“Rgajoiaghjahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
Shea continued chopping through the fish-fairy-thing with perfect precision. Within minutes, it had been filleted. There was so much gore on the chopping board that it looked like a huge battle had taken place atop it.
“Oi. Didn’t that thing just scream, ‘Save me’? I’m not imagining things, right!? How is it still screaming after being chopped into pieces, anyway!?”
This was the most disturbing thing Hajime had ever seen in his life. Yue replied, “Don’t ask me... I didn’t see anything. I didn’t hear anything. I don’t know anything.”
Hajime turned to find her crouching on the ground with her eyes shut and both hands over her ears. She couldn’t bear to see her surrogate little sister turn into such a horrifying monster. Meanwhile, Tio, who had the highest mental fortitude out of everyone was—
“Oh look, a butterfly. How cute...” chasing butterflies with a vacant look on her face. The fuck!? Aren’t you supposed to be a wise, centuries-old dragon!? Hajime thought despairingly to himself. But he didn’t say it out loud, because he understood Tio’s feelings all too well.
Having finished all the prep work, Shea took out the stove Hajime had transmuted and turned up the heat. She then placed a Chinese-style wok over the flames. Lying on the cutting board next to the stove was the fish-fairy-thing, looking thoroughly chopped. Despite having been cut up into such fine pieces that it was hard to tell what it had originally been, it was still twitching occasionally. Shea stir-fried some vegetables inside the wok for a few minutes before adding the chunks of fish-fairy-thing, her apron still covered with blood and gore.
The moment the meat chunks hit the pan—
“Hiyagjdiaodhjaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Hooooooooooooooot!”
“Hey, it totally just said the word hot right there! I didn’t imagine that, right!?”
Unable to bear hearing the screams any longer, Hajime finally worked up the courage to yell that to Shea. Shea turned back to him, a confused look on her face. Her expression might have been cute if her cheek wasn’t covered in blood splatter, and she wasn’t holding a knife in one hand.
“What are you saying, Hajime-san? There’s no way a fish could speak human—”
“JGOIASjgaoghahoaijshoasjhaoijhoaj! What’re you doing to meeeeeeeeeeeee!?”
“Could speak human words!”
“Wait, no, hang on a sec! It just said something again! Didn’t you hear that? It said, ‘What’re you doing to me?’ I heard it clearly!”
“Huh? Hajime-san, I think you’re—”
“Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! You’ll pay for this! Ooooooooooooo!”
“You’re just tired.”
“I’m not the one who looks like they’re possessed! That fish totally just said it’s never gonna forgive you just now! How can you ignore that!?”
There was a tinge of desperation in Hajime’s voice now. However, Shea just gave him a pitying look and said, “Yeah, you’re definitely tired. Don’t worry, my cooking’ll give you the energy you need!” Shea turned back to her work with renewed vigor.
“Damnit, Shea’s too far gone now. Yue, burn that strange fish-fairy-thing until there’s nothing left!”
“Roger...”
At Hajime’s signal, Yue raised her hand to summon her Draconic Thunder. However—
“Yue-san, I told you before not to waste food, right?”
“Ah, sorry.”
Yue prostrated herself before Shea. She still vividly remembered what had happened last time she’d messed with Shea’s cooking.
“Ngh, looks like I’ve got no other choice. Tio, show her the might of dragons! Use your breath!”
“I was hoping you would order me next! Fear not, Mas—”
“Tio-san, do you want to die?”
“Ah, sorry.”
Tio prostrated herself before Shea. She hadn’t forgotten how Shea had nearly split her head with Drucken during their first fight. Realizing he’d have to rely on his own skills, Hajime reached for one of his hand grenades.
“Here you go, Hajime-san. This is a delicacy back in the Haltina Woods. Eat up before it gets cold!”
But he was too late. Shea had already heaped some fish-fairy-thing and stir-fry vegetables onto his plate. Even after being fried, the fish-fairy-thing’s meat chunks were still twitching. Hajime gave Shea a hesitant look. “You really want me to eat that?” it seemed to say. Shea nodded, grinning. Seeing that Hajime was still hesitating, Shea muttered, “Sheesh, you’re such a little kid.” She then grabbed a chunk of meat and plopped into her mouth, saying, “See, it’s safe!” Hajime was already used to eating raw monster meat, he couldn’t let himself get shown up by this worthless bunny girl. Reluctantly, Hajime speared a chunk of fish on his fork. Yue and Tio watched on with trepidation as he brought the meat to his mouth.
