Xavier laughed. “He’s pretty lovable.”
She warmed at the depth of his laughter. It seemed to come from a well inside of him, echoing in the most delightful way. If she put her ear against his chest, she’d probably hear the rumblings of it long before he gave it sound.
The cuddly couple walked by, carrying a lamp and a throw pillow, their hands tucked into one another’s back pockets.
Emily glanced at Xavier and then quickly away, lest he think she had any ideas for romance in her head. She didn’t need kisses and giggles to fulfill her destiny.
Xavier put his hand on her lower back as they made their way to the checkout line. Her whole body hummed with the knowledge that it was there—the feeling that they had a connection that went beyond Cody’s needs.
A nagging thought followed her to the checkout line. She might not need physical intimacy to be a mom, but she might need it to fill her soul.
10
Xavier
A thrill of anticipation raced through Xavier as he hefted his guitar case and packed it to the front door, where they piled luggage and other items that would go up to the cabin with them. Today was their one-week anniversary as a family, and they were celebrating by going to the cabin he’d built with Nora’s life insurance money. He hummed the new tune he’d started soon after the wedding and now had it memorized. All he had to do was get it on paper.
Playing the guitar again would be epic for him—one giant leap forward for the musician inside that had been buried for years.
“Do you really know how to play that thing?” Emily set her suitcase next to his and brushed her hair off her face. She wore most of it in a long braid over her shoulder, but large sections continually slipped out and covered her face. He’d struggled all morning over whether he should help her tuck them back or not, and he decided to just go for it. He reached out and tucked aside the one piece she’d missed. Her cheeks flushed a pretty pink color. They did that often—almost every time he touched her. The frequency of those touches had increased over the last week. It wasn’t that he was trying to flirt with her; he had this strange but wonderful need to be near her. She never turned him away or dismissed him, which made him feel confident in a way he hadn’t in a very long time.
“You’ll be sick of hearing it by the time I finish one song.”
Cody bounded down the hallway, wearing a swimsuit and super cape. “Let’s go!”
His energy level had been higher the last couple of days. It could be because he was spending time on his bike. Fitness gurus claimed exercise gave you more energy. Or it could be because they’d had healthy meals for a solid week.
Xavier rubbed his belly, which felt smaller to him. Emily kept track of all their calories and carbs and sugars, yet he didn’t feel as if they had lost flavor. If anything, he felt like he ate more, because she cooked the best foods. Cody was hesitant at each meal, but he tried most of what Emily placed in front of him.
Xavier glanced at Emily, and they shared a laugh at Cody’s choice of traveling clothes. He quieted his laughter so he could hear hers. “You have a great laugh. It’s like warm strawberry pie—sweet with a little zing to it.”
Her hand went to her heart, giving him the impression that he’d touched her. “You have a way with words. Maybe you really are a songwriter.”
He grinned. She was right: the words had come easily. Maybe this whole crazy marriage idea was going to work out better than he’d thought.
They took time loading both their vehicles. They’d be at the cabin for over a month and needed to have transportation options. Emily had plans to bike all over with Cody. Their bikes were—for lack of a manlier word—cute mounted on her car.
Cody opted to ride with Emily so they could plan their first adventure. His acceptance of Emily in his life was exemplary. They said kids were resilient and could adapt well. Xavier was grateful beyond belief that the transition was seamless. This whole marriage/mom/bride/wedding/life could have gone south in a hurry—and it probably would have if Xavier had picked a different woman.
Emily was perfect for him and Cody—no, just for Cody! Cody was the reason he’d gotten remarried. Cody was the one who needed help with his health. Co-dy.
Emily was not for Xavier.
Xavier turned out of town and began the climb up the side of the mountain. A quick check in his rearview mirror told him Emily kept up. He might have married her for Cody, but she was softening his world as well. Quick memories of the last week flipped through his head. There was Emily curled up on the couch, reading to Cody. Her laughter that brought sunshine into their home. Her general business—she was always moving, always doing, always making life better. The soft strains of harmony filled his head, accompanying the images.
