“What’s the matter?” Emily asked.
He looked at her, in her stunning dress, her hair framing her beautiful face, and he realized what she’d done to him. She’d become a distraction. The very distraction he was looking to avoid. She’d helped him write again and she’d wooed Tyson back into his life, but when it came down to it, she’d drawn him in to a web of attraction and desire that had stepped in front of the comeback career path he’d started out on. “You distracted me.”
She fluttered her lashes. “I did what?”
He took a step away from her, as if she had tractor beams for eyes and would draw him right back in if he let her. “I ignored an important call because I was more worried about you than I was about my career.” He shook his head as if he could shake loose of the thoughts telling him to shut up. They wanted him to stop making her look like he was tearing her heart to pieces.
“Xavier, I’m not sure what I did.”
“It was me.” He thrust his fist at his chest, pounding hard. “I set up boundaries when we got married, and I’ve crossed them.” He tucked his phone in his pocket and tugged on his shirt sleeves. “It won’t happen again.” He strode toward the bistro.
“Wait a second.” She grabbed his hand to stop him, and he yanked it away like she’d scalded his skin. She jerked in surprise. “What won’t happen again?”
“The physical contact, the kissing …” He ticked them off on his fingers. “Slow dancing. All of it.”
She stared at him, her face unreadable. “Like—never again?”
“Never,” he responded, slicing his hand through the air to accentuate his determination.
She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m not sure I’m okay with that.”
He coughed in surprise. Did she not hear him? She’d distracted him from the most important meeting of his life. He couldn’t concentrate when she was around. He wasn’t made to be a lover and a businessman. Those were two separate skill sets. When he was flooded with desire, he didn’t think rationally. “You agreed happily when we got married.”
“Right.” She glanced down at her fingers twisted in front of her. “But that was before I knew this kind of love was possible. It’s easy to agree to miss something when you’ve never had it.”
“Well, I did have it before, and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. We’re better off without it.” He walked seven steps before he realized she wasn’t with him. He spun around to see her standing in the same place he’d left her, tears streaming down her cheeks. He stared in awe. She was beautiful and broken. Shoot! A sad, lonely song began to play in his head.
“I can’t go back, Xavier. I can’t go back to the emptiness we called a marriage before.”
“Well, I can’t live falling all over you all day long. I have a job to do. One that I’ve left undone for too long.”
She sucked in. A swarm of emotions battled in her eyes. She loved him, and the fierceness of it was enough to stab him. He’d not seen it before, not put a name to it because he couldn’t look further than himself. “Then I have to go.”
His heart cracked. Go? She couldn’t go. They were married. She loved him. He—he had deep feelings for her. “What about Cody?” he asked, though his real question was What about me? Wasn’t he enough to stick around for? Wasn’t what they shared big enough for her?
She shook her head. “Tell him I love him.” She gasped and spun away, running, dodging between people who turned to stare after her.
“What about me?” he asked softly, feeling abandoned and lost. He glanced down at his hands as if he could see the pride he’d held on to so tightly. They were empty. “I made the right choice.” He made his hands into fists. “I chose supporting my son. If she can’t put that first, then it wasn’t meant to be.”
As they so often did, his thoughts grabbed on to the phrase wasn’t meant to be. Usually that meant a melody followed, but there was no music on that crowded street. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, hunched his shoulders, and made his way slowly to the hotel. Maybe Emily was there and they could talk things through. He’d been hasty and argumentative and accusing. They’d had disagreements before, and they’d worked them out. This would be no different.
But when he got to the hotel, her room was empty. Cody slept peacefully in his bed. Emily’s door was shut, and there wasn’t any sound on the other side when he pressed his ear to the wood.
When he woke up in the morning, Emily was gone. The suite was empty of all girly things.
The music was silent.
26
Emily
Emily left the witness stand, her hands shaking and her cheeks soaked with sorrow and fear. She wore a pair of black slacks and a silky blouse—something she hadn’t worn since she’d married Xavier. The clothes felt good, like she’d picked up a piece of herself once again.
Roger winked at her as she passed him sitting at the defendant’s table with his highly polished and gelled attorney.
She took a seat next to her sister on the bench on the other side of the room, where he was barely in her peripheral vision. She didn’t want to take her eyes off of him—she wouldn’t look away from a snake on the hiking trail—but seeing him again brought back the whole experience.
She wished Xavier were with her. Having his arm protectively wrapped around her shoulder would calm the storm raging in her stomach. She hadn’t eaten much over the last week—not since she’d left Colorado the night of the concert. Her tears continued to flow as she listened to closing arguments.
The judge was quick with his gavel. Guilty. Three years imprisonment with the possibility of early parole and counseling.
“Mrs. Cohen.” The judge looked over his glasses and found her in the sea of faces. “I suggest you find yourself a good counselor. Today was a difficult day, and having someone to talk to will help.”
She nodded. She still had the number from the woman she’d seen just after the attack. “I will. Thank you.”
Lexi turned her away from Roger as he was led out of the courtroom to be fitted for an orange jumpsuit. “These tears aren’t just for today, are they?”
