by Lori Wick
Shay had heard this before, so she looked her friend in the eye and said, "You have to do it foryou,Marrell. You have to see your need for a Savior for your sins."
"But what if I put all my trust in Him, and He lets me down, Shay? What happens then?"
"He's not going to, Marrell." Shay stopped for a moment while Oliver called to the girls. They had been standing in uncomfortable silence and now scooted around the women and went to the church foyer with Shay's boyfriend.
"Are you still reading your Bible?" Shay changed tactics.
"Yes."
"Just keep on. God's Word is powerful, and all that He has for man is written in the Book. Remember, it's God's Word about Himself to man, not man's word about God. Just don't give up, Marrell, and you'll find the way."
Marrell nodded, and Shay hugged her again.
"I think I embarrassed the girls."
"Too bad," Shay said ruthlessly.
Marrell's eyes widened as they looked at her.
"I'm sorry, Marrell, but Micki and D.J. are too worried about what people think and not enough about what God thinks. That's
111
a miserable way to live on this earth and nothing short of torture in eternity."
"Oh my, Shay," Marrell said softly, but she was not angry. It was such a true statement. The girlsweretoo concerned with their own little worlds.
"Come and join Oliver and me for lunch. He's taking me to Zim's for a burger."
"Oh, Shay, Oliver doesn't want that. He wants time with just you."
"We spent the day with his folks yesterday, Marrell. I know he would enjoy having you and the girls."
"Are you sure?"
"I'll tell you what. I'll go and ask him, and he'll be very honest. If I've blundered, I'll tell you."
"All right."
Marrell sat down when her friend left and just looked around the near-empty church. Paul would want to attend when he came for Christmas; she was sure of that. But whether or not it would be better once he was home, Marrell could only hope. The thought that he might be so different that he wouldn't want her anymore caused her throat to close.
Ireally am a very insecure individual,she thought to herself.Paul tells me he loves me, but it's not enough. I read that God's Son died for the whole world, but I feel left out.
"We're all set," Shay called from the end of the pew. "To Zim's for burgers and shakes." Even the girls showed some emotion. Shay's voice had turned wry.
Marrell managed a smile, picked up her purse and Bible, and joined her friend in the center aisle of the church. She was glad for the momentary distraction of her thoughts, but she couldn't say she was joyously happy. Right now it felt as though she'd never be able to say that again.
112
Nine
For a moment Marrell couldn't breathe. Her husband's arms were finally around her, and she was afraid to draw a breath lest she wake up and find him a wonderful dream. But then he was kissing her again.
"Your plane-" she managed as he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the living room sofa. "We were coming to get you at eleven."
"I had a chance for an earlier flight and took it." "The girls are going to go ballistic when they see you." "Don't wake them," he said softly. "Right now I just want you." Marrell still wasn't sure if she was dreaming. The clock had read 3:45 when she thought she heard a knock. Her heart pounding in fear, she listened while it came again. Ready to call the police if anything looked suspicious, she turned on the outside light and peeked through the viewing hole. Her brain registered the uniform just a moment before Paul said, "It's me, honey."
Now a light suddenly came on in her eyes, and Marrell squinted against the glare. Paul had reached for the lamp on the end table and turned it on. He smiled at her disheveled appearance, a warm, intimate light in his eyes.
"I forgot that you wear my old T-shirts when I'm away." "I have to, or you feel ever farther away." She studied him for a moment. "You're different."
"I am, Mary. I've never known how to love you and the girls before, and now I do."
"That's not true, Paul," she protested. "You've always loved us." "Yes, I have, but not like I can now with this new knowledge."
113
A noise by the front door caused Marrell's head to turn. It was nothing, just night settling noises, but it caused her to ask Paul if he'd locked the door.
"I'll check it. You go climb back into bed, and I'll be right with you."
"Are we going to talk?" Marrell came right out and asked.
"If you want to," Paul answered, wondering at her tone.
"I don't."
Understanding came in a flash. His mouth spread with a smile. Marrell smiled right back. Paul was off the sofa and seeing to the door just a second later.
"Dad?"
Paul woke to the sound of Delancey's voice and smiled when he felt her climb onto the bed.
"You're here!" She was all but attacking him now. "I can't believe you're here. Micki!" she screamed. "Dad's home. He's right here."
"Oh no," Marrell managed just before Mackenzie made her connection. There were tears and laughter, as well as many hugs and kisses, while Paul tried to hold both of his daughters and hear everything they were saying at the same time.
"Look at you two. I can't believe how much you've grown."
"When did you get here?"
"I don't know. What time was it, Marrell?"
"Before 4:00," Marrell grunted as Mackenzie shifted and put a knee into her thigh. Gone were the days of two little girls who fit on the bed with them.
"We were going to come to the airport." Delancey sounded disappointed.
"I took an earlier flight. You're not sad, are you?"
"Not really. I just wanted to see you come off the plane."
Paul smiled at her. "You two had better get ready for school," he said, keeping his face deadpan.
"School? Mom said we were taking off so we could get you!" Delancey was crushed.
"But I'm already here," he returned, stating the obvious.