He rolled down the window, letting the breeze bring him inspiration. Crisp, clean mountain air filled the cab, and he took a deep breath, filling his soul as much as his lungs. The music grew louder—no longer a whisper. A concert played in his mind, one only he could hear but would remember forever.
Xavier bounced his thumb against the steering wheel as he drove, bopping to the rhythm in his head. He pulled into the circular driveway, bumping the curb because he was distracted. He leapt from the car, unable to hold back the torrent any longer than he already had. The need to compose was so strong, it was like an uncontrolled addiction. Years of music thundered inside, shaking to be released.
He snagged his guitar from the back seat and dashed to the front door where he fumbled with his keys.
Emily parked and stepped out of the car, one leg still on the floorboard by the pedals. “What’s the rush?” she called.
Xavier couldn’t look at her. Interrupting the flow of inspiration could turn it off, and then he’d be stuck again. “Sorry. I have this idea. I need to get on it right away.” The key turned in the lock, and he fell through the front door.
He left the two of them standing in the driveway, supremely grateful that he could trust Emily to take care of things, because he was going to be busy for hours.
It was the best feeling in the world.
Emily stared at the open front door. Xavier had run in so quickly, he’d forgotten to close it behind him. The cabin was larger than the house in the city. It had beautiful wood siding and a metal roof that probably roared in the rain. She’d always loved that sound. It reminded her of summer camp with her sister. Thick beams supported the front porch. Through the open door, she could see wood floors and more beams inside.
She ducked down to look at Cody. “Well, it looks like your dad is busy for a bit. Do you want to show me around?” Because she had no idea where things went. She’d like to get the groceries in the fridge. A quick tour would have been nice. She was irked that Xavier had run off, and she hoped he had a good reason. Whatever his idea was, he’d better make the most of it.
Pushing aside her irritation, she waited for Cody to unbuckle. He was in first grade now and should be doing more for himself. She’d taught him to get in and out of the car, order his food at a restaurant, and make his bed.
He scrambled out and headed to the back of the car, where he tugged on the bike wheel. “I want to ride my bike.”
So far, they’d done a lot of scooting down the sidewalks. Getting him to keep his feet on the pedals was a challenge. He hadn’t mastered balance yet. Practicing in the street at the house only made things more difficult. Traffic wasn’t heavy, but cars sped through the residential zone like it was a state highway. At least, that’s what it felt like, because she panicked every time a car drove past Cody. He was so small out there on the blacktop.
Considering Xavier had abandoned her to figure out the house on her own, she said, “I want to ride my bike too.” She blew out her lips. “You know what? Let’s put the groceries away, and then we’ll use this big, beautiful driveway to ride. Deal?”
He grinned. “Deal.” He stuck out his hand, and they shook. His mannerisms were so adorable, it was no wonder she’d give him just about anything
he asked for. He’d taken to following her around the house when she was cleaning. She gave him small jobs, and he’d talk while he worked. His continual need for attention made her wonder how much he and Xavier had actually talked before she came along. Not that the two of them talked that much now—well, they both talked to her. But she didn’t see a lot of interaction between them, which was something she planned to remedy.
They carried in the grocery bags. There was this weird feeling in the house, like a ghost hovered, telling her that this was not her place, that she didn’t belong. She shelved things quickly, shivering as she did so. “Time to ride that bike.” She pinched Cody’s side, making him giggle. They hurried back out to the warm sunshine, and she soaked it up, doing her best to cast aside the strange whispers that had raised goose bumps on her arms.
Cody tugged on the bike. “I got it.”
She smiled. “Let me undo the hook.” With a flip, she had the rubber braces undone and helped him lift his bike up and off. Thank goodness she’d gotten a rack with three spots. Maybe one day Xavier would like to ride with them. The thought warmed her more than the sunshine did.
