by K. A Knight
I nod in understanding and get up to sit next to him on the sofa. “You loved my mother. I saw that she loved you too. She would want you to see, plus it can be hard watching them alone, so please stay.”
When he settles back, I hit play.
“It’s so sunny here today, bug,” she starts with a smile, wearing a tank top and a skirt with a scarf wrapped around her hair. She looks older here, happier. “The garden is growing really well. I swear I even saw a butterfly yesterday. Abel says it’s impossible, but I know I did. I named it Piper. It was here to tell me that you are okay, that you’re happy and safe. I know it.” She looks down, tugging at her skirt before she sighs sadly. “I miss you so much. I feel so guilty. The days pass so quickly here with laughter and happiness, yet in the back of my mind, there is so much pain, knowing that each hour, each day that passes is another away from you. Another of you growing up without me there. While I’m happy here…you’re alone in Paradise, wondering if I left you.”
She shakes her head, peering into the camera. “Abel doesn’t know, I dare not tell him because I’m afraid to hurt him, but as happy as I am, it’s tainted by pain, by longing. I wish you were here. It’s a foolish wish, but I know each day that passes is another away from you. I think…I think I have to try to find my way back, even if it breaks both of our hearts.”
My hand darts out and grabs Abel’s, wrapping around his fist before I even realise what I’m doing. He doesn’t complain, he just lets me squeeze and take out my anger. His face is shadowed and sad, but he can’t tear his gaze away from her. I realise how much it must hurt, knowing these tapes are here, knowing he could see her, hear her at any time, yet he didn’t out of respect and loyalty for her and me. I wish I could reach in and scream at her to stay and be happy and in love, and that one day, I would find her myself. She could wait at the door with that smile, and everything would be okay.
But that’s a childish wish. I cannot change the past, I can only be present for it and watch, love, and learn.
“I know it will be dangerous. He won’t come with me, although he would if I asked. He would leave his home and the life he has built here for me, but I can’t ask that. I love him too much to do that, Piper. No, this is my journey, not his. I hope you can understand. I loved your father very much, so much, but some things just happen, even when you don’t expect them to. Abel’s an amazing man. He taught me to heal. He held me when life got hard and put the broken pieces of me back together again, asking for nothing in return. He’s an incredible soul, so kind and loving, I couldn’t do anything but fall in love with him. I always thought your father was my soulmate, but maybe the heart can love more than one person. Maybe there is more than one perfect soul made for everyone. I don’t know, I just hope one day you find someone who loves you as selflessly as he loves me.”
I look at the side of his face, seeing tears on his lashes as his mouth moves. I see the words ‘I love you’ form silently on his lips.
“Either way, I have a decision to make. Half of my heart wants to stay, but the other wants to try to find you. I don’t know how yet or when, but I have to try. I can’t give up.” I shake my head as she sighs. “One day, I’ll get back to you, Piper. It’s time. I’ll see you soon.”
Turning away with a sob, I lean into Abel’s shoulder, still gripping his hand. She was so happy, so settled here, and she gave it up for me. She abandoned her second chance at a life, at love, and there is nothing I can do to change that. I can only be here with the man who stole her heart, his broken pieces matching mine.
Pulling back, I stare into his broken face as he gazes at the screen, at the woman he loved. The woman who left him for me.
“You must hate me,” I whisper.
“What?” he asks, frowning down at me as I wipe my face.
“She left you, she died trying to get back to me.”
He inhales and shakes his head before reaching out and taking my hand. “No, never. When I fell in love with her, I knew I was always second place. I was okay with that because it meant I still got a piece of her heart. I don’t hate you, Piper. How could I? I spent, days, hours, weeks listening to stories about you growing up. It felt like I knew you too, like I was there, like I loved you like she did. I was angry at first, so angry at her for going alone, but never for going. I always knew our time was borrowed. I was just happy to have her for so long. But she was always yours, always destined to go back to you. I knew that, and I didn’t hate you for that. I was grateful for the time I had with the love of my life, and beyond grateful to her for introducing you to me, because, Piper, you are a brilliant person. You truly are, and I know you and your men are going to make this world a better place. If I didn’t meet her, I would never have met you. As much as I loved your mother, you’ve pushed me to be better, to want to fight again and be a part of this world, where before, your mother made me want to hide from it with her by my side.”
