Before he could reply, she pulled away, brought her hands up between them and started counting things, things about him, things that made his stomach clench, his chest ache and his throat close.
At the same time he felt all this, conversely, he also felt like bursting into laughter.
“First, you are inconceivably, impossibly handsome,” she began, “and you lean very well.”
“I lean well?” he asked incredulously.
She nodded vigorously. “Very well,” she assured him as if leaning well was a trait akin to honesty, integrity, diplomacy and generosity all rolled into one. “And you’re tall and dark and narrow-hipped –”
“Narrow-what?” Nate interrupted her but Lily ignored his interruption.
“And you’re very clever, beyond clever, you’re brilliant. And you’re hard-working. You’re virile and fierce –”
“Lily –”
“And rugged –”
He couldn’t help himself, he started laughing.
Rugged?
“Lily –” He tried interrupting her again but she stopped ticking off her hilarious list and put her hands on either side of face and what she said next made all amusement flee.
“You’re everything I ever wanted. You’re exactly what I wished for when I was fourteen years old. Exactly. You can ask Fazire, I told him what I wanted and then, years later, there you were. And you were perfect. I knew it the minute I laid eyes on you. I knew who you were and I knew I wanted you and I knew you were mine.”
Nate stiffened, his body going stock-still, and he shook his head, pulling away from her, putting distance between them and he felt his shields go up. He didn’t put them up, they went up automatically.
Softly, as a warning, he told her, “You have no idea who I am.”
She didn’t allow him to retreat. She closed the distance and wrapped her arms around his waist, holding on tightly.
“I know exactly who you are.”
He shook his head again, once, a definite negative but she kept talking, this time her voice was fierce and there was an iron edging her words.
“You’re Nathaniel McAllister, you’re my lover, you’re the father of my child, you take care of your family, you’ll never let us go without again and you’ll never let me go again.” She flattened herself against him and lifted her lips against his. “Nate, you’re mine, you belong to me and I belong to you.”
He felt her words tear through him.
If she knew about him, her words wouldn’t be so fervent, so determined. He lifted his hands to either side of her face.
“You’re right, Lily, I’ll never let you go but you’ve no idea who I am.”
She kissed him silent and then said softly, “You can have your secrets, I don’t care about them. You can tell them or you can keep them. But Nate, I know who you are. I may just have learned your favourite colour but I know you’ll never let me hurt again. And you wouldn’t have done it before if you’d thought it was within your power.” Her gaze, which had been intent, lightened and she finished, “By the way, Jeff doesn’t lean. He slouches.”
At her quick change in topic, her tone moving from impassioned to playfully informative, unusually, Nate lost track of the conversation.
“I beg your pardon?”
On a wicked grin she said, “Jeff, your brother, he doesn’t lean like a sexy romantic hero, like you do. He slouches, like a snotty schoolboy.”
At that, Nate finally allowed himself to give into laughter, letting the rest of it go, burying it deep so after she knew, after she went away, he could take it out and savour it.
Snatching her to him, he threw his head back and roared with laughter, holding her close.
Nate, nor Lily, had any idea that the inhabitants of the room next door went silent and listened to him laugh. Two of them smiled. One of them giggled. The last scowled.
In their bedroom, Lily’s mouth against Nate’s neck, when he stopped laughing, she said quietly against his skin, “Something else you should know, I’ll never let you go either.”
And Nate felt her words were less words and more a vow and his arms tightened around her.
* * * * *
Now he was on his way home, to his most recent surprise, another day bringing him closer to the end, another day he had to relish as he waited for his good fortune to run out.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lily & Fazire & Nate
“Daddeeee!” Tash yelled, and they heard her crashing through the house to get to the front door.
Lily was in the kitchen helping Fazire prepare dinner. At her daughter’s cry, she knew Nate was home. She knew this because Tash’s exuberant shout had become the nightly ritual upon Nate’s arrival home however tonight there was a bit more excitement behind the mad dash.
Lily’s eyes flew to Victor who was sitting at the kitchen table going through some papers.
It was Thursday, Victor and Laura weren’t due to visit until Saturday but Lily had recruited Victor in her latest strategy to get Nate to trust in her, in their family, in happiness.
She wasn’t lying to him when she told him she didn’t want to know his secrets. She didn’t want to know, she didn’t care what they were. Whatever they were wouldn’t matter in the slightest.
She just wanted him to believe, believe in her, believe in their family and believe in himself. She knew he didn’t. She was shocked by that knowledge but she knew it was there all the same. It held him back, kept him away from her, kept him removed and she wanted, no, it had now become a need, she needed him. She needed him for Tash and she needed him for herself.
She wasn’t making a lot of headway, no matter how hard she tried (and she’d been trying very hard) so she’d decided to pull out the big guns and enlist Laura and Victor. It was a desperate measure but she didn’t care about that either. She wasn’t too proud to admit she was desperate. This was her family she was worried about, Lily would do anything.
Catching her look, Victor grinned at her.
Lily grabbed a tea towel and dried her hands quickly, throwing a nervous smile at Victor, then one to Fazire.
