He shook his head. “It’s no secret I despise Xenos and his family.”
“His daughter is pretty nice actually. I like her.” I sniffed. “I’m sorry for crying so much.”
He touched my chin and ran his finger up to my hairline. “It’s okay to break down. We can’t be strong all the time. But you should know, love…” He wiped my tears. “That you are not too broken. If you’re too far gone, then I don’t have a hope left in my salvation.”
“I’ve hurt so many people. Birch. Morgana. Even Kiros. Men have died for me. All for what? The girl who can’t pull herself together, a queen without a crown. I’m afraid for Cedric.” I approached the subject carefully. “He won’t survive me.”
“Only a king can survive a queen’s love. Everyone knows that.”
I half-laughed, half-cried. “I never said anything about love.”
He smirked. “Good.”
“But… I’m a disaster. I’m sure no one can survive being with me. Not even a king.”
He smiled softly. “People will die for you, Winter. It comes with the job.” He pressed his hand against my chest. “I share your burden. I also know we must always appear strong. Leaders must be fearless.” He paused. “But when you’re with me, you can let go. Cry. Scream. I’ll take you into the darkest part of the forest, and we can scream together.”
I chuckled. “You’re sweet sometimes.”
“Glad to be of service. Like I said, if you feel like you’re going to break, come and find me.”
I squeezed his hand. “So can you.”
Silence hung between us.
“You can build your army here, but I want each of them thoroughly searched, by my guards and yours. I assume you know who to reach out to first. Who is loyal to you? There are towns near here that are near military strongholds. Your people can stay in the villages surrounding it.”
“Thank you.” I croaked. “I don’t know what to say… I—” I spoke sensitively. “Are you sure you are okay with Cedric staying here?” I looked down at my fingers, picking at my cuticles. “With me I mean?”
“I was wrong to say what I did before. I wasn’t in my right mind that night. I want you to be happy, so whatever it means.”
I gave him a look.
“I do,” he stated, defending himself. “I can’t give you what you want, Winter. Even if I really want to. There is no denying what we have, but until the curse on the Objects of Kai are broken, you deserve to be loved wholly and you shouldn’t have to wait around for me. Who knows even if they can be or how long it will take? I apologize for being petty before. It’s hard for me to watch, I won’t lie, but I’m glad to have you in my life in any way, and I should have said that before.”
My eyebrow arched. “How mature of you.”
“I’m trying to be a better person.”
“How’s that going?”
He smirked. “Baby steps, Princess. Baby steps.”
TWENTY-SIX
Morgana looked older. Deep lines reached around her eyes. I hadn’t properly spent time with her since she had arrived. Her lips curled at the corners. “You like him.”
“Cedric?” I questioned, then nodded. “I mean, yes, obviously.”
She shook her head. “No. Blaise.”
I picked at my cuticles. “He’s devastated me so many times and proven he’s incapable of anything deep. I mean, it is because he’s cursed to eternal loneliness by not being able to love fully, but that’s beside the point. He can’t give me what I want. He so much as told me, and also, he’s done good things.” I thought of the sweetness he’d shown recently, and my heart skipped a beat. “But also really bad things.”
“That’s not an answer,” she replied. “I remember you doing some pretty terrible things too. It’s called being human. Is he not deserving of forgiveness for them when you are?”
“I do forgive him. Look, it’s just… Cedric’s good for me.” I wrapped my arms around my stomach. My dark-purple dress hung around my feet. A darker shade of sheer net covered the fabric underneath. The glitter on the bottom shimmered when I walked. Dusts of snow covered the tips of my black boots. “I care for him.”
She shook her head slowly. “You cannot bury feelings. You must feel them, understand them, and reason with them. Before you can move on, you have to accept your truth. If you want to be with Cedric, then you must address what you have with Blaise.”
My chest felt heavy. “I’m happy with Cedric.”
She shot me an uncertain look. “I know you want to be.”
