his claim but found she couldn’t. “I don’t understand.”
His gaze was hard. He struggled with his words, something she’d seen him do plenty when he was unsure of if he should say what he wished. Then he did. “We were betrothed once.”
“What?” She was confused again.
He rubbed his temples and sighed. “Your father and my father were arranging our marriage when I refused the match. I was your intended.” He dropped his hand and met her eyes. “Fifteen years ago, you could have been my wife, but I chose Mary and you got your freedom once your father died.”
Fifteen years ago?
Her stomach fell.
She had gotten her freedom, but only after her father had punished her.
Asher had been the gentleman who’d refused her.
“Why?” she asked.
“Does it matter?” he asked. “It is clear that I made the right choice then.”
She put out a hand and found the arm of a chair. She held it for stability but refused to sit down, to cower in his presence.
“Or maybe not,” Asher said, cutting her to impossible depths. “Had I married you, perhaps I could have brought you to heel.”
She stared at him and still could not believe these words came from his lips.
She’d never noticed just how imposing he was until that very moment and what if would feel like to find herself on the opposite side of his protection. He spoke to her as though she were nothing.
And perhaps, because of what she’d done...
“Call off the wedding,” Asher said. “Or don’t. The choice is yours.” He took a breath. “You are not feeling well, but time is of the essence and I could not put this off any longer. I will take my leave now so that you may rest.” Then he turned and left the room.
Only then did Everly sit down.
He’d chosen Mary over her.
She ached terribly but refused to cry.
She’d never seen him that way. So cold. Before her eyes, he’d become the man she’d feared.
He was right. Their arrangement had been a mistake.
She would write and call off the wedding.
Or perhaps, she’d simply not show. He deserved that.
He had to have known how his words would open old wounds placed there by her father.
She choked back another sob that threatened to rise.
She’d not weep.
Eventually, her body would heal and so would her heart.
* * *
“How is she?” Valiant asked the moment Asher walked into the house. She’d clearly been waiting for him.
The ima
ge of the pain slashing across Everly’s face made his heart trip over itself.
“She’s healing.” He handed his hat to his butler and avoided his sister’s eyes during the process. “She’ll be well in a matter of days I’m sure.”
Valiant, Brinley, and Beatrix had not been by to see Everly. Asher and his brothers had forbidden it, considering there were children in the house who would not survive if they became ill.
He moved toward the hall and headed to his room.
Valiant trailed behind him. “So, she’ll be well in time for the wedding?”
He didn’t respond.
He was forced to pass the family drawing room and found that the rest of his family was there.
Lore stopped him before he could go any farther. “How is she?” His expression held deep concern for his friend. He kept his distance though.
Asher had warned them all to do so before he left, fearing Everly’s illness could be passed around the house.
Such sickness easily wiped out entire families.
It had left Everly on the verge of death for two days. Anger made him tighten his fist.
“She’s healing.” He met everyone’s eyes and said, “You all have little to worry about. Now, if you’ll excuse me. Since I’ve been in her presence I would not wish to make anyone ill.”
Brinley and Beatrix shared a look. Each held one of the twins. John sat on the floor with various toys like blocks.
“You seem different,” Hero said, coming to stand by the door. “I thought seeing Everly would set you at ease, but it appears it has not. Are you telling us everything?”
There was unrest in his stomach. “I don’t recall having to tell you all everything that goes on in my life.”
“Asher,” Valiant called as she stepped closer. She stared into his eyes with deep grooves between her brows. “Tell us what happened.”
What happened?
He took a breath.
Word about the dinner had already spread through London. His family knew of Everly’s dash through the rain. They also knew how he’d tried to stop her.
“Whatever is to happen between Everly and me will be up to Everly.”
The Perfect Duke (Valiant Love) (A Regency Romance Book) Page 22