“Valoria’s been attacked by a Shade!” I cut across her, my mouth going dry. “Shade-baiters did it on purpose, just like—just like before.” I swallow hard, thinking of the massacre Hadrien and his pet necromancer Vane caused in a similar fashion. “She was hurt badly, from the sound of things, and worse, there’s a rebellion forming against her. We have to go—” My tongue sticks on the word home, so I amend, “To Karthia.”
My words seem to have a sobering effect on the entire crew. Just like that, Evander’s dreams—and Evander himself—seem a little dimmer, a little more out of reach. But Valoria, my dear friend, comes first.
A stillness hangs over us, the air turning so heavy it’s as if we’re at a funeral, not in a tavern where some of us are half-undressed with drinks and darts in our hands.
“Of course we do!” Kasmira declares at last, sounding ready to go to battle on the spot. “If Valoria needs us, we’re as good as there.”
Dvora nods in agreement. “Anyone who tries to hurt our queen is going to regret it.” She clenches her fists at her sides, somehow looking fierce even without her blouse. “If they’re still alive when we’re through with them, that is.”
I nod my agreement, lost for words. It’s a sickening feeling, imagining that one of the people we fought for—who Valoria fought for—could be angry enough to kill her when she’s only been on the throne for weeks, not even months yet. There’s no change she could be making, no law she could be passing to justify these attempts on her life.
“Go grab your bags, everyone,” Kasmira says, clapping her hands to startle the weariest of her crew into greater alertness. Eyes flashing as she sweeps her gaze over us, she says firmly, “The moment you’re all on board, we sail.”
* * *
* * *
Paying no heed to the guards roaming the nighttime streets, I rush to tell Azelie what I’ve learned. To my surprise, the suggestion that she stay here in Sarral, where there aren’t any rebellions to fear, makes her eyes shine hard as glass.
“Oh, no.” She crosses her arms, frowning. “You can’t offer me a chance to finally belong somewhere and then just take it back.” Opening my mouth, I start to say the offer still stands, but she raises her voice over mine. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for something like this! Fifteen years! I’m not waiting any longer. I’m getting on that ship with you.”
After agreeing to meet her on board, I hurry to grab my bag from the bedroom where I’ve hardly slept at all. As I sling the bag over my shoulder, I notice Meredy’s father’s journal waiting on the bed. She even turned down my blankets.
I want to hit something, but since this isn’t my room to destroy, I settle for ripping the blankets off the bed and throwing the pillow as hard as I can against the far wall. Breathing hard, I pull a crinkled piece of paper from my bag. It’s the drawing of me, Meredy, and Valoria that our new queen did before any of us knew how bad things were going to get. Before Meredy and I witnessed a massacre and realized Hadrien was behind it.
Opening my door, I tiptoe down the hall to Meredy’s room, the drawing in hand. Unlike when I hesitated to say a final farewell to her back in Karthia, there’s light seeping through the cracks around her closed door, leaving no question that she’s inside.
That’s when it hits me: She has no idea what’s happened to her friend. Our friend. If she did, she’d surely want to come back and protect her with us—and that’s exactly why I can’t tell her what I just learned. This is her chance to be happy, after all.
I drop the crumpled paper—tears, smudged ink, and all—right in front of her door, just in case she’s the least bit scared or regretful when she realizes we’re gone. Just to let her know I’ll still be waiting.
IX
Starlight gilds the Paradise as I step on board, struggling with a dragon who seems to love straining against her lead. The boat looks good as new—possibly better, though I won’t tell Kasmira that—as it bobs in the harbor’s moonlit water.
I suppose I could have taken a sip from the flask Kasmira offered me before I rushed out of the boarding house ahead of her, just to dull the pain of leaving Meredy behind, but this is what I’m learning to do: take the losses and keep going, keep running toward danger while there are people I love left to fight for. Still, there’s an aching, hollow feeling in my stomach as the crew darts around me, preparing to leave.