Instead of taking her bike down too, she decided to help Cody with his balance. He clipped his helmet in place. “Okay. I’m going to hold the handlebars to keep it steady, and I want you to keep your feet up.”
He skidded to a halt and waited for her grab the bars before gingerly putting his sneakers on the pedals. She gave the bike a little push, and they were off.
After two laps, her back hurt from bending over and trying to keep him up. “I think you have it well enough. I’m going to hold onto the seat instead.”
“Don’t let me fall.” His pudgy hands gripped the handlebar, and his lip trembled.
Emily gave him a side hug. “You got this, bud.”
The bike quaked as he started.
“Pedal harder. You have to go a little faster to keep your balance.”
He followed her instructions, and they were cruising around the driveway so well, she decided she could let go. She didn’t tell him she was dropping back, and he continued on. Motherly pride washed over her, and she clapped her hands over her mouth to keep from cheering. Cody’s concentration was the cutest thing in the whole world. He had his tongue in his cheek and his eyes on the pavement right in front of his wheel. He adjusted for every small crack and pebble.
“Look up,” she instructed. Focusing on the horizon would give him better control.
He jerked his head her direction and the handlebars in the other. The whole thing happened in slow motion while Emily’s mind was on fast-forward. Like a bad dream, she saw him hit the ground and knew she couldn’t get there in time to stop it. The sound that came from her little guy was worse than stepping on a rusty nail.
“Cody!” She was to him so fast she didn’t know how she’d gotten there. The bike lay on top of his limp form. His face was contorted and deep red, with tears that streamed down his cheeks. She removed the bike, setting it aside and then knelt next to him. “Where’s it hurt?”
“My leg! My leg!” He continued to wail, and she worried he’d broken a bone or twisted his ankle. Her training kicked in, and she ran her hands over his bones and joints, not finding anything worth screaming about.
“Come on. Sit up.” She helped him turn and saw a scratch on his knee. “Is this it?”
He screamed louder, which she took as a yes.
“Okay, it’s a little scratch. We can get you cleaned up and riding again in no time.” His voice went up a notch, making her cringe. “Buddy, what’s wrong?”
Before she could get an answer, Xavier was at her side, his hand on her shoulder. Even in the chaos of the moment, she recognized the thrill that went through her system at his touch. “What happened?” he demanded.
“He scraped his knee.” She kept her voice even, despite the spiky feelings poking her each time Cody wailed.
Xavier frowned deeply and scooped Cody into his arms. “I’ve got you.” He turned from her and, for the second time that day, left her standing outside of the house without an invitation to go inside.
Well, she didn’t need an invitation to be a mom. She loved Cody and wanted to help him feel better—even if it meant going inside the cold and empty house.
Following the sounds of sniffles, she found Xavier and Cody in the guest bathroom. Cody was on the counter, and Xavier was slathering ointment on his knee. It took less than a pea-sized amount to cover the scratch.
“I never want to ride again!” Cody swiped at the tears on his cheeks.
Emily’s heart melted, and she grabbed a tissue to help clean up his face. With one hand under his chin, she gently blotted at his cheeks. “But you were doing so well. I’ll bet with one more practice session, you’ll have it.”
“Don’t push him.” Xavier threw the crumpled Band-Aid wrapper into the trash. His tone said his word was final.
A part of Emily stood up and shoved words out of her mouth. “He shouldn’t give up because of one fall. Kids scrape their knees all the time. It’s part of playing.”
Xavier shook his head. “It doesn’t have to be.” He reached for Cody, who wrapped his arms around his dad’s neck and his legs around his torso and hung on. They headed out together.
Emily smacked her hand on the counter. She was getting awfully sick of being left behind. “Don’t walk out on me.”
Xavier stopped but didn’t turn around. “Thank you for your help today. I’ll be with Cody for the rest of the afternoon.”