The girls stared.
114
"He's teasing." Mackenzie was the first to catch the gleam in her father's eye. "You really had us for a moment."
Paul grinned unrepentantly.
"So what's on the schedule for today?" he asked of his wife.
"We were going to leave that up to you. If you want to eat lunch out, we could do that, or we can stay right here and sleep all day. We were going to let you decide."
"I am going to need a nap this afternoon, but why don't we go out to breakfast?"
There was no need to convince the girls of this idea. They darted off the bed and ran for the door, each one shouting for the first turn in the shower.
"I'm not sure we'll have any hot water once they're through."
"We might have to shower together so we'll have enough." Paul's eyes were so mischievous that Marrell could only laugh. "I've missed your laugh," he said softly.
Marrell leaned over to kiss him. "Part of me wishes they had gone to school so we could talk. As it is, I'll have to wait the whole weekend."
"We'll fit it in," he promised her. "You've been on my mind so much."
"I'm a confused mess, if the truth be told," she said, the pain in her eyes confirming the words.
"I can't think of anyone who can relate to that better than I can."
"But you found the way."
"And you will too, Mary. I believe that with all my heart."
Marrell couldn't say any more. Paul put his arms around her, and she was relieved that he didn't expect more from her right then. Maybe having to wait the weekend wasn't so bad. Maybe by then she would at least be able to explain what was going on inside.
That night over supper Paul explained to the girls in detail about the decision he had made for Christ. He had already written to them from Germany, so they were not taken completely unaware. Paul found them quiet, almost accepting, but he was not about to take that at face value.
/> "Now, I want five questions out of each of you."
"What?" Mackenzie frowned at him.
115
"Just what I said. I want D.J. to ask me five questions, and I want you to ask me five."
"Why?"
"Because I know you have some questions on your mind, and I want to answer them for you. Also, I want you to show some interest in my life. Other than wanting to know what my apartment looks like on base and what German food is like, the two of you haven't shown a bit of interest in what your father does."
Both girls stared at him.
"So you want us to ask you about your work?" Mackenzie asked, although she knew better.
"No, I just used that as an example. I want the two of you to pull out of your self-centered worlds and show some interest in what I'm telling you about Christ. This is the most important decision I've ever made. It's going to change the way we do things, and I need and want your feedback."
"If you've already made up your mind that we all have to change," Mackenzie replied bitterly, "then why bother with any questions?"
"Because I care about your input. I care what you think, and I want to share this with you, even if you can't see the point right now."
Mackenzie had expected her father to be angry with her question. When he wasn't, she was put off guard. Sitting quietly on the opposite end of the table from Paul, Marrell was experiencing the same sort of surprise. She didn't remember mentioning to Paul how self-absorbed the girls had become, but in less than 24 hours back in their company, he had them figured out. Maybe she had said something and forgotten.
"Okay now," he said gently, "let's have those questions."
"Did you get the Bible Mom sent you?" Delancey asked.
"I did, D.J., thank you. I read it every day." Paul smiled kindly at her and looked to his oldest daughter.
Mackenzie looked uncomfortable but managed to ask, "Are you still going to that Bible study Mom told us about?"
"Yes. There are four of us, and we meet every Monday night."
"What do you do?" Mackenzie went on.
"Three of us come with questions about God and the Bible, and my CO goes over them and answers them from Scripture."
"What's 'Scripture'?" This came from Delancey.
116
"The Bible, honey."
"Oh." She looked a little pale, and Paul wondered suddenly if he'd been too demanding of them. They were self-centered, but hadn't he taught them to be just that?
What a pressure it is when I have only a month here, Lord. There's so much I want to share with them before I have to go, but I can't plan to do that. Opportunities have to come in Your time. Help me to leave this with You.
In the midst of his prayer, Paul remembered his wife. She was the one who needed the nurturing right now. His girls were important, but he believed Marrell was more so. If he could help her to understand, she would be better equipped to handle the girls in his absence.
What Marrell didn't know was that Paulhadread between the lines. Marrell had begun expecting the girls to attend church, but because their attitudes were bad, she had run herself ragged in the last months trying to entertain them. No more. That's not what his wife was there to do, and it was time the girls understood that.
"Do you have any more questions?" Paul asked gently, seeing that he didn't have to stick with five each.
"I don't," Delancey said.
"Not right now," Mackenzie replied.
"Okay. I want you to think of two more each, and we'll talk about them later."
They both nodded.
"Okay. You two take off for a while so I can neck with your mother."
His tone was just right; they knew they were not in trouble. Both girls had smiles on their faces as they took their dishes to the sink and went to the living room. The sound of the TV springing to life could be heard as Paul moved from his chair to the one right next to Marrell's.
"How are you?" he said softly.
"I'm all right. I'm just trying to remember telling you that the girls dealt with your being gone and my going to church by drawing into their own little worlds. Shay was the one to point it out to me."
"You didn't tell me, but every letter and call was filled with all these things you had done: shopping, having friends over,
117
running around. You also made no secret of how much they dislike church. I could see that you were trying to buy them. I don't want you to do that, and I don't want them to expect it. I can understand how easy it would be, but it's not fair to any of you."
