by Sam Schall
“What are you going to do?” she asked as she once again climbed to her feet.
“I think it might be time to meet again with Secretary Nelms. Perhaps reassuring him that we are acting in good faith and doing everything possible to locate Watchman and the others will help.” Not that he expected it to.
Once alone, Kalmár reached for his comm. There was one call he needed to make before reaching out to Fuercon’s secretary of state. This one might just keep him safe should Fertig decide to switch loyalties once again.
5
“Colonel, I’m sorry to interrupt but there’s a Mila Talbot-Valois to see you.”
Ashlyn set her reader to one side and looked up. Marie LeClerc, the family’s long-time housekeeper, stood in the doorway to the study. She waited, her expression concerned, for Ash to reply. The problem was Ash didn’t know what to say. She very badly wanted to tell the woman to inform their visitor that she wasn’t home. But she couldn’t—she wouldn’t—do that, no matter how tempting it might be.
But how in the hell was she supposed to explain to Kevin Talbot’s sister that he’d died because she’d failed to keep him safe?
Ash inhaled once, searching for the courage to face Talbot-Valois. “Show her in, Marie.”
“Are you sure? I can tell her you are unavailable.”
Ash smiled and shook her head. “It’s all right, Marie. Show her in.”
The woman gave Ash one last look before backing out of the room. As Marie closed the doors behind her, Ash smiled slightly. In the two days since her return home, Marie, as well as the rest of the family, had done their best to protect her. They knew she was hurting. Because of that, they’d run interference, keeping the media at bay. They went with her to the funerals of some of those who fell during the mission to Savitar VI. There were more funerals to come, including the memorial service for Talbot, and she had no doubt they would be there as well.
God, how was she going to get through Talbot’s memorial service?
Ash stood and moved across the study to stand in front of the windows making up the far wall. That was her command instinct taking control. It put her in the position of power, not that she felt powerful just then. All she felt was a numbing grief and guilt. But she hadn’t had more than a glass of wine at dinner since her return. She knew better than to risk losing control around her family. They would understand but her mother would be honor bound to report it to General Okafor and the last thing Ash wanted was to be grounded. She needed to be out there, fighting the enemy and making them pay for each and every death suffered on this mission and all the others.
“Ms. Talbot-Valois, Colonel,” Marie said from the doorway a few minutes later.
Ash turned away from the window and her breath caught. Mila Talbot-Valois stood just as tall and confident as her brother had. They shared the same facial structure and her eyes were the same color as his had been. But it was the grief and something else reflected in those dark eyes that stopped Ashlyn’s breath for a moment. Then she steeled herself, prepared for the verbal barrage she knew to be coming.
“Thank you for seeing me, Colonel Shaw. I won’t take much of your time,” Talbot-Valois said as Marie closed the doors behind her.
“Please have a seat.” Ash indicated the sofa against the wall to her right. She waited for the woman to sit before taking one of the chairs opposite a low coffee table in front of it. “Is there anything the regiment can do for you or your family?”
She’d see to it they did everything possible to help. Unfortunately, they couldn’t do the one thing they all wanted. They couldn’t bring Talbot or any of the others back to life.
“No but thank you. I promise we will let you know if we need anything.” Talbot-Valois shifted almost nervously on the sofa. “Colonel, I won’t take long. But I wanted to thank you for myself and for my family.”
Ash’s brows knit and she looked at the woman in confusion. Thank her? For what?
“I don’t understand.”
Talbot-Valois smiled almost gently. Then she stood and moved to sit in the chair next to Ashlyn’s. “May I call you Ashlyn?”
Ash nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“Ashlyn, you may not remember, but we’ve met before. It wasn’t long after your first assignment on the Heinlein.”
A slight smile touched Ash’s lips as she remembered the time. The Heinlein had returned to Fuercon a month earlier. Soon Ash would be shipping out again, this time on the Ascendant. One night a week or so before she was due to report to her new posting, she’d met with some of her former shipmates for dinner and drinks. Talbot had been there. He’d brought his younger sister who was home from university for a few days. Mila Talbot sat quietly most of the night, watching her brother with undisguised admiration. Then, not long before Ash left, the young woman asked if they could talk. Ash had nodded and they’d excused themselves before stepping outside, away from the noise of the crowded tavern.
Talbot’s sister had wanted to thank her then as she apparently did now. Back then, it was for being her big brother’s friend. Ash assured her it was her pleasure and told her how the man had been friend and mentor to her. Then she’d made the younger woman promise to let her know if she ever needed anything. That was the one and only time she’d seen Mila. Now that shy young woman barely out of her teens was the sophisticated and confident professional who was once again thanking her.
“I remember. I told you then to let me know if you ever needed anything.” She managed a slight smile, knowing it didn’t reach her eyes.
“And you gave me the one thing I wanted.” Talbot-Valois reached for her hand. “You gave my brother your friendship and respect. You gave him the confidence he needed to become the Marine he was. Now I have something to give you. Something I hope you will accept.”
Ash looked at her in question.
“Ashlyn, do you know what I do as a profession?”