“Don’t,” I begged. “You are my dearest and wisest friend, and I am grateful beyond measure that you are alive and well by my side once again, but you know me, Morgana. I can’t think about something as trivial as my heart while my people are suppressed under Edgar’s thumb. Berovia is moving in on us. Matters of love come last to the duties of the crown. I must answer the call of my title. I am queen of Magaelor, and I am going to be reclaim my throne.” I paused, thumbing my palm, feeling the usual wave of anxiety run through me. “I wanted to ask if you had more of those capsules, to help with my anxious feelings. They’ve been getting worse.”
“I’d be worried if they weren’t, but, Winter, you need to talk about them. The herbs will help, but not in the long term.”
“Please,” I begged. I needed short-term relief. “Will you?”
“I’ll make some tonight. I’m sure I can find the ingredients in this castle somewhere.”
“Thank you.” I closed my eyes, finding relief in knowing I’d soon have my capsules to get me through my days.
She squeezed my shoulders. “One day at a time. Okay. Now, onto something else, if that’s okay.”
I nodded, and she continued.
“What you told me about the dragons poses a big problem. I have been conferring with Licia.”
The corner of my lip twitched. “Not him.”
“He is a means to an end.”
“He duped me not once”—I put two fingers in the air—“but twice the last time I was here. He’s a con artist. He doesn’t care to help anyone but himself.”
Her lips pressed into a hard line. “I appreciate you looking out for me, but you need not worry yourself where I am concerned. I am capable of seeing through others.” She lowered her shuttered gaze to mine. “Perhaps more than you.”
I slumped my shoulders. “Fine, but if he crosses you, I will kill him. I know where the dagger is.”
She laughed. “I have missed your youthful view, although I see your rage is as strong as ever.”
“I’ve been through a lot.”
“For once, it may help us in the short term.”
My eyes widened. “Never thought I’d hear you say that.”
“In the future,” she warned, “it will ruin you. We have much soul work to do. You are tainted, dear.” She stopped me in the middle of the path. “Anguish, anger, and vengeance have their claws buried deep into your core. It will consume you if you choose to ignore them.”
My jaw clenched. “I’ll work on it.”
“Caring for our spirit is as important as taking care of our bodies. You feed yourself every day, do you not?” Her eyebrow arched.
“Yes.”
“Then you must do the same for your soul. We must learn to be in stillness, connect with the ancestors and spirit that lives all around us, in nature.” She reached up to touch a bare branch. “Everything has a spiritual heartbeat. Out here, we can talk about what happened. Words, Winter, can be poison if we do not let them out. Please.”
My arms shook. “I’m afraid.” I let the words leave my lips before I could stop them.
“That is perfectly normal,” she said, encouraging me. “It’s good to acknowledge it.”
I inhaled sharply. “They hurt me so much.”
She pulled me into her arms. “I know.”
“I don’t think I can be fixed.”
“Nothing is ever too broken to be fixed.” She moved back and placed her hand over her heart
. “Nothing.”
“Then I will just have to have faith in you.”
She shook her head. “No, have faith in yourself.”
I veered off the path and walked into the forest. Narrowed trees branched up toward the cloudy sky. Snow crunched under my boots. “Moving on from this talk,” I said. “I’ve come to tell you Blaise has agreed to us using a nearby town to house our army. He will send guards to the border to search any who come through. I’ve decided to send for mercenaries. One of them is named Hawk. I believe we can reach them through a tavern at the seafront in Imperia. He and his men will come to our side if we offer the future queen’s undying loyalty once we win.”
“There are many who will come,” Morgana replied. “I can send word to others who are against Edgar’s rule. There are many lords who want him off the throne. They have their own men. If we can bring them all here, we can grow quickly.”
Fear pulsed through me. “Are you sure they’ll back me?”
“You are their rightful queen.” Her tone was clipped. “I will continue to work with Licia to block Xenos’s efforts with the dragons. He has great connections.”
