Somewhere between the kitchens and his room, I cross paths with Karston, who seems to be sleepwalking, he’s wandering so aimlessly, and I don’t have to wonder why: Noranna.
“Hey.” I almost reach out to touch his shoulder but think better of it. Startling him won’t do him any good. When he blinks and meets my eyes, his are damp, wide with a mixture of sorrow and fear. I know something about that. “I’ve been where you are,” I tell him softly, over the sound of Nipper cooing in concern. “If you need to talk, or even if you need to sit in total silence and throw shit at the wall, I’m here. If you need to punch someone, I can take it. Just don’t . . .” I hesitate, not sure don’t make the same mistakes I did is the right thing to say when his grief is eating him from the inside. “Just know you’re not alone. Not at all,” I finish lamely. He still hasn’t said anything. “I’m on my way to see Valoria—want to come?”
Karston shakes his head. “Thanks, though,” he rasps. It’s only when he nudges my shoulder and says, “Wolf pack forever, right?” with a shadow of the grin I’ve come to recognize that I feel like he’ll be all right, eventually.
“You’re coming to training this afternoon, right?” I press. “It’s more important now—”
“I’ll be there,” he promises dully.
“Good.” I shoot him a look. “If you’re not, I’m going to let Nipper drag you to the grounds, and trust me, you won’t enjoy it.”
Karston blinks at Nipper as if just seeing her for the first time. He’s really out of it. He’s played fetch with her more times than I can count. After making him swear on Vaia that he’ll show up to training, we finally go our separate ways.
The guards recognize me when I reach the throne room doors and step aside to let me through, but something stops me from pushing the door open more than a crack. Valoria’s been in meetings with her council almost constantly in between planning her siblings’ funerals, but now, there’s hardly any sound coming from the room.
When I peer inside, Valoria is alone except for Jax and several guards who gaze dutifully at the floor while my friends whisper to one another.
“You should get some sleep. You never do anymore, and my studies indicate that’s not good for anyone,” Valoria murmurs to him as they sit on the wide velvet cushion of the new throne, faces turned toward each other. She lifts one of his hands, inspecting knuckles that must still be bloody from our destruction of the healer’s waiting room.
“I’m not leaving you,” Jax insists. “Not for a second. I can rest when I’m dead, but you can’t save the kingdom if you’re in the spirit world.”
Valoria frowns, raising her chin a fraction. “Fine. But so we’re clear, I’m not a damsel. I’m simply smart enough to recognize when someone is better than me at something, and you happen to have skills with a sword that would have made Eldest Grandfather shake in his boots. You can do things with a blade I’ll probably never understand.”
“That the only reason you like having me around?” Jax murmurs, and something in his tone makes my face grow hot. I have the feeling I shouldn’t be hearing this, but if I don’t try to talk to Valoria soon, she’ll get swept up in another meeting and then who knows when I’ll get the chance.
Valoria leans closer to Jax, putting a hand on his chest. He grabs both sides of her waist, drawing her to him.
“I’m still your leader,” she whispers, a hitch in her voice. “You’re my subject. Nothing that happens between us will ever change that—you won’t suddenly be able to order me to make the safe choice over the right choice, just because you don’t like seeing me get hurt.”
Jax nods his understanding, his eyes burning as they hold her gaze. I know that look. He never gave it to me, but it’s the way he stares at his blade when he’s polishing it. It’s a different version of the look he used to give his best friend, Evander, before spending any time apart.
“And in case anyone hasn’t told you this,” she continues to ramble, “you drink too much. You don’t think before you act. And you’re terribly uncouth.”
“Call me anything you want,” Jax growls, “if you’ll just tell me I can kiss you for real now.”
“I—what do you mean? For real?” Valoria’s eyes widen as Jax groans softly at his mistake. “Explain.”