“Abel.” I hiccup, and he smiles at me softly, wiping away my tears like a father would. The soft, gentle gesture sends a pang of longing through my heart for the parents I lost. Through him, I have a connection to them, and although it’s selfish, I want that, him, in my life for the memories he has of her, to keep her alive for me…and that has made me realise that he is a good person too. He’s worthy of love and companionship, this world just did him wrong. He deserves to be happy, to live again, and to be able to go into the world and feel safe. He has no one here. He’s alone and cut off…
Maybe, just maybe, we can find our way back home together, or better yet, we can make a new home.
“I have to leave at some point,” I begin, and he nods, dropping his hand. “Come with me, with us, you can start anew. You could help us with the crops.” The words are rushed, excited. I can’t stay here forever, and once Jago is okay to travel, we need to return to Worth, Evan’s medical equipment, and the people relying on me.
“Piper, I can’t. This is my home. This is where I was born, where I fell in love. This is where your mother is buried. As much as I would like to, and I would, I cannot leave her.”
I blink, staring at the floor sadly. “I understand.” I do, and I admire his loyalty. My mind whirrs before I settle on something. “Maybe I could visit again?”
“I’d like that,” he answers quickly, smiling at me widely. “I’d like that a lot. I’ll make more tea in preparation.”
I laugh, wiping my face as I share his grin. “I’ll bring you some proper tea and food, maybe even coffee.”
“Deal,” he agrees.
Sharing a nod, an understanding, we turn back to the TV and watch the woman we both loved.
Needing a break from the pain and memories, I head outside to see the guys working. Jago is exercising under Evan’s supervision, while Clay does tasks around the house, like things that need fixing or sorting that Abel probably can’t do anymore. Clay reinforces the roof and the traps at the gate, fixes the rain catchers, checks the structural integrity of the bench and house, and goes out on the roof and fixes holes. It makes me love him even more as I watch, knowing he’s doing this because he saw the need and wanted to help, not out of boredom. Clay knows this man helped us, so he is helping him in return.
Without being asked or told.
Tying my shirt up and donning a hat I find inside, I head up the rickety old ladders to the roof to help him. This was my mother’s house with Abel, and it deserves to be preserved so he can remember her and be happy. It shielded her and my father, and then saved her. I need to help keep it in good condition.
“Can I help?” I ask, the cap shielding my eyes from the sun, which instantly heats my skin and makes me sweat.
“Sure, Pascha, here.” He hands over some of the tiles he’s holding and shows me how to fit them. He doesn’t tell me to be careful or second-guess my request, he just trusts me to help and be smart about it. I lean in and kiss him, and he grins as he gets back to work. We work side by side for hours, stopping only to chug some water before carrying on. M
y arms start to ache in the best way, the kind of pain that comes from working hard. Sweat pours down my body, soaking my shirt, but we still carry on. Halfway across the roof, when we are straddling the peak, Clay rips his shirt off, wipes his face with it, and ties it to his jeans, and I swear I almost tumble off the roof. My mouth drops open and my pussy clenches as I stare at the muscles.
“Abs,” I murmur, almost like zombies call for brains. It makes him grin, and he flexes his arms and chest as I watch. “You’re like a Ken doll on steroids, but not. Like if Ken was a bodybuilder and lived under a mountain, only you don’t have the shiny no man bits, you know?”
“Not a clue, Pascha,” he replies casually, used to my rambling by now.
“It’s a compliment.” I nod, and he grins.
“It usually is.”
“Can I touch them?” I reach out like a greedy kid. Laughing, he scoots closer, and I drag my hand down his stomach.
“So hard,” I mutter.
“That’s what he said,” Clay retorts. I blink in shock, and he frowns. “Did I say that right? Archel taught me.”