“...Holy shit. This is good!”
Indeed, it was delicious. Oddly enough though, the juicy meat was tinged with the taste of regret.
The Most Beautiful Perverted Dragon
A moon much larger than the earth’s moon illuminated the ocean’s surface. Drifting clouds cast faint shadows over the waves, but they were not enough to dull the gleaming silver moonlight that drove back the darkness of the night.
“What do you think, Master? Was this enough to grant your wish?”
A lone shadow flitted across the moonlit sky, cutting through the wind at surprising speed. That shadow was the obsidian-scaled yellow-eyed dragon, Tio. Her beautiful scales scintillated in the moonlight, and her graceful flight through the sea of stars would have captivated anyone who happened to see her. Sitting on her back was a white-haired boy wearing a black mantle... Hajime. He closed his eyes, looking more relaxed than ever.
“Yeah. I never imagined I’d be able to ride on the back of a dragon one day. It’s like a fairy tale... Thanks for giving me one of the best moments of my life, Tio.”
Unused to receiving sincere gratitude from Hajime, Tio fidgeted bashfully. Brimming with joy, she said, “There is no need to thank me, Master. Just knowing that you are mounting me is enough to... Haaah... Haaah... Guhehehe.”
Hajime frowned and said, “Hey, pervert. Shut the fuck up.”
“!?”
A joyous roar echoed through the night sky.
Drink, but Don’t Get Drunk Part I
“Perfect. Looks like everyone’s seated. Alright, let the celebration party for reaching the 70th floor begin!”
Knight Captain Meld’s voice echoed throughout a tiny bar located in a corner of Horaud. This bar was a favorite of Meld’s, and though he hadn’t reserved it outright, everyone in the labyrinth exploration team was here to take a break and celebrate. He’d ordered all of his favorite dishes for the group, and true to his word, each and every one of them was delicious. The amber liquid accompanying the food was perfect for whetting one’s appetite as well.
Originally, Kaori hadn’t been too interested in the party, thinking that if there was time to celebrate, there was time to train. But she’d found the amber liquid surprisingly to her liking, and now she was busy guzzling down tankard after tankard. The liquid was a special kind of Tortus beer, and though it had no alcohol content, it was still capable of getting people drunk. Meld had organized this party because he’d wanted the kids to be able to let loose and forget the rigors of dungeon delving for at least a day. But as a result—
“Hey, are you listening to me, Meld-san? You better not be ignoring me when I’m trying to tell you what’s so cool about Nagumo-kun. You want me to bombard you with healing magic? Well, do you?”
“D-Don’t worry, Kaori. I’m listening. Also, how is that a threat? Healing magic will just heal me, there’s no use—”
“How dare you call healing magic useless! Fine, I won’t tell you about Nagumo-kun, you meanie! I should have known no knight would listen to me!”
“C-Calm down, Kaori. You’re not making any sense. Besides, what do you mean you should have—”
But K
aori was in no mood to listen to Meld’s protests. Red-faced, eyes unfocused, she brandished her white staff at Meld. Every time she swung it at him, cute sparkles trailed out of it. Those sparkles possessed healing properties, so even though she accidentally smacked her staff into other adventurers, the barkeeper, and even Endou Kousuke, none of them were actually hurt. In fact, thanks to the sparkles, Kaori looked more like a magical girl than a threatening foe. Sighing, Meld reached out to Kaori to try and calm her down. But before he could—
“Sob... Sniffle... Captaaaaaaain!”
“Whoa, Shizuku? Wait, why are you crying!?”
Shizuku tugged on Meld’s jacket. She was sitting on the floor, head buried in her knees, crying. Surprised, Meld dodged out of the way of Kaori’s swings, then crouched down next to her.
“I can’t take it anymore! I wanna go homeeeee! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!”
“H-Hey, Shizuku!?”
“Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Waaaaaaah!”
“D-Daddy!? Shizuku, I’m not... Wait, hang on, stop crying! Damnit, so Kaori turns into a violent drunk while Shizuku becomes a crying drunk!?”