After leading Nipper down to a damp section of the cargo hold where she can’t possibly set anything on fire and tossing her a couple pieces of Lysander’s leftover fish jerky, I make my way slowly to the tiny cabin I shared with Meredy. With only one bag to my name, unpacking goes quickly, even as I take extra care to avoid looking at Meredy’s cot. Some coffee beans are scattered across the floor, no doubt having spilled during the storm. I pick them up, blow the dust off them, and pop them in my mouth.
I hope the crew makes quick work of setting sail. We need to reach Valoria before any more attempts on her life are made, if that’s even possible. We know nothing about the extent of the rebels’ plans, and the not knowing is what frightens me most.
As I start to shove my bag under my cot, I realize it’s a bit too heavy to be completely empty. Reaching inside, I grab the fist-sized blue crystal and remove it from its leather wrapping. I’d forgotten about this thing already. I guess my mind was trying to spare me the embarrassment of recalling how much I paid for a piece of junk with powers too good to be true.
But since I’m alone in here, at least until Azelie brings her bags down, I might as well see if it does anything while no one is around to witness my humiliation.
Sitting cross-legged on my cot, I cradle the crystal in my cupped palms as the old man instructed. Nothing happens. I think he said something about closing my eyes and focusing on the person I want to contact, so I try that, too.
“Master Cymbre,” I whisper. “Can you hear me?”
Still nothing. Of course.
This is dumber than the only time it snowed in Grenwyr City, when Evander, Jax, and Simeon tried to build an icy cave to sleep in, and it fell in on their heads.
One more try. That’s all I’m giving this rock before I toss it into the harbor.
Keeping my eyes closed, I let the image of Evander fill the darkness behind my eyelids. His cropped brown hair, eyes of the darkest blue so stark against his pale skin, and the smile that won me over the first time we met as apprentices still awaiting growth spurts. Seeing him this clearly makes the rest of the world melt away. I forget where I am. I forget why I feel like I don’t belong anywhere anymore.
“Van,” I murmur in a choked voice. “I wish you were here.”
The crystal seems to shake slightly between my palms. It flares with a sudden warmth, startling me into opening my eyes. The rough-cut surface of the crystal glows from every angle as if lit from within. It’s almost uncomfortable to hold, like touching the door of a stove with bare hands, but I cling to it and hastily shut my eyes again.
“Evander?” I ask hopefully, my heart working overtime.
“I’ve missed you, Sparrow.” The achingly familiar voice echoes softly in my ears.
I gasp, amazed, not quite trusting what I just heard. “Van . . .” A sob catches in my throat as I try to speak. “Where are you?”
The answer takes a moment to arrive. “The island.”
“What island?” I demand, no longer whispering. I don’t care who hears. I don’t even care that the crystal is so hot, it’s probably leaving red marks on my palms. “The one your father used to talk about?” I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the fog of shock so I can focus on what matters: making up for lost time. “I can’t believe it’s you! I’ve missed you so much. I’ll come to you, I—”
“I can’t say where I am,” he answers slowly, the words tinged with sadness. “I’m afraid we can only talk here. So tell me: What’s bothering you, Sparrow?”
Tears sting m
y eyes, blazing trails down my cheeks when they finally spill over.
He could always tell when something was upsetting me, even when I tried to hide it. Can always tell, that is. Because apparently, his spirit is out there somewhere. Still, I can’t believe I’m finally hearing him again. I need to hear more, so the doubting voice in the back of my head will shut up.
“This is probably going to be a bit of a shock . . .” I begin. I hadn’t forgotten how easy it is to talk to him, but I’d buried the knowledge somewhere deep, so I could carry on with the business of living. “King Wylding is dead, thanks to Hadrien, that traitorous little worm. I had to kill him. Valoria took the throne, and now someone has tried to kill her—is still trying, from the sound of things. There are Karthians who want her dead, and there are rogue mages among them . . .”
The cabin door creaks open. I throw the crystal under my bed, dabbing my sweaty palms on my worn black trousers.