“At the wedding,” he says gruffly, like he wants to get this over with in a hurry, “you kissed me—at least, I thought you did. Then I realized you’d never been there.” Valoria starts to pull away from him as he adds, “It didn’t feel right, that kiss. Not anything like I’ve been imagining.”
“You idiot,” Valoria whispers, her eyes shimmering.
“I know,” Jax says, frowning at himself.
“You . . . think about kissing me often?”
“All the time, lately.”
“Suppose we should try it, then? Just an experiment—to see how it lives up to your imagination?” Before Jax can answer, she leans in to close the remaining distance between their lips, wraps her arms around his neck, and kisses him slowly.
I hastily drop my gaze to my feet, my face burning. But hearing the sounds of two people I know kissing, imagining how it looks, is somehow worse than actually watching it happen.
Someone bumps my shoulder as they fling open the throne room doors. I was so distracted by the scene inside, I didn’t hear her approach. The woman wears the plain skirt and blouse of someone from one of the poorer coastal villages, but judging by the scroll curled in her hand that appears to be damp with sweat, she’s also a messenger.
“Your Majesty,” she says briskly to Valoria as I follow her into the room. “I bring grim news from Lullin.” She holds out the scroll.
Valoria unfolds it and quickly scans it. “The Ezoran army is here at last,” she says calmly—too calmly, like she’s come to expect the worst.
A chill washes over me. They’re here. And of all the places they could have landed, the tiny coastal village of Lullin to the west wouldn’t take them long to conquer.
“According to this, they didn’t kill anyone, though,” Valoria adds quickly, looking between me and Jax as she finally notices me standing behind the messenger. “They merely caused some damage and stole a great many things before returning to their ships.” She checks the parchment again, slower this time. “Apparently almost everyone in Lullin has the black fever. They need supplies to sustain their few caregivers, since the Ezorans took most everything of value—fresh water, furs, and meat.”
“Maybe they’re just resupplying before heading back to sea,” Jax suggests lamely, though given the dark look on his face, he doesn’t believe it.
Valoria shakes her head. “The enemy ships were spotted sailing east as Baron Stryker was finishing this letter. It seems they’re headed toward Grenwyr City, which should only take them a day’s sailing from where their ships would be right now.” She calls for one of the guards outside the door. “Summon the council and, if he’s able, Danial,” she says without a trace of weariness. “This is what we’ve been planning for.”
I don’t know how she can keep going after everything that’s happened to her lately. But there’s no way I can trouble her about strange happenings in the Deadlands and the oleanders’ warning now. I’ll have to take care of it on my own.
“Odessa, were you looking for me?” Valoria asks, meeting my gaze. “What is it?”
I shake my head. “Nothing that can’t wait.” I turn to go, but add quickly, “I’ll send Nipper with a message to Simeon to let him know what we just learned.” It’s a good thing Simeon returned to the school this morning, since Danial woke up well enough to walk unassisted. Now Valoria will have one less thing to worry about—warning the students.
“Thank you.” Valoria looks past me and waves to someone. The first council members are arriving. Returning her attention to me for the briefest moment, she says, “Once you’ve sent the message, get your weapons ready. And then . . . wait f
or sunset. That’s when we’ll assemble on the grounds with all the soldiers we can muster.” She leans forward. “And, Odessa? Don’t you dare do anything risky in this fight. That’s an order from your queen. Remember, I know how you think.”
“Majesty.” I acknowledge the command with a bow.
“Valoria,” she corrects me at almost the same time.
We exchange the briefest smile. “Valoria. I’ll try my best.” That’s all any of us can do when it seems the whole world is against us.
XXVIII
The palace buzzes with activity as I send Nipper off to the school, a message for Simeon tucked in her collar. News of the Ezorans’ imminent arrival must be spreading through these halls faster than a wildfire.
In just a few hours, Valoria and Danial will have finalized their battle plan. Danial wasn’t in a state to do much of anything last time I saw him, but that was five days ago, and he doesn’t have a choice. He’ll have to manage somehow. Just like I’ll soon have to go join the volunteer army making its way toward the palace grounds by sunset.