Fazire was watching her closely. Fazire, Lily noticed the last couple of weeks, was watching everything closely, even closer than normal, especially Nate.
Lily didn’t have time to worry about Fazire. She rushed out of the kitchen and down the hall, feeling nervous. Why, she didn’t know. She wanted this to be perfect, to be meaningful, to put at least one dent in that armour around Nate’s heart, to watch just one drop melt off the ice that encased it.
Laura rushed into the hall from the living room, her eyes wide and excited. When she spied Lily, she gave a little giggle. At the same time, both women’s hands searched for the other’s and they clasped them tightly and walked out the front door.
Tash was dancing around Nate and the brand-new, bright red, Ducati motorcycle that was sitting on the front walk, an even brighter-red, huge bow adorning it.
Victor had chosen the bike because Lily didn’t know anything about Ducatis. Nate had one, of course, in London but he didn’t have one in Somerset. Victor had assured her this bike was the best, the most expensive, the top of the line and it certainly looked it (and cost it). Victor had arranged for it to be delivered and Lily had paid for it out of her seven million pounds. It was the first time she touched the money. Victor had also decided that he and Laura had to come to watch the presentation, certain it would be a doozy.
It was a doozy all right.
Nate was staring at the motorcycle.
Tash was shouting.
“Mummy bought it for you! Isn’t it pretty? She says you’ll take me for a ride. She got helmets and everything! One for you, one for her, one for Fazire and even a small one, for me!”
Nate’s eyes went from the bike to Lily, who had stopped just outside the front door and Laura had stopped beside her. Lily felt Fazire and Victor move in behind them.
She smiled at Nate.
Nate frowned at her.
Nate was still glaring at Lily, seemingly frozen to the spot. Lily was confused at his glare and her smile faltered.
“I wish to speak to you privately,” Nate announced, his voice sounded controlled, formal. He came unstuck and stalked toward her.
“Nate –” Lily started but he was already there, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the house, right through Victor and Fazire, going so far as shoving his father out of the way.
“He likes it! Daddy always speaks to Mummy privately when he’s happy,” Tash yelled.
Lily felt relief because what Natasha said was true. Nate carefully shielded Tash from any of his more amorous displays of affection. He was openly affectionate with Lily in front of anyone, holding her hand, touching her, brushing his lips against hers. But if he wanted something deeper and more meaningful, he did it behind closed doors.
Nate dragged Lily up the stairs, all the way up to their bedroom. He pulled her inside and then he slammed the door, slammed it so hard, it felt like it shook the house.
Lily stopped several steps away from him, tilted her head to look at him and smiled, woefully misinterpreting the intensity behind his actions.
“I take it you like the bike,” she said through her smile.
Nate stared at her, his eyes didn’t look happy. In fact, he looked angry. Very angry.
Her smile faltered.
“Who paid for that bike?” Nate asked, his voice dangerously calm.
She blinked at him, again beginning to be confused and the smile melted from her face.
“I did. It’s a present from me,” she replied.
“I already have a bike.”
Lily felt her heart sink. “I know, but it’s not here and I thought –”
He interrupted her. “What money did you use to pay for that bike?”
Her body jerked and she realised, too late, where she went wrong. All of a sudden the gesture seemed silly, indeed, it was silly. He’d paid for his own present.
“I used the money you gave me,” she answered in a small voice.
She felt tears start to prick her eyes. This was not going well at all.
“Lily, I told you, that money is for you.” Again, his tone was calm, even, low and still dangerous and she could tell he was angry.
“Yes, I know,” she went on. “It’s mine, that’s why I bought a present with it, er, for you.”
He kept his body still and the distance between them. She could tell this took an effort, she could tell he wanted to approach her and, for some reason, shake some sense into her and all of a sudden she felt afraid.
“You don’t use that fucking money for me. I don’t need a goddamned bike. I thought I explained this but I’ll explain it again,” he continued, using patience, what appeared to be extreme patience. “That money is yours. You use it for you.”
“Nate –” she began only to be interrupted again and it was clear his patience had quickly run out.
“I’ve got everything I need right here in this goddamned, fucking house!”
Even though Nate’s words were beautiful (in a way), Lily winced for two reasons.
Firstly, he’d lost his temper and his voice was raised, in fact, he was shouting and she’d never seen him that angry. He was, quite simply, enraged.
Secondly, he was cursing flagrantly. He didn’t shy away from a curse word but he also didn’t use them very often. And certainly not in a raised voice that could be overheard by his daughter who he went to great pains to protect from anything he felt might be inappropriate.
Surprisingly, considering Nate didn’t talk much, he wasn’t finished and he was getting louder.
“And you don’t use it on Natasha. I’ll take care of our daughter.”
“Nate –” she tried again, using what she hoped was a soothing voice, but he interrupted her again and he was even louder.
“And you don’t use it on Fazire. It’s clear you took care of Fazire and anything you used to take care of, now, I take care of. Is that understood?”
Lily was losing her fear and beginning to get angry. Therefore she didn’t reply because she was attempting to control her own temper.