“Azelie, now’s not really a good time,” I groan, hastily wiping my face and turning to her as she sweeps inside and shuts the door.
Blinking, I try to understand what I’m seeing.
It’s not Azelie at all.
Meredy gently sets her bags—one for her, one for Lysander—off to the side of the door. Straightening, she absently rubs the long scar on her cheek as she studies me, looking more nervous than she did the time we were facing down a whole group of Shade-baiters in the Deadlands.
She clears her throat.
I can’t tell if my heart is beating out of control because I just talked to Evander or because I’m so glad to see the girl standing in front of me.
“Hi, Odessa,” Meredy says softly, crossing to where I sit. She drops down beside me, taking my still-burning hands in her pleasantly cold ones. “Kasmira told me everything when I bumped into her at the boarding house—on my way to see you.” I’m momentarily stunned into silence as she continues, “I can’t believe I almost walked away from you again. I’m coming with you—to protect Valoria, of course, but also because I—I’m done fighting this, too. That’s what I was on my way to tell you.”
It’s only after nudging the crystal deeper under the bed with my foot—I don’t want Meredy to see it—that I find my voice. “Fighting . . . us? I’m glad, don’t get me wrong.” I pause, gazing steadily into her eyes, hoping she can see that I mean what I’m saying. “But I know how happy you are in Sarral. I saw it. And I know what you’ll be losing in skill if you don’t keep training with the beast masters here. I’d never want you to risk your happiness, let alone your safety. That’s why I didn’t tell you the news about Valoria.”
“What do you know about a beast master’s skill?” Gently, but firmly, Meredy adds, “I’ve learned plenty of new techniques already, and I’m confident in the progress I’m making. Besides, I know what you thought you saw when you looked at me in Sarral. But you’re mistaken.” For reasons completely unknown to me, she smiles faintly as she rubs her thumb against my palm. “When Firiel died, and then Evander, too, I knew part of me was missing.” She leans closer, her breath spilling over my lips, making my own breathing quicken. “I found that part of myself again when I saw you at the palace in Grenwyr. Earlier tonight, you told me I deserve to be where I’m happiest, and—this is it. I’m only sorry that it took you almost leaving for me to realize it, but I’m happiest with you. You’re my heart, Odessa.”
I put a finger to her lips as she tries to close the narrow space between us. I want her in my arms right now more than I’ve ever wanted anything, but there’s something I have to say first. “This is your one chance, so don’t be reckless. It’s just . . . if you’re even the least bit unsure, I’d rather you leave now, because my heart can’t take much more.”
Meredy gently lowers my hand, tangling her fingers with mine, and kisses me hard enough to steal my breath, erasing my thoughts of everything but her. “I had a chance to live in a place that celebrates beast masters, a place where I could have learned so much. But my heart chose you, and I want to be by your side every day. So, since I’ll not be giving you up anytime soon, you should probably know that once I’ve made up my mind about something . . . well, Evander would have said I was stubborn.” She gives me a rueful smile. “I like to say I’m steadfast.”
“Do I get a few days to think it over?” I tease, struck by a rush of giddiness as she gently pushes me onto the bed, pinning my shoulders and hovering over me in response. “All right,” I gasp. “I accept!”
This is better than any late-night fantasy, the real Meredy on my bed, holding my gaze, her smile so open and inviting.
She traces a finger along the inside of my lower lip. That tiny gesture makes all the right places ache in new ways. “My girlfriend is so beautiful,” she murmurs. I push her hand away, impatient to join our lips again.
After all, we’ll be back in Karthia soon, and kissing Meredy gives me strength. I have a feeling I’ll need it, especially if Grenwyr City is restless and violent enough to attack its own queen with a Shade after experiencing firsthand how uncontrollable the monsters are.
Pushing back thoughts of what’s to come, I deepen our next kiss, my hands in her hair. “My girlfriend,” I say aloud, thrilled by the sound of those words.