As I turn a corner on my way to my room, wanting to pick up a few things before going to check on Karston, a familiar voice stops me.
“Odessa,” Meredy calls as she hurries toward me, holding something in her cupped hands. Lysander follows her, lagging slightly behind. “Do you have a moment?”
For her? Always. Especially now that we’re talking again, almost like old times, even if it’s mostly about the dangers we’re facing. But I don’t say any of that. Instead, I tell her what I just learned in the throne room. That we’re going to war with the Ezorans. Tonight.
“This is a lot to take in,” Meredy says after a moment, tightening her hands around whatever she’s clutching. “Do you mind if I—?”
Before she can finish, I open the door for her and usher her into the room we used to share. Lysander, upon peering inside and realizing Nipper isn’t with me, grumbles his displeasure as he settles down in the hallway to wait for his master.
Meredy sits on the rug near the hearth, which I haven’t used to build a fire since before we broke up, and takes a deep breath. Finally, as I settle myself across from her, she opens her hands to reveal what she’s brought. “I thought you should see this,” she says quietly as I stare at the glittering blue powder in her cupped hands.
The crystal.
She’s holding proof that she fought a hard battle and finally returned to herself.
At first, it’s hard to form words. “When—?”
“The day after you played the recording for me,” she says swiftly, dropping her gaze to the powder. “I couldn’t sleep that night, thinking I was going mad. I was scared, I was angry at the crystal—more at myself, though—and then after I destroyed the damned thing, I was embarrassed at just how right you were. I hurt you because of a stupid magic trick. I hurt the person I care about most in this life.” Tears gather in her eyes as she continues, “I could barely look at you, let alone speak to you after that.”
“You could’ve told me—” I begin, even as my throat tightens.
“After the way I betrayed you? After lying to you and hurting you all that time, you think I should have burdened you with more of my problems?” Meredy demands, shaking her head.
“Always,” I say firmly. “You can always come to me.” I wondered before if I could ever trust her again after the way she lied, but she never had any problem trusting me after working through my potion cravings. She deserves another chance, just like the one she gave me.
“No. I had to work through this alone,” Meredy insists, biting down on her lower lip to keep it from trembling. A moment later, she adds, “I had to clear my head—something I’ve had plenty of time for in the healer’s wing. I had to make sure I could take care of myself, without the crystal, before I even thought about being with someone else again. Not that I expect you to take me back,” she says quickly. “That’s not why I’m here. I came to say I’m so sorry.”
She leans forward and tosses the blue powder into the hearth and dusts off her palms. “There. Now you have a little extra something to burn the next time you want a fire.”
As I tear my gaze away from the glittering fragments of a lie now coating the hearth, I say softly, “I’m sorry, too, by the way. For eavesdropping. I know it was wrong, but what else could I do? I didn’t want you to lose your mind, and I didn’t want to lose you. Though I did anyway,” I continue, my voice breaking. “I hate being apart from you. I hate it because there’s so much we haven’t done together yet. I hate it because I love you so much it hurts, Meredy.”
Watching her tears fall harder creates a lump in my throat too painful to swallow around.
She reaches out, inviting me into an embrace, but I hesitate. She hurt me. Betrayed me. She’s sorry, and she’s better now, but there are so many what ifs that scare me. So many other ways she could break my heart all over again. Still, she keeps her arms open, beckoning. “Thank you,” she whispers. “For saving me again.”
I shake my head. “You did that on your own. You destroyed the crystal.”
She gives me a shaky smile. “Just so you know, despite thinking I was talking to her, I still fell in love with you. The crystal made me confused, made me say things I didn’t mean. The truth is, I do love you—only you, Dessa. I’ve loved you for a while now.”
“That night at the wedding—?” I ask, remembering what she whispered to me there.