Marrell had never seen it in that light, but it was all too true. "I'm such a pushover, Paul. I can't stand to have them scowling at me."
"Well, that's going to change. Our girls have a million things to be thankful for, and they can start while I'm here."
Marrell stared at him. The change in him was remarkable.
"Have I upset you?"
"No, I'm just thinking that we're never going to survive when you leave again."
Paul sighed. It was so hard, but he had to trust. He had to choose to let God be God.
"I'll pray for you every day, Mary-the girls too. You'll see. God will bring us through this."
Marrell was extremely comforted by his words. She was reminded of Shay's confidence, and Pastor Timm's as well.I'll just keep on,she told the Lord.I'll keep searching until I can have what Paul's found. I'll keep on if it takes the rest of my life.
Shay worked to hide her emotions on Sunday morning. She knew all about Paul from Marrell and warmly returned the hug he gave her, but knowing how left-out Marrell and the girls would be, she did not comment on Paul's new birth. The evidence was all around him: the Bible in his hand, his warm smile, the way he listened and took notes during the sermon.
He and Oliver got into a discussion right after church while Shay and Marrell talked. It was hard to stay focused, because Shay wanted to get alone and cry, but she forced her mind onto her friend.
"I would like it if you could come for dinner at my house," Shay told Marrell. "I'm going to be with Oliver's family on Christmas Day, but could you guys come on Christmas Eve?"
"Oh, that sounds fun. I'll check with Paul and see what he thinks."
118
"I know you have so little time, Marrell. If he doesn't want to, or you change your mind, I'll understand. What day are you leaving for Tahoe?"
"The twenty-sixth, and we'll be back on the thirtieth. The girls want to stay longer, but that was the best rate on the condo."
"Sounds like fun."
"I think it will be. Micki's getting to be quite good at downhill, and D.J. has to keep up with Mic, so she pushes herself along."
"D.J. is the most fascinating creature, Marrell. When she puts that karate uniform on with that black belt around her waist, I'm awestruck by her poise and confidence. But then she gets in a crowd, and she all but stands behind Micki."
Marrell shook her head. "It's true, isn't it. Mackenzie can be just as bad, only I'm the one she hides behind."
Shay laughed. "And that's not working so well anymore since she now tops you by an inch."
Marrell shook her head in wonder. "I think I'm tall for a woman, Shay. I never dreamed that Mackenzie would pass me."
"How tall are you?"
"Five foot seven. Micki is five eight."
"I suppose D.J. will catch her soon. She's already got legs like a colt."
"Yes, and she's nearly wearing my shoes. She's not even eleven and a half!"
Shay smiled. The pride in Marrell's voice was very special. She knew that a mother didn't actually do anything to make her children grow tall, but somehow it seemed fitting that she take the praise.
"By the way, how are things at the office?" Marrell asked. Shay had given her Paul's entire leave off.
"The truth? We're falling apart without you. You're the first person who has known how to do more than three things."
Marrell laughed at the look on Shay's face. A moment later the men j
oined them. The four talked until the girls showed up to say they were starving. With a promise to let Shay know about the evening of the twenty-fourth, the Bishops went on their way. Oliver could see the strain in Shay's face but kept quiet until they were in his car.
119
"You're ready to burst into tears," he said softly. "I could see that you barely made it through the sermon."
"Oh, Oliver." She laid her head back against the headrest. "I've prayed for so many years for Marrell and Paul, but mostly for Marrell. Now Paul is the one to believe, and I can't even talk with him for fear of hurting my friend. My heart is half joyful and half sad. It's giving me a headache."
She looked over to find Oliver's eyes on her.
"Not very good company, am I?" she asked.
"On the contrary, I've never loved you more."
Shay's eyes shut. He was so special. She didn't think she would ever get over Marty, but that had been immature ignorance on her part. Oliver not only loved God but understood how sin could lead a person into so many mistakes and horrible choices.
"I love you too," Shay spoke as she opened her eyes. "And one of the things I most appreciate about you, Oliver, is that you're not afraid to tell me."
"It's a risk," he said with the logic Shay loved. "All love is. Love puts people in a position to hurt each other, as you well know."
"I don't think we're going to hurt each other, Oliver. I really don't."
"No, I don't think so either-at least not in an irreparable way."
Shay nodded and smiled at him. He asked her whether she wanted to go for lunch but only tenderly kissed her cheek when she said she wanted to go home and cry her eyes out. After he had dropped Shay off, she realized that his tenderness was another one of the things she loved most about him.
South Lake Tahoe, California
"Do you think I don't know there's a difference, Paul?" Marrell whispered furiously, tears filling her huge blue eyes. "Do you think I don't see? I watched you with Shay and Oliver on Wednesday night, and even when Rose Cumberland came up for a few minutes. You all have God, and I don't!"
The girls were already asleep. It was only the second day of their trip, and husband and wife were talking on the rug in front
120
of the huge stone fireplace in the condo they had rented. A fire crackled and burned, but right now neither one paid attention.