Between kisses, I help Meredy pull off her blouse and her white cloth breastband, impatient to be joined with her body the way our hearts and minds are already bound. She pulls off my tunic and breastband next, throwing them down beside hers to make colorful puddles on the floor. I kiss the scar on her cheek in response, then run a finger along the jagged white line, memorizing its path from beneath her eye toward her jawline. My hands shake slightly as I touch her, like I can’t quite convince myself this is real, like I’m scared I’ll wake up any moment, alone and grasping at air.
“I’ve thought about this every night for a while now,” she whispers against my neck, grazing the tender skin there with her teeth and then kissing away the sting. The longer she talks, the more she touches me, the more I’m sure this is real.
“Me too,” I mutter, running my hands over every part of her—her back, her breasts, her stomach—learning by the quickening of her breath what she likes most. “But . . .” I hesitate, but then she kisses a particularly tender spot on my collarbone, and I know I’ll regret it if I don’t say something now. “I’ve never been with a girl before.”
My face radiates heat at the admission.
Meredy swiftly kisses each of the sparrows tattooed on the backs of my arms, then gives me a blazing smile. “That doesn’t scare me in the slightest. But if you want to stop, just say the word.” Her hand moves up my thigh, and unlike that night on the ship when she avoided my kiss, today she doesn’t shy away from what she really wants.
I arch my back, gasping against her lips as she kisses me while moving her hand higher, her fingers brushing inward.
“Take them off,” I demand, tugging at the buttons on my trousers.
She unfastens them at an agonizing pace, like she enjoys watching me writhe under her touch. And judging by the pink in her cheeks, she does. She leaves a trail of kisses down my stomach as she starts to slide my trousers maddeningly slowly down my hips.
“Meredy,” I growl, impatient and on fire. Even her name tastes sweet.
The cabin door flies open.
“Sparrow, I’m going to—whoa!” Kasmira shouts as Meredy and I pull a rumpled blanket up to hide our various stages of undress, both of us still breathing hard.
“What? Is Azelie pestering the crew or something?” I’m so out of it, still half in another world where only Meredy and I exist, that I don’t even know where my daggers are right now. On the floor, but hidden under my tunic, maybe. It’s all a blur.
The lantern on the floor rattles softly, and for the first time, I notice the faint, now-familiar motion of the Paradise cutting through calm waters as it heads back to sea.
“Of course she i
s.” Kasmira looks worn already, which doesn’t bode well for the trip ahead. “But that’s not why I came down here. I’m about to speed our trip along with a bit of magic, and I need your help with something.”
“How soon can you get us there?” I ask. By my count, it took fourteen days to get from Karthia to Sarral, but that was with storms and our regrettable stop in Lyris.
Kasmira is silent a moment, only the whites of her eyes showing as she uses her Sight to check for storms in the day’s path. “Assuming nothing changes . . .” She pauses, opening her eyes again and holding my gaze. “We’ll reach Karthia in twelve days. Maybe eleven, if I never rest. That’s where you come in. If either of you see me pushing myself too hard, I need you to bring me back to the ground, so to speak. I’ve got to save some strength to help Valoria.”
“We’ve got your back. Promise.” I poke a hand out from the blanket to salute her. “Make the weather work for us, Captain.”
If there was ever a time to push the boundaries of our magic, it’s now, when Valoria needs us. If Shade-baiters aren’t afraid to make new monsters, they’ll have to answer to my blade and my dragon’s fiery breath right along with the Shades themselves.
“Already on it,” Kasmira says, raising one hand with her palm turned skyward. She flashes us a grin, but it falters as her hand starts to tremble. She mutters a curse, shoving the hand into one of her vest pockets, but too late.
Meredy and I exchange a worried look.
“It’s been like that ever since I woke up at the healing house in Sarral,” Kasmira says quietly, before either of us can ask. “The shaking comes and goes. It doesn’t seem to be getting any worse, though, so I’m not worrying about it—and neither should you two. Just don’t let me keep my head in the sky too long, all right?”
I press my lips together, hoping I have enough self-control to respect her wishes.
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