For a moment, Ash considered the question. Then she nodded once, remembering a conversation she and Talbot had not long after her pardon. “Kevin told me. He was so very proud of you when you passed your boards. The fact you chose to work with active duty military and our vets meant the world to him.”
Tears gathered in the woman’s eyes and she blinked them back. “He’s a large reason why I went into the profession. I saw what some of the missions did to him emotionally You Marines, especially the Devil Dogs, are on the front lines. You see the death and destruction of war up close. You live with the reality that you may not return from your next mission. You’ve seen your friends, your brothers and sisters, die or worse. It takes a toll and I wanted to do what I could to help people like you and my brother deal with it before it broke you.”
Ash glanced at the woman’s hand resting on hers. When she looked up, tears burned in her eyes. “I would do anything to turn the clock back. You have to know that.”
“I do.” She gave Ashlyn’s hand a squeeze and then leaned back. “Ashlyn, you need to forgive yourself. You aren’t to blame for what happened to my brother and the others. The only ones who are or either dead or you transported them back here to face justice.”
Ash blinked in surprise. That information was supposed to be classified. How had she found out?
Talbot-Valois smiled almost gently. “Don’t look so suspicious. General Okafor told me when she met with the family yesterday.”
Ash inhaled deeply. Had the general also asked the woman to come here and evaluate her?
“Don’t look so worried.” Once again, Talbot-Valois leaned over and patted her hand. “I’m here simply because I feel like I know you from everything Kevin said over the years. Because of that, and because of what you meant to my brother, I wanted to make sure you knew we didn’t blame you for what happened.”
Ash considered getting to her feet and moving across the room. This interview was going nothing like she anticipated. She didn’t know whether to let it play out or to run for the hills. That had her glancing around the room. One
corner of her mouth twitched as she realized the doors weren’t completely closed. Marie had left them open a crack and she had no doubt the woman waited on the other side, ready to intervene if necessary.
“At the risk of repeating myself, I don’t understand.”
“My brother meant the world to me, Ashlyn. I won’t lie. There have been times when I’ve been jealous of the Corps and the way he loved it and many of his fellow Marines. He thought of the Devil Dogs like family. Some he was closer to than others, as it is with any family. But you, Colonel Ortega, Sgt. Major Anisimova and a few others were like brothers and sisters to him.”
The woman chuckled softly, almost as if to herself. “He often said you and Anisimova made him into the man and the Marine he was. Anisimova because she wouldn’t let him slack and pushed him to be the best he could. You because you showed him there really are officers, even wet behind the ears butterbars, who give a damn about their troops and who will do everything possible to bring them all home alive.”
“He’s the one who made me a better Marine.” Ash spoke softly, her gaze resting on her hands in her lap.
“Let’s compromise and say you made each other better.” Talbot-Valois waited until she agreed. “I remember how he reacted when you and the others were first arrested and charged after the Arterus mission. It was all we could do to keep him from storming the security complex to try to break you out. Of course, he wasn’t the only one considering doing just that. I think that’s the first time I realized how much of an impression you made on not only my brother but others in the Corps.
“I’m not breaking confidence when I say I counseled a number of those same Marines after your conviction. I came out of those sessions with a better picture of you and why your Marines are so willing to follow you to Hell and back.” She turned in her chair a little so she could fully look Ash in the eyes. “You care. You never ask them to do anything you wouldn’t do yourself. You have, on more than one occasion, stood between them and some other officer who was willing to send them to their deaths without cause. You would rather die than have one of them lose their lives.” She paused and smiled gently as Ash reached up to brush away a stray tear that rolled down her cheek.
“Now I want you to understand something. Your Marines, people like my brother, felt the same way about you. They would gladly put themselves between the enemy and you because they know how important you are to the war effort. I know my brother well enough to realize he never hesitated when he made the decision to use the shuttle to intercept the missile heading toward the flagship. I also have no doubt the others onboard agreed completely and without hesitation with the plan.
“And I know you blame yourself for their deaths because you couldn’t change their minds before the missile struck the shuttle. It is worse for you because you saw what happened. You spoke with Kevin moments before the moment the shuttle intercepted the missile. It was probably the only time he refused a direct order from you and you feel guilty he and the others sacrificed themselves as they did.”
Ash nodded, emotion closing her throat and preventing her from speaking.
“You need to remember something, Ashlyn. The last thing any of those brave men and women would want is for you to feel responsible for what happened. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Hell, Colonel, if they knew how you were feeling, they’d probably come back from the dead to beat some sense into you. Accept the fact they did exactly what you would have done had your roles been reversed.”
Ash closed her eyes. She didn’t want to admit it but Talbot-Valois was right. Any one of those Marines on the shuttle would have been the first to volunteer for a suicide mission on the ground. Their sense of duty and willingness to do whatever it took to protect Fuercon and its allies was why they’d been Devil Dogs.
God, it wasn’t fair they were gone and she was still there.