I rolled my eyes. “If you must. He has secrets though.”
She smirked, a look I didn’t see on Morgana often. “I am already aware.”
My interest piqued. “Do tell.”
She tapped the side of her nose. “He will not betray us. I have made certain of this.”
I sighed slowly. “I was hoping to reach out to others too.”
“Who did you have in mind?”
“Well, this isn’t just a battle, is it? I mean, it’s a war, against my cousin and Berovia.”
“I suppose it is.”
“I may need to make a deal.” I scrunched my nose. “With the mer, if I can.”
Snowflakes drifted down, landing on Morgana’s bushy hair. “Is there anyone else you’d like me to reach out to?”
“There are the firedrake warders, but they’re impossible to get ahold of and, according to Cedric, dangerous.”
The corner of her eyes crinkled. “I would like to talk to this Cedric.”
“Why?”
“He is close to you, and a Berovian. Just to get to know him, get a feel for his character.”
“Okay, but I warn you, he has a killer smile.” I smirked. “Smooth-talking too.”
She grinned. “I think I will survive.”
***
Lucien walked through the throne room wearing a somber look after talking with Blaise. Niam followed behind with Crawn, looking out of sorts. I wondered what had happened but didn’t have time to ask. We were heading to the town of Fairmont, our new base. I still couldn’t believe what was happening. Morgana said she sent word to someone important but didn’t share who.
Scattered fae clothed in Gothic attire, with jewelry of thorns and berries, watched us enter the center of town. Blaise’s guards, in navy uniforms, marched us to the empty houses. Their thatched roofs desperately needed mending. As we reached the heart of Fairmont, the buildings were made of ancient stone instead. Huddling my fur coat tighter, I licked my frozen lips.
Cedric looked around at the frosty market stalls. “Quite the difference.”
I eyed the bottles of blossomdew for sale. “They like to indulge their senses.”
“No kidding.” Cedric scoffed when we passed a brothel. Fae women, dressed in see-through net, danced behind windows, waiting for men to pay for the pleasure of their company.
“It’s not that I approve,” I said. “I don’t.”
He grabbed my hand. “It’s a place to build an army, and that’s all we need. I can’t believe Blaise agreed to it.”
I chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah, it’s so odd. Also, if you’re in the company of anyone else, it’s probably best to call him His Majesty.”
Cedric rolled his eyes. Back-to-back eateries and inns led to a collection of taller, narrower houses.
“These ones are empty,” I said.
“We can’t fit everyone in here,” Cedric replied.
Morgana rushed to our side, breathless. “Sorry I am late. I was with Licia and then had to send a message to… It doesn’t matter. I’m here.” She flattened her black dress, which had wrinkled during her run. She looked up at the snow-covered stone buildings and their steps that led up to lamp-lit porches.
One of the guards turned on his heel to face us. His bright-green eyes matched his short green hair. “The king has requested you have guards stationed outside at all times. Tomorrow, we will accompany you to the villages where your people will be staying.”
“Villages?” My eyebrow arched. “They won’t be staying here?”
His nose wrinkled. “Our orders are to have them stay in the log cabins in the surrounding villages.”
I looked at Cedric, who shrugged. “Okay, well, thank you.”
When I squeaked open the blue-painted front door, my jaw dropped. On the side table, a bouquet of freshly picked white lilies musked the air. There was no note, but I already knew who’d sent them. Starry paintings lined the narrow passage that led to a large living area with a lit fire. The three of us rushed to the fireplace and dropped to our knees on the red rug. I rubbed my hands together. The crackling and hissing of the fire was music to my ears. “I’m freezing.”
Morgana stood. “I’m going to find a place to set up my altar. I also would like to do a reading before bed.” She heaved her bag over her shoulder. “I will see you tonight. We can discuss more plans for tomorrow. Word has been sent to those I trust back home. We should be hearing back from some of them by morning.”
My stomach cartwheeled. It was beginning. It was real. “Thank you. I’ll come find you later.”