He took a giant stride forward which meant, when he stopped, he was an inch away, and he dipped his face to hers. Stubbornly and angrily, she held her ground.
“Is that fucking understood?” Nate roared and she’d had enough.
She was just trying to do something nice. She was just trying to melt his heart. She was just trying to make him happy.
“Don’t yell at me!” she yelled.
“Tell me I’m understood!” he yelled back.
“I can’t use seven million pounds on me!” Lily returned just as loudly, head tilted back, hands clenched into fists at her sides and shouting in his face. “You pay for everything! The groceries! My new car! You bought me a new cashmere cardigan that I didn’t even need just a week ago! You even paid off the mortgage! What am I going to do with seven million pounds?”
“Go shopping. Go to a spa. Fly to fucking Paris and watch the Collections and buy every stitch of clothing at Chanel. Get a manicure every day. It doesn’t matter, just use it… on you!” Nate shouted back.
Her eyes narrowed on him. “Go… go… you want me to go shopping with seven million pounds?” she spluttered (still loudly). “Get a seven million pound manicure?” she yelled nonsensically.
He took a step back, his eyes still glittering with anger but she could tell he was trying to control himself.
“I don’t give a fuck, just don’t spend it on anyone but you,” he demanded (also still loudly) and then started to turn away, toward the door, like they were done talking or, more to the point, yelling, which they were not. Then he turned back. “I’ll have the money for the bike transferred into your account.”
“Don’t you dare!” she shouted but she shouted it at his back, he’d opened the door and disappeared.
She stared at the space where his back used to be and she realised she was breathing heavily, her heart was pounding and she’d never been so angry in her entire life.
Lily took a deep breath then a second one then she heard another door slamming somewhere far away but it still shook the house.
Nate’s study.
At the sound, she stopped trying to calm herself and stomped out of her room. Then she stomped down the stairs. Then she stomped down the second flight of stairs right passed Victor, Laura, Fazire and Tash and even Mrs. Gunderson, who sat beside Tash, tail twitching. They were all standing in the hallway, their eyes, in unison, watching her progress as she rounded the ground floor landing and stomped down to the garden level.
Then she walked right up to Nate’s closed study door and without knocking she threw it open, stomped inside and then she slammed it shut.
He was standing behind his desk, papers in his hands, for some reason the brightly coloured plastic box that held her household files was opened and on top of his desk.
She ignored the box and ignored the searing glance he aimed at her.
“We’re not done,” she announced.
“We’re done,” Nate retorted.
“We are not!” Lily yelled.
Calmly, he looked back down at the papers in his hands, dismissing her.
At this, Lily threw her head back and screamed blue, bloody murder. When she was done, she tipped her chin down again and glared at him. He was most certainly looking at her now with narrowed eyes and knitted brows.
“Good!” she snapped. “I have your attention.”
Then she advanced on him, rounding his desk. He turned to face her and she halted a foot away from him and lifted her finger.
“It’s my seven million pounds. You gave it to me!” she shouted and with every verbally underlined word, she poked him in the chest. “If I want to buy you a motorcycle with it, I’ll bloody well buy you a motorcycle. If I want to buy you a prized-p
edigree King Charles Spaniel that costs the moon, I’ll buy it for you. If I want to commission blind nuns in a convent in the depths of the Pyrenees Mountains to craft you the finest tailored shirts fashioned from silk spun from a near extinct species of silk worm, I’ll do it! Now, is that understood?”
After she stopped shouting, Lily saw emotions warring on his face and she couldn’t latch onto any one of them but she thought she glimpsed amusement as well as anger there, and something else, something she definitely couldn’t read.
“If something happens to me, I want you to be taken care of. I don’t want you wasting that money on me,” he told her, his voice much softer but his dark eyes were intense.
“Nothing’s going to happen to you,” she snapped, not feeling any less intense and her voice not one iota softer.
Finally, he touched her. He dropped the papers he was holding on his desk and his hands settled on either side of her neck, one of his thumbs moved to stroke her cheek.
When he spoke again, his voice was gentle. “If there comes a time in your life when I’m not in it, I want to know you’ll want for nothing.”
“That’s not going to happen!” she yelled, now her raging feelings even more intense knowing she hadn’t made the tiniest nick in his armour, not even a scratch.
Furthermore, she was beginning to get scared.
Why would there be a time when he wasn’t in her life?
“Nate, I’m not letting you go,” Lily declared, scowling at him to hide her fear. “Whatever is going on in that head of yours, forget it. I’m not letting you go. You’re not letting me go. No matter what.”
“Lily –”
“No! No matter what!” she snapped. “Now we’re done talking.”
She pulled her neck away from his hands and stomped back to the door, feeling relatively pleased with herself, feeling she’d made her point.
“Lily,” he called and she halted, hand on the door and whirled around to glare at him again, not wishing to lose ground. Even if she hadn’t put a scratch in his armour, he’d have to be an idiot not to understand what she just said and Nate was no idiot.
“What?” she clipped.
He watched her a second and she realised whatever emotion that had hold of him was gone. She knew this because his lips were twitching.
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