Emily sniffed and searched through her purse for a tissue. “I can’t stop crying.”
“He’s a jerk, sweetie. You need to forget him.” Lexi rubbed her arm.
“I wish I could. It was so wonderful. I’d had to give up a part of me.”
“The flirty, fun part full of joy?”
“Not all of it. But the part of me that enjoyed feeling pretty. It was so dumb that I couldn’t wear makeup or leave my hair down.”
“I don’t think that was because of Xavier. I think that was a shield you put up because of what happened at work.” Lexi offered her knowledge in a quiet and contemplative way.
Emily nodded. “Xavier got through the shield, though. It wasn’t a very good one.”
“Well, it was made of cotton.” Lexi bumped her.
She ran her fingers through her silky tresses. She hadn’t pulled it back in days. “My body was part of my identity—especially because I used it to teach yoga. I missed that too.” She hugged herself. “Being Cody’s mom was amazing. I loved it so much—I just wish there was a way I could have been me and mom.”
The room began to shift as another case was brought before the judge. Lexi lead Emily out the back doors, through the hallway, and into the sunlight. “Xavier is an idiot for not valuing what he had when he had it.”
Emily glanced down at her ring. “We’re still married,” she hedged.
Lexi stopped their progress with a tug. “Do you want to go back in and file for an annulment?”
Emily stared up at the imposing courthouse with its leaf-topped pillars and scales of justice carved in marble. “I’d rather not go back in there right now.” She clasped her hands together in front of her. It wasn’t just facing the courthouse again that weighed on her. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Xavier and Cody and the time they’d spent together. Closure on the attack was a blessing, a sw
eetness she was happy to grasp on to and carry throughout her life.
Her marriage was sweet too. At least for a time. And she wanted to hold that for as long as she could. Removing the ring on her left hand or signing papers to dissolve the union was overwhelming. Being the one to cut ties made her mouth sour. She clutched her left hand to her chest. “I want to be a Mrs. for a while longer.”
Lexi nodded, her lips sealed shut.
Emily climbed into the car and watched the courthouse fade in the side mirror. She wanted to hold her guys and be held. Her arms were empty without them.
27
Xavier
Xavier reached for the phone with his right hand. His left arm was wrapped around Cody, who was screaming and kicking his legs because he wanted to ride his bike and Xavier had said no.
His mom came in from the other room and took Cody. “Come here, sweet boy.”
Xavier raised his eyebrows. Only a grandmother could call a tantrum-throwing child sweet. He and Cody had been out of sorts since they had come home from the concert. “Sorry. He’s adjusting to not having Emily around.”
“Just about as well as his father, I’d say.” She headed to the kitchen with a stern set to her brow that wasn’t directed at the panting child in her arms.
Xavier answered the phone call with a curt “Hello.”
“Mr. Cohen?”
“This is he.”
“This is Jennifer from Dr. Obrien’s office. We have the results back from Cody’s blood work yesterday.”
Xavier reached for the couch, needing to hold on to something. He’d taken Cody in for a follow-up appointment on his prediabetes. This could be the moment he found out that his son was diabetic and their worlds changed forever. They were already going through a huge transition with Emily gone; they didn’t need any more of an upheaval in their lives.
“Yes?” He swallowed thickly. Emily should be here for this. She should be holding his hand and holding him up. Strike that—he should be holding her. She’d put so much effort into meal planning and helping Cody become more active; she had her heart and soul in that kid. She should be here, and he’d chased her away.
“The tests came back normal.”
“What does that mean?” Normal for prediabetic children, or normal normal?
“It means Cody is out of the danger zone. Dr. Obrien recommends you continue with the changes in his diet, and we’d like him to come back in 3 months for a hemoglobin a1-C.”
Xavier fell against the couch. “Thank you.” He breathed the words, unable to take a full breath.
The nurse wished him a good day and said goodbye. Xavier stared at his phone, feeling like he was in a dream. He lifted his head, looking for Emily to share the good news, but suddenly realized she wasn’t there. He groaned.
Mom came back in. “What’s the matter?”
“That was Cody’s doc. He’s in the clear.”
She put her hands on her hips. “You should tell your face this is a happy thing.”
“I know. I was just going to tell Emily, but …” He shoved his phone into his pocket. The weight of her absence was too much to bear. “You should have seen her face. I think I broke her heart—no, shattered it. I can’t stop thinking about what she said about how she couldn’t go back once she knew how good it could be. I’d opened my heart and then slammed the door on her fingers. What is wrong with me?”
His mom crossed the room and took his face in her hands. “Oh, honey. You fell hard for that girl. You have to tell her how you feel.”
He blinked. “I thought you didn’t like her.”
Mom gave him an apologetic smile. “I didn’t think she was authentic. But now I wonder if the problem wasn’t you all along.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“You have to admit, you’ve been emotionally unavailable since Nora passed away. You’ve been living but not thriving, coping but not caring. It’s like you took a step back from everyone so that you wouldn’t get hurt. I get it. Losing someone you love takes a toll. But hon, you’ve got to step back into the place where you love without fear.”