“It’s called survivor’s guilt, Ash. You’ve felt it before. It’s common for those in battlefield situations to feel it. But you’ve been dealt one blow after another over the last few years: the Arterus mission, your court martial and conviction, the time in the penal colony, your return home only to be thrown immediately into the middle of a new war, Colonel Pawlak’s death and then Colonel Ortega’s. I doubt you’ve given yourself time, much less permission, to grieve and now you suffer the loss of my brother and the others. Please, let yourself be human. Let your grief out. Don’t let it, don’t let the enemy, beat you.”
She knew Talbot-Valois was right. But it was hard, so very hard, to accept it. She should have known what Talbot and the others planned. After all, it’s exactly what she would have done had she been in their place. Now she had to find her way through it. She’d never forget them. She never forgot any of her dead.
“How do you do it?” she asked softly.
“I grieve. That’s a necessary part of the process. But I don’t carry their deaths with me like you do.”
“I guess I’ve been an idiot, haven’t I?”
“Not at all. You’ve been too hard on yourself but it is understandable. It’s easier to do that than it is to admit you could have done nothing. None of us like being helpless.”
That was certainly the truth.
“Thank you.” This time Ash reached over and grasped the woman’s hand.
Talbot-Valois smiled and patted her hand. “I do have a favor to ask. Two actually.”
“Anything.”
“My family has finalized the arrangements for Kevin’s memorial service. Would you do us the honor of not only choosing his honor guard and pall bearers but of being one as well?”
Ash swallowed hard and nodded. “It would be my honor.”
Her guest smiled. “There’s one more thing.” Now she reached into her jacket pocket. Ash watched as she pulled out a chain. Hanging from it was a dog tag. Ash’s breath caught and her heart pounded as she guessed what it was. “Before he shipped out his very first time, Kevin had extra dog tags made for the family. He knew even then the possibility that he might die and his body not be recovered. He wanted us to have these to remember him by.”
“Most of us do that,” Ash said softly.
“Much as Kevin loved you, he adored your son. After your court martial, my brother rewrote his will. He left Jake a bequest that should help with his education costs later. At the same time, he asked me to give one of his tags to your son if anything ever happened to him. Is that all right?”
Ash pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. Emotion tightened her chest. Kevin Talbot had never forgotten the promise he made to her before her trial. He swore he’d make sure her son was safe. Back then, she’d worried about the little boy’s biological father taking him and preventing her family from being a part of Jake’s life. She’d known Talbot and others from the Devil Dogs would do whatever it took to make sure her son was all right. Thank God, her ex had screwed up quickly and her parents took custody of Jake.
“Your brother was a truly special man,” she whispered as she stood. A moment later, she opened the door and asked Marie to bring Jake to the study. “Are you sure about this?” she asked as she returned to her chair.
“I am.” Talbot-Valois smiled and even though her sadness at the loss of her brother was there to see so was her determination to carry through his final wishes.
A few minutes later, Jake slipped into the room. Seeing his mother, he ran to her. Ash dropped to one knee and pulled him close. For a moment, she held him close, wondering how she was going to get through the next few minutes. Then she shook herself. Her son had loved Talbot as much as the man had loved him. Jake would mourn his loss but he would also do whatever he could to make the man proud of him.
“Jake, I want you to meet someone.” She stood and took his hand in hers before leading him to stand before Talbot-Valois. “This is Dr. Mila. She’s Uncle Kevin’s sister.”
“I’m pleased to meet you,” the boy said and freed his hand from his mother’s grasp before extending it to Talbot-Valois. “I’m
sorry about Uncle Kevin. I miss him.”
“Me too, Jake.” The woman slipped to her knees in front of him, putting them at the same eye level. “Long ago, when you were just a little boy, my brother asked me to do something for him if anything ever happened. Do you know what it was?”
Jake looked at his mother before shaking his head.
“He wanted me to give you this.” She extended her right hand, the dog tag and chain resting on her palm.
“Jake, that is one of Uncle Kevin’s dog tags. Dr. Mila and her family would like it very much if you’d wear it in honor of Uncle Kevin,” Ash explained.
He reached out and gently touched the tag. “Mama, like you wear Aunt Lucinda’s?”
“That’s right, Jake. Just like I wear Aunt Lucinda’s.” And her grandfather’s and many times removed great grandmother’s.
“I’d like that.”
Talbot-Valois leaned forward and gently kissed his cheek. Then she draped the chain over his head and closed his hand over the single dog tag. “You do my family a great honor, Jake.” She reached up with her left hand and brushed away a tear.
“We’re your family now, Dr. Mila,” the little boy said.
Pride filled Ash. “He’s right, Mila. You are family. Not just where the Devil Dogs are concerned but where my family is as well. I hope you remember that.”
“Thank you.” Talbot-Valois climbed to her feet and then bent to give Jake a hug.
“Run on, son. Ask Marie to fix you a snack. I’ll join you in a few minutes,” Ash told him and watched as he left the room, his hand still wrapped around the dog tag. “Thank you.”
“I should be the one thanking you, Ashlyn.” She surprised Ash by giving her a quick hug. “I’ll email the details of the memorial service to you. After it’s over, would you and your family join us for a meal? It would mean the world to my parents to get to talk to you about Kevin.”