“I knew who I was talking to,” Meredy says swiftly. “I knew who was holding me. I said I loved you then, and I meant it. I love you now. I’ll love you every day for the rest of my life. I know I don’t deserve you after all the damage I’ve done, but I’d like the chance to become someone who does.”
Finally, I sink into her embrace.
“You make it sound like I’m perfect,” I murmur against her ear. “Before you decide who you want to be with, I should remind you that I’m petty, I’m reckless, and don’t forget selfish—”
“And beautiful, and impossible,” Meredy adds, now smiling slightly through her tears. “And I love every inch of you.” There’s a hitch in her voice as she draws back farther to meet my eyes. “I know you’ll always have your memories of Evander, like I’ll always have mine of Firiel—and I’d like to share them, if you’re willing. I’d like to build a future with you. I want that more than anything. If you’ll be my girlfriend again . . . ?”
“Of course I will,” I promise against her lips.
“You’re willing to trust me again, after . . . everything?”
“With my life.”
The girl with the scarred cheek and wine-red hair who’s kissing my neck, turning my thoughts into a warm, blissful nothing, is everything to me now. She has been for a while, and this—this is what I missed and was afraid I’d lost forever. This closeness with her. How she challenges me to be a better friend, a better necromancer—a better person.
“And from now on,” she adds, her voice still a little unsteady, “no more keeping secrets. Not from each other.”
“Done,” I agree as she finally, hungrily kisses me.
She stops only to whisper a question, and at my firm “Yes,” she pulls off my blouse, accidentally popping off one of the buttons in her haste as she pushes me against the bed.
She gasps when I start kissing every bit of her exposed skin in return, which only encourages me. I slide a hand up her leg, trailing my fingers higher until they’re slick and Meredy’s knees are threatening to give out. My necromancer’s belt drops to the floor with my trousers, helped along by Meredy, who seems determined to make me fall over before she does. The light, quick movements of her skilled fingers have me gasping at her every touch. I push her down onto the blankets on her back, where she spreads her legs at once. It seems we want the same thing, then.
I take my sweet time getting there though, wanting to memorize every part of her
: The scent of her hair. The perfect arch of her spine as her body gives in to my touch. The way she makes things better—makes me better—seemingly without effort.
As I’m kissing up her thighs, she puts a gentle hand on my head and stops me from getting any closer to my goal.
“We shouldn’t—we don’t have time for this,” she says breathily, as if startled by some sudden realization. “What you said about the Ezorans . . .”
“It’s midafternoon, and we don’t meet the others until sunset,” I assure her, pushing her hand away and kissing her in just the right spot to make her cry out and give in to her desire. “This is our time.”
After all, with the invaders nearly on our doorstep, this could be the last chance we ever have to be together like this. And if my spirit doesn’t just blink out of existence, the way all necromancers’ supposedly do, I want to remember the blazing white light that is the essence of Meredy long after I’ve forgotten my own name.
When it’s my turn, and Meredy and I have traded places, her lips and fingers alone make me forget a great many things.
It’s only later, when our sweat has finally dried and we’re wrapped in each other’s arms, that tendrils of dread sink their hooks into me once more. There’s so much that can and will go wrong once I leave this bed. And judging by the reds and golds appearing in the sky for a fiery sunset, it’s nearly time to meet the soldiers and go over our plan.
But first, before I fight any battles, I need to find a bathroom.
Giving Meredy a quick kiss, I pull on a robe and open the door just enough to slip through, since she hasn’t bothered to put on any blankets or clothes. Not that I mind. I hastily shut the door behind me.
Hurrying down the hall to the nearest bathroom, the floor cold against my feet, I find myself humming Simeon’s song. It hasn’t drifted through my head in a while, but the cheerful melody suits my mood just now.
Thinking of a really good thing Meredy did earlier, I bump into someone as I round a corner. Their hands close around my throat and squeeze, hard, before I have time to make sense of who’s choking me.
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