I can’t help but giggle, and then as Clay starts to turn away, a strange compulsion takes over me. I lean in and lick a line down his abs. He freezes and turns back to blink at me as I quickly sit up and grin sweetly.
“Did you just lick me, Pascha?” he rasps.
“I—erm, yes,” I hedge. “You looked yummy.”
“It’s only fair I lick you then,” he warns, and then tackles me back. He pins me to the roof as I laugh and fake scream. He tickles me as his head burrows into my hair, and then his tongue slides up my neck, over and over, until my laughter turns into a moan.
“I can think of somewhere else you can lick,” I taunt, gripping his shoulders.
A whistle sounds, and I lift my head. “Are you two about to fuck on a roof? That doesn’t seem safe, but I’m down for dangerous sex!” Archel calls.
Archel!
I jerk upright, almost falling off the roof, but Clay catches me as I peer over the edge to see a grinning Archel. “Shadow!” I scream.
“Hi, Princess, miss me?”
I scramble down the ladder as I hear him laugh and race through the house and out of the front door. I fling myself at him. He grunts but catches me, swinging me around as I grin and pepper kisses on his face.
“If this is the greeting I get, I need to leave more often. I brought you a surprise.”
“Coffee?” I plead.
“Better.” He puts me on my feet, and I see it then.
Beast Jr.!
I grab him and cuddle him closer, kissing all over his furry face. He’s got bigger for sure. “Oh my God, Mummy missed you, yes she did, missed you so much.”
“I am both turned on and disturbed,” Archel mutters. “And my homecoming attention has been stolen by a dog.” I ignore him as Beast Jr. yips in my arms and slobbers all over my face as he kisses and licks me.
“I missed you too. Come on, let’s see Beast Daddy…” I sigh. “I’m sorry, baby, he probably won’t remember you, but the others missed you. Come on.” I put him on the floor, and he jumps at my legs as I walk, following me happily. His huge ears are still floppy, but he’s definitely bigger.
Inside of the house, I find the rest of my men, and Beast Jr. instantly runs up to Jago, who steps back, his eyes darting to me in confusion. When he doesn’t pick him up or kneel down, Beast Jr. whines, then hurries back to hide behind me. Sighing, I bend down. “Baby, Daddy doesn’t know what to do, okay?”
“Daddy?” Jago repeats.
“This is Beast Jr., our son,” I tell him proudly, grinning.
He peeks around me at the puppy before getting to his knees and slapping them. “Come here, boy.”
“Puppy? He’s a feral,” Evan scoffs, but he leans down and kisses and strokes our puppy on his way back outside. Clay cuddles him then sets him down before Jago. We all watch, waiting, and then Archel comes to my side.
“Still nothing?” I shake my head as he wraps his arms around me. “Give it time, Princess.”
With a whimper, Beast Jr. slowly walks towards Jago, who waits patiently. Once the pup is before him, he reaches out slowly to let him sniff his hands, and as soon as he does, he barks and jumps at Jago, realising it’s him. Laughing, Jago catches him and lets him lick his face as he strokes and talks to the pup. Jago is unashamed and fussing over him like he used to when he thought no one was watching.
“Not really a beast anymore, is he?” Archel jokes, but it hits home.
Jago has changed, he’s different. He said we could fall in love again, and he’s right. I need to find out who this new Jago is to see if I still feel the same. Everything hasn’t just changed for him…
But for all of us.
Feeling confused and lost, I find myself on the bench on the cliff. Jago is inside playing with Beast Jr., laughing freely and talking so much, it almost gives me a headache. When I look at him, he’s the same man…but he’s not. It’s giving me whiplash, and my heart is confused as well as my brain.
“Mum, what do I do?” I whisper, stroking the bench. “It’s him, it’s still him, and I love him…but when I look at him, I see a stranger in my love’s body. He talks differently, acts differently. How can it still be him? I’m scared he will never get his memory back. I’m scared I won’t like this new him as much or that I’ll like him too much. I’m just…lost. I need you.” I hiccup on a sob. “I need you, and you’re not here to tell me what to do.” Wiping away my tears, I lift my head and suck in clean air. “How did you do it, Mom? How did you fall in love with someone again? Give them your heart, knowing it might get hurt, broken, dropped? When I thought I had lost him, I would have done anything to get him back, and now he’s here and I feel like I lost him all over again down in that mine.”