She blinked. In the week since they’d gotten married, not once had he treated her like she was the hired help. Yet here he was, dismissing her as if she were a maid who was unable to get a stain out of the carpet.
Fine. If she was just an employee, then she was taking a break. She only stopped long enough to unhook her bike and grab her helmet.
As her legs dug into climbing the mountain, the hurt hit her chest and she had to take several deep breaths. The pain wasn’t a blow; it was more of a dull ache created by truth and an understanding that things weren’t the way she’d thought they were. She thought she’d come to be a mom for Cody and that Xavier valued her in that role. It turned out he didn’t want a partner and didn’t trust her with his son.
Shoving everything deep down inside, she dug in and climbed the hill. If she pushed hard enough, maybe she could outrun this feeling.
11
Xavier
Hours after the Band-Aid had been applied, Xavier sat on the couch with Cody snuggled up to his side. A cartoon cowboy sang about having friends, and the late afternoon light poured through the large bay window. Cody smiled up at him, and he gave the kid a side hug and a kiss of the head in return. He was safe. That’s what was important.
And yet Xavier fumed.
Emily had left. She’d taken her bike and left without telling him where she was going, how long she’d be gone, or even goodbye. It wasn’t like he needed to know where she was at every moment, but common courtesy required that they communicate these things to one another. They were married, for heaven’s sake. She couldn’t just take off whenever she felt like it. What if she fell and got hurt? The possibility made him even more angry. How was he supposed to take care of her if she ran off like a spoiled teenager who didn’t get to use the car on Friday night?
He pressed into the cushions, needing to cool his jets but not knowing how to release all this energy. He could go to the home gym and lift weights, but he didn’t want to leave Cody alone up here. They hadn’t come to the cabin much, and he didn’t want to think about why.
The music was gone too. Just as quickly as Emily left the house, the melody flew from his head. Lyrics and notes had poured out of him so quickly he could barely keep up with it until he’d heard Cody’s screams. Bon Jovi had nothing on this kid. He still couldn’t believe Emily could listen to him scream and want him to get back on the bike. Every part of Xavier told him to keep his son safe. Maybe she didn’t have the mothering instincts he though
t she did.
The front door banged open, and he craned his neck to see her pass the television room, dragging her suitcase behind her on her way to the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.” He pressed a kiss to Cody’s head. Cody let him go without protest.
Xavier’s whole body felt heavy as he approached the kitchen. There was a distance between them, and he wasn’t sure how to cross it. But he did know he didn’t want this all to end—it was just beginning. There had been good moments. Many more than bad.
Emily was at the sink, her head under the faucet, soaking her hair and rinsing her face with cool water. Her T-shirt clung to her skin with sweat. He blinked several times. He’d known she had a nice form, but the shape in front of him was amazing. Her slight build was accentuated by firm muscles and soft curves.
If you’ll let me love you …
The lyrics danced through his head. He grabbed the countertop, his anger going from a nine to a five. No matter how justified he felt in being upset with her, no matter how much it scared him that she had disappeared, he was affected by her presence. It wasn’t just her body that got to him; it was her. She was so calm, and somehow she filled this empty house with energy. “Hey,” he said with more force than he intended. Well, he was a man, and he was upset, and he had a right to be.
She jumped, hitting her head on the faucet. “Ow!” She ripped a dish towel off the door it hung over and wrapped her hair to the side in it. Drops fell onto her shoulders and chest, soaking into the fabric. She rubbed the lump on her head tenderly. “Hi.”
“Sorry,” he muttered, before he realized what he’d said. “I mean about your head. Not about earlier.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Good to know. Well, you’re forgiven for the bump on my head, but not for earlier.” She began squeezing the moisture out of her hair.
“Wait a second.” He held up a palm to keep her in place. He didn’t need her running off again. “We need to lay some ground rules.”
The Cowboy Songwriter's Fake Marriage Page 6