“I’m not sure I can. What if I love Emily, give my whole heart over to her, and I lose her too?”
“One: You already love her.” She gave him a look that said he’d better not argue. He didn’t want to; he yearned to break out and sing the words I Love You to Em. “Two: There are no guarantees in this life. Even if you have Emily, there will be heartache and pain—no marriage gets by without it. But I can promise you that if you grab the good times when you have them, the hard times are easier.”
The truth of his mother’s word sank deep into his mind. The last couple of months hadn’t been easy. He’d been under a lot of stress from the comeback and with Cody’s health. Yet they felt like the best months of his life. “I need to get her back.”
Mom winked. “What are you waiting for?”
He grinned. “Can you watch Cody?” he asked as he headed to the shower. It had been 36 hours, and he wasn’t about to show up on Emily’s doorstep smelling like he’d been dragged through a cow field and slept in a barn.
“I’ll plan to stay the night. You go do what you gotta do.”
In his bedroom, he yanked his shirt over his head and started the shower. As the steam built up, a melody filled his mind. He didn’t need to write it down; the notes were written on his heart.
28
Emily
Emily pulled a fuzzy blanket over her legs and sipped cocoa. Yes, it was August, but she needed comfort. Which was why she was wrapped up like a snow bunny and watching a Hallmark Christmas movie.
Lexi came through the door with a bag of groceries strung over one arm. She frowned. “Hallmark? Again?”
Emily frowned. “I need a happily ever after tonight.”
Lexi sighed. “Then you might as well go outside.”
Emily wrinkled her forehead in confusion. Lexi waved her out, setting down the groceries and following her onto the porch. “I don’t see anything.”
Lexi put her finger over her mouth. “Listen.”
At first, Emily didn’t hear anything. Then, the sound of an acoustic guitar playing the first notes of “Can’t Help Falling in Love” drifted through the complex. “What in the world?” Emily followed the sound around the building to the common area with a playground and a few picnic tables.
In the middle of the park was Xavier, his guitar over his shoulder, his hands shaking as he strummed. “Wise men say …” he sang. Neighbors had gathered. He glanced around uneasily as more poured from their homes to watch.
Emily brought her hands to her mouth in shock. Xavier said he had stage fright, but now she could see the results of it: the moisture beading on his forehead, his voice warbling, and his knees shaking with such force that she had no idea how he stayed upright.
“… but I can’t help …” He strummed cords, making the break between verses longer as he worked his mouth as if it had gone dry. He hadn’t seen her yet, but he continued on. “… falling in love with you.”
She whimpered into her hands, and his gaze zeroed in on her. He stood taller, his voice growing stronger. He began to walk toward her, and her feet moved toward him. He sang slower than Elvis, drawing out the notes in an achy plea for her love.
“… Some things are meant to be …” he crooned. His stage fright was still there, but as he sang, he sang just for her.
She was taken back to the day in his studio when they’d teased about music and Elvis. That was the first time they’d flirted. The first time she’d thought she might have found her dreams and hopes for a forever family.
“… Take my whole heart too …”
She nodded.
He strummed as he spoke, his hands moving with ease. “I’m a fool, Emily. I didn’t see the jewel I had. I didn’t look in my own heart to see how much I love you until you were gone. For that, and everything else I’ve ever done that made you feel less than a goddess, I apologize.”
His words washed ove
r her like a bath of hot cocoa and a million Hallmark movies. She threw her arms around his neck, the guitar strings pressing into her belly and the music stopping—except she could hear it still echoing in her head and in her heart. “Say it again?” she asked.
“I love you. I love you. I love you.” He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the ground.
She laughed at his exuberance.
He set her down, gently, but didn’t loosen his hold. His eyes dipped to her lips. “Please come home, Emily.”
She didn’t answer, except to raise up on her toes and press her lips to his. His arms were strong, his kisses sure. A moment later, she pulled back, running her hands over his shoulders. “This is my home.”
His cheeks crinkled with a smile that melted her heart. “And you’re my music.” He tucked his guitar behind his back, and there was nothing left between them but the love they shared.
Epilogue
Xavier
Xavier entered the kitchen to a familiar sight. He took a deep breath, grateful for what the last three months had brought into his life.
Emily was at the counter, chopping vegetables for a salad. Cody sat on a barstool, peeling carrots and chattering away. They giggled over something he’d missed because he was too busy staring at the perfection before him. The only thing that would make it better was if he had his arms around Emily.
He wandered in and took up a place behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle and burying his face in her neck. She’d worn her hair up tonight, and her perfume enveloped his senses in joy.
“I can’t chop with you trying to seduce me.” She bumped him with her hip, doing nothing to create space.
Since tonight was her night and not a night he could whisk her off to the deck for kisses and cocoa, he relaxed his hold. “Who are these people again?” He snatched a carrot from Cody’s cutting board, earning a glare from his son. Emily was as relieved as he had been to hear Cody’s prognosis. They still had to watch him for signs of diabetes, but they were hopeful.
The Cowboy Songwriter's Fake Marriage Page 15