Wiping at my face, I smile bitterly. “I’m being stupid, aren’t I? He’s here, he’s alive and well, and he wants to know me, to fall in love with me again, and I’m being a big baby sitting out here complaining because he smiles more. Fucking hell, Piper. If it was the other way, he would never give up on me. Right? So how can I abandon him? Just because he’s different doesn’t mean I don’t and won’t love him. Maybe it was for the best, maybe not, but I guess only time will tell.”
“I think you have your answer, Princess,” comes a smooth voice, and I turn to see Archel, my shadow. I should have known he would follow me. He moves around the bench and sits, taking my hand. “You know, deep down in your heart, you will love him no matter what. It won’t be easy, nothing ever is, but you’ve never backed down from a fight yet, and you won’t now, it’s why we love you.” With that declaration, he leans in, kissing me softly. His lips drag along mine as my heart fills with love for this man.
When he pulls away, I lean into his shoulder, just being with him.
The shadow and the princess.
“How was everything back home?” I ask, unable to stay quiet too long and needing to know.
“Fine. Worth was worried, but I explained everything. She told us to take as much time as we need, and she will give orders to your people for now, but she was sorry. She also told me to tell you something…”
“Yeah, about how great my ass is?” I joke as he laughs and kisses my hair.
“She told me to tell you that a great woman loves despite the pain, but a queen loves the pain or some shit like that. Basically, she told you to keep fighting, and to remember where you came from and what you have achieved. It’s okay to be hurt, but you still need to fight and love.”
“She is a smart cookie.”
He tuts and pulls away. “Hey, I said that.”
“Okay, you’re a smart cookie too, and a good cookie as well. You’d be like one of those fancy chocolate ones everyone fights over in the box, you know?”
He ignores my rambling and leans in, kissing me again. “I love you too, now let’s get back before we have all those idiots out here.”
Holding my hand, he pulls me back in
side, where I see Jago hovering over Abel’s shoulder as he teaches him to cook. When he sees me come in, he watches me carefully, probably knowing something was up, so I purposely go up to him and lean on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. The smile he directs at me is huge and happy and settles any doubts that I might be doing the wrong thing.
We eat together, and after, I excuse myself to wash. The sweat on my skin is making me feel dirty, and I need a moment to myself after the multitude of emotions today. The sun has set, so I light the candles in the bathroom and lean into the sink, breathing slowly as I close my eyes.
I turn away when I feel calmer and draw some water into the bath and shed my clothes. Getting in, I grab them and soak the fabric with me, wringing them out and scrubbing them before rinsing and hanging them over the side as I wash my hair and body. Once clean, I get out and dry off, and then I put on the clean dry clothes I brought with me. Re-plaiting my hair, I instantly feel better, but when I open the door, I hear a commotion.
Walking downstairs, I stop at the bottom with a frown, looking at my men who are yelling at each other. “Guys, what’s happening?” I call.
They all turn, all apart from Jago, who is missing.
“It’s Jago. He mentioned something about knowing how to ride still. He could remember, and he wanted to go get you a present to prove he could. I thought I talked him out of it,” Evan growls out, “but when I came in, he was gone.”
“I checked, his bike is gone too,” Archel murmurs.
“Fuck! Get your bikes, we are going after him.”
“He could be anywhere, Pascha,” Clay cautions softly.
“He could be hurt. Let’s go,” I snap, grabbing my boots and storming from the house.
We rush to our bikes, and I don’t wait for them. As soon as I swing my leg over it, I’m roaring into the distance. I yell his name, uncaring who hears. Let them attack me if they dare. All I care about is getting to him. My heart pounds, and all those previous worries disappear. I love him, of course I do, with or without his memories.