Once alone, I rested my head on Cedric’s lap. He stretched his legs out and sighed. “I love fires.”
I watched the flames dance, rejoicing in the warmth on my face. “I still can’t believe it’s finally happening. I’m going to be queen.” I stretched out my arms. “I never thought I’d need an army to make it happen.”
“Life is full of unexpected surprises. Speaking of, there are so many lilies here. So weird.” His forehead wrinkled.
I looked up and saw another bunch on a corner table. “They’re my favorite flower,” I admitted.
He exhaled deeply. “Explains it then. Blaise sent them.”
“Don’t be jealous. He’s only trying to be friends. He told me he was happy for us to both be here.”
He scoffed. “He would say that.”
I sat upright, leaning on my hand to look at him. “You’re not usually like this.”
His frown softened. “It’s you. I don’t want to lose you.”
He wore his worry so openly. I could always read every emotion on his face, unlike Blaise.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said to assure him. “Promise.”
“I hope not.” He leaned forward and kissed my cheek softly. “You know I would do anything for you, right?” He lowered his kiss to the nape of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. The hairs on my arms stood erect. “Anything,” he said again, his voice tickling my skin.
“Kiss me again,” I whispered. “Make me forget everything. The crown. Politics. Berovia.” Blaise, I said in my head. “Make me forget.” I pulled him to my lips.
He ran his hand up my thigh, laying me down against the rug. Pressing his body on top of mine, he deepened our kiss.
It was midnight when I awoke, lying under our fur jackets. The fire had sizzled down to embers and ash. Carefully, I moved Cedric’s arms. We’d kissed, then talked, laughed, and kissed some more. He made me feel so free. My cheeks bunched up as I watched him sleep. Light snores escaped his lips. His gold strands curled around his pointed ears.
Hurrying out of the room, my bare feet cold against the ground, I climbed the stairs. Morgana was kneeling by her bed, cards in hand.
I sighed relief. “You’re still awake.”
“Twilight is the best time to access the spirit realm.”
“Naturally.”
“Why are you still awake, Winter?”
“Nerves, maybe. I’m not sure.”
She put her cards down. “We have a journey ahead of us. I’ve been given warnings. The rats card.” She turned it over. Gold glistened against the black. “Meaning there are liars in our ranks. Or will be. It’s set in the future position. We must be cautious.”
“I expected spies,” I admitted in earnest. “Edgar lived here for many years. Blaise said he was bound to have made allies but he did stick to his own, other lunas who switched to elemental magic mostly, so I doubt there will be many of them.”
“There only needs to be one spy to ruin everything. Edgar has been alerted to you trying to bring people into the kingdom,” she explained quickly. “He has yet to take action.”
“He’ll amp up security around the border.”
“It’s a large area,” Morgana replied. “There are hunters in the forest, as well as anumi and wolves. They will not send many. They are afraid of the hunters.”
An idea crept into my mind. “He is bound to arm wherever he believes people may try to cross into Niferum.”
She attempted to untangle a puff of her brown hair. “Yes.”
I threw my arms in the air. “It’s clear. We send false information. Let us send a few almost-empty ships to small ports in Magaelor. He will leave the border almost unarmed to go to the ships, arming those areas if he thinks we’re coming. We leak the plan in advance, all around the castle, and allow news to travel back to court. We don’t say which ports. He’ll have to use most of his men to go to every one. Magaelor has what…” I counted in my head. “Fourteen, no, fifteen ports of entry. We must falsify we have pirates on our side who can navigate the waters.” I smiled broadly at my plan. “Make the arrangements,” I ordered. “Anyone wishing to get into Magaelor, only those we absolutely trust, whose loyalty is unquestionable, they can come through the mountains the day after tomorrow when Edgar’s attention will be diverted. Make sure only those who are trusted know.”
The Fate of Crowns: The Complete Trilogy: A YA Epic Fantasy Boxset Page 47