Meld glanced about helplessly as the usually stoic Shizuku clung to his jacket and cried her heart out. Pathetic as it was, Meld realized he couldn’t handle these two alone. So he turned to the hero for help. As he blocked another one of Kaori’s swings, he shouted, “Hey, Kouki! Do something about your friends—”
“Celestial Flash!”
A shockwave of pure white light slammed into the bar’s wall.
“What the heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell!? Kouki, what’re you doing!?”
Meld’s eyes nearly popped out of his skull. Kouki, who appeared to be dead drunk, suddenly looked up sharply and shouted, “I found the enemy! Let’s do this! Celestial Flash! Celestial Flash! Celestial Flash! Super Celestial Flash! Ultra Celestial Flash! Mega! Super! Ultra! Celestial Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash!”
Kouki started haphazardly firing off Celestial Flashes in all directions.
“Calm down! Aaaah, stop attacking the walls, and the ceiling, and those adventurers, and Kousuke!”
Victims started piling up one after another. The poor, bald barkeeper teared up as he saw what was happening to his precious bar.
“Aaaaah, this was my favorite bar!” Meld shouted, then continued, “Damnit, Ryutarou, help me stop—”
“Hmph, behold, my bulging muscles!”
Meld turned to Ryutarou, only to find the young boy had stripped off his shirt and was showing off his body. To be specific, he was posing like a bodybuilder while smiling happily. It was actually a surprisingly cool pose.
“What the hell are you doing!? And where’d your clothes go!?”
“Meld-san, you have some pretty good muscles, too. But they’re no match for me, especially not after how much I trained since coming here!”
“Who cares about that!? Goddamn idiooooooot! And don’t take your pants off!” Meld screamed in despair. He couldn’t bear to watch as Ryutarou started removing his pants as well. Ryutarou was at least wearing underwear beneath them, so it wasn’t a complete disaster. However, after a few more seconds of posing, Ryutarou suddenly shouted, “Damn, this stupid piece of cloth is in the way!” and started reaching for his underwear.
“Like hell I’ll let the hero party get arrested for public indecency!”
Meld cast so fast it almost seemed like he’d invoked magic without an incantation, and a second later a huge gust of wind blew through the bar. It swept Ryutarou off his feet and prevented him from stripping off his underwear. But of course, one of the hardened members of the Hero Party wouldn’t go down that easily. “N-Nice shot, Meld-san! But I won’t lose to you!” Ryutarou shouted, and once again reached for his underwear. Panicking, Meld tried to pin him down, but—
“Listen to me, Captaaaaaaaaaaaaain!”
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Daaaaaaaddy!”
“Blagh!? Kaori! Stop trying to bind me! And Shizuku, I’ll pretend to be your dad, so just stop crying! Here, I’ll even feed you! Ah, Kaori! Stop smacking me with your staff! Damnit, when’d you get so skilled with that thing!? Are you sure your job’s not secretly spear-wielder!? Fuck, how did I get into this mess!?”
Meld found himself pinned down by a combination of Shizuku clinging to him and Kaori casting Binding Chains of Light on him. He dodged Kaori’s spear thrusts using only his upper body, while desperately casting wind blasts at Ryutarou to keep him from stripping. It turned out it wasn’t a good idea to give the Hero Party fake alcohol. I should never have done this! Meld lamented.
“Alan, Kyle, everyone else who’s still conscious! Stop Kouki and the oth...ers?”
Meld called out to his knights, but then trailed off as he realized he didn’t sense any of them nearby. He glanced around in a panic.
“Everyone’s... gone...”
Indeed, none of his knights were around. In fact, even Nagayama, Suzu, Eri, and the other children had all left. The only other people in the bar were the barkeeper and Endou, both of whom were huddling in a corner. The moment he’d seen Kouki start to spam Celestial Flashes, Meld’s right-hand man, Alan, had taken the other kids and evacuated. Right now he was sitting in his favorite bar, holding another celebration party with the less rowdy kids. He’d also offered to treat the adventurers who’d been in Meld’s bar as an apology.
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I’m so lonely, Daddyyyyyyyyyyy!”
“Hey, you’re not ignoring me, right!? RIGHT!?”
“Hiyaaaaaaaaah! Celeshtial Frash!”
“Behold, my chiseled torso. Can any other body compare!?”
Meld slumped in despair when he realized his most trusted lieutenant had betrayed him.
“Lord Ehit, please spare me such harsh trials...”
His muttered entreaty was lost amid the din of the bar. The next morning, the Hero Party awoke to find Meld lying in a pale heap upon the floor. When they saw the sorry state he was in, they all shouted, “Who could have done such an awful thing!?”
Drink, but Don’t Get Drunk Part II
“A tree with pink flowers, huh? That reminds me of the cherry blossoms back in Japan,” Hajime muttered quietly. He’d spotted the tree off to the side of the road as the party walked past. It was a stout, short tree with pink, heart-shaped flowers growing from all of its branches.
“Yeah. Come to think of it, I wasn’t able to go flower-viewing this year. Everyone suddenly had plans the day we were supposed to go. Even though I was really looking forward to seeing them with Shizuku-chan,” Kaori replied, looking wistfully at the lone tree.
“Cherry blossoms? Flower-viewing?”
“Are cherry blossoms a kind of flower in your world, Hajime-san?”
“Judging by what you said, I assume those flowers bloom only once a year? And that it is a custom in your world to go see them?”
Yue, Shea, and Tio all turned curiously to Hajime. Myu, who was sitting in Hajime’s lap, also gave him a questioning look, and he smiled back at her. He then went on to explain to everyone that cherry blossoms were one of the representative plants of his home country and that it was a tradition for everyone to go see them bloom in spring.
“But well, even though it’s called flower-viewing, it’s really just an excuse for people to go out and party. Spring is considered the season of beginnings in Japan, too. Anyway, the point is flower-viewing is just a pretense really.”
“I won’t deny that, but... there are some people who are just there to appreciate the flowers, you know?”
Kaori smiled bitterly as she recalled how often people were shipped to hospitals because of alcohol poisoning every spring. But even so, she tried to defend flower-viewing’s honor.
“That... sounds super fun! Daddy, I wanna do this flower-viewing thing too!”
“Huh? Seriously? All we’re gonna do is sit under the tree and eat food and chat, you know?”
“That’s fine! I wanna do it!”
Seeing how excited Myu was to try flower-viewing, Hajime smiled awkwardly.
He gave his comrades a questioning look, to see what they thought. It wasn’t as if they were in a rush to reach their destination. In fact, the moment they arrived at Erisen, they’d have to part with Myu. So they may as well make some more memories with her before it was time to say farewell.
“Mmm... Why not? A picnic beneath a tree sounds good. It’s almost lunchtime, anyway. Besides, I don’t want this to be a memory only you and Kaori have.”
“Did you have to put it like that, Yue?”
“In fact, you should delete your memories of flower viewing with Kaori.”
“Hey, that’s mean, Yue!”
Hajime ignored Yue and Kaori’s catfight. Ever since Kaori had joined the party, this had kept happening, so he was used to it. He instead turned to Shea and Tio, both of whom seemed interested in experiencing flower-viewing. In the end, the group decided to hold an impromptu flower-viewing party beneath the Tortus version of a cherry blossom tree. They needed to eat lunch anyway, and it wouldn’t take up much extra time. As always, Shea created an array of elaborate dishes for lunch, with Tio and Kaori serving as her assistants. Hajime, Yue, and Myu helped set the dishes and get everything else ready.
Thirty minutes later, the party was sitting on a fluffy sheet, staring at a table laden with food. To set the mood, Yue raised one hand into the air and snapped her fingers. A gentle breeze rustled the tree’s branches, causing flower petals to dance through the air. It was a beautiful sight. One that evoked a sense of wonder and mystery.
“Wow, they’re so pretty!” someone muttered softly. Suddenly, one of the petals landed on Myu’s nose. Hajime and the others watched with a smile as she flailed about cutely, unsure of what to do. It was a peaceful, enjoyable party. Sadly, the peace didn’t last.
One hour later—
“Are you listening to me, Hajime-san!? This is a veeeeery serious topic! Besides, you—”
“It feels so comfortable being by your side, Master. Please, allow me to stay here.”
“Hajime... Don’t you dare look away. Keep your eyes on me. And hug me.”
Arifureta: From Commonplace to World’s Strongest: Short Stories (Premium) Page 12